October 2022 in 2020-2024

MONDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2022
I forget that our camera makes recordings of movement. So we were able to see that the honker and Kari came in at about 10:00 PM when they first got here (along with a stretch limo). Had I known this, I would have turned the sound machine up a little louder, but it all worked out fine at volume 3. I don’t think volume 3 is enough to block out the motorcycle, even though it says my favorite nature sound on that volume is 70 decibels.

Sometimes I wish we could afford a small yacht. I would sleep on it when I was on nights and be here in the daytime.

We went out to BK yesterday as he was unloading the trailer. I called out hello to him, and he returned the greeting. The damn motorcycle was unloaded while we were gone so I don’t know if he turned it on or not. What was strange was that his dog started barking (it seems they only have one dog now) and no one stopped it. It did stop on its own, but so much for having remarkable dogs that never bark. I hope it won’t become a problem, but I would still rather that than anything that’s 100 decibels.

These people seem to sleep so little. They don’t seem to crash before midnight and are up by 6 or earlier. I wish I could sleep from midnight to 6 every day!

They left yesterday in the early afternoon and didn’t return until 8:30. I love it when the truck isn’t there because even though I know it could come back any second, at least nothing loud is going to be going on over there while it is out.

We went out walking yesterday morning right before sunrise and the loud dog was barking that’s 5-6 houses down. OMG, I’m so glad we’re not next to that shit! This is the very reason I worry about any houses close to us selling for however long we’re here. On our way out to BK, that’s the dog I thought I was hearing at first until I saw it was the honker’s dog.

I don’t think I could ever like the honker. I know I don’t know him personally, but it doesn’t usually take me much to get a good sense of one’s character. Just his mannerisms alone suggest an aggressive personality, and well, he was a pig. Most of them get into that field because they’re aggressive and like to control others.

He strikes me as an insensitive being, especially if it’s something he can’t relate to. I think he’s likely insensitive to women in general and their needs and what they go through in life. He probably doesn’t care about a woman’s face and hair as much as the body. I also can’t imagine him being supportive in the ways that Tom has. Probably hates gays too.

I also know I haven’t seen the wife up close, but I swear she doesn’t look nearly old enough to be here. I’m confused as to who’s who, though. It could be a dye job, but his bride was blonde and a little heavy when I looked at the pics. This girl has dark hair and seems rather petite. If she’s in her 30s, as she appears to be, what happens if she gets knocked up? That may be a good thing if she decides to keep it because then they would have to sell this place. He’s in his 60s, though, so who knows if he can even perform. If he can, I hope she doesn’t have much of an appetite being so much younger!

The trike is still for sale too.

Galileo says they don’t want to make too many changes at once, so they can get an idea of what’s causing me to have what I would describe as intense hot flashes with a racing heart. Sometimes my heart races when I’m not hot flashing, though. I’m just glad as hell that I don’t have anxiety in the way of adrenaline in my chest or dark thoughts. They recommended dropping the children’s magnesium because it has citrate in it which is a form of laxative. No wonder I’ve been so poopy! So it’s back to opening up hard-to-swallow glycinate capsules.

I will still be taking the B-complex and the folic acid. Also, I’ll be returning to the lab in two weeks. I think it’s mostly on the poison and that I have to drop another 88 and take a 75 two days a week. I think where I went wrong in stepping up the dose was that I only gave each dose a month when I should have given it six weeks as that’s how long it takes to build up in the system. It can take 8 weeks to really accumulate but most of it is built up by 6. So I think that when I dropped to one 75 a week, the drug was still playing catch up.

I’m not wearing my Fitbit today, so I’m not constantly checking my HR.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2022
They’re baaack. I got up just after 11:00 PM and saw the truck there at the side of the place with the trailer still attached. They must have gotten in late because they haven’t unloaded anything yet. I heard one honk and one bark before they turned in for the night. Not looking forward to the next 5½ months with these people. I’m just glad I’ll be up during the first week that they get settled in. They’re always outside and they’re always active, but I expect an initial flurry of pressure washing, tree trimming, car washing, motorcycle washing, and God knows what else over the next week.

It will be interesting to see if he really does message me about the motorcycle. He never did reply to my last message, and I don’t know if it’s because I said something wrong, or he was busy and forgot to get back to me. Could be that he replied and it’s not visible on my end, although Messenger doesn’t seem to have had that problem for a while now.

So much for no rain being forecasted because when I checked the camera and saw they were here, I also saw that the streets were wet.

The B-complex is messing with my tummy. It can cause gas and even the runs. It’s not bad enough to stop it, but I might not take it when we’re heading out somewhere. Maybe I’ll just take one a day instead of two. I don’t know how much of a hand it’s been having in making me feel better, but I don’t want to have to find out. I still think it was the thyroid dose tweaking that was fucking me up but if this has any hand in helping me feel better, then I don’t want to stop it altogether unless it gets that bad.

While I’m not anxious (yet), the other symptoms are back. My HR is spiking into the triple digits, I’m having what’s in between normal and the runs, and I’m hot flashing more. The B-complex can also cause this from what I read. So I gave Galileo a heads up and asked them what they thought. Could it be the B-complex or could the levothyroxine still be accumulating in my system despite the cutback?

I connected Alexa to my Fitbit. I would hate it when I’d get a journal idea and want to note it while on the toilet or out somewhere and therefore unable to tell her to put it on my to-do list. So now I can add notes anywhere anytime. It’s great for setting reminders too. It doesn’t do me much good if I set one in one room and it goes off when I’m in the other room and might not hear it.

Tom and I had fun yesterday playing Walkabout Golf’s fox hunt. The easy courses let you find and collect lost balls. The fox hunt is on the hard versions, and you get a different kind of club that goes with the theme of the course upon completion. Most of them are ugly, though.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2022
Now that Elon Musk is the “Chief Twit” of Twitter, I wonder what this means for the future of the site. What will change and what will stay the same? He says he’s all for free speech, but I don’t get exactly what that means. What about state and federal laws? If it’s illegal to say a particular thing in your state, then his free speech doesn’t exactly matter, does it?

I have a hidden subscriber on my YouTube channel. I forgot that one has the option to hide their subscriptions as well as their playlists. It’s probably someone from Facebook or PB if it isn’t a random person.

My streams don’t get many more views than my voice tweets on Twitter. People definitely prefer to read, as opposed to listening. It’s still fun to do.

I’m guessing the honker is going to come honking in late tomorrow night or the next night. Definitely not looking forward to his return. When he’s not on the motorcycle he’s not exactly what one would call noisy, but he’s active enough to be noticeable enough to be distracting.

Sue, the old lady who defended the honker’s Harley and swore by how nice he is and who has been helping Toni, got her a wheelchair that actually fits through her tiny doorways. We have the same house, so I know how small these doors are in comparison to your average door. I can’t help but wonder, though, does Toni pay Sue in any way? Does Sue want to give up on helping her like people no doubt would with me when I was young, single, and living alone?

Mia’s last three gifts haven’t been the greatest. First, she gets a nose ring. I hate body piercings that aren’t in the ears only. And one or two piercings are enough. I don’t like ears that are pierced 50 times.

Then she gets a dull blue leather jacket followed by dull gray biker shorts.

We canceled Walmart’s in-home subscription even though we never let them come into the house to put our groceries away since we’re not disabled. It was absolutely horrible. They were way late and botched up orders like crazy. They were delivered after I crashed, and he realized they left out my TV dinners. So he contacted them, and it took him forever to finally get a refund. Then, just as he was closing the blinds at 6:00 PM, he saw someone knocking on the lanai with the TV dinners. If he hadn’t seen that, he wouldn’t have heard them and the food would have spoiled. He then got a message saying they found them on the back of their truck or some shit like that. But he didn’t call back to say they finally arrived because he felt we were entitled to a refund, and I agree. We chose this service to get out of the constant tip-begging but we’ll just go back to the begging and them being late to spite us for not tipping. However, there’s a difference between being an hour late and taking all day.

Since cutting back to having wine once a month, I got a couple of bottles of Barefoot wine that were on sale for a total of $10. Peach and strawberry flavors. It hasn’t flared up any anxiety, which has been so much better lately. But if it does, I swear I’ll never drink again!

