April 2009 in 2000s

THURSDAY, APRIL 30, 2009
There was quite a ruckus under the floorboards just now. When you live in the woods, tons of mice and other stuff live with you, and from the sound of it, a rat or a cat was chasing and terrorizing a mouse. We heard a scuffle, then a mouse squealing in terror. For a minute I thought something was trapped under there, but we’ve heard this before, and so it can’t always be something getting trapped. For the longest time, we couldn’t pinpoint where it was coming from since it seemed to be everywhere. Yet there haven’t been any droppings inside the place, so now we’re pretty sure it’s under the space that runs under the floors.

Anyway, today was a better day than yesterday. I got my incense and my CD, too. Do we still think they’re stealing our mail? Well, now we’re not so sure, but we’re still getting out of there cuz we have to. They’re going out of business.

Yay, my first Italian dream! Tom and I were looking at a computer screen and paper money was pictured on it. I pointed to the screen and excitedly said “Soldi!” Tom said, “Soldi, huh?” I nodded and said, “Soldi and denaro is money, and monete is coins.” That’s 4 languages I’ve dreamt in now.

My teeth are acting up again, so if nothing’s changed by the time this special toothpaste runs out I won’t be buying any more. I had to use the Crest Sensitivity even though the Restore says it helps with sensitivity. It’s still looking like, yeah, I am going to have to go to the free clinic. I can’t go on like this forever, and like I’ve been saying for months, even years, I’m not likely to be insured before I’m 65.

Got letters from both Mary and Paula. Paula enclosed $10 for me to ship her the stuff she wants. We should be able to get it off to her Monday. We’re also going to set up a new email account as well for us both to use.

Mary’s doing well, and I think that’s it for now.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 29, 2009
Today, almost yesterday, turned out to be a perfectly shitty day. First the helicopters return to wake me up, and then my package can’t be delivered cuz the fucking UPS Store people weren’t there when they were supposed to be so they could claim it! What’s the point of having this type of mail service if they’re not going to be available some of the time to accept packages?! And what’s the point of living out in the woods if I’m just going to get woken up anyway?! My sleep is so damn cursed no matter what! First it’s cuz Jesse can’t stop coming down here, then it’s the renters shooting, and now all this insane helicopter activity. The fucking things really make up for the sonic booms we had down in the desert. This project that they’re doing – whatever it is – is obviously not going to end anytime soon. So now I’m scrambling to get back on days and stay there as long as I can. I swear, if it’s not one thing it’s another waking me up. When they stop flying practically an inch over our heads, the renters will go back to playing target practice or something.

As for the package of incense, Tom reminded me that one of his packages didn’t get delivered once, but it made it the next day. Also, because UPS and FedEx are competitors, they’re not going to go out of their way to cooperate with each other. Yeah, I know, and we’re the ones that have to deal with it. I just hope they can stop playing games so I don’t have to have the package returned to NY to be shipped directly here which I should’ve done in the first place.

My teeth are acting up again. This Restore toothpaste says it fights sensitivity, but I don’t know if it’s worth it or not. It’s too soon to say for sure.

It’s amazing the documents they put online. Everything from mortgages to loans, repossessed items to property sales. And of course, some states air out people’s criminal dirty laundry. Canada may have a privacy act, but not here! Here we have the Freedom of Information Act and people who believe your business is yours and your business is theirs, too. I don’t know why it bothers so many people, though. I can see it bothering someone looking for a job with a record, but as long as no one has your SS# none of the info can be used against you.

Tom and I joked about being net detectives since most people aren’t smart enough to know how to check others out, but I think it’d be boring digging up info on strangers. Either way, just gimme a name and I can practically tell you the last time they peed or what they ate for dinner in 1960! Ain’t America grand?

According to the documents I found, it looks like my maternal grandparents may’ve lived in Brimfield before they built/bought the Longmeadow house next to ours, also built/bought at the same time in 1966.

We got a kick out of learning that my parents’ house payments on their first house were just $77 in 1957! Ah, to be able to pay so little.

Passed IT 102 with an 85%, better than the 82% I got in IT 101. 101 & 102 are 50 hours, but 201 & 202 are 30 hours. I just wish they’d add a little grammar explanation in between and not go over so many of the same words over and over, but that’s how these full-immersion courses work. You just dive right in. It’s still fun, though!

TUESDAY, APRIL 28, 2009
I wasn’t going to do an entry today, but then said what the hell? Just heard Jesse buzzing around on the ATV. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him on it this late. I hope nothing’s wrong. Like with the well or the renters. We haven’t seen the dogs again, and I hope Tom’s right in saying that seeing them the other day was a fluke. He thinks they were weeding or something and they got loose.

Anyway, Jesse didn’t work the last two days and so it’s been quiet. I think he had a visitor today, though. Before I went out to run while Tom walked, the dogs went off for a minute, then after we came inside we heard a couple of car doors. We think that’s what it was anyway.

The weather was great for running; a cool breeze yet warm sun. However, days like today and yesterday makes me think that yes, I would choose the desert over this climate. Since when does it get down to the low 40s at night in Arizona? These cold snaps are getting old!

My incense is coming tomorrow! I can’t wait to have the place filled with good smells, and I better fucking get the package, too. Tom says they’ll give it to me cuz it’s a big package. Just as soon as we’re done with them, though, so they can’t play spite games, we’re going to voice our suspicions to the BBB.

I now have 17 tweeters following me.

Off to finish IT 102!

MONDAY, APRIL 27, 2009
I looked up civil traffic violations and found that they commonly include speeding, parking in no-parking zones, running red lights, failing to obey traffic signs, driving in the wrong lane, driving without a seatbelt, and driving too slow on interstate highways. So it looks like the worst-case scenario, Stacey will have to pay $572, but not go to jail. Aw, too bad! She probably never did in the first place, after all.

We suspect they’ve been stealing some of our mail at the UPS Store. Little things like samples and small wins such as the CD I just got from Kiwi. So we’ve been weighing the pros and cons of getting a PO Box, having the mail delivered here, or using some other mail service. The problem with the PO Box is they don’t accept UPS & FedEx and a lot of the sweeps won’t let you enter with a PO Box. Bad economy or not, I enter hundreds of sweeps a day, I win something every few days, and that all stopped when we got this box last June. Amazing coincidence, huh? Yet we got a lot of stuff at the Carmichael box, so they don’t all steal. If we do go with another mail service place, we’ll only sign up for 6 months to test them out. Another reason we’re hesitant to get mail here, not that we don’t trust Jesse, is that when we move it may confuse the carriers with one name being forwarded from one place while another isn’t.

It’s been nice and quiet. I wonder if Brandy had her puppies yet. We saw a jackrabbit earlier. It’s deer season again, too. Haven’t heard the coyotes howling lately.

Now would be the ideal time to go to Italy while no one’s hiring and before we get a dog, not that Jesse wouldn’t keep it up at his place if we did, but we don’t have money for the new luggage we’d need or for food. And of course if he hadn’t gone and lost his passport, that’d help, too! He keeps saying he’ll find it. I keep saying he should call the American Embassy. He’s as good at losing things as I am with languages. Then again, why take a trip that’d cost us hundreds? Especially if one of us isn’t very excited about it.

My ear and teeth are both doing better. We’re now pretty convinced that a big part of the pressure problems I was having with the ear was due to the extreme elevation in Oregon, but now that we’re down here in Cali, it’s been getting better over time.

It’s too soon to say how effective the Restore toothpaste is, but the tooth that broke up in Oregon didn’t fall out completely and it’s black and ugly. The rest are yellow as hell, but that’s cuz I have a cup of tea every day. It’s part of my diet regimen to have Oolong tea.

It’s so sad that Farrah Fawcett is dying and she’s only 62. She’s got anal cancer, the poor thing, and her son, in jail for heroin, was allowed a supervised visit to her.

For some reason I regarded her as a stuck-up, conceited individual for the longest time, then over the years I’d see her in a scattering of interviews and decided she really isn’t much different than the average Jane. It’s still kind of sad cuz even though Kate was my favorite angel and I quit watching the show after she left, Farrah was a huge icon for many of those within my age group.

Bendejo’s eating regular rat food right now. The other one just wants junk.

The last dream I remember wasn’t a pleasant one. Tom and I were vacationing somewhere (I think) and he was off browsing in one store while I was in another. Two female employees came to detain me, insisting I was going to steal something, though I sure wasn’t. I was simply browsing. I said, “Look, I’ve just been diagnosed with breast cancer (I didn’t like that part), my mother has breast cancer, my father has a bum ticker, so I don’t need this crap!”

Yet I continued to wait and wait and it eventually got dark. I worried about Tom who would certainly be getting worried about me by now, wondering where the hell I could be.

Then the manager stepped in and he said, “I think you’ve been wasting poor Jodi’s time. You can go now.” And I literally took his hand and kissed it.

Then I asked this other lady if she could page Tom for me to let him know where I was. She said yes, walked through a tiny pool of water that was about 3” deep, picked up a hose that sort of looked like a dryer hose, and paged “Arthur.”

“Arthur?” I asked. “That’s my father’s name. Why are you calling him Arthur?”

SUNDAY, APRIL 26, 2009
Boy, those OLSers really like people-info sites! Someone posted a thread wanting to know how they could find out for free if someone has a record. I’d already known of some places to go for that, but someone provided a link to a place I’d never heard of before, and wow!

