June 2014 in 2010s

MONDAY, JUNE 30, 2014
I have been lazy all weekend. Or at least I feel like I have been. I did decide, after all, not to worry about working much during the weekend. There is not only not as much work to be done at that time, but why not work Monday through Friday like most people do? I don’t have to work 7 days a week, do I?

Next week I will get back in sync, not that I’ve necessarily fallen out of it. I’ll get the house cleaned thoroughly and get more work done. I’m only about $50 away from my goal of $150.

I waited till almost midnight to go out riding. It was 82°. That would’ve been too warm for running, but was fine for biking since you’re gliding through the air so much faster. This winter’s gonna be a bitch! Sailing through the air at 3-4 MPH is one thing, but 8-10 is another.

Heard strange sounds after 1am. I guess some animal got under the house. Hopefully, it’s not in the walls or vents, but I doubt it. What was strange was that I swear I heard something fall in the laundry room. Everything was fine when I checked it, and I doubt Tom would’ve been up dropping things. Is the house haunted all of a sudden? The other day I stepped out of the bedroom and Tom said, “You were in there? I thought I heard the back door close.”

I’m also not happy that the “panel bees” are back. In less than a week I’ve looked up to find two of those bastards in the kitchen light panels. I’m glad they were both deader than dead, but they shouldn’t be getting in here in the first place.

Poor Nane. She not only returned to cold, rainy weather but she and Askim broke up. I’m guessing this time it’s for good, though for her sake I hope not.

Last night I had what seems to be a common dream for me lately. Tom and I were renting some old dump and were preparing to move to another old dump. The landlord was an older guy, but it wasn’t Jesse. The three of us were standing in what appeared to be a bedroom. First Tom said something about seeing a spider somewhere and I told him to kill it. Then he slipped the key to the place off his key ring and handed it to the landlord.

“You have a key too, right?”

I said I did and started to pull it off my own keyring. He said he’d “help me get it off later.”

I started packing shit again and looked out the window right in front of me. It was raining pretty steadily. I looked at Tom and said, “We won’t be able to see the rain this well in the new place.” The windows in the new place were to be up rather high.

Later…

Although I didn’t get up till late in the afternoon, I’ve had a very frustrating day so far. The only good in it is that the anxiety is helping me lose more weight and the car won’t cost as much as we thought. He was expecting to pay a mechanic $400 - $600 to fix it, but they said it’d cost $1700. Tom said that was too much so he’ll buy the parts and fix it himself. At least they isolated the exact cylinder when running diagnostics testing on it. The parts will cost around $200 and it should take him two hours to fix it. He’s going to fix it here because it’s not like having the hood of the thing open for a while is going to attract any attention. He won’t have parts and shit scattered all over the place or anything like that.

At around 6:30 pm I turned the kitchen light on to see if any more bees were present in the drop-down ceiling panels, and not only was there one in the kitchen window, but just over my head were half a dozen bees smiling down at me.

Fortunately, Tom was here and is about a foot taller than me. He could lift a corner of one of the panels and spray the shit out of the area. He went to get some expandable foam spray from the workshop to seal around the edges of the pipe vent, but one was ancient and another was clogged. So now he had to decide which broken car to use to go get some more. He chose the old Ford and it amazingly brought him to and from the store! That car is awesome considering it has a busted radiator, busted AC and a few other ailments. As I told him, if there are any more Caddy problems all too soon, it’s outa here. I’d rather an old car with a shit stereo and a dead AC that’s reliable than a faulty luxury car. It’s too soon to say whether or not the Cad’s gonna give us more trouble than it should or not. Fords are awesome. Our next non-lux car will definitely be a Ford.

Anyway, my brave and intelligent hubby sealed the pipe vents, saying that being bit by a fly hurts worse than being stung by bees. Well, the bee I last got stung by in Maricopa didn’t tickle. It burned like hell but after 10 minutes I’d never know I was stung. Didn’t know flies could bite, though.

Anyway, 90 years old or not the people that last lived here were not only very lazy people, but they withheld info from us along with the inspectors we paid hundreds of dollars to. The gap we found couldn’t have appeared the day we moved in. The last owners had to have known about it and I’m sure they had problems with bees as well. And how the hell did the inspectors miss it?

I will write about my other problem later.

Later…

As for my other problem of the day, well, I get a notification that I have an update at the health site. So I log in and even though it’s the 30th, the last thing is dated the 28th. On the 26th and 28th, which I just noticed today, the doctor said all was normal with my pap except for vaginal flora, so I need to schedule a biopsy. Right away my mind’s spinning with questions – what the hell is vaginal flora? Why am I learning of this now? Why are there no visible updates on the same day I get a notification? Why is a biopsy necessary on top of an ultrasound? Why can’t they just call in a prescription for either antibiotics or a cream? WHEN’S IT EVER GOING TO END???

I have gone from poverty to medically cursed in a sense. It sure seems that way at times. We all have problems as we age, but I’m 48, not 78. I know that most of what I have is common and easy enough to deal with and that my health has been neglected for many years due to being uninsured, but still, who needs the hassle? I’m about ready to throw in the towel and say, “fuck it.” Enough is enough! Especially since I’m not in pain and I’m not dealing with anything deadly. It’s just a bacteria of sorts, from what I had to research on my own since the doctor didn’t explain it to me. Every time I think I’m nearing the last of my appointments, new ones have to be made. I am still having burning and itching at times, so I guess I gotta deal with it. If I don’t there’ll just be something else. :(

SUNDAY, JUNE 29, 2014
Circled the perimeters on my bike in 18 minutes. It probably would’ve taken 15 if it weren’t for the speed bumps. The flashlight didn’t do much good as far as lighting them up. Fortunately, I know where most of them are. They should cut grooves on the sides where car wheels don’t go just for bikers.

Speed bumps or not, biking is sooo much more fun than running. Not only is there not as much joint impact, but the type of clothes and shoes don’t matter as much and I love how I can put the smartphone in the basket with the music going which I can just about hear well enough. I don’t like loud music when working out and I don’t care for earbuds much either.

Our motion sensor light is worthless, too. I turn it on when I’m on my way out and can see just fine when getting my bike out from in front of the storeroom, but when I come back it’s too dark to see me so it doesn’t light up.

Made up some Bertolli lobster ravioli that you heat up in a skillet and damn is it good! I even cut a piece of ravioli in thirds to share with the rats. I’m sure they loved it. It’s a bit pricey, though. I ate half of it and would love to have the other half before bed, but even with a working metabolism (or the medication to make my body at least think it works), I still have to put effort into not overeating.

Andy’s neighbors moved. The ones that just had a baby that he was tired of hearing cry for hours at a time. He’ll miss them but not the brat, he said. I hope he doesn’t get anything worse in there! Meanwhile, he can enjoy the time it’s empty.

Alexa, how much time?
SATURDAY, JUNE 28, 2014
Happy 57th to Tom, even if he’s gotta spend it playing fix it.

The troll was nosing in LiveJournal the day after I made it public. She spent 3 minutes going through the calendar no doubt looking for her name. Again, it was never about what was going on with me, but about her. I won’t give her that satisfaction, though. I will go private again, however, if she starts coming around more. What’s going on with me should be none of her concern.

I’m really amazed she hasn’t mentioned Alison and I in her blog, but I can thank Brad, Josh and Julie for that. They’re her latest obsession. If it wasn’t for them and Marbridge, nothing would change as far as her coming around constantly and whining about how we abandoned her in her own blog, and trying to “figure out why when she’s been so nice to us.” rolls eyes Yeah, well, she can’t figure out why no one’s talking to her on Thoughts. Like, gee, maybe it’s because you’re batshit crazy and you don’t even know it. But that’s what makes crazy crazy; when it doesn’t know it’s crazy.

In between constant complaints, Crazy still talks of saving up and running up to Iowa to be with Josh. I hope she does and that this time he kills her.

Later…

Welcome back, metabolism! I’ve missed you. I’m glad the levothyroxine convinced you to return. Now my body can start looking like it’s SUPPOSED to look when you eat healthy and exercise. Because of you I can once again pick things up off the floor in a split second, climb up pool ladders with ease, run up walls, fly over buildings… JK about the last two!

When I first tried K-cups I loved them. But after time I’ve gotten sick of the mess they can make even when you poke holes in their tops to let the pressure out, and the way it’s easy to sometimes overestimate the amount of water needed depending on the varying sizes of my mugs. So I’ve decided to go back to Instant, which is cheaper anyway, and got an electric kettle. It was the same cost as a stovetop kettle and is better to use during hot weather. It’s to be over 100° next week.

I’ve had knee pain for a few days now and finally took something for it. I probably shouldn’t but will probably go out riding after dark. Around midnight or so. That way the streets will be pretty dead and I can really test out the bike light.

When it’s hot, like yesterday, I just go round and round the circle not just for exercise but to keep my color going. I don’t like to go far from home in the heat in case it gets to me. It’s a good thing I stayed close by yesterday cuz my heart was booming. Exerting myself in the heat can do that to me unless I’m swimming.

Tom’s having a semi-relaxing 57th birthday. He had to run some errands earlier and pick a place to get the car serviced. He found a place about a mile and a half away that has 60 reviews and nothing under 4 stars. He decided they’d be cheaper than a Cadillac dealer, though it would still cost $400 - $600. It will be worth it, though, as he said, to invest in something good rather than an old piece of junk. It’s like spending a few grand on carpet for this place vs. Jesse’s old trailer. The parts will be under warranty for a couple of years, too.

He went to a Walmart close by that he rarely goes to, and all cylinders fired just fine and rode well till he got there. Coming back, though, that cylinder misfired, so now he knows it has to do with it getting all hot inside.

Since it doesn’t cost much, he decided to rent a car while it’s being worked on rather than trust the old Ford. If it were winter he would trust it just fine. But because it’s summer, the radiator is more likely to leak.

He’s spending most of the day relaxing and enjoying sweet treats.

I welcomed my nieces to their new home, and as usual, I got nothing in return. One of them thanked me, but neither of them reached out to me on their own. No messages, no “likes,” no comments. Perhaps it’s time to stop giving a shit about those that don’t give a shit about me as I usually try to do anyway, not that I don’t wish them well.

It’s a shame the cock that fathered them is still well enough to drive. Maybe it’s not that sick after all? Either way, the girls aren’t staying with the piece of shit, but with other relatives instead. I guess one will go to the cock’s mother while the other will go to the cock’s sister. Then they will have to get jobs before they can apply for an apartment, which I’m assuming will be together not only to save money but because they’re probably never going to have BFs due to how huge they are.

you were 17 years left on a 30 minute timer on the clock.
FRIDAY, JUNE 27, 2014
My day was initially off to a good start when I found online that my TSH levels were now within a normal range.

Then Tom got a message to call my endo’s office and was told that they couldn’t give him any information cuz he didn’t sign some paper. He’s my husband and they can’t give him any info? rolls eyes So then I call the nurse and she tells me the same thing I read online. Then the nurse calls back again to say that the doctor asked if I felt that I felt better and should stay at the 75 mcg I’m on now, or if I’d like her to up me to 100 mcg. Even though 100 would probably help me even more with losing weight, I don’t want to get jittery or lose any more hair, so I’ll just see where my weight’s at when I see her in the fall. Yeah, that’s another reason she called; I have to see her on October 16th and have blood drawn the week before. Meanwhile, my weight’s down a few pounds, but I won’t know for another month just how much my metabolism might be improving or not.