We’ve been having highs in the 80s and lows in the 60s. I still can’t believe how dry it’s been here. There isn’t a drop of rain forecasted for the next 10 days. It’s like the storm season stopped faster than it began. Is this really normal for this area? It just doesn’t seem like any part of the state should be this dry. It’s almost like the drought has followed us across the country. I just didn’t think there was a wet season and a dry season like in Cali. I knew it was more humid and that there were more thunderstorms in the summer. But I thought it would rain quite a bit year-round.

I know I said I didn’t want to go back to the beach until the spring since the water is a little cooler now, but that’s easier said than done. Even if I don’t swim, why not get out of the house and sit there reading on my Kindle? So sometime next week, I’m sure we’ll make it down there.

I don’t know how the hell this happened, so if anybody can tell me, please do. I went to dip my nails yesterday in fluorescent powders and ended up with a mix of dark reds and greens. They came out hideous-looking and absolutely nothing like the dip powders. I’ll never get this brand again. The other brand ended up looking exactly how it looked in powder form. I’m going to just stop dipping my nails altogether. If I want dip or gel nails done, I’ll just have the salon do it.

The last round of pre-dementia dreams was the usual negative shit. First, we were living somewhere where the houses were close together but we had private backyards. The yards were half the size of the one we had in Phoenix. Can’t say how big the house was, but someone recently moved in next to us and behind us, both with dogs. I was sitting there writing or doing something by the open back door when one dog started barking, which set the other dog off. They egged each other on as if it was a contest as to who could be the loudest. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t that bad but of course it was. The hardest person to lie to is ourselves…even in dreams.

In the last dream, Tom and I were forced to be in some kind of huge building. It didn’t look anything like jail but I knew we couldn’t leave. We were separated and they wouldn’t let me see him. So I did everything I could to get them to let me see him, including feigning passing out. Not sure how that one was supposed to help, but eventually one woman who worked there agreed to get us in touch. I woke up before she had a chance to keep her word. Or not.

Why can’t I ever have happy dreams? Why can’t they be just weird or fun instead of sad, frustrating or scary? I wonder if all these negative home dreams are a sign saying that we’re never going to have our dream home. That’s common sense, though. I mean, does anyone ever really get their dream home unless they’re filthy rich?

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2022
I’ve been struggling with horrible writer’s block as far as creative writing goes. If I don’t manage to finish the last story I started, this will be the first year since 2003 that I didn’t write at least one complete story. I used to do an average of 4 a year.

I hate it when I don’t understand my own notes. When I think of things to add to my journal, I jot down notes, and one of them says “7K feet.” But what is 7K feet???

So getting my permanent crown cemented in yesterday went well, although different. Tina, the assistant, was able to get the crown off without having to numb me. The only part that was uncomfortable was when she was scraping off the temporary cement. So the doctor came in and put a numbing agent on it, and continued cleaning up the stub. Then when she went to cement the permanent crown, I thought she was going to use the curing light and it would be done in the second, but nope. I didn’t realize this, but this particular crown is metal, so the curing light won’t go through it. Instead, she used a curing chemical. She said that right away it would be 95% cured but that I still shouldn’t chew on that side until tomorrow. Well, just because now is my tomorrow, LOL, since I got up at around 9:30 this evening, I’ll have to remember that it’s not my tooth’s tomorrow. Tomorrow comes for my tooth at about 8:00 in the morning. She did tell me not to be afraid to floss and brush normally. It feels so nice and smooth compared to the rough jagged tooth that was practically disintegrating.

I saw Crystal who ran to check out my latest nail design. The glow-in-the-dark nail strips really do glow. In fact, they have such good glowing power that I was surprised to find some still glowing when I got up. They’re coming off later, though, because I want to dip my nails.

Since I was up yesterday when the garbage truck passed by, I ran into the bedroom, turned on Nature Sounds, and it seems that Volume 4 might have a chance of masking it. I prefer to sleep with it at volume 3, but I can’t do that during the daytime.

The garbage trucks will be even worse when they graduate to trucks that automatically reach out and pick up the trash bin. Right now, they still have a person jumping off the back of it. But once they get the one with that arm, I’ll be even more likely to get woken up because of the way it slams against the bar that keeps it from going too far, then slams the bin back on the ground. That is so fucking loud!

Not too long ago, I did an entry wondering who blocked me on a post in the park group. But it turns out no one did. I just wasn’t getting how they display their reactions. They don’t list the names of everyone all the time. So when I saw some missing names, I thought they were from people who might have blocked me and I couldn’t imagine who the hell I pissed off so much, LOL.

It still irritates me the way some people read things into things that aren’t there, and complain when you complain. Isn’t that kind of hypocritical after all?

I had some kind of dream that had something to do with me being autopsied. I don’t know if I was actually dead or was thinking that I was going to die, and an autopsy would be done on me.

Then I dreamed that we moved to a fairly large, two-story house, but it was in an all-ages neighborhood. I was sitting at the kitchen table when I heard this obnoxious sound and went out into our backyard to investigate. The houses were close together and the yards were sectioned off by wooden fences, but I could see enough to make out the fact that the people that moved in next door had literally ripped off the wall of their house that was facing us. The exterior wall was torn off practically down to the house’s skeleton. Instead of the stucco siding, I just saw the bare gray bricks beneath. Tom was in the yard and told me he talked to the guy who lived there with his wife and child.

“Let me guess,” I said. “There’s also a dog that’s not allowed indoors?”

He confirmed the presence of a dog and as I looked at the torn wall of the house, I was horrified to know that if they could afford to take on such a huge project, they were likely to be nightmare neighbors.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 26, 2022
When I think about it, and now that I know how slowly thyroids die off and how much of a difference just a point or two in the TSH can make, I now suspect my thyroid could have slowly started dying off in Maricopa and not Auburn like I originally thought. I don’t think it just crashed all of a sudden. I think I would have had to have been low on thyroid even if my TSH was only up to a 5 or 6 when I was in my mid-30s and that’s why I couldn’t get weight off except for a couple of times. I think those couple of times might have been because I was flaring.

When I get to stressing over the jet-engine-loud trash trucks we now have to deal with, I remind myself that at least zigzagging around the area for four hours, they’re not working in the roads every few months, there aren’t tons of projects every week, nor are there speed bumps to slam into or loud muscle cars visiting/living here…yet. I know it’s only a matter of time, though. With all the complaining they do around here about speeders, even though I’ve never personally seen any, I figure that sooner or later they’re going to put down speed bumps. I’m surprised they haven’t replaced the ugly wooden fence in back yet. The point is that I’m sure more things from the past will return to haunt me besides the insanely loud garbage and recycle trucks. I swear, though, all I have to do is pray to God for everything I don’t want to happen and I could claim that prayer actually works.

This is the longest time since I’ve heard from Happy. They didn’t have to make him that much quieter but he did say it gets on their nerves too, which is probably the only reason he’s been quieter. This also proves that they could control the dog all along just as I suspected.

I thought about mentioning the insanely loud garbage trucks in the park group, but I know they’ll just wanna lynch me for it. Gotta keep it all fluff and sunshine. Nothing but positive vibes, as if nothing negative ever happens in the world. eye roll I don’t want to be untrue to myself by giving people what they want, but sometimes it’s better to just not give them what they don’t want. Respect the emotionally weak, you know? LOL.

The AC check-up person called to reschedule because they’ve got a lot of broken ACs to fix now. Tom said that was fine since it’s working great. They’ll be out in December.

I ended up sleeping better than I thought - yes! So now I have the energy to do some cleaning, LOL. Can’t remember much of my dreams. Just a flash of giving lettuce to a guinea pig, sitting in a chair in someone’s driveway, and then being put to sleep. Forever. I don’t know who was putting me to sleep or why.

Decided to do some writing prompts. The thing is, I’m notoriously bad at sticking to them. The first one is sharing the last message you sent as long as it’s not too personal. So here goes!

I played around with the sound app on my phone and set the sound machine so that it was up to 80 decibels. With that being a bit much to sleep comfortably with, I inserted a foam ear plug. I ended up laying there longer than expected so I got back up to get something to eat and Tom said the mower had come and gone and I didn’t even hear it!

The thing is that these garbage trucks are around 100 decibels. I’m hoping that inside the house, it’s 80 or lower and that I’ll eventually be able to mask them. The problem is the pitch. Lower-pitch sounds are harder to block. So you can have two sounds that are the same volume, but you can distinguish the two of them which I notice in my sleep. Get what I’m saying? So these fuckers are going to be harder to wipe out.