Let’s just say that some people I thought were clean – or at least relatively clean – aren’t so clean after all, and those who are naughty are even naughtier than I thought!

Besides digging up my own dirt – LOL – let’s see, big sis got sued by some hospital a couple of years ago. Nothing too big, but big enough. She was ordered to pay a total of $766 but was allowed to make weekly payments of $35.

But if she’s been working in some hospital and her husband owns his own business, why would she be so broke that she’d have to make payments?

Maybe I was wrong in assuming God not only protected my perps but that He also made sure they were living it up, cuz dear old Joely got sued a hell of a lot worse than that! She not only tried to get out of having to pay rent at some apartment complex, but she tried to rip off a daycare place too, and get free service for the little mistake she made that we taxpayers had to pay for. She lost both cases and was ordered to pay over a grand for each one.

Thank you, God, for showing her what it’s like to have to pay thousands of dollars, even if she deserved to and I didn’t. Now could you please give her a little taste of what it’s like to lose your freedom for a while? Lost sleep, cold showers, inedible food?

She and Mike have been duking it out in family court over the mistake since ’95, and now I know his last name. Figures he has to have a common name! Got too many hits on him, but I’m sure he’s got a nice, lengthy record of his own.

And while I didn’t bother to check, I’m sure she tormented her neighbors in PA & VA, too.

Got a lot of hits on the pig, but with a name that’s also common, who knows what’s his and what isn’t? He wasn’t worth the time it would take to go through them all, but I did leave him a less-than-pleasant review at a cop-rating site. I can’t believe he’s still on the force! Then again, I can. They all protect their own, don’t they?

Just like with the lawyer-rating site, it’s legal and I refuse to allow my right to free speech to be violated again in any way. If you threaten someone or falsely claim they won something – of course you’re asking for it – but nothing I did was illegal or dishonest, so I went for it. I simply stated the facts. I only had so much space to do it in so I just got right to the point about his conning, tricking and manipulating me on behalf of a personal friend who had a case and a vendetta going against me and how false and fabricated evidence was thrown in and information was withheld from me that could’ve helped me. But I didn’t know it until it was too late and I’d already been convicted.

What do I expect to come of it? Well, nothing of course, other than the peace of mind that comes with knowing that I finally got the chance to speak up after what he helped put me through, and not just in my journal or to those closest to me.

I like how it says, “You have the right to remain informed,” on the site, and we SHOULD have the right to remain informed, and if what I had to say about this twisted piece of shit can help someone else whom he may be using and abusing with his badge against – great. I think it’s great that one can now post their experiences with crooked cops, lawyers, doctors and people like that. Especially with so many of them falling into corruption.

Now here’s the biggest shocker of all. It totally cracks me up with laughter! Stacey may be doing a little time herself! LOL

Like I said, this one’s got me laughing the hardest. I guess it’s cuz it’s the most shocking. The others were assholes through and through and so it was no surprise to learn they’ve been in and out of jail and court. I still can’t believe the judge didn’t see Joely’s true colors shining through, and that she and the pig were buddies, but hey, it was Arizona. And she was black and I was white. That oughta tell anyone who’s ever lived there more than enough.

I just can’t picture Stacey getting arrested for drunk driving! It looks like that’s what the civil traffic violation is all about, but I can’t say for sure. It could be for speeding, running a light, or rear-ending someone, but it looks like a DUI to me. It happened in January and she’s got court dates for May and July, so whatever the outcome ends up being – and that’s a scary thought being in Arizona – it’s not going to happen for a while yet.

LOL, I honestly can’t picture her getting busted any more than I can picture my mother getting busted! I wonder, did she think of me? Did she think, so this is what it’s like? This is what she went through? However, she wouldn’t know I did time unless she recognized me on the news 9 years ago (my name had changed by then) or had read my journal.

LOL, Oh, my God, it’s just too funny! Too bad we weren’t arrested at the same time. Wouldn’t that have been loads of fun – Ahahahahaha!!!

Of course, I couldn’t resist, dropping the link off at her place of work, if she hasn’t already lost her job there. LOL

James also had a justice civil case in which he was the plaintiff, though it was dismissed, so he didn’t win anything. Same judge as Stacey has. Interesting.

A couple tried to sue both James and Stacey and the case was dismissed with prejudice. Stacey had a lawyer, but James represented himself. Good job, buddy!

Yes, Mary did get my card. She even left a message on the cell! I honestly would never know it was her if I didn’t know any better. She sounds great, though, saying she loves me, is doing great, and hopes I am, too. She called collect of course, and when the voicemail picked up it was saying that our cell couldn’t accept collect calls which she should’ve heard. Even so, as much as I loved hearing from her, I let her know we couldn’t accept collect calls, not that we could afford to right now anyway.

I also got a letter from her too, saying she likes this place better than both Naples and Estrella. She says she’s got the option of returning to Naples, but doesn’t think she will cuz now she can shower in private, has a room she can go in and out of, a cool bunkie, cool officers, though no radio. She said everyone knows who she is, but she’s in GP and doing fine.

I checked and she’s been moved 34 miles and is just 104 miles from my folks.

Got my period today which is quite a relief. Not just from water bloating, but hunger, too. I definitely seem to be hungrier before my period.

SATURDAY, APRIL 25, 2009
As for the Italian, I’m 80% through the course with an 85% accuracy rate.

It was absolutely FREEZING in here in the low 50s in the morning. It ended up jumping 30º to 82º, my favorite temp. I like it between 77º and 82º as long as there are fans going and I’m not wearing any sleeves. We didn’t bother to turn the cooler on or even open any windows. This way it won’t get as cold in the morning, though it is to be a bit warmer tomorrow. I just get so sick of these 30-40-degree lo/hi fluctuations! That’s the only thing I miss from Massachusetts; how it would only fluctuate about 15º between night and day.

Other than that I’m bloated, watery as hell, and wishing my period would hurry up and arrive to relieve me of what feels like the entire Sacramento River!

Only a few barks from Jesse’s dogs, and no sign of the renter’s dogs.

I hope Mary got my postcard ok since there’s no way it could be returned to me if there was a problem with it or the address. Better yet I really do hope they get on with the damn trial soon enough so she can finally go home!

FRIDAY, APRIL 24, 2009
Before I get to Lisa, the magic word has continued to work like magic! Ah, but I knew I’d be trading in one problem for another. Actually, it’s an old one that’s returned. The renter’s dogs are running around loose again (I suppose next comes the shooting). When I see them again tomorrow I’ll be sure to call the number Jesse gave us so they can hopefully rack up enough complaints to lose them. Typical renters! Typical fucking renters. They do what they’re supposed to do for a while (with much effort on your part) then say “fuck it.” Always gotta keep on re-applying complaints cuz they only do so good for so long.

I almost didn’t see them. They were running towards me as I was standing out on the deck. Then I turned my head and that’s when I spotted them approaching the car and yelled at them. Dogs don’t typically sneak up like cats do, so I’m guessing they didn’t see me either. One doubled back real fast and disappeared down in the ditch, but the other was more reluctant to leave so fast.

Now I gotta watch my ass when running out there, although it should be getting too hot for outdoor running. Not this morning, though. This morning was beautiful! It was cool and breezy, perfect for running. The land is ablaze with wildflowers too, like yellow daisies and bluebells. It rained steadily in the late afternoon.

I heard the dirt bike for a while. There’s always gotta be something! But it sure beats hours of barking I don’t know how to stop. I just know it’s important to call the pound on these dogs. If I don’t they’ll stir Jesse’s dogs up more and more, and then I’d have to worry about them jumping me or barking right outside the window when I’m asleep. The owner obviously isn’t going to fix the problem, so it’s up to me and whoever else is bothered by them to do something about it. I only saw 2 of the 3 so far.

I got up to pee at 5:30 and the dogs were going crazy, but because I wasn’t ready to get up yet, I didn’t do anything about it. I just hope I can when I’m up during the hours they’re at their craziest.

I posted my ‘before’ and ‘now’ weight pics on Kiwi.

So Lisa’s in Groton and has searched for me on My Life, a site that sends me an alert when someone’s looking for me. There’s also a 29-year-old female in Tennessee who’s looked up my name, but since I don’t know anyone there it probably wasn’t me they were looking for but someone else with the same name.

I don’t know why, but as far as this site’s concerned, I’m still in Arizona and Oregon. LOL

Lisa’s been a member since 2007 and there was a picture of her that was so tiny I couldn’t really make out much. No real facial detail of any kind. She appeared to be in a short black dress with black heels, trying to look all sexy or something.

Anyway, while I’m not surprised she was looking for me, as close as we were, nothing’s changed. Nothing at all. While I may not sit and actively wish bad things upon my family, I wouldn’t exactly cry over anything bad that did happen either. I keep in touch with my folks mostly as a courtesy to them for saving us when we couldn’t access our money when the debit card company screwed up. But even that I try to limit as we don’t always see eye to eye.

I don’t blame Lisa for her mother’s actions and the fact that her mother was a lousy mother who was never ready for kids or able to handle them. She wasn’t the worst mother in the world, but she was still very negative, insensitive, domineering and just downright moody. Tammy always had a problem with jealousy. This means that no matter how good of a singer Lisa may’ve gotten to be, she would always make cracks about it and try to cut her down and discourage her. And not just because she knew the odds were way against her no matter how good she may be. But the whole point is that while I don’t blame Lisa for what others did, I could never resume an aunt/niece relationship with her any more than I could be sisters with Tammy cuz of all the negative history. Sure, they’ll always be my sister and niece. But only in memory. And if Lisa isn’t already aware of this journal, she will find it one day and read this for herself.