So there I am feeling a bit frustrated that I have to add yet another appointment to my growing list of appointments, and then Tom gets home to report that the Caddy already has a problem. It started running rough on the way home.

Ugh! I will NOT let God tear down all we worked so hard to build up. I will NOT! Tom assures me all is fine and that it can be dealt with easily enough, though. One of the 8 cylinders won’t fire, a common problem in vehicles. It should be cheaper to fix than restoring the old Ford and that’s not counting its dead AC.

THURSDAY, JUNE 26, 2014
Got an update at the health site, but am no closer to finding out what type of female problem I have going on. They told me what I don’t have, but not what I do have. So what’s wrong down there? I guess I have to wait till the rest of the test results come in.

Was up for 19 hours yesterday and slept for 8 hours. Got up at 2pm and headed for the lab an hour later. At first I couldn’t figure out why this little girl of about 7 or 8 was crying on and off like a 6-month-old, but she was obviously terrified to have blood drawn, even though she’d been through it before. When they finally took her in she SCREAMED like nothing I’d ever heard before. You would literally think someone was killing her. My mother would’ve kicked the crap out of me for carrying on like that, but of course the 60s and 70s were a lot different.

The black chick did a better job than the Asian chick I saw today, though she was nice. She was just a little slow and she bruised my arm.

We’re now signed up for this thing that lets you do video chats at any time of day or night with live doctors. Can’t imagine we’ll need it (I hope not) but it’s nice to know it’s there and that I can consult with a doctor in just a few minutes or less.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 25, 2014
This entry might gross some people out, just to warn you up front. Unfortunately, Tom and Andy were wrong and I was right, regarding today’s female exam. Andy said he “had a good feeling about it,” and Tom thought they’d probably tell me the itching and burning I’ve been having was just part of my age, and that my pap would be too bloody to read. Turns out, though, that they can now read paps even during periods. I guess a lot has changed in the 15 years since my last pap. As for the burning and itching, she could see the irritation down there right away as well as the discharge I didn’t even know I had. The exam itself was very uncomfortable but tolerable. Boy, was my heart racing at one point! My initial BP was through the roof at 144 over whatever and I told the nurse she could do it again after the exam when I would be calmer, and it was then 124/80 or something like that.

Both my weight and height are down. Guess we really do shrink with age. I’m four ten and a half. No wonder I can’t reach shit.

Anyway, I wasn’t surprised at what she found. We know our bodies better than anyone else and my intuition is usually right on. No one wakes up itching whether they’re 48 or 28. So I knew it wasn’t normal in any way. It’s definitely not warts, though, and I’m hoping it’s just a stupid infection that can be cleared up with a round of antibiotics.

Here’s what did surprise me. She couldn’t feel my uterus. That’s a first. I may be fat but I’m also fit so maybe the years of building up muscle from working my abs is the issue. She said it could be, but couldn’t tell if anything was cancerous until the lab runs the cultures, of course. I’ve never heard of cancer-causing discharges and irritation, though. Because the DES my chances of cervical cancer are a bit higher, though I haven’t any dreams to suggest serious trouble is amiss, which is something I almost always have.

The only “cancerous dream,” I had was talking to someone about someone else’s cancer. Something about leaving a Valleyhead-like place I’d been in for years too, and realizing Kathy was next door late one night and wanting to wake her up on my way out for being such a shit.

Meanwhile, they want to do an ultrasound on my uterus. sighs with frustration When are the appointments ever going to end, I wonder? It’s at the same place that did my thyroid ultrasound that I have to return to in September. Tomorrow, though, it’s off to the vampire for a TSH level check.

Sometimes I wonder if something up there is punishing me for finally getting what I want in life or if this would’ve happened anyway. Everything I’ve got has been festering long before we moved in here, after all, especially the thyroid thing. Thyroids don’t fail overnight.

Andy was right to tell me not to let that one bad review the physician’s assistant I saw had, pointing out that the mop he loves for his business has tons of lousy reviews while he feels it’s the best one ever. She was very friendly, took her time with me, and didn’t make me wait forever.

Later…

Tom’s going to sign us up for this thing that lets you do video visits with your doctor so you don’t always have to go in and see them in person.

In the lobby of the medical building, they had the same stickers I have in the bedroom by the bathroom. Gotta laugh at how much this house has become a realtor’s nightmare, haha. I’m sure they’d tell us to get the stickers off the wall and white out some of the crazy colors.

Speaking of stickers, my tall purple flowers arrived today and all that’s left for now are the semi-tall purple flowers. There were 3 large flowers and a bunch of mini flowers. I thought it would look kind of crowded if I put all the little flowers around the big flowers, so I put some along the base of the shower stall in the master bath. I’ll add them to the second bath tomorrow.

We treated ourselves afterward at the grocery store and I splurged on candy and hot Chinese food. The rice is good but the fried chicken was dull.

I also got a beautiful pink and purple wind chime with shiny silver accents that was on sale for just $7.

We went to the pool yesterday and it was gorgeous. The air and water temps were perfect and not a single brat was in sight. Just a couple of old guys. Love the feeling of that hot sun and then instantly cooling off as soon as I jump in the pool.

Been watching a series called Flashpoint on Amazon Prime. Think I’ll go watch an episode or two before I get into bed.

TUESDAY, JUNE 24, 2014
Made $10 in 7 minutes on the Turk yesterday. Wish I could do that more often!

It’s been a very quiet day today so far even though I didn’t get up till almost 11am. The only intrusive sound I’ve heard so far is the loud car at the yellow house, but that’s fine because they only go out once a day.

Could be in for landscapers at the gray house unless they hit the place before I got up.

The closer my female exam gets the more nervous I become. Finding what I found last night didn’t help either. I got an email notification reminding me of the appointment and finally decided to run the doc’s name and see what turned up. She has one 1-star review. Ugh. The person gave her 1 star for everything and said they had to wait over 45 minutes to see her. Why does my primary doc keep referring me to shitty docs, or are there just that many out there? Don’t they even care how they get rated? Then again, if I made as much money as they do I suppose I wouldn’t give a shit either way. I hope it’s just one person who had a bad experience with her, but if most people had good ones, where are all their positive reviews? Hopefully, she’ll be like my endo doc. She also has a few single-star reviews and while she wasn’t the friendliest, she didn’t make me wait long, she spent enough time with me, and she seemed to be pretty thorough.

Hoping Tom will be up to a swim when he gets in. It’s the perfect weather for it and since it is a weekday there shouldn’t be any kids at the pool, assuming people know they’re not supposed to be there after 1:00 anyway.

MONDAY, JUNE 23, 2014
Last night I visited my sister and the girls in my dreams, but they were all still living in Connecticut. Sarah was over 6 feet tall, LOL. I was standing on a step somewhere and commenting on how she was still a lot taller than me.

Back in 2000, Tom started getting chest pains so he went to the doctor to get it checked out. He was diagnosed with exercise-induced asthma. I just looked up its symptoms and I don’t have the other symptoms that go with that. Tom does, though. I don’t cough, wheeze or get short of breath or feel out of shape despite being in good physical condition.

I had a little discomfort after today’s workout but am pretty sure it’s not heart-related. This time it was on the right side, lasted longer and didn’t feel sharp and cramp-like. I will sometimes feel it if I move a certain way so that’s got to be a pulled muscle.

Someone just drove by playing their music a bit too loud. sighs I thought we were done with that shit? Well, if I see that car regularly, I will be headed down the street. I’m not going to tolerate that shit here. I swear I’m not. And I don’t care what kind of connections they may have either.

Anyway, before my train of thought was rudely disrupted, I was going to say that Tammy said that Larry did have heart problems. I didn’t know this. Not sure how serious it was, though, or if he was on medication. I guess that answers my question as to whether or not his heart would have gotten him in the end if the liver cancer hadn’t.

My weight is strange but inconclusive. Meaning that the 4 pounds I lose during the weeks after periods that started to come back are back off again, and while it’s a little unusual for me to be this low 11 days before a period, it’s not enough to assume the meds have boosted my metabolism back up to normal. I need another 2-4 weeks to know for sure, what, if anything, is going on.

Later…

Fucking mother-fucking blacks! Everywhere we go. EVERYWHERE! I saw a black car with music blasting head down the circle and said to myself, “Bet it’s black and going to where the blacks live. Sure enough, a few hours later it blasted back out and I saw the blackie with my own two eyes. So it’s no longer an assumption, knowing how loud, rude and obnoxious the vast majority of them are. Oh, but please don’t tell anyone I said so! Wouldn’t want to be called a racist even though the problem is THEM and not their color.

I tried to tell myself, who cares? It’s no louder than a delivery truck, so why does it bother you? Because it’s rude, that’s why. It’s not only a reminder of the shit I went through in the past, it’s wrong. Just plain wrong, unnecessary and uncalled for. Just because granny may be too deaf to hear it, well, I can. And it’s just one more rude and needless distraction, so that’s why it bugs me. I shouldn’t have to know it every time this punk visits just because he’s got security issues and doesn’t feel it’s getting enough attention in life.

But like it or not, he is black and this isn’t the 50s. I can’t just go complain and risk them crying discrimination on me, knowing damn well that they’ll be the ones to automatically be believed, and then things could get worse for me. They take things so damn personally and act like the most simple, reasonable request is utterly rude, unfair and downright outlandish. I can’t take a chance. I know I shouldn’t give a shit what they cry and I know this isn’t Phoenix, they’re not welfare bums, and even if they’re friends with every pig on the local force, they probably wouldn’t spite me for complaining. Worst case it just wouldn’t do me any good. Blacks are some of the most defiant fuckers on earth. Push them left and they tug right.

If they were white I’d go directly to them, but I wonder if I should either leave a note on their door late at night instead simply saying: Please ask your visitor in the black car not to play music so loud upon coming and going.

I’m not sending a letter by mail. I’m not going to pay to ask them to do the right thing. We lost enough money to the blacks of the ’90s.

Why would these shits want to live here anyway in a place that’s predominately white and that’s supposed to represent peace and quiet, which means respecting your neighbors and having your company do the same. Really, it’s their company so shouldn’t they be responsible for them?

My only other concern with leaving a note is them going door to door to try to find out who left it. I wouldn’t want Tom to know, should they come by when he was home. Retirement community or not, older and non-welfare or not, they’re likely to get pissed, not understanding.

sighs I’m just so sick of getting Mexicans and blacks on every city street I ever lived on, and yes, it’s because of their BEHAVIOR. I shouldn’t give a shit what others think or how people are going to handle things and take a stand for what I know is right, but for now, I guess I’ll just be glad the fucker doesn’t live here and doesn’t come around every day. Really wish others would speak up too, for once, but maybe they did and their request fell upon deaf ears… unless I anonymously complained to the office. Really, I should NOT have to be dealing with this shit in a retirement community!

SUNDAY, JUNE 22, 2014
Last night I dreamed my mother was going off on me in a VM for saying something nasty to Tammy in a VM, though I don’t know what either of us said. It seemed to be connected to some legal case Tammy had going on with her.

Then I spoke 3 languages in 1 dream. I was talking to Nane and her father. I don’t remember what we said in German, but for some reason, I asked her dad if she’d ever been to California… in Spanish.

