July 1994 in 1990s

SUNDAY, JULY 31, 1994
Tom and I watched TV, then fooled around. It’s getting easier and easier for him to penetrate me. Even when he moves fast. He stopped at one point and I asked if he was OK. I thought maybe his hip went out on him. He said for future reference, so I understand him better, I shouldn’t ask if he’s OK cuz he was about to cum.

Yeah, sure. Then again, maybe he was, cuz he was able to move freely and he was very very hard.

He’s lying down now till 2:30. I’m doing laundry and after I go listen to music, I may clean the bathroom. I wrote up a shopping list and we’re going to go shopping together when he gets home.

SATURDAY, JULY 30, 1994
God, am I mad! I just accidentally erased a whole hour’s worth of typing I just did on a story I was going to start. From now on, I’m doing everything in writing except for journal typing and letters. Also, if there’s a problem printing someone’s letter, then they’re not getting it.

Well, I handwrote a few pages of a story I’m starting. It’s just something to do, I guess. I’m trying to stay up as long as I can. Tom’s going to try to sleep in till noon or so, cuz he’s got to be at work tomorrow at 4 AM.

My parents also sent a funny newspaper with O.J. Simpson jokes, gay jokes, and other jokes in it. I wrote them a letter thanking them for the package and I told them a few jokes, too.

We finally got the thank you cards all done. They came out pretty cool, too, and we did 5 of them. To his parents, my parents, David & Evie, Raymond & Nora and Evelyn. I stuck his address labels on the envelopes, but we’re going to order labels that say, Tom & Jodi Lin S.

Tom will be getting up at about the time I conk out (hopefully). He’ll be here to answer Larry’s call if he calls today. It’d be great if he called saying the best time for him and Larry to visit was next weekend. That’d be perfect, but who knows?

Later…

I slept later like I wanted to. I got up around 8 PM and Tom was up, of course. He’s going to work at about 3 AM for 4-5 hours. When he comes home we’re going food shopping. Right now he’s digesting his food, then we’re going to play around.

I got no calls or mail today. Well, I guess that’s all for now. I’ll be back to write more later.

FRIDAY, JULY 29, 1994
Andy got here a little over an hour ago. Right now he’s typing a letter to that guy in Hawaii.

There’s nothing exciting on TV, so I will write now. The storm hit as Tom got home so we couldn’t cook with the power out. Therefore, we fooled around a little. After the power came back on we fried some shrimp, chicken, and French fries. I could even use the fryer on my own now. It’s really very simple.

We were going to make up those thank you cards, but Tom was beat and the power failure took up too much time.

Andy brought over tons of hot dogs. His friend drives a truck and delivers food, so they get lots of stuff they can’t eat or have no room for. So, now we have 50-60 hot dogs and Tom’s psyched. That’s pretty much all he ever eats, cuz he loves them that much.

Andy says in less than an hour he’ll be done with the letter he’s typing, then together we’ll type a letter to Don. I’ll type and he’ll dictate. This is the same guy he’s already typed letters to. One letter, actually. As I said before, the guy’s a TM (typical male) and is probably homophobic. He’s friends with another maintenance guy who works with Don, so he’s heard all the talk about it. This guy Don is really freaked out. He’s lucky he can do that. I’d get caught.

Next door, though, never came to ask us if we knew “Amy” so that’s cool.

I also filled out about 10 magazine subscriptions for Andy that are going to Don. This is fun and I miss these nights. I wish he were a regular night person again, so I could see Tom when I’m on days and Andy when I was on nights.

Later…

Tom will be getting up soon. He’ll be so thrilled to know that a VCR Andy sold to Diane in 1983 no longer works well and he’s giving it to Tom for parts.

Something’s wrong with the printer. It’s extremely sluggish. It takes 10 times longer to print stuff.

My back is so sore now and I’m pre-cramping. The pisser of that is, is that I’ve still got 5 more days to go.

I gave Andy all those little notes I made up, so that’ll keep him busy.

He tells me that in a couple of months, he’ll be a night person again. After all this time, I have to see it to believe it.

There’s something I wonder if I should mention to Tom. No, it wouldn’t upset him and he always encourages me to talk about my feelings, but I don’t know if there’d be any point in it. I guess so I could understand him even better sexually, would be my point. He’s told me that sex is an emotional thing to him. And if a woman showed her body to people (not in the case of dancing cuz that’d be a job) it’d turn him off and stop him from cumming. Then, what I don’t get is how he came with Wendy. She showed her body mainly to her husband. So, if Tom knew this, and he did, then how could he cum?

I know deep in my heart he’ll never cum with me and that’d be OK, but I’d still like to be able to understand him even better. At first, I thought he didn’t want to cum so as not to mess up the sheets or get me pregnant. Well, sheets are washable and I still doubt I can get pregnant. Especially if I’m doing him with my hand.

Well, I can’t tap into his true mind and feelings. Only he knows his mind and feelings, despite what he tells me and how good I am with people. People only know themselves the best. It could be a lot of things. Maybe he just likes to take care of himself and to a huge degree, I can understand that.

It’s a few minutes after 6:00 now, so I’d better go make sure he’s up.

Later…

I fell asleep at 11 AM and woke up at 6 PM. Sooner than I wanted to.

There was one hang-up call, so if it wasn’t Fran or a wrong number, it could’ve been Larry. Kim also called with a bummer message. She went to see Bob today after getting lost and being stuck in the rain. She was wearing shorts which weren’t allowed and had to go all the way back home. She never did get to see Bob. That was a definite curse on Bob. Yes, maybe God, or whatever, is determined to keep him lonely. No love. No friends. No visitors. Kim also said she has no love life, no sex life, so she’s ordering a pizza, and to say hi to Tom.

I also got a package from my parents, but I’ll write about it after I have a smoke.

Later…

In the package, there were two Florida T-shirts. One for me, one for him. A mug, a watch, sunblock, and a handbag with a dollar bill in it. A baseball with a picture of a Nolan Ryan on it. I don’t know who the hell that is and am not into baseball like he is, so I gave it to him. He stuck it on the wall ledge in the back room.

Lastly, there were two alligator straws and a tiny gift-wrapped box that says: Jodi - this is a very special gift that you can never see. The reason it’s so special is it’s just for you from me. Whenever you are lonely or even feeling blue, you only have to hold this gift and know I think of you. You can never unwrap it. Please leave the ribbon tied. Just hold the box close to your heart it’s filled with love inside. Love Mom. The card was pre-written.

She only wrote my name on it and signed it. I think all it is inside is a block of wood.

THURSDAY, JULY 28, 1994
I just hung 3 stuffed animals out on the clothesline to be aired out. I also vacuumed today, but I’m not all done with that. I shall also clean the bathroom.

I made up 2 manila envelopes last night for letters. I wrote Bob’s letters on one and I wrote Kim’s letters and others on the other one. The envelope that I was originally going to send Kim is for Bob’s letters. There are 20 so far.

I still have 10 more pages that I’ll type out to stick in the last 10 pages that remain in #70.

The Guardian is to be on the 5th of August at 8 PM on the USA network. Great. Now I can get scenes that aren’t in the uncut movie I have. I’ll ask Andy to record it as a backup, cuz I’m sure that’s when the cable will have to fuck up.