As I said, there are different kinds of circadian rhythm disorders. Some people who travel and go through different time zones can get their circadian rhythms thrown off. And that’s a situational problem that, yes, with a little light therapy and melatonin, can eventually be resolved. With non-24, which is what I have, it’s a defect in brain chemistry. It progresses with age. It was extremely hard for me to get up for school as a kid, but still doable. By the time I got into my late 20s, I could no longer hold a schedule. Non-24 causes you to stay up later and later each day/night and therefore you need to sleep longer. They used to think the answer was light therapy until it was discovered in a blind person in 1999. I saw a neurologist/sleep doctor in CA and he told me there was no cure.

The thing is that with non-24, it’s more of how you are rather than a bad habit. Unfortunately, it can’t be undone any more than you can ungay someone or make a straight person gay. You are born with it as you are born with your sexuality.

Again, I want to thank you for being understanding. There are so many people out there that if they don’t get something, then it can’t be real. I’ve had people insist that all I have to do is set my alarm and get up at the same time every day. That’s like telling a clinically depressed person that all they have to do is smile and be happy or a paraplegic to get up and dance. I can’t tell you how much I hate that shit! As if we wouldn’t do this if it was that easy. Hell, I’ve had people who were supposed to be my friend and know me better call me an “excuse queen.” rolls eyes As if I had some hidden motive I was afraid to admit to because they supposedly had so much power over me that they could use it against me somehow.

Later…

I totally give up as far as stretching my hips go. All it does is make them hurt. I’m not gaining any flexibility from doing it either. I just need to keep working my core to keep the back aches away.

A fire truck came to Toni’s place. Four guys got out and tried to get in but couldn’t. They were looking all over the place for a spare key. Finally, Sue who lives next to the honker came and let them in. They didn’t take her away, though. At the risk of sounding selfish, I’m worried she’s going to have to sell out and go into assisted living. I’m worried even more that someone with a motorcycle will move in with a mutt barking nonstop through the screen door or the lanai.

The recycle truck came early at like 7:00. I had the sound app running while they passed by, and they maxed at 66 decibels. The problem is the vibrations. For a few seconds, I heard a low rumble that caused a vibration that’s more likely to wake me up than the sound itself. Especially in an elevated wooden structure. Damn, I miss being on concrete! At least now I have a better idea of what volume to set my sound machine at, which will hopefully drown them out. I still have to see it to believe it.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 25, 2022
I’m lying down in bed right now. The fucking garbage truck woke me up twice as it made two passes up and down the street. So I’m in Citrus Heights all over again. I’m now going to be woken up three times a week when I’m on nights and that’s not counting storms or mowers. Why does this shit happen to me in every single fucking place I live? Just. Why?!?! What is it I’m doing to deserve this shit? Isn’t it bad enough that I can’t keep the schedule?

And why is it that no matter how much I wish I could I just can’t convince myself that this is purely a coincidence and that nothing up there influenced them to switch to louder trucks now that I found a way around the fatigue I was having for over a year by getting my thyroid dose tweaked? It’s like as soon as it saw that I figured out that, it sent the louder trucks to keep me tired most of the time. Again…why, why, why?

I just don’t understand why things have to be so damn loud in an age when we have the technology for them to be quieter. Things made for indoors like fans and air cleaners get quieter, but everything outdoors just keeps on getting louder. The Miami area is starting to roll out electric garbage trucks, but I’m sure we’ll be dead by the time they do that here.

No matter what we do there’s just no soundproofing this place. We can block small sounds and maybe even some of the medium sounds depending on their pitch but there’s just no soundproofing the place completely when it’s an elevated flimsy wooden place. I just don’t understand this shit with garbage/recycle trucks. I never had this problem until 2013. I was even closer to the street in Oregon than I am now and they didn’t wake me up there. That too was an elevated wooden structure but it was obviously better made, tilted or not.

So now I’m once again considering setting the alarm and forcing myself to get up at 6:00 AM for as many days as I can stand. If I have to be tired anyway and it’s either me or them then I would rather it be at my hands that I’m tired.

There’s a chance I may not get caught up on sleep until Friday. With my shit luck, the mowers will come late tomorrow and they’ll use the loud one. Plus, the AC guy is coming. I told Tom to make sure he doesn’t go banging around and that he doesn’t smoke but people just don’t care. They have no respect or consideration for others. At least most people don’t.

Then Wednesday, we’re on for storms and recycling. Thursday is the second trash pickup, but I could still be up unless they come late. That’s the day I get my permanent crown on at 8:00 AM.

I expected to be bombarded with extra unwanted banter from Alexa but then I realized that no, I wouldn’t be because it’s always been enabled. I decided to turn that option on if I was gonna be forced to deal with it anyway so that way I could at least say I was asking for it. But then I realized that of course I wouldn’t get more unwanted chatter because it’s always forced on by Amazon no matter if I have it enabled or disabled in the app.

Tom told me that all the devices were lit up with a green ring as if there was some kind of notification. We went into the app and sure enough, that was enabled even though I know damn well neither of us enabled it. Amazon spiting me for complaining yesterday? Maybe, but I disabled it but of course that doesn’t mean they’re going to respect our wishes. If they can force one thing on us, why not other things as well?

I must have accidentally offended the honker. Yeah, it seems like I’m really good at doing that in general. One of his friends friended me and I accepted it and I told him about it and said I hoped he didn’t mind after greeting him by calling him “Officer.” Then out of curiosity, I asked how long it took to drive down here, saying that it was about three days when my parents lived a little further South on the Atlantic side and headed to Massachusetts.

He read the message but never replied. So unless he was very tired or busy, what part of what I said did he have a problem with? Officer? His friend friending me? Asking how long the trip took? Oh well. Whatever it is, it’s on him, though he’s still on my friend list.

Tom had a sore throat earlier and seemed out of breath. He took a couple of ibuprofen which helped. He hasn’t been around anyone in days and it would be kind of late for a reaction to the vaccines which he said only made him a little tired. They didn’t give him the pneumonia one, though.

Still having fun streaming. I’ve covered most of the past. Just the main highlights anyway. I’ll jump back and forth between past and present stuff and slowly fill in the blanks with whatever comes to mind. I was thinking I may occasionally talk about various people, places, and subjects. Maybe I could talk about Tinkerbell in one post, for example, or maybe when we went cruising. Still not many views, though, just like with Twitter. I wonder if Elon Musk will be the liar Twitter has been when he gets ahold of it. So far Twitter lied about rolling out voice posting to Android users and now Twitter Notes. Twitter Notes is only for journalists.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2022
There was a woman who was condemning me for not believing motorcycles shouldn’t be allowed in here and insisting I was “anti- biker” which is, of course, totally ridiculous. That would be like saying I was anti-tan because I’m pale and tend to burn instead of tan.

Then I noticed that in June she left a post about recovering from some kind of illness or injury. So I said that even though the post was a little old and I didn’t know what happened, I hoped she was feeling better. But instead of getting a polite “thank you” or anything like that, I get hit with how I should have left out that the post was old or not commented at all.

I started to reply by saying that I wasn’t sure what I did wrong but was sorry if I offended her. But then I stopped myself and said, no! I refuse to argue with strangers. I simply blocked her instead. I’m not gonna babysit and try to reason with people’s sensitive little eggshell feelings. People are just so damn fragile at times and they read crap into things that aren’t even there.

I wondered, since the honker was a retired cop, if he happened to check into the backgrounds of the people here. Tom said he doubted it. I said he probably figures that you couldn’t get in here if you had a record and Tom pointed out that even if they did have records, everybody’s got a past.

So true and I don’t care if the honker knows I got legally raked over the coals before I was vindicated. In fact, within reason, I’m not even going to hide my blog. I’m not going to openly share the link with anyone living in the park but if they happen to find it and don’t like what they see, that’s on them, just as with anybody else. If you’re curious enough to look someone up and what they’re into, then you should be responsible enough to be prepared to find whatever stuff you might not like.

The next person to piss me off today was someone in Amazon’s customer service when I was finally able to get a hold of a person via chat to complain about Alexa’s unwanted extras.