Was surprised to find myself down a pound when I got up. Oh, so you mean all I have to do is eat a whole bag of candy and an entire box of breadsticks and I’ll be down the next day? LOL, guess this week’s Saturday junk day paid off.

We waited till just after 1pm to go to the pool. Kids aren’t allowed after then. Sure enough, what should we find there but a couple of young boys. They did leave shortly afterward, though, and while mommy didn’t give a damn, granny at least had the decency to tell it to stop bouncing its ball before they all left. I would have turned around and left myself if she hadn’t. I came here to escape this shit, not to have to live with it.

Then what should happen next? Oh, just someone else bringing their grandbrat to the pool with its mother, another young boy. But they were new there so they probably didn’t know the pool rules. Hell, I didn’t even get them at first. I thought the pool opened at 6am along with the clubhouse, but it actually opens at 8:30. Still, I wish most people here were in their 40s and 50s instead of their 70s and 80s when more people had kids. One closer to Tom’s and my age is a lot less likely to have had kids. Thank goodness for the women and work movement even if it came a bit too late and it means I have to be insulted at times for having the nerve to work at home.

If the things could act civilized without the screaming and splashing, I wouldn’t give a damn. But with so many of them acting like wild animals that are beyond loud and obnoxious, it doesn’t make for a pleasant swim. Since the first two grandbrats left shortly after we arrived and the last grandbrat arrived as we were leaving, it wasn’t too bad. The pool was a bit chilly, but it felt so nice to relax in the water with the pool noodle, and then soak up some sun as I was letting myself dry. I forgot just how draining the sun is, though, and had to fight the urge to take a nap afterward so as not to screw up my schedule for Wednesday’s appointment. Poor Tom got sunburned, haha.

The pool was a lot cleaner than it was the last time I was in it, though there were a few bees in it.

Later…

One of my followers liked my bike so much she got the exact same one. Cool!

Romeo is a little devil at times, which goes to show once again just how smart rats are. They’re not allowed in the laundry room. I hadn’t shut the laundry room door just yet after letting them out when he was just about to cross the threshold into that room. I could see his tail. I hurried over to him and he quickly doubled back and ran back into the living room when he heard me coming, LOL. He knew he was going out of bounds.

Got some things done around the house today. Tom blew some leaves off the patio in front and rearranged things in the carport. Then we squared off the bed’s platform and touched up the paint in the bedroom.

That’s pretty much it. No questionable chest pains, no neighborhood racket, no nothing.

It’s too early to get in bed and start reading till I crash, so I’m not sure what I’m going to do now. I could do a little more online work, make up some drafts by coding future entries, or I could find something to watch. Maybe I’ll even proofread some old stuff.

SATURDAY, JUNE 21, 2014
Another weird dream last night. It was late at night and I was with someone shopping at a store somewhere. Next door there was a high-end beauty store of some kind that they left unlocked. I walked over to it and was amazed at some of the insane prices on the tubes of lipstick and other items. I carried a tube of mascara back to the store, held it up to the person I was with, and said, “That doesn’t say a dollar.”

It was really a thousand dollars. I then returned the thousand-dollar mascara and walked back with the bike I now led with one hand while I carried my purchases with the other. I wished the bike had a basket so I could get back faster.

In real life, a woman who was out walking her dog said, “That looks like fun,” when I rode by on my bike the other day. She wants one just like mine.

The Hispanic girl who came to the door with her power wash special did not return. We figured she wouldn’t. Tom and I have come to suspect she probably really was looking for work. These homes, like most homes, have deadbolts on the doors. To break in they’d have to kick doors or windows in and that would make a ton of racket in a retirement community where most people are home all day.

We finished assembling the dresser Thursday evening and it’s so nice to have a nice, new modern dresser that I chose and that no one else used before!

Applying the lavender flowers and leaves took some time because it had so many pieces. My first thought, as I applied the first stem, was that it’d look totally ridiculous. But the more of it I applied, the better it looked. I’m happy with the way it came out.

Tom got a couple of 50-foot hoses for watering. He said he’d rather not use the underground system cuz too much water goes where he doesn’t want it to go.

He also got a couple of pool noodles too, a blue one for him and a pink one for me. People often bring pool noodles to the pool, so we figured we could, too.

Later…

Not sure I should mention this in public as I just don’t want people getting the wrong idea and thinking I’m either just trying to get attention or worry people unnecessarily if it turns out it’s no big deal. I assure you I’m anything but hard up for attention, and it probably really isn’t any big deal.

Well, I sometimes get pain in the left side of my chest, particularly after workouts. I didn’t think much of it, but then when I had a sharp stabbing cramp-like feeling yesterday, I did some online research that says it could be angina, which my dad had. It described the exact cramp-like feeling I sometimes get, along with this burning, aching feeling I also sometimes get.

Tom was concerned because that’s usually a precursor to a heart attack and I jokingly said, “Maybe you will be right and I will die first. Just remember to post to my Facebook wall letting people know what happened.”

Seriously, though, if I had to guess, it’s no big deal. I know I could be wrong, but unless it gets to be a regular thing and starts interfering with my life, I see no point in worrying about it now. I may mention it the next time I see my doctor, though.

Not only does Andy think I’ll live to get old, but I’ve always believed Tom will die first (probably in his 80s). On the other hand, I did have a nagging feeling that something up there would “punish” me, so to speak, for finally getting what I wanted in life and that’s a home of our own. For now, I will start logging any time I feel anything suspicious and see if any pattern emerges. It’s one of those things where you usually don’t know what’s going on or have much warning until it’s too late. I don’t see what going to a doctor about it now would accomplish or that I’d even need additional medication. Statin drugs usually help with that sort of thing and that’s what I’m already on. Again, frequency and severity are what matters at this point and what I’ll be aware of and keep track of. I worked out earlier and was fine afterward.

No left arm pain or numbness/tingling in my hands, but the article I read mentioned that neck pain I sometimes get. Because I’ve only felt that on the side my bad ear is on, I figured that was probably due to the inner ear clogging up like it sometimes does, but who knows? As always, I’m going to just keep on living my life. Hell, a meteorite could fall from the sky and kill me right now. Until I’m actually dead, I’m not going to worry about anything unless I’m in pain or unable to do things as I normally do them. But I’ll be paying closer attention to those strange aches and pains.

FRIDAY, JUNE 20, 2014
Molly updated her blog today. The question was too early for Kim (assuming there was no delay in the notification) and yet Molly shouldn’t know what’s up with me. So I don’t know what to think, but it seems likely it was connected to one of the sickos.

Went out riding at just after 10am. It was 75° and sunny. It should be a good way to keep my color going, especially on my arms.

Last night’s dreams went from sad to strange. Norma, myself, and some other woman we both seemed to know for a long time were all in the hospital. I don’t know what Norma and I were in for, but the other woman died of a heart attack and Norma was just devastated. I tried to console her so she wouldn’t get sick herself.

Everything is ok with her, but ironically enough I had some chest pains earlier today. I’m almost sure they were from working out since I had my heart listened to a couple of months ago. I’ve had this type of pain before. Sometimes it’s a burning, achy sort of feeling, other times it’s a sharp cramp.

In another dream, I had stayed at a hotel with Jessie. She and I suddenly got word that we had to leave and head to the airport. I immediately went to pack, but it seemed like there was so much to pack and the more I packed, the more shit there was that needed to be packed.

So I ran out of the room and to a nearby store. I was going to ask the lady at the register for some garbage bags to throw things in, but she was busy with customers and I didn’t want to miss the plane. So I returned to the room and decided what to take and what to leave behind since there was no way I could pack it all up in time for our flight.

THURSDAY, JUNE 19, 2014
I am completely and utterly baffled right now. How do you ask someone a question on an account they have deactivated?

I got up this morning, stumbled over to my computer, and saw I had an email notification from my original ask.fm account saying that an anonymous person asked how old I was when I learned to ride a bike. My first thought was: I thought I deactivated that account again months ago!

But then I figured maybe I did but it didn’t go through or something. But sure enough, when I went to that account it was in fact deactivated.

Had it not been for someone asking a question on my deactivated Formspring account several months ago I’d think someone hacked in, asked the question, then put my account back to sleep. But because some stranger with a real account also asked a question on Formspring, I think it truly is a glitch. Meaning, it probably was a real person who really asked that last night, but I think a glitch is what enabled them to do so as opposed to being hacked.

It’s ironic that they asked about bikes when I just got one. Like maybe it was someone who’s been reading my journal? Do I smell Kim in that one or not? I’d hate to think this nutjob could STILL be following me, but if it was Molly then why hasn’t she updated her blog? Just after 5am her time is a bit early for her, and in her last entry, she was ranting that her mother’s trying to get her off Facebook and to shut down her blogs. Why doesn’t the bitch just take her damn laptop or phone away!

Ok, I just figured it out. It is a definite glitch and not that anyone hacked me. I looked in on that account from the one I use with Andy, and sure enough, it’s perfectly visible. I’m going to just ignore the question in case it is Kim, and I think it is. I’m also going to remember that it’s very important not to mention her or Molly in my blog and give them what they want, even though no amount of time or lack of mentioning them is going to shake them totally and permanently. Remember, Kim isn’t able to tell fact from fiction. She’s not thinking, “Let’s contact this person that doesn’t want anything to do with me and that I fucked over.” In her mind, we’re either best buds or I’m the one harassing her.

I wonder, though, does she know of my Prosebox account? My other Ask account? And what if I mention High Street on my page? LOL

I was glad to hear from Aly yesterday just when I was beginning to think she had yet another new problem. I guess she’s still recovering but is not ready to work yet or drive too far.

Later…

Just when I thought I was done falling offline, my connection hiccupped for a few minutes yesterday. I guess this is normal for at least most people. Anything’s better than what we had to deal with in Auburn.

Last night I was plagued with nightmares all night long. Something about him being laid off and us about to lose the house.

Uh-uh. No fucking way! We lost one home and two parcels of land. We don’t leave here till we either grow old and die, or we choose to leave.

For two people who are used to these types of projects, it’s amazing how long it’s taking us to assemble the dresser. Part of the reason we only got two drawers assembled yesterday was that he worked OT and we both got up early.

Sure enough, even though I’ve been sticking to my diet and exercise plan, the weight is slowly returning. When am I going to learn that I’m never going to lose weight no matter what medication they give me? Ever. On the bright side… I might as well eat when I’m hungry. :)

Later…

I hear a knock on the back door, go to answer it, and a Hispanic female who was perhaps in her 20s says they’re doing a special on power wash or something like that. I told her I was not interested and that soliciting isn’t allowed here. She says she’s sorry and tells me to have a nice day, goes and gets into a car in front of the house driven by a white guy, drives around the block, then leaves WITHOUT stopping at any other house. The guy was eying the house intently too, as he drove away.

Naturally, my first thoughts go to those who tormented me in Arizona. But if any corrupt cop was going to pull any shit, wouldn’t they come to the FRONT door, and wouldn’t they ask my name to verify my identity?

Hopefully, they weren’t casing the place with home invasions in mind. The woman even waved goodbye to me when she got into the car. I was standing at the front window not thinking I could be seen cuz it’s lighter outside than in here, but that’s ok. IDK, both home invasion and soliciting doesn’t make sense. Given the position the car was in and the layout of the circle, why not try the next house? Why drive around the circle and leave?