My sister’s twisted attraction to abusive men not only allowed her own self to suffer but her children as well. So while the apple may not always fall close to the tree, I hope my nieces will choose life over children. Not just so they can be free to live, learn and experience life, but so they won’t repeat what they grew up with.

Lisa, if you are reading this, your mother allowed Bill, who lied about his cancer either altogether or as to what the extent of it really was since the bastard’s still alive, to abuse you. Then since I wasn’t there to beat the shit out of him for it, I let him know just what I’d like to do to him via mail/phone. What did mommy dearest do? Oh, she just gave him our address so he could sic the pigs on me. That’s how much she appreciated my sticking up for her. Your mother may not be responsible for what our old neighbors did by using race and their cop friend to legally fucked me over after Tom lodged a city complaint against them for noise and vandalism, but her actions, which led these assholes to where we’d moved to so they could torment us there too, cost us half a year’s time together, thousands of dollars, and a world of anguish no therapist or drug could ever cure.

I’m sorry she put you down, I’m sorry she put you in harm’s way. I’m sorry she carried on the so-called family tradition by finding it easier to deal with your problems by having you doped up. I’m sorry she was too weak to address her own problems. I’m sorry Bill ridiculed your weight and helped you to become bulimic even though he’s a hypocritical fat fuck of a pig himself.

I’d still like to kick his ass. I’m still relatively young. I run. I strength-train. I have a temper that can make even his look like a joke. So trust me, there’d be no competition. Same goes for Larry and Ronnie. I can still feel that rage bubbling beneath the surface when I think of them. Oh, what this healthy little runner could do to those aging little monsters these days! I’d even bet money I don’t have on it. But this is why, though. This is why I couldn’t have anything to do with anyone even remotely connected to them other than my folks. It would only bring back all that anger and all those unwanted memories. Remembering the so-called “good times” doesn’t always cut it, though there are no good times to be remembered when it comes to Bill and Ronnie. Nonetheless, I swore back in the late 90s that I would never again let myself be sucked up by the family drama and I’m going to keep my word, too!

I’m just glad the kids are all adults now so they can leave when Tammy wants to get off on Mark’s abuse all so she can have an excuse to be the melodramatic drama queen she’s always loved to be in order to satiate those cravings for attention.

I can see why it would be hard for anyone who comes from a stable, close family to even comprehend where I’m coming from, but that’s ok. I understand. That’s all that matters. I don’t believe in forgiveness and it’s for a very good reason. Besides, it’s kind of hard to forgive someone who doesn’t even believe they did anything wrong. That’d be like me trying to hand a bleeding person a band-aid for a cut all the while they’re glancing over themselves going, “What cut? Where? Where am I cut?” Tammy got all defensive and went right into denial when I told her my reasons for not wanting anything to do with her when she found me on Facebook. Bill couldn’t have gotten our address from anyone else, but it’s true that she may not have known about the neighbors if the letter I sent her from Oregon a few years ago didn’t get to her. That would depend on whether she moved or not. Either way, it doesn’t change anything. If it hadn’t been for her, the warrant for my arrest we didn’t even know existed till the pigs came out to find out what the hell she was up to, would’ve eventually expired. I STILL can’t believe she gave Bill our address after we left Phoenix. That’d be like me shooting someone who went to beat up someone who’d just raped me!

THURSDAY, APRIL 23, 2009
I’m now 67% through Italian 102 with a score of 86%.

Yesterday was laid-back yet productive. I only had to quiet the dogs a few times.

My incense has been shipped. I should get it early next week. Hope my Kiwi CD is at the mail place when Tom checks it tomorrow. I know that special toothpaste oughta be there.

Guess I’ll just have to make this short and sweet as I can’t really think of anything else to say. Off to sleep now!

Later…

I’m now 74% through the course, still with a score of 86%. Just 4 more lessons, then it’s on to Italian 201.

The toothpaste did come today, but no CD yet. I’ve sent a note to Bianca asking if there have been any delays in sending out prizes. I sometimes wonder if the people at the UPS store aren’t stealing our mail. It’d be so easy. They’re not trained postal employees who receive any kind of real supervision. They’re just anyone, cuz anyone can work there. We may get a PO Box. The less our mail has to change hands, the better. They cost less and they’d forward our mail every time we moved. The only problem with them is that they don’t accept UPS or FedEx deliveries. But if I’m not winning or shopping like I used to, does it really matter?

Anyway, I’m hoping the toothpaste helps rebuild my teeth and that I get my incense without any problems.

In case I forgot to mention it, Tom took my progress pictures a few days ago now that I’ve lost 20 pounds. I emailed copies to Jessie, but haven’t heard from her. Seems I rarely do anyway. I made sure to wear the same thing I did in the first set of pics and stand in a similar manner, too. Only difference is Tom shot them landscape this time around instead of portrait. Oh well.

There was even less barking today. I could hear voices when I stepped outside a couple of times, but couldn’t tell where they were coming from. No one was at Jesse’s as far as Tom could tell, but the fact that I could make out a couple of words makes me think it had to have come from his place. Everyone else on this side of the place is supposedly over 400’ away, so it’s hard to believe I could make out words at that distance, but who knows?

I wish I had wins to write about and other cool stuff, but nope. This is it. I guess I’ve turned into a real bore, but at least things aren’t going badly for us!

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 22, 2009
I feel the best I’ve felt in months! Although I have to apply the magic word 4 or 5 times throughout the day when they bark, I just yell up, “Be quiet!” And they stop instantly. This really takes a lot of stress off me. Now I can go back to doing things that require a quiet background in which to concentrate anytime I want to and not just at night. I hated having to have fans, sound machines, and air cleaners running when I didn’t always need or want them on. Wish Jesse had told me the magic word back in November! But better later than never.

I got out to run a little later than last time so 15 minutes later the sun jumped over the mountain and started warming me up a bit too much. So between that and the slime green caterpillars coming down on webs from some of the trees that hang over my running path, I bailed on indoors.

I am now wearing a dress that Tom and I both agree is just about wearable, but still slightly snug, which I never thought I’d be able to wear again. It’s one of those clingy dresses that are form-fitting. The type my parents might label as whorish. But I like it and that’s what counts! It’s got pink and purple daisies against a white background with silver glitter accents.

I can’t think of anything else to say right now. Just doing my usual – working out, cleaning, writing, listening to music, studying, and just enjoying a peaceful day in the country!

MONDAY, APRIL 20, 2009
Jesse came down to work on the cooler yesterday with the dogs and we actually had a little fun. For the last two days, our cooler wasn’t working properly. Tom thought it would work itself out (that’s how optimistic he is), but when I saw that it was 82º in here when it was on high and it was only 81º outside, I knew we needed to call Jesse. It’s his piece of shit anyway, so he should be the one to deal with it. So right after we heard Jesse return on the motorcycle, he called him.

He came down in the truck with the dogs in back. He then got on the roof and saw all the junk that had gotten into it which was why not all the pads were able to get water pumped to them.

When he got down I asked if the puppies had been born yet and he said they would be at the end of this month. The dogs look similar. For some reason, I had thought one was black and the other brown. But the female, which has shorter hair and is part Australian shepherd, part border collie, is mostly black with white markings and weird-colored eyes. The male, which is almost twice as big, has longer fur and brown eyes. Their names are Brandy and Whiskey (someone likes to drink).

I commented on how they’re wonderful when he’s here and naughty when he’s gone, and he said that while there’s only so much he can do, feel free to go on up there and yell at them and throw sticks and rocks at them. Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to do that, but tomorrow when he goes back to work I’ll go out and yell out the word “quiet,” which he assures me they do understand.

Jesse then took off to get his kid for a few hours like he usually does when he’s not working, then returned with him and the dogs. The kid’s adorable with freckles and a curly mop of hair.

So Jesse went up with his shop vac and vacuumed out the crap and that’s when the boy got out of the truck and we chatted with him and I patted the dogs. They’re very affectionate. Whiskey slobbered kisses all over me.

I was glad to hear Jesse say that his brother has 4 dogs which he thinks is too many. Good! Now I won’t have to worry about him starting a collection up there. I was also surprised and kind of glad to learn that you do have to get rid of your dogs if you get at least 4 complaints. This came up when I said I was glad the renters moved. He said he doesn’t know for sure that they moved, but that they might’ve started tying them up so they don’t lose them, which was when he mentioned that you can lose them with 4 complaints. I thought that he could get a million complaints against his own dogs and all he’d have to do is say, “But there’s nothing I can do about it when I’m out, and I work 12 hours a day, too long to keep a dog indoors.”

So a part of me wishes he’d get a few more complaints to go with the one I know he’s already got, but if going out and yelling, “Quiet Brandy, quiet Whiskey” will do the trick, so be it.

I joked about us trading houses and he laughed and said, “Yeah, especially with how often I’m gone.”

It kinda does suck to know that we’re two people crammed into 500 square feet, yet he’s just one person in more than twice this amount of space.

He said he’s got to clean out his own cooler too, so he’s going to pick up pumps and pads in case one of us needs them. He’s also going to aim for either after work or the weekend to bulldoze the back of the lot. He’s been saying that a while now, so I’ve got to see it to believe it.