I’m surprised Andy didn’t call tonight. He said something about a Thursday visit, but I’m not sure when I’ll be up anyway. More surprising is that Fran hasn’t called. Well, good for him.

Later…

Well, I’m wide awake. I wish I could be a day person! Why can’t I get up at 8 AM every day?

I began Bob’s letter and got a page done of it. I’ll probably type 3 pages and send 3 blank pieces of paper. In this last letter I got from him, he says he’s got 52 envelopes, but only 3 pieces of paper. Kim’s been taking care of him in the stamp department. I’m doing the envelopes and paper.

Later…

Andy will be here anytime, so I’ll probably get cut off. In the meantime, I got up at 5:00.

That stupid, stupid mailman. I was told at the post office that I owed 23¢ on an overstuffed letter from Bob. What they really meant and had me do was pay 23¢ for a letter to be returned to me that I overstuffed to Bob. Even Tom said that was wrong. I’ll combine that letter with Bob’s next letter that I’m currently typing and put extra postage on it.

We also had a massive dust storm, followed by a monsoon storm. Lots of rain, wind, lightning, and thunder, and it knocked the power out for almost an hour.

I hope Larry didn’t try calling today.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 27, 1994
I looked at the date I just wrote and asked myself why it seemed familiar and didn’t settle right with me. Then I remembered it was the day I was admitted to the Brattleboro Retreat in Vermont in 1981 for 5 months of hell. Wow! It’s been 13 years. It feels like it’s been that long, but it also feels like it may as well have been a few years ago. I remember everything very clearly and vividly. I knew then that if there truly was a heaven and a hell and that if I went to hell when I died, I’d be totally prepared having already been to hell.

I was just a baby when I learned people are often like fresh milk. They may start off good, but then they go sour. Thank God for Tom and Andy, though. Thank God.

After I have a smoke, I’ll get into what I’ve done and a talk I had with Tom.

Later…

In a little while, I’m going to go cook some spaghetti and boil some vanilla extract. You boil it till it evaporates and it freshens the air and kills all the cigarette smoke.

I didn’t get up until 3:30 PM but got a lot done. Tom made me a doctor’s appointment for 8/16. I supposedly have a female doctor, but I’m sure God will see to it that I’m usually in the company of males whenever I do go there.

Tom said he was out back very briefly but could hear them next door.

Yeah, I believe it. Oh, I just dread how it’ll be a month from now.

Tom worked on his poster-making program. It’s looking good.

I called Kim and told her Alex’s address. She said that there had been an ambulance call while she was at work or something like that and thought it could’ve been his parents, but the call wasn’t from that house. She also said she met a great-looking guy at the beach, but when he said his name was Bob, she said - forget it! Tom and I were cracking up over that one.

She said she also pictured Tom with black hair, as I sent her a video print-out. She said she didn’t know he had “blondish” hair, but I told her it was brown/gray. She said he looked really sweet.

Tom went down on me before going to bed. After he went to bed, I dusted, straightened up and changed my sheets. I also watched a kind of boring movie with Lindsay Wagner. I showered, shaved, did my hair and straightened it. I began typing #60, but now I’m going to cook and do dishes before I write any more.

Later…

OK, I made the spaghetti, so now I’ll write about what I told Tom. There was a part of me that wanted to tell what I told Tom to my parents, but I’m not going to. Yes, I’ve made a few prank calls to my aunts and uncles, but they’ve done shit to me, too. They’ve accused me of things I didn’t do, they’ve threatened me, they’ve shoved me around, slapped me, and told people I was crazy, while they’d be phony and friendly to my face. It is kind of sad in a way that these people haven’t acknowledged me in years (aunts, uncles and cousins) and probably never will. At the same time, though, I know this way’s the best (having no contact). These people are fucking assholes for the most part who’ll believe only what they want to believe, and Tom made me feel better by letting me know that he too, has aunts, uncles and cousins he hasn’t seen in years.

Well, now I’ll go do the dishes, then maybe I’ll type Kim a letter and get one started to Bob.

Later…

Kim’s letter’s printing out right now. Did the dishes, but I probably won’t start Bob’s letter till tomorrow. I’ll also send Tammy a message.

Remember how I said I was sick of copying letters and was going to talk them into tapes? Well, I’m not even going to do that. I’m just going to keep the originals in manila envelopes and if he writes anything unusual or different, I’ll tell Kim. We talked about it and she agreed, cuz he never says anything new other than he wants out of prison, loves Kim, wishes he could see me and get the hell out here.

Later…

I didn’t get up till 3:30 PM, but I’ve already got enough to tell. I got 2 letters from Bob as well as a Polaroid picture of him. He looks totally different. I’ve always known him with no beard or mustache and with a crew cut. Well, this time his hair was 2-3 inches long on his head and he’s got a full beard and mustache.

Later…

Back again after playing with Piggy, talking with Tom, and watching TV after he went to bed.

Tomorrow the post office is redelivering a letter from Bob in which I owe 23¢ postage due. I can’t believe they wouldn’t deliver it over a lousy 23¢.

I also got a very strange letter from SSI. They’re saying that from Sept. 1st on I’ll be getting a check for $466 every month. They said the reason for this is cuz I had no income for July. How do they know that? July’s not over yet and what about August? I tried to call them, but couldn’t get through. Ma said to ignore them, but Tom said to call and see what they have to say about it. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. Another funny thing is that this $466 is to come from SSI, not SS which usually is a bigger check. SSI in Arizona pays no more than $16 and in MA it’s a little over $100.

So am I on or off disability? Who knows, but Tom says, “If someone wants to give you money, take it.”

I agree. I’ll have to tell them I’m married now, though, and that my checking account’s been closed.

My parents were in a glorious mood today. My mom answered and asked where I’d been. Guess she’s been trying to call me. She was laughing, as she said not to call her all the time to ask what or when, but she’s sending a package and both Larrys will be calling about a visit. They want to see me and meet Tom. Tom said, sure, he’ll meet them. Cool! I was afraid Tom might be uncomfortable with that idea. But I wonder - will I be up when he calls? Will I be awake when they say they can come? Will Tom have to work when they say they can come?

God, please let it all fall into place!

MONDAY, JULY 25, 1994
I didn’t get up till nearly 3 PM today. I had been exhausted and up for a long time, so I was beat.

Tom got groceries and blew up another drawing of mine.

I did laundry and I’m pissed cuz I accidentally put my newest skirt in the dryer and now it barely passes my ass.

Tom bought a new pool toy. They’re 4 rings that stand upright on the bottom of the pool that you swim through.

I heard one of the animals next door scream bloody murder for about 15 minutes. I wondered how it could take the heat, and their sprinklers weren’t on. Why’d they have to come back from Idaho so soon? I’ll probably have to listen to them every weekend now. Then, it’ll get worse before it gets better cuz when the temperature’s just right, they’ll leave their doors open and I can hear every scream they make. I guess whatever’s up there would prefer me to listen to other people’s kids than have one of my own. Not that we’ve tried as Tom’s so easy to please All he needs (wants?) is a hard-on and he’s well satisfied. We played around after we ate and he had no problem getting in there after two dollops of KY jelly. He said, though, that if his arms didn’t get tired, he’d have cum in two minutes. Uh-huh, sure. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him or me just cuz he prefers hard-ons over cumming. Or is there? He was so exhausted that he went to bed early, shortly after we screwed.