Later…

Now wondering if the bike question could’ve come from Molly given that she’s an early riser and Kim’s not, as even Aly suggested. Last Aly knew, Kim often stayed up till 2am.

But why didn’t Molly update her blog while she was at it if that was her, or did Mommy Dearest kick her out of Bloggyville? Besides, Molly isn’t supposed to be able to read my blog unless she’s occasionally disabling cookies or having someone else read it for her.

There’s also a possibility that the notification was delayed. If Kim sent the question before bed, the notification might’ve been emailed an hour later. Things don’t always happen right away, though when I did log into the account the question did say it was asked around the time the email was sent.

Aly’s guess is that it was random, though also safe to assume it was someone who both reads my blog AND knows about Ask.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 18, 2014
Last night I had a dream I was in a fairly decent size building of some kind and a couple of guys were determined to kidnap me and take me to Hawaii with them because they were sure I could speak Hawaiian. I tried to tell them that I only knew “aloha” and “mahalo,” but they kept tugging me by the wrist.

I was screaming for Tom and for me to at least be able to say goodbye and let him know where I was going if I had no choice. Not sure if they managed to kidnap me or not in the end.

I’m listening to some relaxing meditation music on Amazon Prime Music right now. I usually find this sort of thing boring as opposed to relaxing, but the song I’m playing now is both relaxing and pretty. It’s from the Tibetan Chakra album.

It’s been very quiet here today. No landscapers, no coming and going next door.

Yesterday we managed to assemble half of the dresser in 2½ hours. We’ll do the drawers later on today, depending on how much OT he does. I can’t wait to set it up! First I’ll have to apply the decals that are going behind it, stemming up close to the ceiling.

Ok, I’m sick of this New Age stuff now. Time to dive back into the Pop section. Is it me, or does it seem there isn’t much new in the way of music these days? It’s like people are putting out fewer songs/albums.

Later…

A rather attractive young lady told me that her mother is like me in that she doesn’t believe in prayer. Then she told me she prayed to God to get this guy she likes to take her offer of getting together, but didn’t get the job she prayed for. Then she asked me what I think. Here’s what I told her:

I’ve seen what you look like. If that’s really you, then why would any red-blooded straight man NOT take your offer? You asked me what I think? I think that’s a rather easy prayer. Funny, though, how people believe in God when they get what they want from Him and they still believe even when they don’t. Why is He still such a great guy when you don’t get what you ask for? Oh, because “He had his reasons?” Well, you can tell yourself that if that’s what you want to believe, but as far as I’m concerned, if prayer was for real we’d get EVERYTHING we asked for and not just some things. But the fact that we do at least appear to get some things granted and some things not granted is proof enough for me that it’s all about fate and what’s meant to be vs. what isn’t, and not about some God picking and choosing what things we ask for to go ahead and give us. Not saying there isn’t a God. Truthfully, I don’t know if there is a God or not. That’s why I’m agnostic and not atheist. But prayer? Come on! If I pray for the sun to set and rise is that God “answering my prayer?” Ok, to each their own and all that but sometimes I find it rather sad that people can brainwash themselves so easily or be brainwashed by the religious fanatics of this world. They’re only kidding themselves in the end. On the other hand, if it’s something that makes you happy then go ahead and believe what you want so long as you don’t force your beliefs down the throats of others. I actually worry more about those kinds of people than what people actually believe.

Lastly, and again this is because YOU asked, I could never lower myself to turn to the very being that allowed me to be abused the way I was in the past. We teach women to have enough self-respect for themselves not to turn to abusers or abuse enablers, so why shouldn’t I give any possible God up there that’s supposed to be all-knowing and all-powerful the same treatment?

You can tell yourself God loves everyone equally when evidence shows otherwise. You can tell yourself God is good while innocent people are dying in an earthquake. You can tell yourself He loves YOU when you’re robbed, in a car wreck, or diagnosed with cancer. But… you can never escape reality. THAT’S what I think.

Later…

Ok, I’ve officially killed my original my-diary account. Every 1000 entries I’ll delete the old account and create another like I did today. This is because it starts running slower than slow the more entries you have.

For the ‘about me’ section I simply put it like it is: I write from the heart whether my words are “politically correct” or not.

TUESDAY, JUNE 17, 2014
Wish I had something interesting to update on, but I don’t at the moment. I’ve now lost 4 pounds and am expecting my dresser to be delivered today.

Other than that, all is quiet and all I’ve heard are the landscapers and next door, of course. Hopefully, the rest of the day will be peaceful.

I did today’s housework (dusting/master bath) and the usual things I do. Waiting for the robot to finish vacuuming the bedroom for me.

My days start off full of energy and then I am hit with fatigue. The lack of food from the diet?

Later…

My new dresser finally arrived – yay! The FedEx lady left it in the carport. Tom will carry it in when he gets home. It’s super heavy. I could probably get it in here myself, but he asked me – practically begged me – not to attempt to carry it in unless it was in multiple boxes. It’s just in one, though, as I expected would be the case.

It can wait out there until he gets home in a couple of hours and we can assemble it together then. Those things are always easier with two people. It still would’ve been nice to have gotten it last Friday, but this works out better. My schedule is better for it and today was the robot’s scheduled vacuuming day. It’s nice to vacuum an area that is about to be covered with something. The carpet looked so lovely afterward that I almost didn’t want to walk on it, LOL. The other carpet was so old and worn that you’d never know it was just vacuumed.

For now, I’m just glad this isn’t south-central Phoenix! The dresser would be gone in no time.

UPS brought me one of the floral wall stickers I’ve been waiting on, too.

Called (Tina?) to check on the exact date and time of the August dentist appointment I at least thought I had, but she couldn’t find anything scheduled. We made one for the 26th at 5pm. So if all goes well with my pap, I shouldn’t have any appointments for July. Still gotta see the eye specialist, though, at some point, but we thought it would be best to wait until they got my medication adjusted.

MONDAY, JUNE 16, 2014
Last night I dreamed that I was flying in a helicopter or a small plane. I don’t know who was flying it, who I was with, or where we were going. We passed over a canyon at some point. Grinning, my mischievous side came out and I visualized it suddenly filled with everyone who ever pissed me off and then taking a giant cup of water and filling the canyon with it.

Sounds like next door’s getting their AC worked on from what I can hear and see. Again, I’m glad these people are muttless and don’t have a ton of company, and kudos to them for being so healthy and active so late in life, but I really wish the 3-4 trips in and out each day except for Sundays could slow down a bit.

While it saves us money, we’ve been having a cool spell and it makes my morning bike rides chilly. It’s still pleasant once I get going. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to beat the pedestrians much longer.

Making better money online doing mostly surveys and I’m not sure if it’s because there are more surveys or I have developed better strategies for finding them. Probably both. I’m into erotic sculptures these days so my next goodie is going to cost $150 with shipping and tax. Less than a month and I’ll easily have the money.

My collection has really changed throughout the years. It started with mostly porcelains and Barbies. Then it stopped for about 5 years due to being broke and not having room to put them. Now I’m more into vinyl and erotic dolls/sculptures. I’ve always been into the realistic look, though. I don’t care for anything cartoonish-looking. I have a handful of erotic pieces in my Amazon cart ranging from $25 to over $100.

SUNDAY, JUNE 15, 2014
Happy 20th anniversary to us!!! :))) No matter how many crushes I may have along the way on other women – and a few guys – there is only one Tom!

That one Tom and I are going out soon, so I’ll make this brief. I hate long entries anyway.

Tom fixed my ankle bracelet for me yesterday (ain’t he sweet) and he read an interesting study they did that shows that rats have regrets.

Things are great here and the only pisser is that my new dresser that was supposed to be delivered Friday isn’t coming till Tuesday.

Later…

In last night’s dreams, I was inspecting these dolls some people were hoping I’d purchase. They started off as being life-size but headless male dolls. They were very heavy but I was still able to lift them.

“The benefit of working out… muscle,” I said to a young girl who stood by watching me. She smiled shyly.

I said something about almost buying one, but then I moved on to inspect female headless dolls with Tom that were about 20” long. Tom pointed out that one had these strange marks on her but I told him they weren’t marks, they were part of a tattoo she had. Next thing I know the doll with the tattoos turns into a rat.

Got some blueberry lip balm, some scented body sprays, a pink and purple mini wind spinner, and some candy at Walgreens earlier. We blew our diets today. After all, you only have a 20th anniversary once. Well, most people do anyway. We also got some light bulbs that should nearly outlive us.

On the way back Tom turns up the music and starts bopping his head to the beat. I was cracking up. “Did you ever think we’d be blasting music in a Caddy in Cali 20 years later?” I asked him.

We still should’ve skipped Oregon and California and gone straight to Florida.

Once back at the house, we enjoyed some sweets, then went bike riding. For some reason, I thought both bikes had 24” wheels, but nope. My old one’s a 26”. No wonder it was so fast, high, and scary for one as short as me. I’d rather my new 24” that struggles to get uphill but doesn’t get up to insane speeds going downhill like the other one will on the slightest decline.

Tom trimmed the hell out of the Cypress trees yesterday and saw Bob get dropped off with a golf caddy in hand. I swear these people in their 80s have the energy of one in their 20s, though it does seem that only Bob is active. They both come and go the same amount in the SUV, but I’ve never seen his wife walk, bike ride or do anything physical. Maybe her weight or some health issues are a factor in that.

On Tuesday Tom will be going to a sports park with coworkers. Hopefully, the food and activities will be good, and he’s even more hopeful he’ll win something this time around in their raffles.

In other news, Tammy was ill after having to wait a few weeks for oxygen. The move probably fucked that up like it does with most things, but she’s better now that she’s set up with new doctors and all that. It was scary for her being all alone and not knowing anyone well enough that she trusts to take care of Max and have access to her place. The girls and Mark will be down soon enough, I guess. The house is up for sale and Mark is officially retired.

I was a little surprised she’d go to Dad’s grave. This is, after all, the man who allowed Mom to abuse us, and I’m sorry to say that his own “I’m sorry” came a bit late. I just can’t see having any respect, worshipping, admiring, defending or praising anyone who is either abusive themselves or who sits back (along with the bastard above) and lets it happen. But just because I feel a particular way doesn’t mean she has to, too. :)

I would still rather have him and Larry in my home for an hour before I’d have Mom in here for a minute. I’m normally anti-revenge because it not only makes you look just as dumb and immature, but it’s a great way to get in trouble. However, if there’s such a thing as getting even with no consequences in the afterlife (if there is one) I’m going to rip that woman to shreds limb by limb. Guaranteed. :)

She took a picture of the gravestone, which despite my hard feelings, was cool to see. Didn’t realize he’d been in Korea when he was in the Navy.

SATURDAY, JUNE 14, 2014
Went riding with Tom this morning. It was fun. He put lights on our bikes so I’ll do a night run sometime and see how well it lights up the road. The key is being able to see the speed bumps in advance, even though I have a pretty good idea of where they are.

The moon was so big and bright yesterday morning. It is this morning too, but not like yesterday. As soon as we finished, Jim came out to make his rounds.