Earlier in the morning, at around 8:00, I didn’t want to wait another hour or two for Tom to get up so I could run indoors. Therefore I ran outdoors instead. It was gorgeous out! Just smelling that fresh mountain air is really invigorating.

Between 6:00 - 6:30 is when he goes to bring his kid home and I knew they’d bark at that time. When they did I stepped outside and said, “Quiet,” loudly and sternly and it worked! I wish I had known the magic word months ago and that it keeps on silencing them this fast!

SUNDAY, APRIL 19, 2009
OMG, I did it! I lost 20 pounds! I’m 127 pounds! I really, really did it!!! That’s all I’ll say for now cuz I’m so excited and busy doing other things.

Later…

So now I have light golden brown hair to go with my slowly but surely shrinking waistline. It looks nice too, in browns and reds as opposed to black. The loss of the 20th pound actually came faster than expected. I didn’t expect to hit it till the first week of next month, so it was quite a surprise when I woke up and found I was already there! I had put myself at 120 by the end of the year based on my speed so far, and around 100 for the fall of next year, but maybe I’ll get there sooner.

Shopping was fun, though it wasn’t without a bit of confusion and a little scare. The confusion came when I took two pink sleeveless dresses into the fitting room to try on, one small, the other medium. I tried the small one first. It was slightly snug, but I wanted something with “room to shrink in” since I’m bound to lose more weight, even though I have my moments when I think I’ve stopped. I decided to go with the small and not bother trying on the medium. But when I went to leave I saw that the one I had tried on (because I hadn’t undone the belt on the other one) was on the hanger marked ‘medium’ and so I was surprised that a medium would be tight on me. Mediums should now be either just right or too big on me depending on the cut. But then I realized that while I only tried one dress on, I did take them both off their hangers. And put the small dress on the medium hanger!

I got 5 small colognes – New Musk, Primo, A Little Sexy, You Sexy Thang and Cotton Candy.

I got 4 lip balms – Nesquik chocolate, Jelly Belly coconut, bubble gum and Reese’s. They’re a little dry compared to the Bonne Bell’s I usually get, but it’s nice to have fun flavors every so often that are different.

I also got a package of white ankle socks, two white sports bras, and a light blue tank top with spaghetti straps. It has a neon orange and green palm tree design with “California” written below it. It’s also a size small. Yes, I am officially in the small zone now! Woo-hoo!

Lastly, besides the hair dye, I got a candy bar, bedding for the rats, and Trident gum that actually helps my teeth like it claims to. It says it strengthens teeth. I had stopped chewing gum because it hurt my teeth, then I received a sample pack of Trident Xtra Care in the mail. Amazingly enough, I can now chew on both sides of my mouth, even with the huge cavity I have in one of my back-bottom molars.

So anyway, as we were about to check out of Kmart and I handed the cashier the GCs I won, they wouldn’t scan at first and she asked if they’d been used before. I was worried I’d have to put everything back! But her supervisor helped her and all was fine.

I just lit my last stick of incense (Magnolia), but I have a new wholesale order on the way! Incense is the one guilty pleasure I simply cannot live without. I have 100-packs coming of Autumn Lodge, Birthday Cake, Blueberry Cheesecake, Blueberry Pie, Jasmine Vanilla, Lady Chocolate, Loganberry, Peanut Butter Cups, Pomegranate, General Store, Sugar Cane, Vermont Maple Syrup, Warm Apple Crisp and Patchouli.

I also donated a buck to MD and hope that people will leave us donations if we ever have a website of our own.

I was also worried the cooler was broken, but it looks like it’s working itself out. It just takes a little time for the water flowing through the tubes to break down the calcium build-up.

Last night I woke up hot after barely an hour of sleep. Tom cut the cooler off too soon. Then an hour after I fell back asleep, I had to play nose. Yeah, my nose was all stuffed up and so I had to deal with that and take a Benadryl to get back to sleep comfortably enough after Tom chatted with me and rubbed my back. I was really fired up and frustrated last night. Not just with waking up sweating, but we need a house to live in, you know?! We need a real, genuine, honest-to-God house! Not some fucking flimsy old box with a funky cooling system. I miss having a normal cooling system that’s vented to all the rooms and that has a thermostat like the heater does.

So I was just frustrated over the reality that at least I see. Tom doesn’t see it, but I do. I hope I’m seeing wrong, but I still don’t think we’ll ever have our own home. A real home.

There was the other ongoing issue, too. The anger I still feel to this day over those who’ve wronged me and have gotten away with it. I feel like God or something up there has protected them and that they’re no doubt living it up somewhere, but Tom assures me that just because I don’t see them suffer doesn’t mean they aren’t. He reminded me that Tammy’s always been a miserable person and no doubt still is, but she’s not exactly who I had in mind. I’m not talking about her or any other family members, I’m talking about the fucking freeloaders that victimized me for years, both legally and not. I may not be able to ever forgive Tammy or Larry, but I can’t say I’d like to see them suffer either. In their case, I just don’t care. Yet despite all the venting, both in my journal and verbally, I don’t think anything can ever get me over what the other subhuman pieces of shit have done. Some things you simply don’t move on from. I could see a million therapists and pop a million pills till the day I died, but I will never forgive them, and I sure as hell won’t ever forget!

Oh, just to have 5 minutes with them! All of them. Just 5 minutes of alone time! That would be more therapeutic than anything else ever could be.

Tom pointed out that everyone gets burned in life, but this was rather extreme. Not that he disagrees or feels I’m wrong for the way I feel. He does understand. They victimized him too; he just didn’t get thrown in jail. But I did, and I know that just like with any rape victim or victim of some other violent act, or a victim that’s been scammed really bad, I’m going to have spells throughout my life where I remember my tormenters and what they did and just simmer with a rage I hope most people can never understand firsthand.

Other than yesterday’s emotions and sweaty wake-up call, it’s been a fun day. Quiet too, the last two days, but starting tomorrow the peace will be gone. My schedule sucks right now. I’ll be waking up right when the worst of the barking starts. All I can do is just hope they shut up by 8:00 or 9:00 like they usually do. The heat does seem to put a lid on them, and it’s going to be hot for a while.

Tom researched Mary’s case, and if Monster isn’t found incompetent like he was in 2005 (I wasn’t aware of this), the trial begins June 9th.

SATURDAY, APRIL 18, 2009
The check came yesterday so Tom got the groceries which he saved $10 on thanks to the Kimberly-Clark coupons I won. This way we got a free giant pack of toilet paper and a 3-pack of Kleenex tissues. I also won an $80 men’s hoodie which encouraged me to return to sweeping. Hey, it’s in my blood. I was meant to sweep and I was meant to win. I just haven’t been winning nearly as much with the economy being so shitty. Anyway, it’s a nice hoodie, although it should be a while before he wears it with the weather warming up. We killed the pilot to the heater so that should delay our next propane delivery.

Tom couldn’t get the cooler working yesterday, but he says it’s just a quick and simple fix. I hope we don’t have to call Jesse down, though we will if it’s going to cost anything. It’s his piece of shit, not ours. I’ll just have to stay inside so I don’t do anything I’ll regret. Seriously, I just want to grab him by the neck and squeeze some consideration into the rude little prick! Yeah, talk about getting all fired up for nothing yesterday morning! The dogs started at their earliest ever which was 5:00. Makes me wonder if he’s going to start leaving for work at 4:00 or even 3:00! So they started up at 5:00 and it was definitely softer. This went on for about an hour, and I was just about to be like OMG, he moved them to the back of the house! Someone actually gave a shit!

From behind the house, it’s certainly much more tolerable, but then the barking got louder and I stepped outside and could clearly see them in front. So the joke was on me for two more hours. So much for thinking he cared enough to move them! Then I felt myself begin to simmer with rage. The kind that made me just want to beat the shit out of him or anyone else that may deserve it. I’m sick of living with people that are just going to do what they’re going to do no matter what and to hell with anyone who has to deal with it! But would a senior community really be any better if we could ever get into one? Again, despite the fact that barking is a big problem in the West with the way most people don’t allow their dogs indoors, this is a curse that’s specifically aimed at me, designed to be extreme no matter where I go. So if we were suddenly in a senior community that normally didn’t leave dogs unattended and allowed to bark, would we end up with that one fluke next to us who did 3-6 months after moving in? It wouldn’t surprise me if we did.

Other than the continual frustration of Jesse’s dogs and no one hiring around here, happiness is knowing we have a full refrigerator! And knowing that tomorrow morning we’re going to take the $50 K-Mart CG I won and do some fun shopping for a change. It’s been a long time since we’ve been able to do anything like that.

We ordered that special toothpaste that’s supposed to “fill in the holes,” though we didn’t order it from Katie’s father’s site. I won’t tell her that, but we ordered it elsewhere because it was much cheaper. I hope it helps! I’m sick of these miserable cavities.

There were helicopters buzzing around here yesterday too, but they weren’t working on this tower. I think they were over at the next tower with is just beyond the summit.

Although Twitter’s not as much fun as Kiwi and MD since you only have 140 characters per tweet, I now have 2 followers. I guess they’re learning Italian, too. Speaking of which, I oughta get on with flashcards before it gets noisy.

FRIDAY, APRIL 17, 2009
The dogs have been quieter, though it does appear that yes, Jesse is still working. I hope it stays this way and that they don’t go back to barking for hours at a time!

The flying pigs turned out to be the flying power company. Yeah, we saw the same helicopter yesterday and the day before dropping off and picking up both people and objects from the tower up on the summit. I don’t mind this kind of noise when I’m awake, but I hope they finish up by the time I’m on nights again.