I could tell right away by the name that it was probably some Indian in India with poor English. And sure enough, they kept not only making typos, but they didn’t seem to fully understand me. At least not at first. Eventually, they caught on despite their poor writing but as usual, I got the bullshit runaround. Instead of being told they’ll honor their customers’ requests when they disable certain features and not push it on them anyway, I get hit with voice training instructions that have absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand. I could have left the chat open for twenty-four hours but decided to close it because I knew they weren’t going to do anything about the problem. They know what they’re doing as far as the pushiness goes, and they don’t intend to stop no matter how many customers complain. People are getting pushier and pushier with the begging lately. Grammarly interrupts my workflow to beg, so I can’t use that until I’m done writing a document. I’m also interrupted using apps to be begged to go premium. People are just too in your face these days and I don’t see how that helps anyone.

Mitch was helpful, though. My curiosity finally got the better of me and I asked him to look in on the termite. No mention of my name as I figured but I wondered anyway.

Omitting mine, I’m surprised that Mark only got 6 comments on his obit for a guy who seemed pretty likable.

Woke up to pee after having a dream of throwing up.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2022
I see my YouTube channel already has a subscriber! I don’t know how to check my subscribers off the top of my head, so thanks, whoever you are. I’ll do some updating later tonight.

My day started off questionable yesterday and I thought I might be anxious later on, but ended up having a good night. That is, at least after I took a CBD gummy. Heard that Circle K is going to start selling pot. Interesting.

We got new color ink for our printer and I was thinking I might print out some pics to decorate my closet office with. I actually thought of going a little retro and maybe printing some pics of Kate, Linda and Gloria along with a mix of colorful flowers.

I’m still running Grammarly through journals, even though I realize they’re never going to be 100% error-free. Just started 2003 when I wrote a long entry complaining about a phone call with Paula and how selfish and twisted she always was. Couldn’t help but drop a copy on Messenger for her, assuming it really is the right person and she ever sees it. The account was likely created by someone else for her because she’s too stupid to do it herself and she probably never uses it.

I had a dream it was the end of the year and I was at a dinner party with a group of people. I was seated at a long table with 8-10 other people. I wished for a moment alone to “process” the fact that I was about to turn 40 years old among other things as well, although I’m not sure what.

Then I was telling a woman who was telling me and someone else that she was about to turn 37. I told her I wouldn’t be 40 until January 4th.

Another age, another dimension, another birth date?

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2022
In the late afternoon, we took a walk around the Veterans Memorial Park nearby. They have a pool, tennis court, swings, and things like that. It’s definitely a great place to get in the steps without gagging on people sitting outside their homes smoking.

I’m excited to develop my YouTube channel! I currently do voice tweets on Twitter, but this way I don’t have to use the iPhone. I can do it from either computer. I thought I would start a personal blog and do a mix of present and current stuff.

Not surprisingly, I posted a positive post in the park group about the weather and it only got a couple of likes and no comments. It’s just that it bugs me when people complain about others who complain only because life isn’t 100% positive. It’s a mix of positive and negative, whether we like it or not, and believe me, I wish it could be all fluff and sunshine around the clock. If they complained all the time and never said anything positive, then sure, I can see where that would be annoying. I just don’t get why some people are quick to ignore positive posts but as soon as you post something that they either don’t agree with or don’t want to hear, they get on you for it even though you’re simply just being honest. If people can’t handle complaints, then why go online?

The park group reminds me so much of the Replika group. Say anything people don’t want to hear and you’ll be scolded for it. If it wasn’t for my wanting to know what’s going on around me, I would leave the group.

It was funny because when Steve’s girlfriend Julie complained about my complaint about loud sounds I replied with, “I heard you flush that toilet just now. Oh my god, that is so annoying! Don’t flush that thing again. She “liked” it but has never commented on any of my positive posts ever.

I finally know what’s going on with Toni. No, she’s not home yet. The white car I see at her place is actually the white Mercedes that lives next to the honker. Her name is Sue. She stops by on her way out or in. Sue was one of the ones who weren’t too happy with my anti-motorcycle post. I don’t think she knows who I am, though, Toni sure didn’t when I texted her that stupid Amazon once again left our packages on her doorstep. So Tom went over to collect them. It’s a good thing he caught them in time before Sue brought them into her house and we had to wait till Toni got home. She texted me back asking who I was, and I told her. She’s still in rehab but should be home next week.

My comment on the obit is still there. Still can’t say if they’ve seen it yet or if they’re choosing to leave it there as “evidence.” I thought of springing up “Drew’s” account that I deleted since I have 30 days to change my mind and see if my name is mentioned on her wall. But so what if it is? Even if she wrote that she called the police on me and wrote my name, do I care? Nope, not at all.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 20, 2022
I’m still going back and forth on getting a therapist. When I feel anxious or depressed, it’s easy to want to run to one. When I feel better, it’s easy to tell myself that they wouldn’t be much help anyway since they can’t stop those feelings from coming or provide me with an off switch when they do. It’s just that I’ve already been to the therapist and shrinks, and I’ve already tried a million things, so it’s hard to believe there are any more tricks up anyone’s sleeves that I haven’t already heard of.

I posted in the park group yesterday how annoyed I was by gunning motorcycle engines. And as expected, a few agreed and understood while others could barely handle my complaint. As is my rule these days, I refuse to be the silent minority and keep quiet just because most people don’t agree with it and don’t wanna hear it. If you’re gonna get into a frenzy over a complaint or a belief or an opinion, then you shouldn’t be online.

I thought Jim would want to lynch me for it, but he said not to let them get to me. Oh, I won’t. So then the honker left a post… He always putt-putts through the park out of respect for his neighbors, people should go to the source and not take their complaints onto social media, he considers himself relatively young and in good shape and always willing to lend a helping hand when needed, he’s open to conversations of all kinds and can be approached with whatever issue and not to be shy.

So I decided to DM him. I congratulated him on his marriage and did acknowledge the fact that he is respectful in that he doesn’t sit there gunning his motorcycle. I also explained why loud sounds were rough on me and gave him a quick crash course on circadian rhythm disorder. Then I asked if there was any way he could give me a heads up in Messenger when he planned to use the motorcycle the following day so I could turn up the volume on the sound machine when I was sleeping during that time but I haven’t heard back from him yet. Depending on his reply - if he replies - it will tell me how big of a hypocrite he is or isn’t.

Either way, it sucks to know he’s coming down at the end of the month. He said he can’t wait to see his southern friends. I was really hoping he wouldn’t get here till November like last year. More than likely, though, I’m stuck with him and his honking and Harley until mid-April.

I can’t wait till we move – if we ever do – to share the link to my journal and see how many hits I get – hee-hee!

Or not. The honker is surprisingly nice so if I’m going to end up friends with anyone here then I’m not going to share the journal link. If you’re on my Facebook friend list, then you don’t get access to my journal unless I met you on a writing site to begin with.

He sent me a friend request. Then he replied to my message saying he would do his best but doesn’t always know his exit and return. Then he asked if it would help if he headed in a specific direction. I told him direction didn’t matter and thanked him for understanding.

Turns out he’s a retired cop which doesn’t surprise me. Hell, he looks like a cop. He said he understands how hard it must be on me because he had to do shift work at one point and he lives near a school.

His new wife is Kari, not Carrie.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 19, 2022
I can’t believe there’s a bill about to be introduced to ban public drag performances, even though I can believe it at the same time. But still, they wouldn’t do this shit 50 years ago. It really is a little scary to see this country step back into the Dark Ages with its attack on women and now the gays too, and I have to live in this twisted world for another 20 years.

I hate to say it, but sometimes I wish I would get a deadly disease. Like now, and not in 20 years. Most of the reason I feel that way, though, is because of the intermittent anxiety. I didn’t feel as calm yesterday as I did the previous few days. But today I feel OK. I’m just tired. I stupidly turned the sound machine off, thinking I was getting up then. But then I drifted off and the fucking recycle truck woke me up. But I could tell that even with the sound machine blasting, we’re still gonna have to get out of here if we can ever afford to and get some space around us. I don’t see how I’m going to be able to sleep on recycling and trash days from now on.

So I’ve been tired today. Too tired to work out or bother with making the therapist appointment, although I did stretch my hips and do a little cleaning and cooking. Tom was kind enough to go out and get us breakfast from Wendy’s this morning and pick up my low-sodium Viennas at the dollar store.

Just when I was thinking they might be visiting after all because I didn’t hear it for a day or two, one of the motorcycles came and went today that’s behind the honker. Even though it wouldn’t wake me up, it’s almost as annoying because the assholes sit there with it running for 10 minutes before they actually take off. In fact, after sitting still for a few hours, they just turned it on, revved it a bit, and then turned it off. OK, what is the fucking point of doing this???