I went swimming, then ate, watched TV, listened to music and typed. I tried to draw, but my luck’s run out. Everything I created sucked.

We made deep fry butterfly shrimp for me and it was so good. Just like you’d get in a restaurant. We also made donuts out of Pillsbury biscuits. Those were not the greatest of all.

I took Andy’s advice and boiled some vanilla extract to freshen the air. Yes, it works. It takes out cigarette smoke.

Tomorrow I have a letter going out to Bob and soon I’ll do one for my parents and Kim.

Later…

To hell with the hair removal system for now. You gotta go over the same little area again and again. It takes forever and it grows back almost as fast as a regular shave. With a regular shaver, I can quickly shave up really well.

Andy had told me he needed a new batch of funny/weird notes, so I just did him up a supply. I finished off a pad of paper. I’ve had it for 9 years. In fact, my mother gave it to me the day I went out on my own on 12/3/85.

I recopied all 13 and a half pages last night from this book as well as the previous one.

I briefly spoke to Tammy. They’ve got Bill’s aunt and her 14-year-old son there from Israel.

Tammy said that the other day when I had tried to call, her mother-in-law had pulled a lot of shit. I had said she must be like our mother, but she said there’s no comparison. She said she’s worse than our mother. That sucks and explains why Bill’s sometimes narrow-minded, moody and not Mr. Sensitive of the Year.

She got my sketch and said it was nice, but she hasn’t really had time to look at it. That’s cool.

I asked if Mom and Dad have called her recently. She said no. They almost never call here either. I still can’t believe they never sent a check or a dishwasher. They’ve only backed out on very few things they said they were going to do. That much I can really say is true for them.

I talked with Andy too, who asked if I’d heard from Fran. When I said that I amazingly hadn’t, he said I will when he gets his letter. But I thought he got it today? Maybe not, cuz Andy says it’s taken his letters 6-7 days to get to people in Springfield, as well as at the beach.

Today Tom set up the aerator so it covers just about the whole pool. I love it, cuz I feel much safer from bees.

He should be home within an hour, but soon I’m going to go for another swim and do some computer work.

Later…

Tom came home shortly after I last wrote. We’ve been having fun printing out thank-you cards in a different way. However, the printer driver may be screwed up.

We just went swimming a little while ago and tomorrow Tom’s gotta zap the pool cuz it’s green.

Andy called again a little over an hour ago. He said some guy’s been calling his mother and asking, “Is Andy there yet?” We’re quite sure it’s Fran. I’m also sure he’s tried to call my parents, but I highly doubt he’ll reach them cuz they moved and have a new number. I called their old number and it just rang and rang, so someone else’s got it now. Before a recording came on saying the new number.

He could probably reach Phil if he wanted to, but I could really care less if he did call him or anyone else with my maiden name. I don’t care if he calls someone and I also don’t care if they believe whatever bullshit he says about me.

It was very hot and quiet out today and it will at least continue to be hot. I won’t hear them next door more than once a week till September. It seems that when it’s warm and when they’re out, they go out back. In the winter they live in front, right outside my window. Thank God for the fan as well as my stereo.

There have been absolutely no concerts from across the street, but was Dan really a senior last year? Is he moving, or does he have another year to go?

I’m almost done with the typing of #41, so I’ll go finish it up, then maybe I will watch the movie I taped.

SUNDAY, JULY 24, 1994
I am watching a 4-hour movie now.

A little while ago I rearranged my walls. I also typed part of Bob’s letter. Soon I’ll go type more.

Tom went to his parents’ house yesterday.

Evelyn gave us a food processor for a wedding present. We fried chicken again in the deep fryer. When Tom was at his parents’, he told his ma how I don’t like spices and sauces and salt and pepper and shit like that. He said she then said, “No wonder she’s so skinny.”

I wish to hell I could agree.

So, am I going to get my workout stuff and that Phase-Out this week? I hope so.

Commercial’s over now.

SATURDAY, JULY 23, 1994
I’m now printing out a picture that I hope and pray comes out OK, but I’m not going to look till it’s done.

Amazingly enough, no calls from Fran. He must not have gotten his letter yet.

If Kim tried to call back, then I don’t know about it, cuz at one point I turned the ringer off. We were busy and that’s usually when the phone rings.

I put up all those rose pictures last night and today. In my bedroom, the living room, the kitchen, and the back door.

FRIDAY, JULY 22, 1994
Well, in 40 minutes a movie called Local Hero goes on. Norah’s name wasn’t listed, but I think she could be in it.

Tomorrow I’ll probably bring the VCR out back and print some pictures. Tom says he can get it over 4 inches now.

Later…

Got up at noon today. There was a message from a Tim R at the Police Department. I called and told him what a quack Fran is and described his personality and the things he’s done. Tim said he had him figured out right away (for a wacko). I gave Tim his social worker’s name and his address. He said he’d contact Fran’s local Police Department. I warned him that Fran would keep constantly calling and he said something about calling the phone company and blocking him from calling AZ. He also said he’d tell Michelle we spoke, and was really nice about it.

Norah was in Local Hero but for only 3 quick scenes. She had far from a leading role.

Now I ask myself a question? Did Tom fuck with the reception cuz he was, not upset, but worried over this shit with Fran? The cable box broke the other day, but there was a problem with the reception till 5-10 minutes into the movie. He was in his room, supposedly asleep, but the wires do run in there, so he can watch TV in his room.

I also noticed he put his shoes right on the phone cord, or almost. I had asked him a while back if he wouldn’t do that cuz it’s a pain in the ass when I go to pull the phone out. He hasn’t done this for a while, but every now and then we don’t see eye to eye on certain things, things get more “misplaced,” so to speak.

He’s also the type to make this Fran shit a bigger deal than I would, but is that it? Was he upset Andy was here, even though he didn’t seem it? Did he play with the TV? Guess I’ll have to ask him about it, but the guy’s even more sensitive than I am. I don’t want the poor man to be in tears or anything.

Otherwise, we’ve been doing fine and he’s off tomorrow and Sunday.

Later…

No, Tom did definitely not fuck with the cable. He also didn’t put his shoes on top of the phone cord.

We went swimming when he got home after he ate. Then we used our new deep fryer to do up chicken wings for me and tater tots for him. The chicken wings were great! Just like the Buffalo ones I used to order from Quickies back east.

I also tried to print out pictures, but they were either too dark or too light. Tom said it may crash and cause some problems. Yup, it crashed.

He showed me how to see how many bytes I have left on my disk. I’ve got a third of the disk left.

Kim left a message wanting to know Alex’s address. She’ll call back tomorrow night.

No calls from Fran tonight. How shocking. There were a few hang-ups today, though. He’ll get his fuck you letter in the next few days, so I’m sure I’ll hear all about it. Andy got a message from him last night, too. He was going off on him saying he was going to ruin his reputation with his local drag queens. Like Andy really cares? Yeah, right.

Think I’ll go watch TV.

THURSDAY, JULY 21, 1994
Well, I did finish typing up #40. I don’t know if I’ll start from the lowest # I left off with and go up in order, or what. If I were to go in order from here on out, that’d mean I’d be doing #11 next.

I just made some coffee and took an Ibuprofen. I had a headache brewing, but it’s going away now. Ibuprofen’s a wonderful thing to have.

Tom and I swam after he got home and had a couple of sandwiches. The water’s like bathwater.

