Happy Birthday JoJo in Hi This is Kat!

Today is JoJo’s birthday and probably the 1st one we have not celebrated! :(
She is not feeling well and doesn’t feel like getting together. I tried to bring her breakfast but she must have went back to sleep?

Makes me sad with all the crazy thoughts of losing Jo one day rolling in the back of my mind. At times it makes me slightly crazy and I google symptoms. I get different info. from life expectancy of 2 to 6 years for decompensated cirrhosis. I believe Jo has been decompensated for around 3 years. The first year she only had slightly leaky varices and she would throw up some blood or have black poo.
Two years ago she started to be hospitalized for the symptoms… low hemoglobin, varices, and slight edema.... 8 months ago she was hospitalized again with worse symptoms and ascites slightly.
Now I see signs of jaundice and severe ascites.... she refuses to go to hospital Randy has her convinced she can get better drinking this liver detox and water pills. She made me POA because when she got to this point she did not want anyone making her go to hospital . Jo is bull headed and unless she is hurting she will not go. I think she knows she is dying. She always tells me she wishes she would die but she will last for me :)
At times I want to just sit and cry over this as I feel I am prepared for that day by talking about it but I know I am not. I just try to be brave when I really am not!
At this point a liver transplant is the only chance she has....
but…
She is not eligible because 1) She cannot get or stay sober 2) she is not compliant. She refuses to go to doctor apps. she refuses to take meds. 3) she has only me as a support group and unless you have a good support at home and lots of help they won’t consider it. Hell Randy waited 8 hours to go to the ER and I told him how serious it was!
Okay if you made it this far thanks for listening. It helps to vent even if only one person hears