Quick entry. in Since OD is shutting down....

So this weekend was a good time. I enjoyed myself and actually got to have some fun. I hung out with my family yesterday and we went over to their friends house where we all got super drunk, ate some food and watched Dazed and Confused. There’s this dude that lives with them that used to live across from my parents before they moved and he’s now there as well. I got him before coming home and he spent the night with me. I enjoyed his company but I don’t see anything coming out of it. He seems more interested in hanging out as he gets sick of being where he’s at and wants to get laid. I wanted to as well but he just doesn’t seem into me for anything more than that and last night I was horny and everything but my monthly flow came and I know that it was probably a sign for it to not happen.

It just really kills me that I just feel like I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life no matter what I do. I get sick of pretty much planning everyday of being the same shit of work, school, studying, the gym, and sleep. It’s never where I can ever really plan on anyone coming over or spending the night. I know that I get sick of being all by myself and it sucks because I feel like I could search the world over a million times and still never find someone.

My parents want me to move in with them, or at least come stay a week or so at a time. Again, that wouldn’t be a horrible idea if they were to stop smoking in the house but even yesterday, they couldn’t even handle smoking outside while I was there and I even bought them cigarettes! I just don’t feel like they have any respect or regard for me whatsoever and it’s yet another reason why I can’t be around much. I really wish that they could understand where I’m coming from and things could be different but there’s nothing you can do with people who are set in their ways and just don’t really give a shit.

I got massively drunk last night and went to work this morning super hungover. I had a horrible headache, was nauseous, and it was way too fucking bright outside. It was a fun night but it’s just too bad that Ryan and I didn’t hang out again tonight. He ignored me when I texted him asking what he had planned for the night but responded with ‘thank you’ when I told him he had left his lighter here. I know that I would want more out of it then he does which again is the same old story but I can’t help wanting to have people to spend time with outside of work. At least now I know that he doesn’t really care to hang out so I don’t have to ask to not be scheduled on Sundays since I don’t have anyone to hang out with anyway.

Work was alright today. It was pretty steady but not overly busy which was great because I really couldn’t move very fast. I only made like $25 but got at least 32 hours in for the week. I made some more food and helped a couple of customers at the front computer and it’s getting easier. I am still kinda nervous but the more I learn and do, the easier it’s getting. I get annoyed with myself because sometimes my anxiety is just so overwhelming! I’m glad that I’m getting more and more comfortable with my new tasks at work because again, this is what I’ve wanted for so long and I want to do my very best. I never did ask about a raise but I will on Thursday when I close with the boss again.

I got home this afternoon hopeful that Ryan would want to hang out but he didn’t so I took a shower, took out the trash and did laundry. I ended up taking a nap because I was just exhausted.

Just got back from my brother’s house. I just love being able to tuck my niece in and kiss her goodnight. Now, I need to try and go to sleep…goodnight world.