Got good news from Paula. She’s cancer-free! Yay! I guess they killed the ovarian cancer that had returned and they found nothing scary in the uterus biopsy. I’m not surprised the news was good because the bad dreams stopped. I think the last dream was about the doctor’s discovering the suspicious spot.

I have aches and cramps in my neck and my ear still bothers me at times. I’m getting sure it’s an allergy thing and that my inner tube is clogging up as opposed to the canal needing cleaning. Maybe I should try Claritin D again, even though it used to give me nightmares.

Love that Amazon Prime members can now get free music. Been having fun checking out playlists, even though most of it can be heard on Jango and other places.

I should start taking notes as soon as I get up, on what dreams I remember. I sometimes remember them at first, but then forget them later on when I go to do my journal entry. All I remember was ruining something I cooked at too high of a temperature, and eating at a picnic table with lots of people around at some resort when I realized I was naked.

Later…

Tom said that while he hates to admit it, cutting out the sugar has helped give him a lot more energy. He was able to go for a bike ride, trim trees, run errands, and help me change the rats’ cage all before noon. He’s Superman!

As for me, he still thinks my body hasn’t adjusted to my meds yet, nor are the meds themselves adjusted, and that in 2-3 years I’ll be around 120 pounds, but I’ll believe it when I see it. I’m more worried about ensuring that I don’t gain any more than I am with losing right now.

The uptick in ab work has helped not only ease up my backaches but has flattened my gut a bit and made mobility a bit easier. You’d think I’d know better by now than to slack off on these exercises.

Unfortunately, I think I have a new cavity, but I’m not surprised. I just think the word cavity and I get them.

How do spiders manage to appear out of nowhere? Just like that. One minute there’s nothing there, the next there they are. I got up, checked the walls by the toilet, parked my ass on the toilet, did my thing, then as I’m flushing the thing, there was this spider that was NOT there 30 seconds ago.

So, since they seem to like to pick on the master suite the most, there’s no sense in bombing the whole place as we originally planned. First we’re going to spray the insides of the windows and under the sink. If that fails to back the creepy things off, we’ll do a full-fledged bombing.

Since it’ll smell a bit for a while, we’re going to go out shopping. Just to someplace like Walgreens or something like that where he gets AARP discounts.

While Molly still says a lot of crazy-funny shit in her blogs, it’s rather sad and scary to hear her speak of wanting a baby. The bastard above would let a psycho like her breed, too. Mommy Dearest is trying to stop her from eloping with Josh, probably the one smart thing she’s ever done where her daughter’s concerned, besides tossing her in Marbridge.

I’m just so glad that right now she has fellow group homies preoccupying her time and others to obsess over. I think that’s a big part of why she doesn’t visit my blogs every day. What I wonder is what’s going to happen when she finally does leave Marbridge? Will she go back to focusing on Alison and I then? I’m hoping that by then she’ll have a big enough “collection” of people to stalk and that she’ll never go back to being as fixated on me as she once was. Only time will tell.

FRIDAY, JUNE 13, 2014
I’m excited to get my new dresser today! We just won’t have the time to assemble it until tomorrow.

Went out riding for 19 minutes and then spent another 10 or so doing ab work.

Hopefully, next door won’t be coming and going so damn much today and puttering around in their garage doing whatever it is they were doing yesterday as it gets a bit distracting. These people are way too active for being in their 80s!

Ordered the last of the wall stickers this morning and next I’ll be working for some erotic figurines I like. Still got my eye on that $87 doll, too.

THURSDAY, JUNE 12, 2014
Now I see why they described the sheets I won as “thin and slippery” They are sort of tissue paper-ish and almost have a satiny feel to them. No wonder they felt light in the package. Surprising for Macy’s, but still not bad. I still prefer flannel sheets to regular sheets. That can eventually be something I work for doing Turk work. I love it – I work, they pay. They pay for all my goodies. Nothing comes out of Tom’s checks, though I know he wouldn’t mind if I wanted to quit the Turk.

My latest goodie, Jasmine, arrived yesterday. She’s a cute one. Not sure I’m going to get any more 18” dolls, though, or spare outfits. I was going to re-outfit Jasmine but instead, I kept her in it, took out her white hair ribbons and then put her ponytails in green elastics that matched the light green trim in her top. Then I polished her nails the same color. I was going to add a brunette, a redhead and a black doll to the two I’ve got, which are Asian and blond, but nah. There’s another more expensive doll made by the same company (Adora Friends) that I’m considering. She’s a 20” vinyl doll.

I also want to grab the last of the wall stickers I want once I earn another $5, which will take no time at all.

Later…

Since beginning our diets, Tom’s up and I’m down. That’s a first, LOL. My skin has been softer since trading in the soda for water. Coincidence?

Glad to see the sun finally poking through after a cloudy, windy morning. We went from intense heat to a cool spell. It almost looked like it might drizzle this morning and I was chilly as hell even in a sweatshirt. I almost wished I had gloves!

This is my third run around the park and each time gets easier and takes less time. Maybe I should add some additional side streets. It’s just that there are some blind corners and unless it’s the middle of the night, there are lots of people and traffic I could run into during the daytime. It takes 15 minutes to go around the perimeters when mutt walkers, joggers, walkers, and bikers aren’t in the way. Traffic has to go around me, but I’m the one that has to go around the pedestrians, so they’re more of a pain than the traffic. If there were no speed bumps I’d make the circle in about 10 minutes.

Biking is spoiling me! It’s so much more fun than walking and running that I haven’t done so since getting the bike. With the bike, I can go out in warmer temps because moving faster makes it seem windy. I don’t have to worry about any undies that may be loose, body parts or joints being jarred, and it doesn’t matter what shoes I wear. Hell, I could bike ride in heels. I really need to run at times, though, because some impact is actually good. Keeps the joints strong and works the hamstrings better than riding.

Tom’s going to put bike lights on our bikes, though I don’t see when he’d ever ride at night. He crashes so early.

Anyway, I hate stationary biking but love riding outdoors. I’d choose the treadmill over a stationary bike if those were my only choices. I almost never use the treadmill anymore, but if biking is going to be my main source of exercise, maybe I should run on it for at least 5-10 minutes a day.

I’m not doing the ab challenge anymore because it’s way too intense. Maybe my core isn’t that tough or maybe I’m just too lazy to stick it out. Either way, I’m still doing the sit-ups, crunches, leg raises, and planks; just not in such extreme degrees. I do it till the muscle fatigues and don’t worry how many reps I did.

Later…

Finishing up with the laundry now. Fortunately, they haven’t turned our water off yet today. They did yesterday. This shit is escalating and it’s really irritating the fuck out of me. They said “occasionally” they have to turn it off, not “often.” I’m at the point where I’m afraid to shower in the daytime.

Added about a hundred “memories” on Histofme consisting of pics and info on my dolls and collectibles.

On the 25th I’ll have my first female exam in about 15 years. Not looking forward to that at all. Really hope the problem I’ve been having in that department is no big deal, too. It’s definitely not a yeast infection, whatever it is.

As a kid, I’d often spend time at my cousins’ house. Their names were Lori and Lisa. We were around the same age. I liked their mother, my former Aunt June, but hated my Uncle Ronnie, my mother’s brother. Later I would come to lose my fondness for Lori and Lisa as well, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.

The point is that last night I dreamed I was in their old ranch home in Massachusetts. I was in what was Lisa’s room, only the bed was by the window and they weren’t living there. I awoke alone one morning, and then heard a car pull up into the driveway. I pulled a corner of the shade up to peek outside. Then I heard young adult male voices and my dream self knew they were June’s grandsons. They were saying it was cold and that they thought the heat may be broken. Having just woken up, I wasn’t sure if it was really all that cold.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 11, 2014
Nothing exciting going on right now. Well, other than the goodies I’m expecting in the mail today and the money I’m making online.

Rode my bike to the pool yesterday morning, which seemed to take just seconds, and while the water temp was gorgeous, the pool itself was surprisingly dirty. Debris was on the bottom and the surface was littered with gnats. We pay an outrageous monthly fee. Shouldn’t they keep up on things like this for us?

Saw 5 spiders in here in less than 24 hours. Damn me for delaying the bombing!

Dreamt that I was at the beach in Hawaii and that Alison left a voice message suggesting I get psychiatric help, LOL.

As soon as there’s enough light to see where I’m going I’ll be riding around the perimeters. Not going to take the smartphone and run the app or music, though. I’ll just take my finger watch.

Made a nice and colorful chart of all my collectibles and knickknacks using tables/charts in Word. I only included pieces I still have and none that I’ve sold or given away. It doesn’t include every single piece I have, but close enough. Gotta add the animal figurines to it today.

TUESDAY, JUNE 10, 2014
I shot poor Askim in the foot in last night’s dreams. Nane won’t be too thrilled, LOL. I don’t know what country we were in, but we were all staying in a hotel somewhere. I left mine and Tom’s room and went to Nane’s room because, for some bizarre reason, my toothbrush was in her room. Believing the room was empty and planning just to open the door and grab my toothbrush (nothing I’d do in real life even if I did have the key), I unlocked the door. The room was super small and the bathroom was just inside the door. Behind it was the bed which the head of it was blocked by the bathroom wall.

I saw masculine legs from the knees down and knew that by the way they moved, there was no way I could turn around and leave without being seen. Sure enough, Askim sat up, peered around the wall, and asked what I was doing there in a highly annoyed tone of voice.

Saying nothing, I simply backed out of the room and left. Later on, though, we ran into each other in the corridor and he looked nothing like in his pictures. He wasn’t that big, but he looked mean and crazy with wild frizzy black hair to the shoulders, black eyes, and bushy eyebrows.

“What the fuck did you think you were doing?” he asked me, leaning against the wall, arms folded across his chest in a typical Mr. Tough Guy stance.

“Getting my toothbrush,” I said. “Don’t worry. I won’t barge in on you again.”

“Damn right you won’t. If you do I’ll throw you on the floor, sit on you, and put your chest to the floor,” he said which I took to mean he’d crush me.

I felt my dream self start pumping with anger but since I wasn’t sure I could take the guy, I restrained myself from jumping him right then and there. Instead, I said, “Consider yourself lucky…for now,” and walked away.

The next time I ran into him he sort of came at me in a menacing way. I didn’t feel threatened at first till he started baring his teeth and growling like a dog, and I thought to myself, this is the shit Nane’s with?

Not wanting to kill the guy but just protect myself instead (and maybe teach him a valuable lesson about what can happen if you make threats against someone, even if they’re small and female), I pulled a pistol from my pocket and shot his big toe off.

“You still want to put my chest to the floor, you fucker?” I shouted as he hit the floor and howled like nothing I’d ever heard before. “Huh, tough guy? You still feeling tough and like you can just casually threaten people without any consequences? Maybe you’ll think twice the next time you go to mouth off to someone!” And then I walked off, leaving him to scream in pain and not caring that I’d probably lost Nane.

Later…

For our 20th anniversary on the 15th, I gave Tom the money I’d made working online to buy what he wanted on Amazon and he got some electronic and computer-related gadgets.

His present to me is the Asian Jasmine doll I’ve been wanting. She’s another AG type with a similar body type, so AG clothes would fit her. She’s an Adora Friends doll, to be exact. Her outfit is kinda boring so I’ll replace it with something else later on.