Wish I could’ve been next door to see their reaction when they read Fran’s letter to Sabrina. They seem like the type who’d puke over the sexual part of it. They probably threw it away before they got done reading the whole thing.

Yesterday, or the day before actually, we called in for that Phase-Out thing for quitting smoking. I can’t wait till it gets here and I hope there’s no delay like with my workout equipment.

Fran left a message at midnight his time, thinking it was 10:00 here at the time. He said that “Ranger Rick” was there. Yeah, I could hear him in the background.

I’ll be calling Andy when I get up tomorrow. Supposedly he’s still coming over.

I trimmed my bangs a while ago. Boy, did they need it, and I layered them this time.

Later…

I’ve never wanted to kill Fran more in my whole life. The nerve of that boy! First the stupid little fuck leaves us messages (me and Andy), then calls the Police Department. There was a message from a Michelle saying they got calls there at the department and they were calling to see if I knew anything about a “Sabrina M.” God, have I had it with his shit! I literally want to smear his face all over the wall! He’s got a “fuck you and fuck off” letter coming, but for all I know, he’ll probably turn around and call my Police Department after calling his and say I’ve got dead bodies here for ignoring him and trying to get attention. I’ve had it with his shit and I don’t care if he calls my parents or any other O’s listed. Neither Tom nor I will talk to him and he can waste all the money he wants on leaving messages. He, Nervous, and anyone else I left behind in that shit city are history. If Andy wants to associate with him, that’s his choice.

Speaking of Andy, he was over here today. He typed a letter and dubbed some tapes.

Here’s another weird thing that happened today. About 3 people called asking if I paged them. Right away I thought it was Andy cuz we used to do that. It wasn’t him, though, so I have no idea who did it. The only thing I can think of is that Fran knows a few people with beepers. They never said they were out of state, though, and I didn’t ask. Oh well, what can I say? I ain’t about to let it ruin my life.

Andy’s mailing my letters for me as well as Tammy and them guy’s banner.

I got 2 Bob letters and 2 Kim letters. Finally, I got a message on Prodigy from Lisa. It’s so funny and cute, how she misspells certain words. I printed it out and stuck it in #70.

I finished typing up #40 and now I’m doing #41

Later…

Just thought I’d quickly jot down a few lines before I go and watch a movie.

Andy said that the letter he sent Don is the talk of his complex. It’s a maintenance guy there who everyone hates, and Andy sent a letter hitting on him. As a fem, not a woman.

He also called Fran and told him to fuck off and out of both of our lives. Sure enough, he left a whiny crying message wanting to know what was going on.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 20, 1994
I’m anxious for when Tom gets home so we can do the finishing touches on Piggy’s cage and move him in.

We had a humid spell for a few days where it was 67% humid. That’s high for Arizona. It’s now drying up, though, so it’ll be nice to switch back to the EC and pump some fresh air in here.

No mail for me today, but I sent out two letters. One to Bob, and the other to my parents. I still have to finish Tammy and Bill’s banner. I think I’ll go do that now before I type more.

Later…

I just finished Tammy and Bill’s banner. It came out OK but could’ve been better. My God, it took an hour? It seems like it only took me half an hour to do.

Piggy is officially moved into his new cage! He loves it too, and he’s got so much more room. I love to sit and watch him. There’s a piece of wood across the top of his cage and I took a long, thick gold chain and hung his salt spool down on it.

Going to go do some typing now, but I will write more later on. I hope to finish typing #40.

MONDAY, JULY 18, 1994
Tom came home a little early and we went swimming and printed pictures, using the program he wrote.

We also used our new deep fryer to make French fries. It was so good.

According to Andy, next door oughta have gotten Fran’s letter to Sabrina today. They’ve been so quiet, but I figured they were well overdue after the wake-up calls and ball games they gave me during the cooler months. I sure hope they don’t come over to ask me about it, to ask if I know an Amy C, I mean.

Andy may come over to do some audio dubbing and to use the pool this Thurs.

Tom went to bed a short while ago and tomorrow we’re going to work on several different things.

Now there are 13 sheets of paper (Bob’s letters) in Kim’s manila envelope. Call it 14, actually, cuz I’m sure I’ll stick a 1-page letter in it.

Did I mention that I have to wait about another 30 days for my workout stuff? That pisses me off. We should get a discount for this.

What shall I go do on the computer now? Nothing, I guess, cuz I think I wanna go watch a movie I taped. Gotta eat something, too.

Later…

Got up at 11:00 this morning. Tom got my refills on my meds and we’re 99% done with Piggy’s cage. He can move in tomorrow evening when Tom gets home from work.

The doorbell rang today and I thought it might be next door to ask if we knew an Amy C. It was someone from the cable company instead. If they haven’t come to ask us yet, then it’s doubtful that they ever will.

I did quite a bit of typing on #40. It was June 27th that I came to this house for the very first time. The same date I began this book one year ago.

I spoke with Fran and Andy today. Nothing much has changed with Fran. He’s the same old dude.

I rarely speak to my parents. I called them 2 or 3 times when I was doing the banners, but they almost never call here. Not that we can’t live without it, but I don’t appreciate them saying they’re going to send a dishwasher or a check and not doing either. The candlesticks were plenty, though, and we can get our own dishwasher.

SUNDAY, JULY 17, 1994
Before I forget, I want to mention my one and only last hope of getting the fuck off of cigarettes. Tom showed me an ad for something that’s the opposite of the patch. (which didn’t help worth shit) I’d like to try it but it’s $40, so we’ll wait and see.

Andy just called and now I just turned off the ringer cuz I know the phone will ring if I write or get busy.

The wedding and the wedding reception were really nice. The reception was at Mary’s house. There were about 20-30 people.

Can you believe I have a niece almost as old as me, and a grandniece?

So, Tom’s brother Ray and his wife Nora gave us a check for $30. Marjorie says that Tom’s aunt Evelyn has something for us at her house.

David and Evie were there along with others.

Mary didn’t look as I expected. I thought she’d have short hair, but it’s to her lower back and she looked a little younger than I’d counted on.

She has a 3-bedroom house with a curvy-shaped pool. It’s a deeper one with a diving board. She’s got a little waterfall too, but no spa. Evie was saying how they wish they had a spa.

We got them a really nice wall clock for their wedding.

My new dress and shoes fit and looked really nice. Got a blister, though, as my new shoes have to be broken into.

Later…

I just went to make some herbal mint tea. I’ve been very very tight. I think it’s due to the humidity which is due to the storm. It’s raining a little out there, but no thunder and lightning.

Tom’s at Eldon’s fixing a computer problem.

I finished typing up one of the computer programs for picture printing. We’re working on printing out thank you notes to those who gave us money, and pictures for them from the wedding video. I sent a few of the “blooper” printouts to Tammy, Kim, Bob and Fran so they can get an idea of it. Plus, I’m not sending any proofs to Kim, Bob and certainly not to Fran. I also scanned my sketch in 4 different sizes for my parents, sister, and Kim and Bob.

Tom gave me a good idea. To print out extra copies so I could color each one in differently with different colors of hair and makeup. Good idea and this way I won’t ruin the original.

Nervous will never get another letter or call from me, and I’m done with Fran after we get the phone bill. I’m sick of them, and this way I save time and money. Writing Kim, Bob and my parents is enough. To Tammy and them guys, though, I use Prodigy. Unless I want to send pictures or something I can’t send through Prodigy.