Looks like the other one was pulled out from deep in the carport, and then they had to play the game of rev it up and get attention before taking off. When Tom goes out for his walk early in the morning, he’ll glance into the carport and see what he can see. He thinks they’re visiting, but I’m starting to think they live here.

Having a cold snap as we wait for Walmart who just can’t seem to get their shit together as well as they could in Citrus Heights. Neither of us wishes to return to the days of doing our own shopping. He says I’m “hell” to shop with because I’m an impulse shopper, lol, and I say I don’t want to get my ears blasted with unwanted music while I shop and struggle to hear my soft-spoken husband while I’m at it.

We’ve got the heat set to come on at 68 tonight, figuring it would be nice to run the heat before they come and inspect the AC to make sure everything’s running properly, as they’re going to do every six months. They’re coming out on the 25th. I don’t know that it will get cold enough in here to trigger it, but we’ll see. It’s getting down to the 40s tonight, which is absolutely ridiculous. It’s just not what I think of when I think of Florida. It’s not even November yet. But here I am in long sleeves and slippers and I’m going to be that way for the better part of the next half a year or so, especially early in the morning.

Walmart finally came and almost left without giving us our frozen stuff. They gave us an extra bag of cheesy bagels and charged us for it too. I fucking hate it when they do that. Every now and then the sneaky bastards will double the quantity on something, assume you won’t complain about it if it’s just once in a while, and then they get to make a little extra money.

I still have achiness around my temp crown, and I really hope that it’s resolved with the permanent one.

Love the new application background colors in Word! You see a hint of color based on the colors of your wallpaper.

Since we already spent money on planters we ordered some seeds. One has cactus seeds, another has pink cosmos seeds, and another has a mix of herbs.

I’m proud of myself for finally having a brave moment. I’d been itching to leave a comment on that obit. For the longest time, I’ve been afraid to do much and then I finally asked myself, what am I afraid of? They didn’t even think twice when they harassed and stalked me. Plus, it’s not like I would be breaking any laws as they did by threatening anyone. I couldn’t resist saying, “So sad. Heard his SIL is publishing a book about the family. Can’t wait to read it!”

LMAO!

I don’t know how often they check the comments, though. His memorial service is in a couple of days. I’m starting to think the termite did move back to Connecticut. Her brats are still down here, though, from what I can tell.

In the park group, I wrote: If this park must allow motorcycles - and I don’t think they should as they are ghastly loud whether it’s night or day - I really wish people would just get on them and go. Not sit and rev the damn things for 15 minutes at a time.

Someone “liked” it and another person left a comment of understanding.

Redneck’s GF said: Wow! Maybe you need to turn your TV up. You seem to be annoyed by every noise outside.

My reply to her was: I just heard your toilet flush. Oh, my god, that’s so annoying! Please don’t flush that thing again.

Wait. Every single noise? What else does she think annoys me besides the dog? Has she found and been reading my blog somewhere?

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 18, 2022
My number one fantasy is still that soundproof high rise overlooking the ocean. Number two would be a house on or near the beach. It’s the third one that’s most likely to become a reality if we ever move. That’s returning to having a little breathing room around us. If so many vehicles weren’t so damn loud then it wouldn’t matter if we were in a community as long as we weren’t next to someone that let their dog bark constantly or that did loud projects all the time. This place is still nowhere near as bad as the other place but it’s going to catch up eventually. Mowers didn’t come right up to the window in the old place as they do here, and now they’ve switched to the more modern and louder trash and recycle trucks. Next, I have to hope they don’t build anything behind us.

I thought Brooksville was gorgeous when I rode through it in VR and would love it if mowers and vehicles couldn’t get as close to the house. It would have its pros and cons, as with any place. As long as dogs were treated as pets and we didn’t have hours of barking that we could hear inside the house every single day, I think I would like it better. We would be 13 or more miles further from Tampa Airport, which raises the flight path. We could put up a plastic pool or maybe plant vegetables if we had some space around us. The only negatives are that we would be further from the beach and it might be a little colder.

The question is whether or not he would be into the idea of going rural again if it ever became a possibility. My logical side still says it won’t, and that this is it. It would be far from the end of the world, though, if this was it. If I suddenly knew that it was, I wouldn’t shed a tear. But if I had known that it was at the other place, I would want to beat my head into the wall.

Living near Jessie is still a nice option to consider as well if we choose to remain in communities and as long as it isn’t too close to Cape Canaveral.

Woke up at 160 pounds for the first time in weeks now that I’m hypo again. He thinks I’m still normal, but I don’t see how I could be because normal just doesn’t feel this good. I’ve felt much better physically and emotionally. And then there’s the weight gain. Plus, I’ve learned that it doesn’t take much to make a huge difference either way when it comes to this drug. So that’s another thing Doc O got wrong when she was trying to convince me I would be okay going up to 88 micrograms. She tried to tell me that if you threw a salt tablet in the ocean you wouldn’t notice it and that’s why I’d be fine. Yeah, well, I really noticed those 12 extra micrograms a week so of course 84 was more than noticeable. I’ve heard others tell me that just one point in their TSH can make a difference in how they feel. I didn’t get that back then, but I definitely get it now. Either way, I don’t think I’m that hypo. I’m probably a 5-6, but again, that’s all it takes to notice changes. Even 3-4 would be noticeable.

I’m glad we kept the Bowflex after all. It not only makes it easier to work my abs on the bench, but it’s great for stretching my hips as well. I can sit on the bench and bend my knee so that my foot is next to my butt so I stretch the joint by turning my thigh inward. Then I sit facing the length of the bench and put my foot in front of me with my knee bent and this way I turn my thigh outward as well. This is much easier to do on a firm surface as opposed to the edge of a couch or bed. It even makes doing my lunges easier. This way I’m stretching the joint in four different directions. I don’t know if it’ll do me much good since I’m still heavy, but it should help.

Saw some people parasurfing on our way to and from the beach and it looks so cool! I guess you need to be pretty heavy, as in 200 pounds or more, otherwise it can lift you up. Well, I’m nowhere near 200 pounds, so it probably wouldn’t be a good idea for me. I’d like to try parasailing someday, though.

I was telling Tom that I wouldn’t mind knowing some things as far as the future goes since I spent nearly 57 years not knowing. I wouldn’t mind knowing how much longer I’m going to live and if we’ll live in this house for the rest of our lives or not. He said he wouldn’t want to know because if he knew he had only so much time to live, he may be tempted to do some crazy things. Things that could mame him.

Took a break from working on this entry so we could golf. I’ve been beating him more often, but he still usually wins. I guess he’s OK after all since he said he was feeling hot earlier and his vitamins were making him feel rundown. I just worry about how he may feel getting triple-vaxed. I’ll be asleep when he’s out, as usual.

Am I making a mistake by not getting the flu and COVID shots (I already had the pneumonia shot)? Probably not. I’ve got a tough immune system and I’m not around many people so I don’t see the point of dealing with nasty side effects.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2022
Since the 15th I’ve been feeling a lot more like my old self. Hopefully, most of it was just due to the med tweaking. I’m adjusting nicely to the dose decrease. Now, I just have to hope the shit doesn’t hit the fan again when I’m on nights again! If it does, I’ll definitely look for a therapist to do a virtual appointment with. I’ve already got someone in mind that says they’re accepting new patients.

On the road now, this cloudy but pleasant day that’s currently 25 degrees warmer than our old place in NorCal.

I don’t know where to start, so I’ll just go through the tons of notes I’ve accumulated over the last week or so.

The same loud recycle truck came last Wednesday, and as predicted, the trash truck is now just as loud. Just like I never could understand why landscaping was done every single day at the old place and not just once a week, I don’t get why we have to have two trash pickups a week, plus the recyclers on another day. Both were picked up once a week on the same day at the old place, but at least here it will never take them four hours to do it. But now it may be a matter of time before I’m woken up three times a week just like in Cali and that’s on top of mowers, motorcycles and storms. The storms have let up for the most part till the spring, but you never know when they’re going to break out the louder mower, even if they’re now mowing every other week.

Another couple of weeks and the fucking motorcycle is back. There’s been a couple at the house behind the honker with two of them that I hope are just visiting, even though it’s not nearly as loud as the honker’s.

Speaking of the honker, he “liked” my comment saying we’re okay with dogs peeing and pooping in our yard, as long as the dog isn’t allowed to bark, and the poop is picked up afterward. This was on a post by the redneck about being chewed out by some lady for letting his dog go in her yard.