Just like I completed my animal collection I’m working on this type of doll, only there will be much fewer pieces (5). I have a green-eyed blond and soon I’ll have an Asian doll. I want to add a brunette, a redhead or an auburn-haired doll, and then a black doll. This will make for a nice variety.

Another thing I’m excited to say is on its way is the first dresser I’ve picked out for myself since 1999 when we moved to Maricopa. Since then we’ve been using nothing but old used shit. And I’ll be damned if I let any evil God have anyone or anything tear down all we’ve built up in the last few years!

The dresser’s as long as I am (about 5’) and I had my choice of black, white and chocolate. Dust shows up too easily on black, chocolate is hideous, so I went with white.

MONDAY, JUNE 9, 2014
It was this day 22 years ago since I left New England. Haven’t been back since and doubt I ever will. I left at 90 pounds with perfect vision, but I was still a smoker.

Last night’s run was a bust as far as tracking it with my running app. In fumbling around with the volume (I love how I can play music from the phone’s speaker and not bother with earbuds) I messed up all kinds of settings. Tom pulled me out of airport mode and other disasters I got myself into when we were waiting for a code from Yahoo. My pee was beating on my bladder wall by then anyway screaming, “Let me outa here!” Amazing how many people were still up at midnight, though. One woman was walking up her driveway. Senile? Broken AC? Bored shitless? Either way, I didn’t want to chat so I picked up my pace and breezed on by.

I created a new Yahoo! account for the first time in a few years so I could add pics to blogs that don’t allow for uploading. I’ll use them mostly on Prosebox but I’m not going to go back and add pics to old entries. Just to my current journal and maybe my Dreams book, too.

Noticed a dark circular stain about an inch in diameter under my chair. Apparently, it’s leaking hydraulic fluid. I’ll spray it with Simple Green later when the sun’s up and I can see better, though if it doesn’t completely dissolve it, it won’t matter much cuz my chair is usually over it. I only noticed it cuz I moved it to chase the furballs out from under the desk. Tom clamped a sandwich bag over the opening with an electrical tie. It was probably leaking on the old carpet too, but with dark brown carpet, it wasn’t noticeable.

Later…

Went out riding at 5:30 and wow, what a workout. My heart is still booming! I went just under 3 miles in about 25 minutes and at an average speed of 8 MPH. Tom thought it’d be too warm for me to work out, but I was actually chilly at first because moving through the air that fast makes it seem windy which makes you feel cooler. It’ll suck in the winter when it’s down in the 30s and 40s.

I first circled Radiance then I struggled up the hill to Oak Lakes, and it really took a lot of juice to get up there being a speedless bike with no gears to shift. Once I got over the hump, which is just about the highest part of the park, I could pretty much coast down that street. The rest of the park was pretty much up and down, though the hills were mild compared to what I had to battle up in Oregon. I needed my 3-speeder then.

I like how the bike doesn’t get up to insane speeds when coasting downhill. My pink and purple one would want to fly and it was very hard to control the speed on that one.

Before I even hit Daisy, my ass was sore from not being used to sitting on a bike seat for so long. On Astronaut I passed Bob who said hello and that it was a nice-looking bike I got. Jim liked it too, back on Radiance.

My legs were quivering when I got off the bike and my heart was pounding. I got much more of a workout than expected. I could feel every muscle in my legs working hard. I have a feeling I’ll be sore tomorrow. I definitely worked muscles that don’t get worked out when running and walking. In some ways, biking is even more challenging. When walking up a hill I can go at any pace. But if I slow down too much on the bike, I’m not getting up that hill, so it forces me to work harder.

Later…

Quick troll update, who says loud “noses” really brings on her anxiety, LOL. Aly and I agree she’s way too fucked in the head to live on her own. I was surprised to learn her mother is 67. Didn’t know she was that old. So who gets custody of the nut when she and her husband die, one of her sisters?

Another thing we agree on is that Molly doesn’t seem to be able to feel love or empathy. It’s all about lust, anger, hate and obsession for her.

SUNDAY, JUNE 8, 2014
Someone in NC has been diligently reading my bio. Maliheh? Right operating system, device and browser, wrong part of the state, unless she moved there or is temporarily staying there.

Went to Walmart early yesterday morning and found the PERFECT bike for me! It’s a Kent La Jolla gearless cruiser with just one speed. Even though it has 24” wheels like my old bike, the seat can go lower so it fits me well. :) It’s gorgeous too; light blue with yellow accents. Gonna take a picture of it when the sun’s up. I’ll shoot it just outside our carport so it will have the cypresses in the background and no street names, house numbers or license plates.

I was browsing through the racks of bikes looking for something small enough for one that’s short. Nothing with a bar in the middle that’d be too high. I considered one in royal blue and turquoise and even one in red and black. Then I glanced upwards and there it was. The perfect bike. I’ve never seen one so pretty and decorative, though my old pink and purple bike is still pretty. It’s got a blue and yellow plaid design on the seat and a matching one on the chain’s cover. The frame is blue and the spokes are yellow. I also love the basket it’s got in front because that way I can throw my towel and smartphone in it when going to and from the pool.

Because the Caddy has a trunk and not a wagon like the Ford, the guy had to take off the handlebars and front wheel in order to fit it in the trunk. Tom reassembled it for me as soon as we got home.

At first I thought it would be weird and take some time to get used to back-pedaling to stop the bike since that’s how it’s done on this one. There are no handle breaks at all. It’s no big deal, though. Tom said that was once how all bikes worked and that’s all he had as a kid. I don’t remember this, but he is 8 years older, LOL.

As my shit luck would have it, I was tired by the time we got back with it so I didn’t take it very far. It rides so silently and smoothly! It was like I was gliding over the road. I braced myself for those speed bumps and said to myself, “Hang on!” but it ran over them a lot smoother than I thought it would. I’d probably get jostled if I went over them at a faster speed. That’s the only annoyance I may face around here is all the damn speed bums in the park. They’re mostly on perimeter streets and busier streets. Circles, dead ends, and side streets don’t have them.

Anyway, I can’t wait to get out there again. I’m curious to throw the Smarty in my basket with the running app going and see how long it takes me to do my longest-running route where I don’t just go around the perimeters but zigzag through side streets as well. I was like a little kid riding her first bike on her own again, LOL, wind whipping through my hair, totally enjoying the sense of freedom the bike gave me, etc.

While the bike will mostly be used to take me to and from the pool, I may alternate between running and riding for exercise. It not only gives me better variety, but different activities work different muscles. Running works my quads better while biking will work my hamstrings more. What I’ll like better about biking is that I don’t have to worry about loose undies that may shimmy downward as I run, or jarring my joints and boobies, or what shoes I wear.

SATURDAY, JUNE 7, 2014
Right now, rather than having a will drawn up to leave our stuff to Tammy and the girls should anything happen to us, I’m content to let the state have our stuff. I’d rather some stranger, some unbiased person, get things like my offline journals. That way they wouldn’t take things personally. At least not like my sister and nieces would if they read all about how horrible I think they look or something like that.

If I die before Tom as he thinks will be the case, it will be up to him to do what he wants with my on and offline writings. If he goes first like I think he will, I can then be the one to decide before I kill myself. For the most part, I don’t care what happens to my shit after I’m dead because if I’m dead I won’t be needing it, nor would I be around to have to deal with any negative reactions to anything I may leave behind to whoever gets it.

Ugh, I don’t want to think about dying. I think about it way too much as it is, mostly thanks to what happened in 2007 and 2011. I am curious, however, as to why Lisa was at Tammy’s house posing in a pic with her half-sisters if no one’s supposed to be in touch with her. Did everyone kiss and make up? Well, it’s none of my business and God knows I’m not going to get involved. That’s the biggest lesson Tammy taught me; never stick up for anyone, never take sides, etc. You just never know who’s going to turn on you and how it may backfire. The thing is, though, I had no idea Lisa was going to go crazy on me and viciously accuse me of lying about such petty shit to Dad without even asking me about it first.

Couldn’t see much of Lisa’s face, but she’s not nearly as tall and as heavy as the others. She’s not skinny, though.

Later…

As I said earlier, I’m tired of hiding from this one person – possibly two – whom I didn’t ask or invite to be a part of my life. I don’t give a shit anymore what she or her associates read so long as they don’t contact me or fuck with my friends. A part of me still likes being private everywhere and members-only on Prosebox with my 2014 journal, which I’d then make private come 2015 so no one could know too much about me at once. But I like the idea even more of seeing who comes around. If there weren’t such a thing as tracking then I’d probably keep a lid on things. But I love the fun and surprise of seeing what visitors I can see coming to my different blogs.

Nothing’s come in on Ask or my-diary, the only two places I can be contacted outside of Facebook that I know they’re aware of. Speaking of Facebook, I’m thinking of even going public there and just flipping things to friends as people “like” and comment on stuff.

Aly said she mentioned me in her so-called blog, but I didn’t find anything. When I told her I didn’t give a shit what she said about me so long as she left me and my friends alone, Aly said she’d go so far as to call her mother if she had to just as soon as she’s back to mentioning her full name, cuz she won’t risk having to explain her shit to some future potential employee.

At first we were doubtful that that account was really Josh, her physically abusive stud she’s still so in love with, but now we think it is. Molly went on to say they talked. Besides, the person created their account through Facebook which isn’t usually something an impersonator would do, and why ask her to call if it was Kim, Kathy, or a fellow group homie? I would think they would fling insults instead.

She also highly doubts Molly will ever be able to live totally on her own without assistance except for maybe after her parents are dead who I’m guessing are in their 50s. I can’t imagine it either. She’s too stupid and too crazy. She has no concept of how to handle money, no concept of responsibility, no sense of right and wrong, and she’s known to get destructive when she’s having her mood swings.

But someday, sooner or later, she’s going to get out of Marbridge and she’s going to have less structure and routine to keep her offline as much as she is now. Now she probably only gets an hour or two in the evenings. What happens when she can play online all day and all night?

Later…

Thought of taking a walk down to the pool, but would rather wait till I either get a new bike in the morning when we go to Walmart or restore my old bike. I don’t like walking back with wet hair, a towel wrapped around me, and my feet slipping in my wet flip-flops. It’s still too warm to go for a run, so I’ll probably wait an hour or two.

I really don’t like how my meds make my periods heavier and how I’m still up a few pounds. Aren’t I ever going to lose this water? I lost some, but not enough.

Despite fearing I’m destined to gain over time no matter what I do, I’m still going to drop to 1200 calories starting tomorrow and I might even consider joining Tom in an experiment he read about in a medical article. I was always taught that not eating is unhealthy and can damage your metabolism even more, but according to what studies are now showing, fasting 2-4 days twice a year has many health benefits and is actually very good for you. I read even more about it and was surprised to find it even helps those with allergies and asthma. The biggest thing is that it resets and refreshes everything sort of like rebooting a computer. We have many dead cells and what fasting does is help create new stem cells and all that. Tom was thinking of trying it on July 4th and 5th. He doesn’t want to do it while he’s working, figuring he’s going to be sluggish and all that. I knew ages ago I’d always be heavy no matter what, but I might try it out of curiosity. The question is – can we do it? It’s hard to believe we could! But we can’t know until we try.

Looked at the dump trailer on Google Maps and the pic must’ve been taken after we left because the shed’s gone. The last pic of the place showed our old Ford parked outside of it, so we were home at the time it was shot. Now it looks deserted. I’d think that if there were any renters there, there’d be at least one vehicle present, a mutt chained outside… something. He still has his shit pile of old parts lying around which totally spoiled the otherwise pleasant landscape.