I still have to make Tammy & Bill’s banner.

I’m using a manila envelope to send Kim Bob’s letters once I get 20-30 or so.

So, Bob is getting all my letters, I guess. So far, he’s only missing #3. Soon I’ll send out #20. I told you how I began to number them all. To also save stamps with letters to Bob, I’m no longer sending daily letters. Plus, I don’t always have time for that. I have too many other things I want and need to do. I’m writing (or typing I should say) about a page a day and about once a week I’ll send him much longer letters.

FRIDAY, JULY 15, 1994
Well, it’s Linda Ronstadt’s birthday today. How old is she? I lost track, but I know she’s 40-something. Maybe 47 or 48.

Tom will be home soon, but I thought I’d write a little in the meantime. Still no workout thing. What’s the fucking delay?

Andy was over for a couple of hours earlier. He and I hung out at the pool and I typed a letter for him. The letter was to a maintenance guy where he lives who he’s got a crush on. This guy’s straight and prejudiced, so it’s just to freak him out as gorgeous as Andy really does think he is. We didn’t sign it or anything.

I got to thinking about Fran and this Sabrina crap. It’s just getting so old and boring. I’m tired of him always asking about her and his constant calls. Sure the VM picks most of it up, but I’m so sick of him. So, I told him Sabrina was killed by a drunk driver. He reacted both shocked and hurt. Poor poor little Fran.

Got a letter from Kim today, so soon I’ll type out some letters.

Later…

When Tom came home we went to Payless where I got white high-heeled pumps. They’re exactly like my black ones with thicker heels. My black ones are all stretched out and they don’t really go with my new dress. My low-heeled black pumps as well as my white ones are too tight, believe it or not.

I’m pissed cuz I got a postcard about my 1-2-3 Tone-Up equipment saying that there’ll be a 30-day delay.

Later…

Hey, I just had an idea. Well, I’m getting really sick of copying letters so, after BOL #11 is done, I’ll speak all my letters onto tapes. I’ll say what the date is the day I get the letter, who it’s from, and read it in. I’ll also keep a list of how many letters I get from each person and the total # of letters that are on each tape. Lastly, I’ll put on the tape (write it on a label) the date I began and ended the tape. I will speak each letter as they wrote it. So, if they leave out or repeat a word, I’ll say it that way.

I also have something to mention about quitting smoking, but I’m too tired to do so at the moment.

THURSDAY, JULY 14, 1994
I was all set to do lots of writing, but I just decided that I wanted to go for a nice refreshing swim first.

Later…

I wonder if Andy’s going to stop by. He said he may after he goes to the attorney general’s office.

I just went for a swim, but the next swim will probably be with Tom when he gets home from work just like we did last night.

I just got 3 more Bob letters which I’ll copy later.

I already wrote about Fran’s package, but guess where his letter’s going? I sent Andy the letter with their address next door. I cut off the names and addressed it to a fake name, c/o their address. Well, he’s going to address it. This way there’ll be none of my handwriting and our mailman won’t pick it up from here. I can tell these people will be pretty flabbergasted. Especially by the sexual stuff, since they’re so conservative.

No, they haven’t been noisy, but I owe it to them for the times they did wake me up and annoyed the fuck out of me when I was awake here and there. Plus, as soon as the weather cools down, I know there’ll be some basketball games and screaming here and there. Thank God for my fan!

Now, to cover the little stuff before I get to the bigger stuff. I’m typing up computer programs. All that algebra-like formula that runs it. It’s not something I have a certain number of pages to do, though. It’s an ongoing thing. I do a little here and there whenever I can. Just like with copying my journals.

Tom’s picture printing program is a far cry easier than the one I used before, but I still had a problem getting it bigger than 4”. I did 4 Norah pictures, but he’ll have to work on it some more.

We’re going to take and make pictures out of our wedding video and send them off to different people with thank you notes for those that sent money. I’ll send some to Kim, Bob, Fran and my family. Maybe even Nervous.

We got the proofs back from the wedding the other day. They came out nice, except my face looked fat in a few of them. We’re keeping all the proofs and we may make copies someday, but we chose poses for the three 8x10s and the two 5x7s.

Andy sent me 4 pictures he took of me. Two of me in a restaurant that I’m sending one to Tammy and my parents. The other two are the same and they’re of me drawing a flower pot in Andy’s apartment Again, I sent one each to Tammy and my parents, but I cut it from the ass down cuz my legs looked bigger than life itself.

Today’s the day my workout thing from Denise Austin was supposed to come, but so far I haven’t gotten anything yet. A UPS truck did stop in front of the house, but I didn’t see where the driver went. Then he just left.

Can you believe I got another rose book? It’s under the same name of Nora G, too. Probably from Andy, but I keep forgetting to mention it to him. Well, good, then I can just use the pictures I didn’t use before due to using ones on the other sides of them.

Remember how I said I used a permanent marker to number my journals? Well, the marker wasn’t so permanent, so I made those stick labels that you punch in.

I also took out the red lightbulb that was in the hall and replaced it with a regular one. Now I can see better when I’m digging around in the linen closet. I took a little lamp I made in woodshop in 6th grade and put the red bulb in that and put it in the living room.

Last Tuesday I went and closed out my account with Tom. Soon we’ll have a joint checking account. Maybe some kind of savings account, too.

Also, I got a nice floral sundress for Mary’s wedding this Saturday.

Got a new microwave with Tom’s parents’ money and it’s great. It’s got much more power and it has a carousel. There’s also a popcorn memory in it which is great for someone who eats it like it’s going out of style.

Got a new journal (#75).

Tuesday we also went to an art store that was like - oh my God! I wanted the whole store. I got a book that shows me how to improve drawing facial features and structures. I thought it’d help a little, but I thought wrong after I copied a sketch of a woman from it. It came out so good! My best ever and I’m so proud of myself. Still can’t believe I did it. I guess these days I can call myself a real artist, rather than just a doodler. This weekend I’m going to scan it so I can send copies to my family and friends.

I also got paints and two figurines. They’re about 10” high and one’s a cactus and the other’s a cowboy boot. It was so much fun doing them and they look great. Can’t wait to do more. I’d like to get two smaller ones (cactuses) and do one for my parents for their anniversary and one for Tammy for her birthday. There’s a paint pen I’d also like to get so I can sign it better and date it. That’s a little hard to do and very awkward with a paintbrush.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 13, 1994
Monday, I got Fran’s package. There was a stuffed lion and a stuffed talking teddy bear. You touch its mouth and it makes a kissing sound and says I love you. It’s cute. Maybe all his bullshit was worth it, but the card really shocked me. There were 2 envelopes. One for Sabrina and one for me. Mine was an apology card, which I copied into BOL #11. This is the first time he’s ever admitted to and apologized for something he did wrong. He enclosed a note asking me to tell him how much the calls were for. The phone company will remove the charges, but I’ll tell him anyway. There was also a 3-page letter for Sabrina and 3 pictures. One looked pretty goofy, but the other 2 were OK.

MONDAY, JULY 11, 1994
Got up at 4:30 this morning. I did a load of laundry and I guess I’ll be testing Tom’s computer program today. The picture printing one. I’ll also be typing up computer programs.