I’m still studying flashcards. I’ve found that it’s more challenging if I see them in English first and then translate them to Italian, whereas when I see them in Italian first, I automatically know what it means.

I’m a pitiful excuse for a sweeper! I won a T-shirt. Winning what we don’t need is almost as bad as not winning at all! What a pisser. Like we need another T-shirt! That’s okay, I’ve officially quit sweeping today and not just because I don’t win much anymore, but because the thought of changing passcards, account info, and shit like that all over again because we can’t keep the same address for more than 5 minutes makes me want to scream. Yeah, the UPS Store we use is closing. They offered us two free additional months at another place in town, but we’ll probably save $100 and just start getting our mail delivered here.

Finally heard from Mary, who’s been moved from Naples to Fort Myers where Monster is. She said she wishes she could tell me what’s going on, but her lawyer ordered her not to. Also, she can only receive postcards there which sucks, but I had a few laying around and so I’m sending one of those today. She didn’t at least tell me if she was in PC or GC and if she liked it better or worse there. Being only able to send postcards sucks, but hopefully she won’t be there long enough for it to matter and this is finally the beginning of the end!

I signed up for Twitter. Celebs are big on it, too. I don’t know why it says I’m following Mandy Moore & Two in the Shirt cuz I’m not. Anyway, nothing for Gloria or Farrah, but Kate, Linda and Jaclyn are there. Kate, I’m sure of cuz it lists the series she’s starred in, but I’m not sure if it’s the real Linda and Jackie. I’m guessing it is cuz they have no updates, though not all celebs have no updates. Mandy has over 100K. Why would some celebs have no updates? Maybe just to see how many followers they get? Well, Kate only has 7, counting me. What a trip it would be if she checked out my journals and followed back. I don’t think she will, though, as she’s not following anyone and neither are Linda and Jackie. If it’s really Kate, I’m a little surprised at the spelling errors she made. She always seemed so smart to me, but just cuz you’re not the greatest speller doesn’t mean you can’t be smart otherwise.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 15, 2009
For some reason, I have been sooo cold! Tomorrow should be our last cold day, then the poor-assed bums here can kill the pilot on their heater and save on propane. Yeah, get ready folks, I’m about to hit you with another poverty rant!

It turns out we owe just $70 to the state, but a whopping $654 to our corrupt government thanks to the 9K I won in early ’08. (I still wonder why we never got a tax form for the ’07 cruise I also won). Anyway, I feel like I’m being punished for winning! Who the fuck should have to “pay” to win?! This is so fucked up and unfair, like demanding payment from someone you’re giving a gift to or something like that. And this supposedly comes after a “break.” I guess it’s normally $80 for every grand which they dropped to $60, but still – $654 in taxes, nearly $600 to get the pawned Mac and TV back – why not make it 6 grand?

If God didn’t have to go and curse me with this sleep disorder so I couldn’t work, I could’ve gone out right along with Tom and got a job wherever just as soon as they started hiring again. Even if we both made just $10 an hour, that’d be like him making $20 an hour alone! I totally resent Him for doing this to me! And as long as I’m never allowed the luxury of insurance, I can’t get my condition diagnosed in a sleep clinic so I can at least try to get my benefits reinstated.

I’m just sick of having to play poor-assed bums here! I’m sick of never having enough money for things we need and want, especially those that we need.

It seems that the only good winning the money did was to get us out of the motel. That in itself is a huge thing, but it makes me afraid to sweep anymore, not that I’ve been winning anything good anyway. Tom said a big win would be great now cuz then we could pay off what we owe. But then we’d have to pay taxes on that, I pointed out, though he said that the more I win, the more we make since you never pay more than the prize. Well, if things keep going the way they have been, I’m never going to win big again either way.

I swear the only time we didn’t have any money problems was the last couple of years in Oregon, and we’ve been married for almost 15 years. We did make close to 40K for several years down in Arizona, but it all went to the house. What a total fucking waste too, to have made that much money just to sink it all into a house we would ultimately lose just 5 years later.

The question is, why us? If things are supposed to happen for a reason, then why are we one of God’s designated little bums destined to struggle no matter how hard we work and try to get ahead? Why were we chosen to suffer financially? What am I supposed to do? Be a good little bum and hope we’re well rewarded in the afterlife or something?

People would probably say that I should be grateful for the things we do have, and I am. But having a nice computer doesn’t get my teeth fixed. Having someone else’s bummy old trailer doesn’t get us our own home. And being on unemployment sure as hell doesn’t buy us any security.

Sure, I’m blessed as hell to have a husband who loves me unconditionally. And also to have my only health problems be my teeth and ingrown toenail since even my ear and allergies have been better. But what about the new mattress we need so I can stop waking up with a backache? When can I stop wearing the same clothes year after year? When can my husband get a backup vehicle so we’re not stranded and possibly doomed if the main one craps out on us? He does all our car work, but what if it broke in such a way right now that it cost hundreds or even thousands to fix? Then what? So you see? We’re just as cursed as we are blessed. Maybe even more so.

I try to tell myself that living poorly won’t kill us and to quit letting it get to me or else I’m going to have a miserable life since things are never going to change. There’s only so much we can do to change it anyway. We’re poor, we’ve mostly always been poor, and we’ll mostly always be poor. It’s just who we were meant to be in this life. So crying about it won’t change things. But it’s not that easy. It frustrates the hell out of me more and more with time that instead of becoming easier to live with as time goes on, I only get more pissed off about it. The thought of never being able to own our own home and always having to scrape pennies is heartbreaking. And it infuriates the hell out of me even more! What the fuck did we do to deserve this?!

But you know good old optimistic Tom here. I’ll get a job soon enough, he says, and we’ll be ok. It won’t take forever to pay the taxes off, and no, we haven’t lost the Mac and TV. And hey, all it takes is a regular job and we can make a down payment on a house in a senior community in a few years.

The dogs went off at 5:50 yesterday and I was trying to concentrate on what I was doing and didn’t want to hear it, so I kicked the sound machine on. But then I was surprised by not hearing any barking when I went out to pee 15 minutes later, then into the kitchen a while after that. Tom said he saw a strange white pickup there, so I’m thinking that yeah, he may still be working, but someone’s obviously staying with him for the dogs not to have barked for hours. Maybe she’s had her puppies. I don’t think he went out and hired a dog sitter, as the guy would never give a damn about the peace of those around him enough to do so, but he’s had someone up there for some unrelated reason unless it’s really him.

I still wish someone would complain about the barking when it gets bad again – and it will – but all he has to do is say, “There’s nothing I can do about it. I work 12-hour days, too long to keep a dog indoors, so there’s nothing I can do.” No judge is going to tell him to cut his hours or get rid of the dogs, so I’m hoping that if worse comes to worst we can at least rent a place in a senior community in a few years. I still can’t believe barking would be an issue there, cursed with it or not.

The dogs may’ve been quieter the last few days, but what’s with all the helicopter activity lately? It’s never been like this before. Today there was a helicopter flying back and forth, sometimes hovering, and it was right as I was trying to sleep. We thought it may’ve been a police helicopter looking for someone. Well, if they were, then whatever the person did must’ve been pretty big. Unless they’re like Arizona where they make mountains out of molehills, it must’ve been pretty heavy-duty. I just hope those flying pigs don’t make a habit of this! Or whoever else it may be. Flying overhead is one thing, but lately they’ve been flying low and hovering at times and it’s tremendously loud.

I’m reviewing flashcards and I’m finding that it helps a lot more than I thought it would. It’s still more fun than frustrating to learn languages! At least for me, it is.

When I got up and weighed in today, I hit a new low, but not a new pound. My current low had been 128.8 and now it’s 128.6. I think I may’ve already slammed that 20-pound marker. According to what I wrote a year and 3 days ago when we first moved in here and unpacked the old scale, I was 138 pounds. Then when we went out and got the new one that guarantees its accuracy, it said I was really 10 pounds heavier. But when I officially started the diet I was 147 pounds, so 127 is when I’ll count it as a 20-pound loss. It’s probably really close to 25 pounds, though. I could’ve easily gotten into the low 150s in those final days at the motel.

MONDAY, APRIL 13, 2009
I managed to get 54% through, but my score dropped to 87%. Again, there are too many ways to say the same or similar things and it’s hard to always know what goes where when forming sentences. The grammar really, really sucks!

Tom said it was windy and quiet today. Yeah, I noticed the quiet part of it till I crashed at around 9am. Obviously, Jesse’s out of work again, which is fine with me. I looked up there at 5:15, saw a light on, and figured he was on his way out soon and that it’d be a wild morning. Yet I never heard a sound when I went to pee at 5:45, then again at 6:30, and then for the last time right before 8:00.

Tom, Jasmine and Alison have a point in saying I can’t judge weight on a day-to-day basis and that it’s an overall balance of diet and exercise. I had around 300 more calories yesterday, though today I woke up half a pound less. It just frustrates me at times during days when I feel like all my hunger and hard work are going to waste.

I had a series of weird dreams all throughout the day, waking up every hour or two for no apparent reason. I’d fall right back asleep, but why do I wake up so often lately?

In one dream I was lost in this huge building. Every time I’d step into another room, shut the door behind me and then turn around to leave, the door wouldn’t open and I’d realize I had stepped into an elevator and not a small room as I would feel movement a second later.