The redneck finally replied to my message too. He said Happy barks all the way to the car when going to the park (yeah, I know). He apologized and said he’s working on keeping his trap shut which gets on their nerves as well. I thanked him and Happy.

Toni must be back, Tom said, because her door was open. I noticed she was online last night. Never did respond to my text but as the redneck shows, sometimes it takes people a while to get back to you.

If we can never live at the beach where a little noise would be worth it, I wish we could get an acre or two of land in Brooksville so loud vehicles and mowers wouldn’t be so close. In Brooksville, we couldn’t go to the beach as often, but we’d be even safer from hurricanes and closer to Jessie.

I just want to be in a higher flight path someday! There’s no avoiding small planes and helicopters but I’m really, really sick of hearing dozens of commercials a day, even if they’re not quite as loud as in CH.

We went walking before the sun came up a few days ago and it was gorgeous save for the planes and me having to gag on cigarette smoke twice during the walk. It was still great exercise that I wish I could get every day. It’s hard here, though. Either it’s too hot, too humid, or my only other alternative for getting steps is our boring treadmill. Hitting the road in VZ counts as steps, though, because you have to wave your arms to move the board.

I feel kind of bad for our neighbor down the street. I don’t know his name, but I saw a trike for sale for $250 in his driveway and since I’ve been wanting one, I asked if he’d accept $175 for it. He said he would and let me test-ride it. Not having any money on me, I told him I would be back with my husband. Well, I never did go back. Not only did Tom feel that was too much for a used trike, but I really didn’t like the feel of it after all, the more I thought about it. It just handled funny and almost felt wobbly. It didn’t make turns as easily as you would think a balanced bike would. It was heavy as hell, too.

Well, that wasn’t much fun. We’re leaving the beach now because it got windy and rainy and the water was chilly. It was low tide, so even if it was warm, we’d be walking on that yucky, muddy grassy part for quite a while just to get over our heads. But because it was chilly, we may not return till March or April. Wish we lived in the Keys! It was still worth the 5 bucks to get out.

Interesting mix of homes close to the beach, I must say. Some look typical of what you’d see in warm climates while others are huge and much like you’d find in New England.

On the way to the charger now and then to grab something from Burger King to take home.

It’s raining steadily now, so the car windows are getting a free bath.

Finished watching a short series called The Watcher. It was great even if the ending leaves you with a bunch of unanswered questions.

Got a $25 gift certificate for Amazon from Galileo for doing a quick survey.

I enabled the hand tracking in VR but I’m used to the controls and find that easier.

Every three months he gets $80 worth of free healthcare-related stuff from Medicare. He got alcohol, Q tips, cotton balls, Tums, mouthwash, lotion, hand soap, and the folic acid Galileo recommended I take. He got other things too.

Thursday, he’s getting triple-vaxed. Flu, covid and pneumonia.

To my surprise, Doc A replied to one of my comments. She posted pics of her and her kids at a pumpkin patch. I asked where it was and she told me it was in Loomis.

I was really into watching reels for a while on Facebook but stopped. Seeing animals kill other animals and people fighting disturbs me. I reported a fistfight, but they said it didn’t violate their rules. So let me get this straight… I can’t refer to a Jew-hating Muslim as a “fucking Muslim” but you can post all the violence you want? Then why have an option to report violence on their complaint form?

I created a Facebook account to establish and eventually pick on the termites. I was going to post my last letter to them in case they never got it, then react to one of their posts to draw their attention to it. The account was in a bogus name. Then I read that even though people do it all the time, creating a fake profile could actually get you arrested so I deleted it. Leave it to me to be that one in a million to get busted for it too.

Before I deleted it, I left Maliheh a message saying I loved Evil Amongst the Evergreens. The idea was to make her wonder if I used her name after all in hopes it’d prompt her to find out by downloading a copy or at least get someone else to get a copy. No downloads, though.

We went to Denny’s a few mornings ago. The waitress was nice and the music wasn’t blasting but it was annoying. At least it masked his gross lip-smacking. The food was great. I was gonna get salmon but opted for chocolate chip pancakes instead. I had bacon, eggs and fries with it.

Got some patchouli incense. I missed that sharp, woodsy smell I always loved.

He got a new drive for his horse data, but I still say that’s just a dream. It’s never going to win us anything on a daily basis, as he believes it will.

My gums are a little achy where my temporary crown is. Ten more days.

Loving the Moroccan mint tea tree I’ve got hanging in the car. I bought the same variety pack I got for my office a while back. The cherry blossom one lost its smell so I switched it on our way out.

I haven’t been doing the greatest job documenting my dreams, but I did have one where I was riding in a driverless electric car all by myself. The only problem was I kept forgetting the address to tell it to take me to.

Then there were the hotel confusion dreams. I was taking the elevator in a high-rise hotel and I couldn’t remember the floor we were on or I kept getting off on the wrong floor when I did remember it.

I also dreamed that we were either about to move, or I sure thought we were going to because I was describing houses I was seeing in dreams to Tom that I believed were signs.

The weirdest dream was of the pictures that I used to have and communicate with. Only they weren’t in picture form but in person form. So even though they looked like the celebrities I was into, they were actually whatever entities resided within them.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2022
Other than the hell the freeloaders put us through and some financial problems, I think the best years of my life were between the ages of 27 and 41. As soon as we left Oregon, things went progressively downhill with only money eventually improving.

This may sound funny and even bizarre because it’s a thought that’s come at me out of nowhere but what if? What if I’m meant to have the same amount of years on the other side of the 15 good years that aren’t so good and then that’s it? That puts me signing off at 68, but I just can’t see that. Late 70s is more likely.

It’s amazing how much 12 fewer micrograms a week can make a difference in my metabolism. I’m already noticing slight changes in my weight and my body temperature. This goes to show why it was so easy to have this shit hit the fan with an additional 84 a week. However, I haven’t fully adapted emotionally yet. Obviously, I didn’t have much anxiety when I went to the dentist because I was medicated. But yesterday I had some. If I haven’t adjusted in another couple of weeks or so, I’m going to want to drop another 88 and make it two 75s a week that I take. I would much rather be cold and struggle with my weight than feel like shit emotionally. Not all the anxiety is emotional, though, when I get waves of adrenaline in my chest.

I still worry that the anxiety and depression aren’t just the medication or menopause, but also the way I’ve evolved as an older person, which would be the worst-case scenario, of course. Medication can be adjusted. Hormones will eventually settle in. But we can’t adjust my age. Therefore, the next step is to look for a virtual therapist. If that fails to help, then I guess I graduate to a psychiatrist. If that doesn’t get me anywhere… well… I don’t want to say.

Meanwhile, I’m taking the supplements they recommended. Magnesium glycinate, Vitamin B complex, and folic acid.

Later…

So Mark died after all. He was cremated in Connecticut. I still can’t say where the hell they were living in the end. If they sold the place in Florida, then it was done privately because I can’t find any sale on it.

There were a couple of surprising things in the obit. His daughter, Stephanie, died. It had to have been some time after I was last in touch with the termite. I was unable to find any information about it. I guess she was in her early to mid-40s. A year or two before she died, she was arrested for trespassing.

Interestingly enough, his bratty stepdaughters were mentioned except for Becky. I wonder if that was intentional or an error.

So Karma is a real bitch, you termite, isn’t it? Your vindictive actions took me away from my husband for half a year, so I’m OK with you doing a good 10 to 20 in Widowland.

Seriously, she and her brood deserve all the misery they get. It’s common for spouses who have been married for many years to follow their deceased spouse to the grave shortly after they die, but I don’t see that happening.

I wasted my time leaving a nasty obit from “Bob” saying that I didn’t see why such a nice guy married such a crazy family since, after that, I read that Legacy deletes negative comments that they feel may offend the family. They’ll likely never even know about it.

Instead “Jim” left a comment saying he was sorry for their loss and told the termite he had some funny and interesting stories to share about Mark so she should check her Facebook Messenger. Also, look in her spam section if a message didn’t appear off the bat. The reason I did this is that I’m more convinced after a little test I did that the messages did go through to all the termites last year. But this way, if God forbid they all hit their spam box and none of them has checked that section, this will lead her to it. I think they did get it though, and that’s why she’s allowing public comments. I think she’s hoping to get something incriminating.