Andy left a message yesterday saying how he’s sending copies of pictures he took over the last few months of me. Also, one of Tom and me. He said they came out nice, but that I could send the one of me shot from behind to Nervous to masturbate to. Well, this isn’t a thrilling thing for a husband to have to hear, even though he knew it was a joke. I left him a message not to crack those jokes anymore unless it’s directly to me and not to say how dorky Tom’s picture looks. Tom’s much more polite, conservative and sensitive and it made me feel very uncomfortable, too.

Yesterday was a busy, yet fun day. We worked more on Piggy’s cage and swam a lot. Went food shopping, too.

Tomorrow will be very busy.

SUNDAY, JULY 10, 1994
Well, I didn’t wake up choking, so that’s good.

Yesterday I copied two of the drawings Bob sent and they came out okay. I’m going to try to do even better copies to send to my family.

SATURDAY, JULY 9, 1994
Andy and I left each other messages all day yesterday and he said, yes, it was a real cop who called. He said the guy never called back and wasn’t supposed to call off duty like he did. See? He’s always been the lucky one. If that were me, they’d call or come to my door, but definitely subpoena me.

He mentioned maybe coming over, but I don’t know how long I’ll be up or what Tom and I are doing.

Can you believe I got no calls from Fran? I did get a letter from Bob and Brian, though.

I talked to my dad who got the banners and really liked them. He said they may take pictures, too. I guess the banners got there just in time since they do the flea market on weekends only.

Now I’m going to go finish typing #52 and type a few letters.

Later…

I finished typing #52 and I started with #49. Haven’t typed any letters yet, but I will.

I may or may not be getting new journals today. Don’t know yet what’s going on. I’d still like to get smaller journals for Tammy, Mom and Dad, and Andy, but we’ll have to see. I still wonder if I should take a journal and not only do more stories but maybe a subject breakdown of what topics are covered in each journal.

Later…

Well, I started going through journals 1, 2 & 3, doing subject notes, but I ditched the idea. It’d be just too much work that I don’t care to do.

I had to spray in the bathroom a little while ago, cuz there are ants in there.

Tom will be getting up anytime now, I guess.

I’m going to go lay down for a while cuz I’m tired after how I was viciously woken up. I don’t know what happened. I guess the contents of my stomach came up into my throat. I awoke choking and coughing pretty badly.

Later…

Tom went out to the hardware store and also to get us something to eat. In the meantime, I wish the mail would hurry up and get here.

Remember the very very old cassette player my mom has had since I was little? Well, since I’ve been here I’ve had it in the back room, but now that Tom got the portable CD/cassette player, I brought it into the bedroom. I put it on the shelf by my bed. So like old times, I can play them before bed or while I write, like I am now, and not have to worry about turning off a main power switch.

Tom finally managed to get his picture-printing program to work after working on it so long and hard. He did 4 pictures of Norah in 4 different sizes. I put the biggest one on the sides of my shelves and the second to biggest one in the front of this book. Inside the front cover.

Been nice and quiet next door. It’s too hot for anyone to be out. I was, but I have a pool. I went swimming a few hours ago.

I just had to take my inhaler. That shit I used to spray the ants with is so gross! Earlier I was going to spray the big cactus down with the plastic sealer, but no way. My lungs have had enough for today.

This Tuesday we’re going to go out and do some shopping. Gotta get Mary and David a wedding present, buy something with our wedding money, and I may get more journals.

FRIDAY, JULY 8, 1994
Fuck no! Shit am I mad! Yesterday when I opened the front door to see if there were any packages, guess what else I saw? They’re back! I don’t fucking believe this shit! I thought she said they’d be gone all summer. I know she did. Hey, I just got married so I’m due for compensation, right? I didn’t see the kids, but I saw a green car in their driveway and the red van was parked in the street. I could see a folded crib in it, along with lots of boxes and shit like that. Oh God, why did you have to send them back so soon? I’d rather listen to 1 of my own than 5 of someone else’s, and I know that’s what I’ll be doing. Even though the days are too hot and their windows and doors may be shut, I’m sure they’ll be screaming through the sprinklers, and out at night. I swear I’ll make their lives a living hell if they make any hell for me. Why God? I mean, it’s been sooo wonderfully quiet around here. Please let it stay that way!

Later…

Got 1 Bob letter yesterday which began BOL #11.

Today or tomorrow my parents should get the banners. Maybe even Monday. Yesterday I made up a banner with my nieces’ names on them and today I’ll probably do Tammy and Bill’s banner.

Sure enough, Fran left a message pleading with me to call him back and to please accept Sabrina’s package.

Andy also left a message saying he’s suing Denny’s for discrimination. He says they treat everyone like shit, but he got written up for the dumbest thing and he’s sick of their bullshit. He reminded me that there were some blacks who sued them for 40 million, so he could use a mil from them. I guess he knows someone who has a lady friend who’s a lawyer.

I say go for it. I know just how the hell he feels. I remember when we were working together in Chicopee.

Oh, almost forgot. Tom’s parents sent a wedding card and a check for $250. How nice!

Later…

Tom got up about 15 minutes ago saying I read his mind. He didn’t want to get up and cook, but he didn’t have to cuz I made pork chops. Now I’m going to go do some more video editing.

Later…

Tom’s gone off to work, but guess what he set up for me before he left? Another monitor, so when I do video editing, I can look and see what I’ve done without having to keep on taking out the tape I’m editing from and sticking the one I’m editing onto in there. It’s neat to see the same or different things playing on two screens at once.

Tom says he really only thinks they’re visiting the father next door since the peak of the summer hasn’t even hit yet. Maybe for some reason, Dean couldn’t get away to fly to Idaho. I hope they go back, but it has been quiet so far.

I just played on Andy’s machine the Madonna message from the tapes Kim sent. I also changed our outgoing message to the Star Trek one. We have each other’s code so we can listen to each other’s messages. Every now and then I play all of his. Especially when I’m taping them, as he likes me to do every so often. There was one from a Scottsdale police officer, supposedly wanting to talk to Mark about the phone calls he’s been making. Please expect a return call, he’s not going to stop calling till they talk.

Hmm… I wonder if it was for real or just someone playing a joke on him. It was left on June 17th. It sounded real enough, and at about that time, he said he wasn’t going to answer his phone. He said it was to avoid Sarah, though.

I remember how shitty my luck was compared to his, though. He could continuously call someone and not get trapped, whereas I’d call someone a few times and get caught. It’ll never amount to anything if it’s for real. He’ll never go to court or anything.

THURSDAY, JULY 7, 1994
I think I forgot to mention that Tom got clear contact paper and a spray-on plastic sealer for my wall art. The plastic sealer works great and now I don’t have to worry about any more runs. The clear contact paper will keep them protected too, but you can see the seams. First he tested the spray by spraying the balloons I did in the kitchen/back room archway. When we saw how great it worked, we did my favorite one. The one of the cat and vase of flowers sitting on a table. Now all we have to spray is the cactus, a hanging plant and the palm tree in the hall. To hell with the design I did on the mailbox, the rainbow and tulip and the picture of multi-colors above the living room wall heater. The ones I put contact paper on are the flowers and the little girl in my bedroom, the vase of flowers and pot of leaves in the living room and the designs in the hall and in the door frame of the hall/living room.

Later…

We all know that right before a woman’s period is when she’s not only the horniest but tends to think more about having a kid. Well, I guess at least most women know this. I guess it’s got something to do with the hormones.