In another dream, Tom was saying he wanted to knock me up by the end of February so we’d have someone to look out for us when we were old, and I tried to convince him it was now April, and that there are no guarantees that one’s kids will be there for them in the end. I wasn’t worried, though, as I knew he liked cumless sex too much to impose any risk, and that age would make it harder to cum either way. I also knew it wasn’t to be anyway no matter how many doctors said I was just fine in the good old reproductive department.

Jesse got a helicopter in another dream. Not at all something that made me happy! Thank God he can’t sic that much on us!

The last dream I remember is Tom coming home in a nice new pickup or SUV that was of a decent size. In the dream, he could drive all the way around the shed and park facing the place. I stepped outside and he said, “I’m not coming in. I’m going to water now.” When I asked why he was hosing the area down he said some crazy thing about it helping to make it rain more evenly when it finally did rain.

My hair is now getting long enough to hold a knot, but I don’t think I’m going to cut it just yet. I’m still not sure what I want to do with it.

No sound of the wall creature tonight. For the last few nights, I’ve been hearing movement that sounds like it’s been coming from the front bedroom wall. The movements sound a bit loud for mice, though I don’t know what else could fit in these thin walls. Raccoons and skunks certainly couldn’t be in there unless the sound is really coming from somewhere underneath.

SUNDAY, APRIL 12, 2009
Wow, it seems I have an amazing ability here. That is the ability to lose just two-tenths of a pound in my sleep! Seriously, I woke up and saw that and was like WTF?! How could I have run two miles yesterday and had 1000 calories or less just to have a metabolism so slow that I would lose so little in my sleep? I don’t expect to lose 2-3 pounds overnight like I did when I was younger, but 1-2 pounds is still pretty reasonable, isn’t it?

Tom reminded me that it just takes time to lose weight. Most people who lose it seem to lose 1-2 pounds a week, but not me. I never could lose it faster than one pound every 10-30 days. I seem to spend two weeks hitting a new low, then another two getting it to stick.

It’s going so slow that I’m not sure I’m going to lose anymore. I always believed, unlike Tom, that those who are fat either want to be deep down on a subconscious level or just don’t mind, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Hey, to each their own! Tom, however, thinks the vast majority of those who are fat want to be thin, but they just can’t figure out a way to go about getting there because dieting is so hard. It’s really hard, alright, that’s for sure! Lots of hunger. But maybe Tom has a point to a degree. Maybe this is all I can lose and there’s nothing I can do about it short of starving. How I wish I could puke up at least one of my main meals!

Jesse apparently left on the motorcycle either before we got up or while Tom was out. Twice he heard about 10 barks. Then I got up at 4:00 not knowing Jesse was out. All was peaceful till around 7:00, then they went off for a few minutes and that’s when I knew he was out. And no, they haven’t been moved at all. Should I be surprised? Around 7:20 Jesse returned on the motorcycle so that’s when we knew he had been out on the motorcycle after all. I figured as much now that the weather’s cleared up.

Let’s see, it’s coming up on 9:30, so I should have 8 hours of peace before all hell breaks loose. Man, is it going to be a wild week! With the weather cleared up and me being up later in the mornings, I’m sure our lovely God will be sure to reign down all kinds of barking on me. Or whatever’s been so determined to sic this dog curse on me year after year. I have the sound machine on, but you can still hear it in places like the bathroom and kitchen. Even one end of the living room you can kind of hear it in cuz the air cleaner out there isn’t very loud.

I did manage to get onto LiveMocha last night around 2am and complete a couple of lessons. I feel like I’m finally improving, although my grammar is still weak. I’m now 47% through the course, still holding a score of 89%.

Here’s a little poem that came to me that I had to write down while it was fresh in my mind. Yeah, you can tell I’m a runner.

Catch Me If You Can

I whiz through the air without the slightest care.
Feet pounding, heart pounding, it really is astounding.

Catch me if you can as I breeze through the hills and trees.
1 mile, 2 miles, all the while ignoring the pain in my knees.

Follow if you must, though I’m sure I’d leave you in the dust.
5 miles an hour, 6 miles an hour, it’s almost time for my shower.

Running, running, running, it feels so wild and free.
The music is all I can hear as I move to its beat.

I begin to sweat, but I have another mile to go yet.
I’m moving so fast everything is a blur, ah, but the calories I’ve burned!

Running with the wind, warm breeze against my skin. Moving right along without breaking my speed, I wonder if you can catch me?

Can you catch me? I’ve darted right past you, so catch me if you can!

SATURDAY, APRIL 11, 2009
Why do they always have to come so fast? The story ideas. They usually come to me in my dreams and at a time when I already have another story going that I’m working on. Still, I hate to not run and get any new ideas started when it’s fresh in my mind even though I haven’t yet done that in this case as I’ve been busy with other things.

The language site is bogged down again and pissing me off. Tom checked it out and we both agree their servers just can’t accommodate all the traffic, and being the weekend and all, that’s probably why it’s so bad now. I didn’t know I had all these achievements there either. I was English Teacher of the Week a few times, then I was Italian Student of the Week a few times as well.

Tom heard not one single bark all day. Either Jesse was home or he took off with them in the truck. If he’s not going to give us peace during the weekdays, I sure hope we can at least count on weekends and nights being peaceful, although I did hear a few 2am barks last night. Still, I can live with a few scattered barks. It’s the barking fits that last several minutes or hours I can do without.

Looks like I won’t need to bother with Rhapsody Unlimited which costs $15 a month. We set up a free account with both our emails and this way each account gets 25 plays a month. Plenty for gathering new songs or replacing bad copies.

Still nothing from Mary. My guess is that the case got delayed for the millionth time and she’s just been too bummed out to write. I hope she’ll write soon enough, though, and let me know what the hell’s going on.

FRIDAY, APRIL 10, 2009
What a pisser! This is the second time in less than a month that the LiveMocha has been so slow that it affects both sight and sound. Not a cool thing at all for someone who can only get enough peace to study at night. Anyway, I’m now 34% through Italian 102 with a score of 89%.

Last night the dogs started to bark and just when I was wondering if I was going to be compensated for not having to hear it during the daytime, they stopped. Hope they woke Jesse up, though!

Although there were a few more than I’d like, today’s barking sprees were mild. I think, however, that as soon as the weather clears up and I’m up during the daytime, they’ll go right back to barking excessively. Just one more month, though, then we’ll get the automatic debarker.

Puerco has a thing for jumping out of the tube and onto the Coke can box that I gave him to play with which he eventually managed to crush, and an acute fondness for Double Fudge Jelly Bellies. Yeah, I decided to get another bag of those, since I figured out that it was those parmesan breadsticks that messed up my stomach a while back and not the Jelly Bellies. Then it’s back to the hardcore dieting and lots of hunger!

As for what dreams I remember, let’s see… I was bragging to the Drama Queen about how I’ve gone from a 38C to a 34C. Then I was flirting with some woman while trying to get another one to take “no” for an answer.

THURSDAY, APRIL 9, 2009
The last two days have been virtually barkless partly due to the cold and rain, but no doubt mostly due to my being on nights. You know that as soon as I’m up all day or most of it, they’ll be right back to their shit.

This cold is not what I think of when I think of California in April!

I’m currently 27% through Italian 102 with an 89% accuracy rate. I’m starting to put sentences together. The grammar’s still tough, but I’ve decided that if all I ever do is just get to know the vocabulary and be able to understand what I read/hear, and get my point across when speaking, poor grammar or not, that’ll be enough for me since I’d never use any other language like I use Spanish. I don’t listen to Italian songs, TV, or read many Italian web pages. I don’t know anyone I may need to converse with in Italian either, so just getting pretty damn familiar with the language will be enough for me. I am doing this mostly for fun, after all, though it’d certainly help if we ever made it to Italy which is looking more and more unlikely. Tom, however, says it’ll get better in time, reminding me that I didn’t learn Spanish grammar in just a month.

My upper arms measured a whole foot around! And so I decided to do something about that too, and now they’re shrinking. I sit on the floor with my back towards our platform bed, reach back and grip the edge of the platform, then lift myself up and down while keeping my legs outstretched in front of me.

I didn’t think losing weight would be this exciting to me since I’ve lost weight before and have actually spent most of my life on the thin side, yet I can feel my eyes sting with tears of exhilaration at knowing that WebMD’s getting ready to tell me I’m healthy within the next few months! Woo-hoo! A healthy weight for my height is 100-125. I’m now 128.

I feel like there’s something else I’m forgetting to say, but can’t think of it. Just that I’m sick of nothing happening. No jobs, no wins, no nothing.

TUESDAY, APRIL 7, 2009
Just a quickie to say that I slept all day so I never heard any barking. Tom said they only barked once that he knows of, but with the air cleaner turned up high, he can’t say they weren’t noisy other times.

I was wrong in assuming the rains wouldn’t be back till September or October cuz it sure did rain today! It’s cold again too, which sucks. The heat hadn’t been coming on till 3am - 5am, but it’ll be on any second and it’s not even 10pm yet.

Let’s see, what else? I dreamt Tom said it would save us $34 each per year if we dumped our free email accounts, and so we set up some other one. I wanted to be crazy65, but since it was taken I chose unique65.

Of course I had to have motel dreams, too. In this one, a woman around my age was checking into the adjacent room with an older woman she referred to as her mother, and the housekeeper left all kinds of cleaning supplies in our bathroom which I had to step around in order to get to the toilet.