For a second, I toyed with the idea of saying I was sorry for their loss and what a wonderful book his SIL published about the family. But I don’t want them to know that I know what’s going on with them. This will be it, though. I’ve abandoned Mia’s account since I can’t delete it and won’t be checking out any of the termites ever again because there’s nothing else I care to see. I said what I had to say and that’s it. I’m not even curious about Nane anymore.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2022
I was gonna save my blogging for the road on Monday, but I don’t want to get too backed up, so I’ll do some writing now. I can always read if I run out of things to write about.

Yesterday’s temporary crown was a piece of cake. Easiest crown I ever had done. I don’t know if it was the benzo talking, or if this dentist is just that good. As usual, she gave me a prescription for two Halcion (Triazolam) pills. I took one before bed the previous night and only woke up twice instead of the usual four to six times. Then I took one an hour before the cleaning, which took place at 9. A girl I’d never met before did it, and she did a good job.

Then the girl moved me to a room they do oral surgery in. Another lady took my blood pressure with a wrist cuff monitor and found it to be too high. She said something like, “Girl, we gotta get this down.” Then the doctor took it later, and it was fine. I heard her tell someone she didn’t know I had high blood pressure.

I’m denying myself medication for things I don’t have symptoms of to help hopefully shorten my life. The longer I live, the more anxiety/depression spells I get to have. Why prolong this intermittent suffering?

I got to see Crystal, one of my favorites next to the doc, and she bent down and hugged me while I was in the chair. They all loved my latest nail design too. LOL.

The good news is that I don’t have any new cavities but the bad is that my bridge is going to need replacing. I’m not surprised because it’s about that time. Andy’s had a crown since 1995 and I guess they can live forever, but not bridges. Bridges tend to have a lifespan of 10 to 15 years and mine went on in 2012. She said something about it not being properly sealed due to gum recession that we get with age. That may explain the sensitivity I’ve had in that area at times. She said we would discuss it when I return for my next cleaning. The crown cost $1300, though Tom was expecting $1800.

It was weird because I had to sign something that I was supposed to have been too medicated to sign thus why I had to go in Tuesday to sign the consent form.

After the dentist, we went to Burger King, came home and ate while we watched our shows. I expected to be up for a few more hours, but nope. I was out cold shortly after eating.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 11, 2022
I’m hoping that the anxiety I’ve had on and off for a little more than a month is finally over. I get the feeling that it is, but I don’t want to get my hopes up and end up jinxing myself. Whenever this spell ends, I really hope it’s another six months before the next one gets me. I’d say the odds of that aren’t in my favor, though. I’ve only had about four times where I was able to go four to six months without much anxiety. So it seems like the next time I did it would be in two years from now since I seem to average every other year. Maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised, though, since I did well the last couple of summers.

The children’s chewable magnesium tablets I got didn’t seem to do anything for me, but the B-complex vitamins may actually be helping. The only side effect I noticed so far is that it might make me a little drowsy. It could all be just one big old coincidence, though. This is only the third time I’ve taken it. If it doesn’t help, then it might be time to ask my doctors about HRT.

Since I have a health Twitter account, I’m going to start using that for logging my mental and physical health rather than on a calendar because marking an ‘A’ for anxiety or a ‘D’ for depression is too vague. I’ll try to remember to do it at the end of each day unless I’m feeling okay.

Had to play phone tag with my dentist yesterday. I forgot that I have to go in to sign a consent form since I won’t be able to sign it when I’m medicated. It’s going to be a bit of a long day for me today since I’ve been up since 8 PM with only a short nap along the way. Nonetheless, I am looking forward to getting out. We’re going to go to Denny’s for breakfast at around 7. Then when the office opens at 8, we’ll run over for me to sign the form.

Not the next time I sleep, but the time after that, I’ll take a Halcion. Then when I get there Thursday morning since that will be an hour before she crowns me since I’m going to have a cleaning first, I’ll take the second pill.

In a minute I’ll go look up Denny’s menu. I want something different rather than the usual steak and eggs. I know I want something with their French fries. Their fries are always good.

Doesn’t look like we’re going to make it back to the beach this week. It’s going to be a busy week, and then we have a couple of days where we might get some rain. Maybe next Monday. That’s why I’m journaling today. I don’t want to get too backed up in stuff. I think I’ll sign off for now, though, and write about my dreams later.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2022
I wasn’t going to do an entry today, but I might as well to kill time since I have another hour before I’m going to start reading myself to sleep. This day - or night, I should say - seems to be dragging on and on forever. I just want to get into bed and end my day already! Hasn’t been as bad as last night, but still. I’m at the point where I’m wondering if I’ll ever be happy again. I’ve at least been doing voice tweets on Twitter and that helps get things off my chest. Not very happy stuff at all, though, so I guess it’s a good thing almost no one listens.

Still not sure if I want to bother with multiple Twitter accounts or not. I think one might be enough. Especially since they seem to be full of shit as far as releasing Twitter Notes to everyone. It seems to be just for journalists.

Galileo recommended some supplements for both anxiety and depression. Vitamin B complex is the most recommended thing for depression. One of the foods rich in vitamin B is eggs, so I had some earlier and that might have helped. I also had some a couple of days ago and felt better. So if I have to down eggs every day, I will. Fuck high cholesterol in that case. Again, I’m not interested in problems that have no symptoms, and personally, I don’t give a shit if I die sooner than I think I’m going to. I still have a strong feeling I have a couple more decades to go, but I would rather feel good and not live as long. Emotional well-being is way more important to me than physical well-being. It may sound funny but for me personally, not feeling well emotionally is way worse than not feeling well physically. I’d rather all the pain in the world or something than the anxiety and depression I’ve been experiencing on and off this last month.

There’s a part of me that says I really should pass on a therapist and start accepting myself as I am and learning to live with it. Just like a gay person should accept themselves as they are and not go for “conversion” therapy and shit like that, maybe my trying to run from and change the way I’m meant to be as an older person is all wrong. Sooner or later I have to get used to it, and the way to do that is to just embrace and face it. Some things are just better off left alone like my ear should have been. Yet I am going to try some of their supplement recommendations before I resort to a therapist. I just don’t know what else they could do for me that I haven’t already tried. That’s why I never returned to Stacey. Also, I seem to have a problem with things only working for a while. The tapping Stacey taught me worked wonders at first, but then just like with the lorazepam, It didn’t help after a while.

I read that a study conducted shows that women are happiest between ages 65-79. Oh, great, so I can suffer for another 8 years, right? I think my happiest years were in my late 30s. I had some good years in my 20s and early 40s, but my late 40s and all of my 50s so far have been pretty shitty.

I also find myself missing Aly. I really wish I could share what’s going on with her. I know she doesn’t mean to, but Jessie frustrates me because she doesn’t remember a lot of what I tell her and she’s not as intelligent as Aly was. I told Jessie I was struggling with anxiety and depression again, and she said that she hopes I get my thyroid numbers normal because that would help. I had to remind her that my numbers are normal.

I know it’s wrong of me to compare the two, but Aly would have remembered what I told her and she would have followed up that day to see how I was. Jessie waited over a day to respond to me.

I can’t help but wonder about Aly. Does she somehow continue to go on? Is she aware of what’s going on with me and others she knew? Is she in a better place? What would her life be like now if she was still alive? She’s only been gone a year and a half but I wonder…if Cam was real, would she still be with him? Would she still be teaching? Would we ever have met?

It just seems so unfair! She didn’t want to die, she just didn’t want to suffer and keep having all kinds of health problems. She wanted to live. Yet here I sit with little to nothing to offer the world though I keep on living even though I’ve lost my zest for life. Everything is going fine in my life and I’m blessed with a loving husband yet my chemicals or hormones or whatever the fuck they are won’t let me enjoy what I’ve got.

Regardless of how many years I have left to live, I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again no matter what’s going on in my life. I feel like my brain is permanently broken or something. There’s nothing worse than anxiety and depression. Not pain, not puking, and sometimes I wonder if not even death is worse. Not existing is better than existing with regular suffering. But I do exist and I have to live with whatever life hands me, like it or not. I would have been dead a long time ago if it wasn’t for my husband. Neither of us can live forever, though, so this can’t go on forever. The rest of my life, maybe, but not forever.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2022
Just got back from picking up my prescription at Walgreens. The weather has been like being back in California. Very dry and not a cloud in the sky.