FRIDAY, JUNE 6, 2014
Shortly before 11pm, I took a walk down to the pool. I could see a few people were still up watching TV, but there wasn’t a soul outdoors. I stuck my arm in the pool up to my elbow and found it to be gorgeous! It should be with all the triple-digit temps we’ve been having and will have for the next few months. Hoping to pick up my bike this weekend. I’d rather ride to and from the pool than walk.

My period is finally starting and so I’ll have to schedule that dreaded pap I’ve been neglecting since the late 90s. I still have burning and itching down there and would like to know why. The problem with this doctor is that you have to make a separate appointment for everything. Yes, everything. You can’t just address everything you want to address at once. People will do anything to make a buck, even doctors. I could break my arm in two places and she’d want me to make one appointment for one part of that arm and another for the other part of it.

Started entering sweeps on a site called UltraContest and it’s not bad. Pretty straightforward layout and friendlier staff, though it doesn’t have as many sweeps as OLS. There’s no premium membership or Shazam feature that pops open multiple sweeps at once, but I like how it tells you if you haven’t entered a sweep or Not Yet if it’s not time to enter again or You’re Done if it’s a single-entry sweep. I do it while proofreading old journals and that way I can listen to the electronic reader as I make my entries.

Later…

Perhaps I’m wrong for feeling this way, but it really annoys me when people butt into conversations on Facebook. Ok, so I know that’s what Facebook is supposed to be all about and that it’s ok to expect “likes” and comments from whoever, where it’s possible to get those. But still, something about leaving a comment for Jane Doe and then having John Doe come in and comment on my comment bugs me. Again, perhaps it shouldn’t and perhaps I’m the only one that feels that way, but sometimes I start off in a discussion with one other person and it ends up being a group discussion that involves 5 or 6 people and I’m like, “Hey, where did all of you come from and who invited you to butt in? I was talking to So and So!”

This annoys me in person, too. I’d hate being at school or at a bar or wherever and end up chatting with someone. Then someone overhears us and they rudely insert themselves into our discussion. It would be even more frustrating if the person I was initially chatting with was someone I really, really liked or didn’t get to see very often. It would be all I could do to keep from screaming, “Get the fuck out of here!”

Another thing that annoys me and also may sound weird is that it’s always the same damn people “liking” things and commenting on things. It isn’t that I don’t appreciate their responses. I do. But at the same time, I can’t help but feel a tinge of annoyance when I see the same people coming around while others I rarely or almost never hear from. But that’s what Facebook Housekeeping is for. I do it once or twice a year. :)

Later…

Woke up with cramps and a backache, but Tom’s hands and a couple of Ibuprofen got rid of both. He’s decided to start a diet and I was thinking of throwing myself on a 1200-calorie diet starting Sunday. Not that I think I’ll lose more than the same damn few pounds I regain before periods when my hunger levels are up, but because I think it may help other hunger that I can actually control. When we suddenly eat a lot like I have been on weekends, we tend to feel hungrier the next day because we’ve enlarged our stomachs. Well, I can’t prevent PMS hunger, but I can at least be more consistent with my eating habits and hopefully not be as hungry during other times of the month.

I was reading around in a fitness forum and found lots of people have lost weight on 1200 calories, even some around my age. But do any of them have hypothyroidism?

Sill doing the 30-day ab challenge but damn are those sit-ups hard! Yesterday I noticed the leg raises were easier and today I noticed that planking was easier. The crunches are the same, though.

We’re much happier with our new carpet than we thought we’d be. We thought it wouldn’t look so good being that it was cheap for carpet, but it looks fantastic. With the old, worn-out carpet you couldn’t see the Robo vacuum’s tracks, but with this stuff, you can. The brighter color also brightens up the room big time, but it’s not so bright that you would see even the slightest trace of dirt you may track in and all that.

Woke up from a bit of a scary dream where I was smoking this poisonous cigarette. I wasn’t trying to kill myself deliberately, but it was almost as if I was living in ancient times and was being forced to smoke it or something. Every time I inhaled a lungful of the deadly smoke I could feel my body shutting down.

THURSDAY, JUNE 5, 2014
Read today’s whines and rants from Molly and it bothers me to see she’s still using full names, whether or not Josh G’s account is real or not. That’s her on-and-off ex in Iowa. Is it really him? Kim? Kat? Aly? A fellow Marbridger? She doesn’t seem to be sure herself.

I suppose I shouldn’t worry too much about her using full names. I mean even if she wrote “Jodi S is a cold-blooded murderer,” what are people going to do about it? Hunt me down and kill me? It’s also sad that she would even think of communicating with a guy who she says abused her. Then again, she never did have much self-respect or else she wouldn’t spend so much time chasing after those who don’t want anything to do with her.

The biggest thing she said that has me going “Oh fucking no!” is how she can’t wait to get into her own apt. I’ll bet she can’t! Then she can be free to torture and harass anyone she wants without the slightest bit of supervision or restraint. Seriously, if she’s ever allowed to be her own guardian, how will Mommy Dearest block Josh’s number from calling her then? God, I dread that day! I hope that’s just a fantasy on her part and that Marbridge, her parents, and the state all wouldn’t be that dumb. As it is they haven’t always shown much responsibility and smarts where this nutjob is concerned, letting it go online, etc. I hope to hell she is at least stuck where she is for many more years to come. Maybe by then the “experts” will realize old dogs can’t be taught new tricks.

Amazingly, she continues to avoid checking in on me unless she’s doing it in a way I can’t see.

Later…

Someone blasted in at a noticeably annoying but not maddening volume last night at 10:30. Instead of turning down in front of our house, they headed toward the cemetery. At that hour I’d say it’s unlikely that it was a visitor. It’s sad that this shit is now a part of this park. Every place I move to that isn’t rocking off the bat ends up getting noisier within a year. It’s just that this usually happens by whoever’s closest to me becoming noisy or moving and then being replaced by noisy people. Instead, my park has become a home for these stereos. Most of them are still outside the park, though it’s been pretty quiet since I got up late this afternoon.

It was hot today and I want the temp down to at least 72° when I go out for tonight’s run. So I’ll be leaving around 11pm. I’ll try again to get my running details to post to Facebook.

The lady across the street got a new golf cart and this Sunday they’re having some kind of activity where I guess you decorate your golf cart if you have one. Not sure if they’re going to be paraded through the park or not, but at least those things are quiet if they are, since I’ll probably be sleeping at the time.

As I mentioned before, I was pissed because the park doesn’t usually turn our water off twice in the same week. Then I was pissed even more trying to get water out of the hot side in the master bath. Usually, it only spits air at me a few seconds after being turned off, but this time it took forever! The air pressure knocked the massager right off its holder in the shower and I started to wonder if something was wrong. Just when I thought water would never come out, I heard it bubble up in the wall and then there it was.

I was supposed to get my period today and didn’t, so hopefully tomorrow or the next day. Yesterday was one of those days where I just couldn’t get rid of my hunger no matter what I ate. I ate and I ate and I still felt like I hadn’t eaten in years. Finally fed up and determined to try to figure out what to do about it when I have those days, typically before periods, I did some research. But I came up with the same general causes – pregnancy, PMS, diabetes, hyperthyroidism, depression and anxiety. The question was what to do about it. Knowledge isn’t always power if you know what the cause of something is but don’t know how to solve the problem.

Tom thinks it’s part PMS, part depression because apparently depression is hunger. “But I’m not even depressed!” I told him, and he said that being depressed doesn’t always mean feeling sad and that it’s probably the PMS, which aggravates and enhances negative things in general, causing my PTSD and anxieties over the past returning to haunt us. Maybe so, but why would that make me feel hungry? When I get depressed – really depressed – like when a favorite rat of mine dies, that actually dampens my appetite. Back when we were so sure we were on death row I had to push myself to eat so I wouldn’t spend my final hours just moping in bed, drained of energy, and I couldn’t even do that. I’m still leaning toward it being connected to PMS. Yes, I have some pretty awful memories, and yes, I’ve lived long enough to learn we can’t always be 100% guaranteed to have escaped the past, but my life is the best it’s been in like forever. Things are absolutely awesome right now. I’m disappointed my meds aren’t relieving some of my hypothyroidism symptoms like my dry skin and inability to lose weight, but that’s easy enough to learn to live with as opposed to poverty.

Ah, poverty. One of the dream faves, along with captivity. Last night we were renting a small room in a totally noisy and chaotic place, despite the fact that in real life, they just hired 60 people at work, many of whom are temps, which lowers his chances of being laid off.

No hope for subsidies, though, LOL. A couple of years ago a regular employee at work was excitedly telling him how she got her utilities subsidized and that they’ll subsidize you up to 28k! He didn’t have the heart to tell her he made over 40k and that no utility or food subsidy program in their right mind was going to give us the time of day.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4, 2014
On Facebook, I statused: If I see one more post on racism I think I’ll scream.

Really, this isn’t the slavery ages. Why are we still feeling sorry for a group of people that to date have more rights than whites ever had, that play the race card as often as they do no matter who gets hurt along the way, and that can make any hateful statement they want against whites and get away with it??? Enough is enough already! There are more important issues to address in this world.

I don’t care how many people automatically label me as “racist” either because it’s not hip or politically “correct” to say anything negative on the subject. Some individuals still may get shit on, but so do those in EVERY single group on earth and even more so at times. Think Muslim women like living in a society where if they so much as dare glance at a man they’re not married to they know they may be flogged, or worse, hanged? So yeah, this “whoa is black” trip we’ve been on that’s oh so hip and “in” really does get old when they have so, so much going for them these days.

Alison said she learned of Molly’s blog through one of her fellow group homies who emailed her asking that she read and comment on Molly’s blog since she blocked Molly’s latest Facebook account and can’t ask her herself.

Before Alison blocked her she told little Miss Missy Rosen that if she were contacted again by anyone at Marbridge, she would let the staff there know just what their residents do in their spare time.

She sure will, even though Mommy Dearest will threaten her for it, then offer to pray for her.

I’d still like to know how she’s restraining herself from peeking in on me as often as she writes her immature posts I’d swear were written by a 10-year-old if I didn’t know any better – when will her mother stop controlling her? She’s not spending all her money on snacks like she accuses her of doing, and she’s NOT FUCKING DATING Brad. She’s not even flirting. Oh no, he’s dating someone else to piss her and Julie off. rolls eyes Like grow the fuck up, will ya? You’re almost 31, not 11.

Had to laugh at one post where she talks about leaving there cuz she’s “fed up,” and someone tells her that as Nike says, just do it! Only they obviously don’t know she’s a nutjob in a group home for the mentally fucked in the head who can’t “just do it” and leave, so fuck what Nike says, LOL.

Won $10 of Macy’s store credit last night so I used it toward a set of magenta sheets that were already on sale. We only had to pay $16 for them.

I don’t know why the details of last night’s run failed to post to Facebook, but I ran 1.9 miles in 37 minutes and supposedly burned 339 calories, which I don’t buy for a minute. That’s because a 30-minute walk on the treadmill says I burned 138. Why would adding just 7 minutes burn that many more calories? I agree with Tom who said it varies from person to person and that we can never know exactly what we burned. All I do know is that I can’t be burning much with a bum thyroid.