Yay, Vermont for legalizing gay marriage! Hope the control freaks don’t come in and take it away.

MONDAY, APRIL 6, 2009
Jesse’s proven to be like most people and has shown us that he doesn’t give a shit about us or anyone else around here. The dogs were going off ever since I got up at 11:00 till around 6:00 which is when he gets in.

Tom said there’s a chance he just may not have had time to set things up so they can be on the other side of the house since this is the first time I brought that up, so they can have shade, shelter and whatever else they need. I think this is highly unlikely. I think just the fact that he’s already been formally complained about once yet is continuing to let them bark uncontrollably says a lot about just what kind of a selfish prick he truly is.

Tom also pointed out that construction is erratic enough so that he may not be gone so long the next time around when there’s a new construction job that may be closer to home. But either way, the fucking things are obviously going to bark whenever he is out, and that will still be enough of the time. If he were out just two hours a day it’d be too much with the way these things bark! And I doubt the heat will quiet them down much either.

I said I wished whoever complained would complain again, but the more I think about it, the more I doubt all the complaints in the world would do any good. First of all, people usually don’t take well to complaints and just end up going out of their way to be even more of a nuisance. Secondly, all he has to do is explain to a judge that due to how long he works, he can’t keep them indoors and so there’s nothing he can do about it. I mean, what could the judge do at that point? Make him get rid of them? I don’t think that could happen in the case of barking as opposed to abuse or neglect.

Sometimes I think the only way to escape the neighbor curse that’s been on me since 1992 is to just throw our shit in storage, buy an old RV like what we had when we went to Oregon, and just live in that. We’d be even more cramped for space, I wouldn’t get much sleep, and I’d have to run outdoors no matter what the weather, but it would be all ours and moveable, too! So whenever bad news came in wherever we were set up like at some park or something, we could just up and move to another park. But old RVs are much more expensive than they were years ago. We’re totally stuck here indefinitely. All we could maybe do was go from bad to worse by getting an apartment. I suppose most would say that the cons to an RV would far outweigh the cons here, which right now is only the barking, but I’m just so fed up with having to listen to this shit everywhere we go!

We switched my laptop, but not the Mac, back to Vista from XP. For some reason, the radio and my MP3s were skipping like old records. So now I’m back in Vista where I updated my Rhapsody account. I don’t have a premium account yet, but if I can find a decent recorder for Vista, I may not bother upgrading.

The language learning site was having tech troubles last night, so I didn’t get very far there. At least I learned the months and the days of the week!

There are probably other things I could mention, but I’m kinda busy right now, so I’ll just say that I hope to sleep as late as I can tomorrow. Less barking to have to deal with that way.

SUNDAY, APRIL 5, 2009
And so today my dad turned 78. Will he make it to the 80s? Yeah, I think he will.

And also today, I woke up at 128 pounds, so that’s now a total of 19 pounds I’ve lost. At the rate I’ve been going, which is in slow motion at an average of one pound per month, I probably won’t hit my goal of 110 till the end of next year.

Today was dead quiet. I mean absolutely dead quiet. Do I think it was a coincidence? Yeah, probably. But tomorrow will tell for sure, assuming Jesse’s working. Because it was so quiet I went ahead with the first lesson in Unit 4’s Italian 102. So I’m 7% through that course with a 98% accuracy. I learned the months today!

Anyway, we’ll both be sleeping when the barking is usually at its worst, but they still bark enough in the afternoons to tell us if he gave enough of a shit enough to do something about them, not by how often or how long they bark, but by where it’s coming from.

I thought he was out with them in the truck all day since he didn’t come down to weed. Yet he must be there cuz I swear I saw movement along the deck up there around 5:00. Like one of the dogs scurrying by or something. It’s strange that he didn’t take off anywhere on the motorcycle, though he could’ve come and gone in the truck with the dogs.

Although Tom would certainly never say this, it’s almost like he’s trying to make me feel guilty for complaining. He’s just been so quiet ever since I called Jesse yesterday. Either way, I’m not at all feeling guilty. One can only put themselves out so much because one may be paranoid or another one may be sensitive. We did it his way and it didn’t do any good. Asking not to have to hear 6-12 hours of barking most days is not much to ask for. I feel my complaint was perfectly reasonable. I can’t make Jesse do anything about it, but I now know that I at least tried. I’m sorry I’m not like Tom who doesn’t mind all the barking since it’s what he grew up with being from the West and all that, but it was tremendously annoying and distracting for me as I’m sure most would agree. Yet it bothers me that he makes me feel, even if it’s not intentional, that Jesse’s feelings are more important than my own, but like I said, we all have our limits and the excessive barking was just way too much for me to continue to just sit back and take it. I had to try something. Chances are the barking will be back soon enough if it doesn’t start all over again tomorrow, but like I said, now we can know we did all we could do, short of getting the automatic debarker. Then the next step will be to decide whether or not to move, if and when we have the money.

I just wish someone else would help me out here and complain as well. Then maybe he’ll either get rid of them, find some other place to keep them when he’s out, or do something.

Tom’s feet are swollen again and hurting. My teeth still hurt too, but not as bad now that I’ve begun killing the gingivitis. My ear has been doing better overall which is nice, but I sure wish we could get out of this rut we’ve been stuck in since November. I just wish something would happen. A job, his program finally working out, a big enough win – anything!

SATURDAY, APRIL 4, 2009
Here’s something hilarious. Tom and I were laughing up a storm playing around with it. It’s a site called Babel Fish that lets you put in a small amount of text and translate it from and to various languages. It’s not perfect, but enough to get the point across. What’s funny about it is the way it screws things up when you revert it back to English.

Now here’s something that’s not at all hilarious. The barking was so bad today that I finally got fed up enough to leave a message on Jesse’s machine, asking that he move the dogs behind the house.

Before I had said this was worse than Oregon. Well, scratch that. This is getting worse than Phoenix, and Phoenix was horrible! They’re not just barking for long periods of time, they’re barking dozens of times a day lately.

Starting from the beginning. I got up right as he was leaving on the motorcycle at 10:00, and dealt with the barking till he came back a couple of hours later only to roar right back out again (I swear the guy is never home anymore!). This was when the barking became a real nightmare and it still is even though it’s after dark.

Again Tom insisted he could hear another dog off in the distance, so I stepped outside to listen and could just ever so faintly make it out. I doubt I’d have noticed it had he not pointed it out, it’s that far away. I didn’t think it was nearly close enough to stir them up, and he insisted that yeah, it was since dogs hear better. They did seem to repeat after it somewhat, but regardless of what’s stirring them up, I’m sick of this shit! Just sick of it! Yet there’s no way we can afford to move, this curse would only follow us, and Tom’s now saying that the debarker will only help to keep them from barking for no reason. Oh, so you mean it’s going to be worthless as long as they have this dog to give them a reason? Gee, that’s a thrilling thing to know! I swear I’ve had such a “bipolar” life the last few days! Bummed out two days ago, uppity yesterday, pissed today. I thought I’d at least have the weekends to look forward to, but the fucking guy’s been gone every single day of the week, all day long. Every fucking day now we have to deal with 6-12 hours of barking!

Okay, the motorcycle just returned just now at 8:30.

I would really be surprised if no one else complained on him. I really would. The fact that he’s already been complained on once is discouraging too, as it shows he hasn’t learned his lesson about being considerate of others, and simply doesn’t give a shit. I wonder who complained on him and if they’re still here. I’m guessing it’s the people behind him. I’m also guessing this may be a part of why he can’t keep tenants here very easily.

I asked Tom if he thinks the dog that’s stirring them up is new or what, and he thinks it’s new. He also said he heard gunfire off in the distance.

At least I’ll have known that once we get the debarker, and I’m only willing to try it cuz it has a money-back guarantee, we’ll have done everything we could possibly do on our part. If the debarker and my messages don’t do any good, then nothing will. Of course, a part of me wishes we’d never said anything and just gone up and killed them, even if he’d only replace them with other dogs. At this point, he’s either going to work with us or tell us to move if it bothers us that much. And soon there’ll be a third dog to have to deal with, and God only knows how many more after that. Either way, I just wish he’d get his ass down here to do the bulldozing so we can at least get that much out of the way. But when you’re never home, how can you find the time?

FRIDAY, APRIL 3, 2009
Today was much better than yesterday for several reasons! The only annoyance was the dogs. Yeah, they went off later than usual, no doubt because I didn’t get up till 10:00. They’re not quite getting the hang of the whistle thing yet, but it’s supposed to take two weeks. They do get it somewhat. I just wish I didn’t have to whistle at them 5 times in two hours! That’s why having the automatic debarker will be so much better. It’ll work for us when we’re not available or in the mood to deal with it ourselves. But we probably won’t be able to get that till May. It’s supposed to condition a dog not to bark continuously, but what about many times a day? A dozen 2-minute barking sprees can be just as annoying and disruptive as a continuous 10-minute barking spree.

Tom still insists there’s another dog further up that stirs them up, but I’ve never heard it. He sometimes says “That’s not them barking right now,” yet it really is. He’s just fooled by the distance. Meaning that when they’re toward the back of the house and the barking isn’t as loud down here, he thinks it’s other dogs, but it’s just further away. A third dog is possible, though, as dogs hear better than people, and every single goddamn person that lives here has a dog except for us.

It’s Friday night (almost) so Jesse will probably be at some bar getting blitzed and so I’ll keep the sound machines on so I don’t have to deal with that, too.