So anyway, early on the morning of the 6th, I was doing dishes and had to stop cuz my heart was beating so hard and so fast. It had been doing that for hours. This panic came over me when I thought of having to wait till 1996 to maybe have a kid. And all I could think about was my singing, too. I began to feel like my life would be on hold and at a complete standstill for a year or two, and I just didn’t know what to do in the meantime. I’m not exactly the most patient person there is. I’m far from it.

I began to worry that something bad would happen or I’d be compensated for being so blessed with Tom and AZ.

Right now, cuz I have my period, I feel like I’ve slipped back into reality and I wish I could stay here all the time. Why is it that telling myself what I’d have to go through if I were to be a mom always isn’t enough to take away the desire? I can think of lots of reasons for both not being a mom and for being a mom.

I talked to Tammy after I talked to Tom who said nobody would do anything to me or disown me, but she said that I won’t have a life, kids only sleep a few hours, and this and that. While this is all very true and that should stop the desire, I also see it the other way around. That I don’t have the kind of life that I’d have to give up to begin with. Meaning, how often do I go out? Hardly ever. I don’t want to be in any other career other than music and if I were doing something with music, then we’d most definitely have the money to pay for daycare or a babysitter. The only real thing I’d be giving up is sleep and probably some sanity, but look at Gloria. She’s got a husband and a kid. I’m not saying it’s easy, though.

I don’t know what to do or think. I mean, I feel great right now, but what about in 3 weeks? I guess I’ll always have desires here and there to have a kid. For a while, I felt like a freak. Asking myself how I could want something I couldn’t handle physically or mentally. Tom says it’s perfectly normal, he just knows I’m not sterile, I will be a mom cuz he can see that’s what I want and that it is mutual. We’ll see, but the two most important #1 things that I’ll always want as a top priority are Tom and my singing. That comes above anything else in this world.

Later…

I forgot to mention something else about Tom. Yesterday morning after he got up and talked with me, he went to lie down for a while. After a ½ hour or so, I got the urge to go cuddle up with him. I opened the door quietly thinking he’d be asleep, but I could’ve sworn he was doing himself while lying on his stomach. I could be wrong, but if he was - fine. Whatever turns him on. I do the same thing when he’s not here or is asleep.

He just got up, so I’ll write more later.

One more quick thing - got my ring in a 4½ and it’s the perfect fit. So beautiful, too!

Later…

Now for Fran’s bullshit. I’m fucking 3,000 miles away and having problems with him. No more and no fucking way! I don’t care about getting Sabrina’s letters. He’s not worth it, especially with the little confession he left on the VM last night. I had a feeling about it too. He said he billed two calls to us, is sorry, knows it was wrong, but is sending Sabrina a package. Sorry doesn’t cut it this time. I talked to Tom about it and if there are any calls on the bill, we’ll get blocks. The fucking operators always break the rules. I should know. I used to bill calls here and there. If they hear a desperado like Fran pleading with them, they just feel bad for him and foot the bill to us. No fucking way. I’m not going to deal with this fucking shit from across the country. I better call Andy and warn him, cuz if he billed calls to Nervous and me, he billed calls to him, too.

Later…

I didn’t get any mail yesterday, but I hope to today.

Tom’s in the shower now, but when he gets out, I’ll tell him to just hang up if Fran calls and I’ll do the same. He can waste all his time calling and leaving all kinds of messages.

As for Sabrina, well, she can stop on over and write to him saying that she’d still be his pen pal, but would never give Fran her number if she had a phone cuz of how he billed calls to Jodi. That Jodi doesn’t want anything to do with him, that was a raunchy thing for a friend to do, etc.

Guess I’ll go work on a banner for Tammy and all them guys.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 6, 1994
Got my period today, but only spotting, as that’s usually how my first day is. I thought I was due on the 4th, but when I checked my chart, I realized I was due today.

I sure got mail yesterday, 5 letters from Bob and 1 from Kim. The next letter I get will begin BOL #11.

I have stuff to tell, but I’ll probably type it all. I have several letters to type. Well, not several. Only to Bob and Kim for now. Maybe I’ll type my sister and parents. Nah - I’ll wait a while. I have enough other stuff I can do for now. I’ll wait till I hear from my parents about the banners, and type Tammy when I send their banners.

TUESDAY, JULY 5, 1994
OK, time to catch up on all that’s been going on. Yesterday I was due for my period, but it looks like I’ll be getting it sometime today. Tom guessed 7:42 this morning. On the 1st I had massive pre-cramps. On the 2nd, very little and on the 3rd, barely any at all. They’re picking up now.

I finished all 5 of Mom’s banners. Tom got manila envelopes. Altogether the banners take up 28 pieces of paper. I’ll mail them off tomorrow. Tom also got photo mailers for whenever our wedding pictures get here. I hope they came out OK.

Andy, or someone, but I’m quite sure it was Andy, mailed a big hardcover book on rose gardening. It came under the name of Nora G. It was filled with all kinds of beautiful pictures of roses. The sizes ranged from a few inches square to two full pages. So, as hard and as time-consuming as it was, I ripped the cover, binder and glue off, cut out pictures and grouped them by size. The archway that separates the kitchen and back room were what I used for the smallest pictures. I put them all the way around it and about 8 on the kitchen walls above the table. The big ones I put on two of my bedroom walls from near the ceiling to a little past halfway down. It looks really nice, and there are so many that it makes the other two walls sort of bare looking. I’ll have to take care of that.

Later…

Just had a cigarette and went to the bathroom. There are ants in there, so I’ll let Tom know.

While I was asleep Tom started building Piggy’s cage. So far, so good. He’s been doing lots of computer programming, too.

I hope I get mail today. Hey, I wonder if I’ll ever hear from Cassandra? Well, she’s got my number and address, so it’s up to her.

Tom and I are doing great. As far as him not cumming, well, he says the difference between him being close and actually cumming is very much a psychological thing. With the way he always comes so close makes me think he’s just holding back. I can only think of two reasons why he’d do this. Cuz he doesn’t want to make a mess and doesn’t want a kid till 1996. He doesn’t know for sure if he’ll even want one then cuz he doesn’t want to decide till then. He says he wants to wait till nothing’s going on. Good luck, I told him. Something’s always going on cuz that’s life. Part of me thinks he wants a kid and a slightly bigger part says he doesn’t. Either way, he’d be a great dad. When I said I didn’t think it was a guy thing, he disagreed. Despite what year it is and what’s going on, I don’t think my maker wants that for us, even though I sometimes think about it a little more than I’d like to.

I guess that’s all there is to say right now. Going to go watch more of a movie I taped, then do some typing.

MONDAY, JULY 4, 1994
More dorky stickers from TV dinners, but they serve my growing collection well.

No mail today all cuz of a stupid war we won a couple of hundred years ago. Like, who the fuck cares?

Now, I have some very good, yet shocking news. I called my mom and as we were about to hang up, I said, “I love to make and create things. It’s too bad I couldn’t send you some drawings to sell.” I was basically joking, but then she came out and said, “Remember the Happy Father’s Day banner you made for Dad? Well, we could use some at the flea market.”