Saw one of the loose cats they’re so worried about, but it was just inside one of the perimeter walls, so it might’ve belonged to someone outside the park. At night when I’m walking by the perimeters that have two-story homes outside of it, I can’t help but notice some of the second-floor rooms that are lit up and open. Well, someone had these really cool tape lights. Pretty sure it was tape lighting anyway. Bright stars ran along the tops of the walls and onto the ceilings. Tape lighting would be a great way to even out the lighting in a room and may be cheaper to use, too. But we have enough lamps and overheads in here, so it’s not important right now.

Again they turned the water off, so I found when I got up. It was back on by then, but I would’ve been pissed as hell. That’s the first time I remember them turning it off twice in one week. I’ll never shower in the daytime for as long as I live here!

In last night’s dream, I was stuck in an elevator with some woman with long dark hair that I apparently had a crush on. Knowing it wasn’t mutual, I jokingly said, “What a nightmare, huh? I mean, after all, I gotta be the last person you’d want to get stuck on an elevator with, right?”

The elevator doors then parted and she stepped off ahead of me, ignoring me all the way.

TUESDAY, JUNE 3, 2014
Starting Thursday we’re going to be looking at triple digits pretty regularly. I’ll be running late at night or early in the morning, depending on where my schedule is. Running in a clean, safer, upscale, gated community has spoiled me. I don’t want to resort to the boring treadmill unless I absolutely have to.

Been using a running app called Runtastic and it’s pretty cool. Ran 5 times around the circle, which came to 1.6 miles in 18 minutes and 22 seconds, and burned 169 calories. With my condition, it was probably only 16 calories, but I love the strength and energy running gives me. I also love how it uses live GPS tracking and shows where I am on the road at that exact moment. Lots of ads and offers, though, because it’s their free version.

Been going easier on the eating this week. I got way too carried away over the weekend. Running makes it harder for me to gain, not impossible.

Gonna go around the perimeter later on, but first I want the temp to drop 15 degrees or so. As long as I don’t hear anything later on, I’d say we’re back to normal here stereo-wise. Thank goodness! I’d rather landscapers every single day than hear that loud, thumping base just a few times a week. It’s just too potent and penetrating a sound.

I remember two dreams from last night, though not much of them. In one we were living in our Maricopa house again, only it didn’t look like it. It had two floors and a house about 50-60 feet away. I’d already met the large Mormon family that lived next door when I was doing something in the house and heard those ever so obnoxious squeaky squeals kids make. I looked out the window and saw 5 or 6 kids at the edge of their property by a fence, which was a lot closer to our place than theirs. They peered over into our yard and I tried to tell myself they wouldn’t be so annoying because Arizona wasn’t the state you usually had windows open in for much of the year anyway. Even so, I hoped they’d see me glaring at them and take the hint about not coming too close to our property, fenced or not, and then I mentally cussed out God for putting so many kids next to us.

The other dream was one of those infamous captivity dreams I often have. I was in what must’ve been some kind of jail even though it didn’t look like one, because I didn’t seem to be there willingly. I was very cold and mistrusting after having learned that being kind and truthful didn’t seem to mean shit when it came to cops and courts. A female guard asked if I were some word I can’t remember. It confused me in the dream and I said, “Am I what? Last time I knew it was called restriction, and no, I’m not on it.”

Then I was admiring several other inmates who had long hair, almost wishing mine were long again, too.

MONDAY, JUNE 2, 2014
No views from Molly or questions on Ask, even though she just updated her blog with another bad day, admitting her moods go from good to bad in seconds. Yeah, we learned that years ago.

Nane’s mother is in Hawaii now and she’s in the process of picking out a 2-day stay in Hamburg for her birthday. Do these people ever go a month without going anywhere? Either way, I thought she was having problems with her mother? So then why is she buying her a present? Either way, that’s quite a lavish gift!

Got up to find the water off which really sucked. I hate not to wash my face when I get up. Not knowing how long it’d be off, I didn’t flush after I peed. That way I’d still have a tankful of water for when it was time for more than just peeing, plus the other bathroom’s tank as well. That was smart, Tom said. Yes, he married a smarty 20 years ago. Well, it will be 20 years on the 15th.

Finished the final proofreading of my book and shared a copy on Blogger and Prosebox as well to a few people via Blogger, including Maliheh. LOL, her first thought, no doubt, will be to wonder if her name was mentioned.

Yesterday was peaceful. No landscapers or loud music. No landscapers today, but someone did come blasting in back. Because it was in back where there are no windows I didn’t see them. Twice I heard music that was in the park. One definitely was, one probably was. The park needs to do something about this shit, too. Especially if Tom’s right in saying they didn’t start allowing loud car stereos. We were hoping there was just some kind of event going on and maybe just some visitors from out of town, since it started suddenly and didn’t gradually build up to this shit. But this is the second week, so what “event” could be going on, since most of the rumbling I’m hearing off in the distance is definitely the houses just outside the park, as well as the freeway. Just the fact that I’m suddenly hearing this so much more, inside and outside the park, is frustrating and worrisome. I didn’t come here for this shit. Loud music is way more annoying than barking dogs, screaming kids, and landscapers could ever be. It’s such a vibrant, penetrating sound even from a distance.

I’m not about to let it run us out of this house. There are only 4 possible ways out, as I’ve already decided. One is because we decided to move when he retires in 13 years. Two is because we decided to stay here for the rest of our lives. Three is because we lost the place and so we killed ourselves knowing the streets would kill us for us if we didn’t. Four is because we struck it rich and moved to Maui.

Got a clever idea to add pic folders within pic folders. After I post a pic on Ask or in my blog or whatever, I’ll move it to that subfolder. By saving pics I’ve posted, I won’t have to wonder if I’ve already posted a new pic I might like because I can then run the pics in that subfolder through my amazing picture-matching program that weeds out duplicates.

Got a thing from my dentist saying she’ll give her patients a $100 gift card for everyone they refer to her, and the person they refer will get $100 off their services. We can think of people around the park and at his job to recommend, only most people can’t afford her cuz she’s expensive. She doesn’t use those cheap old, crappy metal fillings that don’t last as long, and we have to pay extra to get the top-of-the-line, quality stuff that lasts.

Had a funny dream where I met up with several family members for a vacation in Hawaii, including dead ones. Either I or someone else was saying that my parents and grandparents who lived next to us shared the same garage when the houses were first built, not that that was true.

Then there was a large room with about 10 long benches or pews in it. Some were to the left, some to the right. Off of that room was a smaller room with several people in it. I was in the larger room when I spotted Norma and Milt sitting by themselves on the front bench farthest from the doorway to the smaller room.

“Hiya Norma!” I called out in a cheerful voice, then I fell over one of the benches on the other side of the room sort of behind her and Milt and felt like such an idiot. I tried to make a joke of it to cover my embarrassment and while I was still on the floor I held out my arm with an imaginary camera and said, “Hey, this would make a cute selfie.”

Then I got up and Norma smiled politely then said, “Sit in the right jail.”

I don’t know why she’d refer to the rooms as “jails,” but I then realized I was supposed to be in the smaller room.

I entered the small room and it opened to the outdoors where the shoreline wrapped around a small area where picnic tables were set up. Much of my family sat eating at the tables, including my parents, sister, and possibly grandparents.

I stepped into the water, admiring how warm it was. Then I got a little nervous when I saw a guy picking up some 3-foot snakes that were by the shore.

“They aren’t dangerous?” I asked him, and he said no.

So I picked one up and carried it over to my mother whose forkful of food stopped midway to its big mouth and said, “Nice huh? Ain’t he just a cutie?”

I woke up laughing at that one… till I found they turned the damn water off again.

When I go to change the rat cage I lift it off its base. When it’s not on the base, it’s just a wire floor and shelves, so piss can go through. Sure enough, Romeo steps out of his tube as soon as I set it down and takes a leak on the new carpet. The furry bastard couldn’t wait just 5 lousy minutes. Sometimes I want to take that rat, spin it by the ceiling fan by its tail, swish it around in the washer, let it take a tumble in the dryer, then drown it in the dishwasher!

Sugar, on the other hand, is amazing. Since his stroke, he hasn’t been on the upper levels of the cage, but that’s all changed now. He is one amazing rat! Getting down can be harder than going up for him, especially on the side that has no ramp. So I added an extra water bottle in case he gets stuck there when no one’s around to help him downstairs.

SUNDAY, JUNE 1, 2014
I’m still torn between going public and staying mostly hidden from the trolls that have stalked, followed, pestered and harassed me in the past with their craziness, delusions and paranoia sometimes to the point that I actually contemplated going directly to their door and making them go away since it didn’t seem to sink in in print.

I don’t want to feel like they’re controlling me by making me run and hide, especially when I’m not the one doing anything wrong, but I also don’t want to give them the satisfaction of reading my stuff either. IDK, though, maybe it’s time to stop caring about what satisfaction these trolls may be getting. After all, I don’t care about them as a whole, so why should I care about their feelings and desires? I’ll just keep it less than convenient to actually contact me. In other words, they can look but they can’t touch.

I just don’t like being controlled or feeling like I’m being controlled. The more society pushes me left, the more it makes me want to go right. The more this country says I don’t really have any freedom of speech, the more I want to speak my mind. The more it tells me it’s “politically incorrect” to admit or feel guilty for not liking certain groups or types of people, the more I want to admit that yes, I’m human deep down just like you. I love some people. I like some people. And I even hate some people.

I have, however, deleted some of the shit the trolls put me through from my blogs because I saw them as an unwanted part of the blogs. Everything stays in Word offline, but sometimes I don’t want certain people to have the honor of being mentioned in blogs. Especially those I never wanted in my life to begin with. Some of them aren’t people I was once friends with, but that I never wanted to be friends with. They inserted themselves into my life until I got fed up enough to remove them by pulling myself as out of reach as I could without turning my online life upside down and inside out.

Later…

Aly emailed me today and told me she actually had a herpes skin infection (at least the doctors are now pretty sure that’s what she had), and that that wasn’t something she felt comfortable saying in public. I can’t understand that much. Her doctors don’t know how the hell she got it, and she’s never heard of it before. Neither have I.

She floated me the link to Molly’s pathetic Thoughts blog. I’m surprised this 2-year-old blog still exists even though it only contains about 30 entries. Same old miserable shit. She’s hopelessly in love with a guy who doesn’t want her, she wishes the director would kick those out that steal her snacks, she’s missing Alison, she doesn’t understand why she doesn’t like her, and she’s in a foul mood.

She’s also online much more than I realized. How is she managing not to look in on me more often? That must take an amazing amount of strength for her. Could she be coming in undetected some of the time? Avoiding detection has never been her thing, but you never know. Definitely was her from her hometown who looked in on me and not her mother. She confirmed going home in her blog around that same time.

Nutjob has another blog on Blogger. I don’t know how old the blog is but it’s recently been updated.

Meanwhile, I reactivated my first Ask account just to see what comes in, though I don’t intend to use it, and figured out a way to find out for once and for all if Molly knows about my second Ask account. She never fails to follow any links I post, so on Ask I shared the link to a site she doesn’t know about which is Histofme. Then I tracked Histofme since I can’t track Ask.

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Last updated August 22, 2024