When I logged into Kiwibox today, A girl named Katie said she read my journal and agrees that gingivitis sucks. Then she went on to tell me that her dad owns his own preventive dentistry business and that she was able to take care of all her mouth problems without having to go to the dentist. She said I should check out his website for this special toothpaste and tell him his daughter Katie sent me…she could sure use the boost with him, she added.

So I went and checked the site out along with Tom. Yup, it looks promising. They have a lot of neat stuff, plus you can even make your own toothpaste. If I still need dentures in the long run so be it, but the thought of “regrowing” my teeth back which are riddled with holes from all the cavities I have, seems pretty amazing. I guess it’s based on the same philosophy as in how broken bones heal. Calcium build-up is what fills the holes in. They say that even receded gums can grow back.

In another message, she said she uses the Restore toothpaste a few times a day which we’ll probably get. I told her it’d be a couple of weeks, but that we’d probably get that and a Waterpik too, which they seem pretty big on. For $40 we could get one that hooks to the shower that we could both use. Meanwhile, I went back to an electric toothbrush and will keep using both mouthwashes. The one for fluoride and the one for bacteria.

Yay, Iowa, for being the first Midwestern state to end the legal discrimination of gays so that they too, can marry!

And yay for the rent being paid and having a full fridge! Walmart now allows for money orders up to a grand, so we paid Jesse in full with one money order today and left it in the box. Right now he should be home, close to getting home, or already home and now back out getting tipsy.

Lastly, yay for a couple of small wins and a forgotten 6-pack of Arrowhead spring water. Yeah, Tom said that when he was getting into the car after throwing the groceries in back, he saw that someone had left it on the bottom of a cart so he grabbed it.

The small wins are two $25 Kmart GCs, so we’ll get to go on a little shopping spree soon!

THURSDAY, APRIL 2, 2009
Today turned out to be a shitty day. First, though, Mike said I could spill the beans at the end of the week on something I was doing here. I was one of the ones testing out the points for offers thing they’re starting up. I was awarded most of my points instantly and it was really cool to see my points just jump up in an instant. A few have yet to award me, but they said it can take up to a few weeks. As I told Mike, I hope to see more free offers soon for those of us that are broke. Once we have a little extra money I’m definitely going to sign up for eMusic! Maybe even Netflix, too. It’s something I’ll be looking forward to and will check out regularly.

Ok, so on with my shitty day. Vision problems, ear problems, cavities, gingivitis – what’s next? Cancer? Heart problems? Diabetes?

My gums were actually a little better when I got up. About a week or two ago I noticed a funny feeling in my mouth. It was an overall kind of feeling, like how your mouth feels when you first get up. Tom noticed I had bad breath, though he wrote it off as whatever I was eating. Then I started getting this burning feeling, sort of like you do when you have a cut, all along my lower I-teeth. So like I said yesterday, I started using his mouthwash on top of my own cuz it kills bacteria and germs that mine, which is a fluoride treatment, doesn’t really do. It’s gotten a little better, though, I’m not able to eat as much. Yeah, it makes a great diet. You ought to try it sometime. rolls eyes My gums have clearly receded and I have a nasty case of gingivitis.

I’ve finally decided enough is enough! Yeah, I’d have preferred to wait till he got a job with insurance and then see a dentist, but even if he got a job with insurance today, I’d have to wait 3-6 months for it to kick in and I’m simply out of time. I’m pissed at God for allowing this to happen to me and for ignoring my many, many prayers to just wait and let it hold out till I could get to a dentist. But now I have to go to some scummy free clinic with a bunch of just-as-scummy druggies, welfare bums, and who knows what else, and wait all day with a bunch of wild, screaming kids. I’ll have the iPod, but it still really sucks. It really does. Tom’s going to call there Monday and see what needs to be done to get in. Hopefully, it won’t take months! I swear I’m going to end up pulling them myself if they tell us they’re booked up for months! I don’t know that they necessarily do appointments, though. I would’ve thought they’d do walk-ins. Tom just assured me I won’t have to wait for months. Good, I don’t have months! These teeth have GOT to go and I need dentures. That’s another thing I worry about with free clinics. Do they just pull bad teeth and expect people not to have any teeth to eat with? A liquid diet would get the rest of my weight off nicely, but I’d rather work it off the hard way, thank you. Yet Tom says that free clinics do take care of the needs of those without insurance. I always thought those were for those on welfare or disability, but Tom said it’s for anyone who’s low-income (and two people living on $300 a week is certainly low-income) and who’s uninsured.

Again, I’m pissed at the timing, and so I’m hoping it’ll actually save us money in the long run. All those co-payments would’ve really added up, had I had insurance. It’s just that the doctors would’ve been better and I wouldn’t have had to wait all day long. The dentists I used to see in Arizona got me in practically as soon as I walked in the door.

As anxious as I am to get this shit dealt with once and for all since it’s been a problem now for 5 years and is quickly getting worse, I worry that it will be replaced with something new. I swear it always works that way for me. Taking care of one problem means going right into another one.

In the meantime, the check wasn’t at the mail place today, and once again, I know it’s not unusual for it to be a day late, but until the rent’s paid and the refrigerator’s full, I won’t rest easy.

Let’s see, what else went wrong today? Well, I had some email nightmares I had to deal with, but Tom helped get me out of that jam. I regularly change passwords on all accounts that I use regularly. When I went to change my Yahoo account PW, it kept telling me it was invalid. I sent a message to customer service. This was yesterday. When I got up today I couldn’t log in no matter what I tried. When Tom finally got me in there was a message there from Yahoo saying that others had experienced the same problem and that they had reset my PW. I was like, you reset my PW and then you magically expected me to get into my box to get the new PW??? Damn fools! Isn’t that a lot like locking your keys in your car?

I’m not done yet. I got a free sample of Cream of Wheat. I poured it into a bowl, poured hot water into it from the dispenser, grabbed a spoon, and then there was the spider in the middle of it all! Yuck! It was apparently on the spoon that I grabbed from the dish rack. So no Cream of Wheat for me today.

The dog whistle also came today, but it’s too soon to say whether or not it will work. It’ll probably take a couple of weeks to work like the automatic one we want to get when we have more money says it takes. It’s not something that keeps dogs from barking altogether, but something that stops them from barking excessively. Also, Jesse definitely worked today and I’m pretty sure he did end up working yesterday, too. And we more than likely slept through the worst of it since we both got up between 7:30 and 9:00 the last two days, which is fine with me cuz they’re definitely way worse in the early mornings.

Today it was quiet until he went to get the mail around 11:00. When they went off I stepped outside and ordered them to settle down. They did. Then they went off in the early afternoon. Tom used the whistle, but because it was the first time, it took a while for them to settle down. Then they went off again shortly afterward while I was listening to music. Tom said it was another dog that stirred them up that time. He said they ignored it for a while and then decided to join in with the barking. I don’t know how long it took to settle them down that time because I didn’t come out from under the headphones till the end of that fit. Then they started up right before 6:00, which I would think would be close to when Jesse gets in, and I stopped them fairly fast. I matched the length of their barks. So if they barked several times, I blew steadily on the whistle. If they gave a quick bark, I gave a quick blow. By 6:00 we didn’t need to “blow them off” anymore.

It’s funny to think that his dogs are in training, in a sense, and he doesn’t even know it, even if it sucks that the responsibility has to fall on us since he doesn’t give a shit.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2009
An earthquake was reported west of Sacramento. We didn’t feel anything here, east of Sacramento, I’m pleased to say.

The rains are pretty much done till next September or October, though we are going to have a few more rainy days this week.

Yesterday I did a huge cleaning and rearranging job around here. I decided to only display half my Barbie collection at a time to make dusting easier on me. So now they’re all in just two places with a few exceptions. I’ve got most of them lined up along the sill in the big kitchen window.

I’m not going to resume the Italian until I’m staying up later when there’s less likely to be any distractions.

Legacy.com is a free obituary site that someone on OLS was talking about. Interestingly enough, the 3 grandparents I knew were all born in 1909 and they all died in their mid-70s. And I have an uncle and a close family friend who died at 72. It seems most of my family, and those who were like family, don’t make it past 75. But my folks just barely made it past the mid-70 marker, and I feel they’ll make it into the 80s.

Even cousins Boo and Max didn’t make it to the 80s. When I read that funeral services were held in Cali for Max, I wondered if one of their kids lives out here. Sure enough, Rhoda’s been all over this state, according to my research. I wonder why no one ever told me. Then again, we’re virtual strangers who rarely saw each other and wouldn’t recognize each other if our paths crossed.

As suspected, Andy’s father did die. That was back in ‘04.

I was a little surprised not to find the Borrellis who may be around 80-85 now. They could still be alive, but if they are, where are they? They’re not in Massachusetts or Florida and I can’t imagine where else they could possibly be.

Tom killed some more weeds around the place, and there were only a few scatterings of barks. Nothing to indicate that Jesse worked today, although if he didn’t, it’s strange that I never heard the motorcycle and that he didn’t bulldoze down here. Construction is like that where you don’t work consistently, so I wouldn’t assume that he’s been laid off again.

My gums were irritating me in a certain spot so Tom suggested I use his mouthwash since his is for germs and mine’s for cavities, and I’ve been using a non-electric toothbrush which doesn’t clean as well. So I used his and it was like rinsing my mouth with acid! Ah, but it really did relieve the soreness.

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Last updated July 28, 2024