So, I got a pen and wrote down:

Lighted Halloween and Christmas $49
Sports $20 ea.
Christmas
Halloween
Thanksgiving
She told me about how long she wanted each banner, and to draw things to represent certain things. Cats, pumpkins, Christmas trees, etc. I got 2 banners done. One’s got 12 pieces of computer paper. It is long. I began it with a silhouette of a cat, a ghost and a pumpkin. Then, I wrote out lighted Halloween and Christmas $49 in all different colors and designs. Then, I put a flowery thing, a leaf, a Christmas tree and a Santa Claus hat. Tomorrow I’ll do the others, but I could not believe that my own mother asked me to do anything with my artwork for her. She just never seemed to care.

Then, I called and told Tammy and she said, “So, make me one.” OK, I got some ideas on that for tomorrow, too.

I have other things to write about, too, but I’ve been running non-stop. I’ll save it for later.

SUNDAY, JULY 3, 1994
Well, the government didn’t screw up this month. Soon I’ll close the account.

I got 4 Bob letters today. He put 2 in 1 envelope, so I got 2 envelopes. Haven’t heard from Kim, so she must be busy. Hope she got her answering machine tapes back OK.

According to Fran they now have voice mail systems there, but you know he may be full of shit. Fran and I spoke earlier. Supposedly he’s sending a package here.

David and Evie sent a wedding card with a check for $50. How nice. There was also a picture of Nickolena saying - To Aunt “Jody” & Uncle Tom. Eventually, she’ll realize I spell my name with an “i” but I’m plenty used to it. Just like mom wrote - Mr. & Mrs. “Thomas” S on the envelope.

I just typed Bob a letter and later I’ll do Kim’s.

SATURDAY, JULY 2, 1994
I had an awesome idea. To go out and buy 3 journals. None of which I would want for myself cuz they’d be either ugly or duplicates of ones I already have. Then, do 1 for my parents, 1 for Tammy, and 1 for Andy. That’d surely surprise them.

I’m out in the kitchen now writing and sipping on my coffee. Andy may call anytime. He worked from 5 PM - I think midnight.

Bob sent me 2 letters in 1 envelope and soon I’ll type to him, Kim, and maybe my parents. I may wait to type to them till after I get the dishwasher. Thank God Tom knows how to quickly and easily set it up. It’d take me quite a while to figure it out. There’s nothing the two of us couldn’t do, though.

In two hours, there’s a good movie on Cinemax. At least I think it’ll be good.

The more I think about writing journals for Tammy, Mom and Dad, and Andy, the more I like the idea. It’d take time, though, cuz I’ve got enough other stuff I like to do. What a surprise it would be for all of them. I know it’s something they’d really really like. I also wouldn’t tell them I was doing it. I would let it be a surprise.

For the hell of it, I just went to see if this, and skinnier journals, would fit into the mailers we used to send the videos in. They’re too wide, but that’s cool, cuz I’d probably use smaller journals anyway. The kind like the old tiny ones I used to have before I copied them into regular-size books like this one and mailed them off to Fran. They used to be #’s 5, 6, 8, & 10.

I’ve sure been doing my share of pre-cramping today. I took my vitamin E to help my ease my sore boobs. No wonder I’ve been less bloated lately. I just realized why, and it makes perfect sense. I’ve cut way, way down on dairy foods.

I’m still bigger than I’d like to be and I can’t wait till I get the Denise Austin thing. I’m also getting Velcro weights you stick on your wrists and ankles. Those are great no matter what you’re doing. You can do your house cleaning with them. I feel like I’d have to get down to 90 pounds to look like I did the last time I weighed 95 pounds. What’s going to happen when I have to get down to 85 pounds to look like I’m 95 pounds? Fuck that shit!

Later…

That mother-fucking son of a bitch of a printer! Can’t that fucking thing go more than a month without fucking up on me? Guess I’ll have to have Tom print it out. I sensed it too. Whenever there’s going to be a problem, I sense it like I can sense spiders. I tried to print address labels too, but those are all fucked up. For now, I’m just going to write my letters and envelopes.

Anyway, I just got done watching a movie that was good.

Andy didn’t call, so he must’ve crashed when he got home.

I’m still here at the kitchen table, but I’m going to take this book into bed and get comfy.

Later…

Tom’s up now and he’s going out soon to get us breakfast from Jack-n-the-Box.

Tom showed me what to do the next time I ever have a problem printing.

I’m getting so tired. Hopefully, after I eat I’ll get a second wind.

FRIDAY, JULY 1, 1994
Another 115º day out there. Well, I slept through most of it anyway. I didn’t get up till 4:30 this afternoon.

I talked to Andy for a while. He wants to train at home to do computer repairs and he asked me if I’d teach him computer terminology. Can you believe that?! Who would’ve ever thought there’d be a day when someone would want me to teach them anything about computers?

He said he was also calling airlines and could only get tickets to Bradley for $600! God, that’s a lot of fucking money. He finally found that TWA has tickets to Logan Airport in Boston for $388. That poor guy’s going to have 6-7 hours of flying (with no smoking), then a 2-3-hour drive from Boston to Springfield. He’s going from August 19-29.

I hope he can find time to hunt down Fran and Nervous.

Well, I have some very lovely news and that is that this is the closest I’ve ever come to a period date with no symptoms. I’m due on the 4th, but like clockwork, it’ll be here.

I finished typing #10, then headed for those quickies. I typed up all of #62. Next is #53, then #51, #49 and #40.

No letters for me in the mail today, but Tom showed me how to order that Denise Austin workout thing with his credit card. In two weeks, I’ll have it.

Andy got my letter today and said it was so funny. Glad he liked it.

So, I wonder when the dishwasher will arrive? If I knew, I’d know when to stop washing dishes and save them for the dishwasher. I’m not going to ask them, though, and this way it’ll be more of a surprise.

Later…

Andy worked from 10 PM - 2 AM to get extra money for his August vacation.

I just chatted with Tammy who says there hasn’t been much change lately. I told her Andy would be there in August. I don’t know how he’ll get there, though, since his car will be here. I’ll have to ask him.

I changed the calendars in the kitchen and the living room. Later I’ll change mine and Tom’s. The ones in our rooms.

I can’t wait till we build Piggy his new cage. I hope we can do that this month.

This weekend we’re probably going to set up the other EC. Since we switched to the AC and since I dusted, it’s been so much easier to breathe. I can’t vacuum till Saturday, though, cuz the belt broke on the fucking vacuum.

It has been sooooo quiet here and I love it sooooooo much. Wish it were like this all year round.

Tom will be getting up any time now, from now till 6:00.

Bob’s letters have slowed down a bit. I guess he’s having trouble getting stamps. Today, or before the week’s out, I’ll probably get 3 letters in 1 envelope like the last time.

Wow! It’s actually chilly in here now. What a difference, but later it’ll be a bit warmer cuz I’m sure it’ll be another scorcher out there. Let me go adjust it.

Later…

Tom’s up now, so I’ll be writing in intervals. I wonder if we’re going to have any surprise spontaneous get-togethers. We’ll just have to wait and see.

I may not be pre-cramping, but I sure am hornier. That tells me the curse is on its way. Not that I figured it’d forget me.

Tom’s making a sandwich right now and I caught him nearly making a very big mistake. He makes his sandwiches with margarine, peanut butter and jelly. But, instead of pulling out the jelly, he pulled out the spaghetti sauce.

Well, what should I do now? Nothing, I guess. Just veg out. I’ll do some more writing later.

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Last updated July 06, 2024