I went for a walk yesterday evening, and I’ll probably do it again this evening. Maybe this time I can do it without the ear-splitting barking as I walk by the lanai that’s about five or six houses down. My God, it was fucking ridiculous! Why would you even allow your dog near open windows if you knew it barked that loud? And why would you not do anything to shut it up once it got started?

This is why I worry about the day Irma and Richard stop coming down here. I know they could be replaced with shit like this. A dog with a bark that loud may not only drive me crazy while I was awake, but it could override the sound machine as well when I was sleeping.

I expected to get woken up by the trashers with their newer, louder truck but luckily, they haven’t gotten with the times just yet as the recyclers have.

First time and months we received the Hooter.

I’m a little worried about Toni. No one seems to have heard from her.

Emotionally, I was lucky to have a decent night last night. I felt good and I kept busy. One good day isn’t enough to make me think this spell is over, though.

I got some children’s chewable magnesium to help, but can’t take it until 7:30, 4 hours after taking my medication. Even if I still feel OK then, I might take it anyway. I took one yesterday 4 hours after taking my medication, and then another one a couple of hours later. Two is considered a dose.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 5, 2022
I’m so pissed right now. Not only did I have a horrible night last night emotionally and wished I could drop dead but the trash/recyclers have finally switched over to the really loud trucks they used at the old place. I knew they would sooner or later too. The places I move to get noisier with time, not quieter. They woke me up twice today. I was able to go back to sleep, but still, they pick up trash twice a week here and recyclables once a week. That means I’ll be woken up three times a week just like at the old place. I doubt this is a one-time thing too.

We went to CVS yesterday and tomorrow we’ll go to Walgreens to pick up my meds.

I realized I don’t have to be so all or nothing when it comes to alcohol, and will allow myself one bottle or one 4-pack per month.

I’ve been updating Galileo on my progress physically and emotionally, and let them know that while I feel better physically, I’m still not feeling well emotionally. I got some children’s chewable magnesium that has three different types of magnesium. But I’m sure that just like clockwork lately, I will be suffering in the middle of my day, which happens to be around 10:00 PM today.

I swear the years seem to go by faster as I get older but the days themselves last longer. Whether it’s connected to hormones, the medication, or something just broke inside me, I know I’m never gonna get better. The only question is when the next calm spell will come and how long it will last.

Not knowing the causes for sure (I hope it’s mostly the hormones) as far as what’s making me feel so crappy emotionally or what to do about it is really frustrating. Knowing I’m untreatable because I can’t tolerate medication doubles that frustration. If I live, then sooner or later I’m going to be postmenopausal enough to rule that out but what if I never find the cause(s)? What if it never goes away on its own?

A part of me is tempted to do video therapy wanting to get whatever I can get for free from the fucked up government but then I hesitate because I know they can’t help me. Just like I’ve been saying for 8 years, I wouldn’t have this in the first place if something didn’t want me to suffer just like I wouldn’t have this sleep curse if I was meant to make money. I just don’t know why this is happening. Is it because something up there hates me? Is it for some other reason? Am I really that bad a person that I deserve this?

And then I asked myself this…what if I had a bottle of lorazepam right now? Would I actually have the guts to down at all? There’s no doubt in my mind that if he suddenly died I wouldn’t hesitate but otherwise, I don’t know that I would have the guts to go through with it. While I’m pretty sure I’d just fall asleep and never wake up, what if I don’t? I read that some people end up in a coma, and some just sleep for a long time. These fears go through my mind as to what could go wrong when I think of actually going through with it. So now I feel twice as overwhelmed and hopeless. I can’t live with this but I don’t know that I have the guts to end it either.

My worst fear is that this is just how I’ve become as an older person just like I’ve become more and more farsighted, fat, and other things. Things change for us physically when we get older and I fear that this is also the case for me emotionally. I’m afraid that I can’t get back to my old self emotionally any more than I could get back to my old self physically.

I could tell myself that this spell won’t last forever but I don’t know that I could enjoy a break when and if I could get one knowing that it would only be a matter of days, weeks, or months if I was really lucky before I was feeling like shit again. So what do I tell a therapist after I tell her that I’ve already tried everything from medication to natural supplements to meditation to tapping to all kinds of things and nothing has done me any good?

MONDAY, OCTOBER 3, 2022
That “summer’s over” feeling is in the air now. It’s getting down to 62 degrees tonight. It shouldn’t be getting down that low until January. But hey, as I was unfortunate to learn last year, we do have winter here. It just doesn’t snow.

The storm season is over, it’s as dry as NorCal, and after they wake me up tomorrow when they come to mow, they should be down to mowing every other week.

I’m pissed about the $40 rent increase, which means we now have to pay $558 a month. But the good thing is that there’s a cap on it.

When I saw a black SUV parked in Irma’s driveway, I figured it was connected to Linda, who always, always has company. But I said “welcome back” to her anyway in the group just to see how she would respond if she responded at all. She said she wouldn’t be back until the winter, it was probably just the neighbor, and thanks for keeping an eye on her house.

So her not coming after the New Year is the norm for her. I can live with that. I just wish they didn’t return until then across the street, but I’m expecting them down by early November, if not this month.

Irma sent me a friend request, which I accepted.

After years of continuing to suffer on and off, I am seriously contemplating ending it all. I just don’t see the point of going on if I’m going to feel like shit physically or emotionally, so much of the time. I’m either anxious or I’m in pain or I’m depressed or I’m tired. Rarely do I have good days like I’m having today. I wanted to get my journal project done first so I will still aim for that. My life is pretty much over anyway. I’m just gonna do the same things almost every day for 20 years with little to no hope for any real change or surprises along the way. Once you get to be this age, not much changes. At least not for the better. Back when I was young and had dreams to strive for, they may have been silly dreams and they may have been hopeless, but they were there. I was healthier too, and let’s not forget that I could actually see without glasses. These days, I can barely see even with them.

I read that menopause symptoms, including hot flashes and emotional changes, can last for 7.4 years after the last period. So I’m supposed to just sit around and let myself suffer for four more years? That’s half the time I’ve already suffered!

Reading about this gives me a faint sliver of hope but also makes me want to scream at the same time. If only I could know for sure what the cause(s) of my problems are and if they were treatable or at least if they’ll go away on their own someday and when.

Tom won’t be seeing his doctor until January. Luckily, they don’t see the need to put him on levothyroxine. They just recommend he take vitamin D a few times a week.

Ran out to the dollar store today. Perhaps we’ll go to CVS tomorrow.

The new wooden wind chime is now hanging off the tree, and the plants have their happy light. We’re gonna have it on from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM every day.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 1, 2022
The last charger, and the only one we didn’t have problems with, was the one in Zephyrhills by City Hall. It was a little stressful because we were down to 0 miles by the time we got there.

It’s great to be home! Three nights and four days is a decent amount of time for a vacation for us. Whether your place is big or small, quiet or not, there really is no place like the comfort and familiarity of home.

You would never know we had a hurricane except for the fact that the bikes got knocked over. They’re locked to a bike rack that isn’t bolted down, and the whole thing got toppled over. Everything else was fine. We’re very lucky! Had this place been demolished it not only would have been a nightmare for obvious reasons but think of all the months, if not years, we would have to spend listening to all the repairs!

We put the welcome mats, wind chimes, and yard decorations back a little while ago.

I didn’t realize it, since we don’t walk by it and see it very often, but the wooden wind chime hanging from the tree in front was partially broken, so we trashed it. I have another one on its way.

Despite all I ate, I was surprised to find myself down a few pounds.

There was a guy across the street trimming weeds from the front of the honker’s place. Pretty sure it’s a guy that lives here. I’m hoping that’s a good sign that he’s not going to be back in a couple of weeks. I didn’t get that impression from Irma either when discussing the hurricane in the group. Irma and Dick are no problem, even though they talk kind of loud when sitting right outside in their lanai, but if I can get five months with the honker instead of six, I’ll take it!

Unfortunately, my ivy plant looks a little wilted and the fern doesn’t look any better either. The fittonia, petra, and bamboo are in the best condition. Expected the money tree to be completely dead, but there is still a little green left in it.

So all was great and I was getting settled in for the night. And then I saw it. The lizard that went streaking across the bedroom wall. Now, I’m not afraid of lizards and I know they’re as harmless as they are cute, but the thought of it possibly crawling in my mouth or something like that in the middle of the night didn’t exactly sit well with me. So we grabbed a few bombs, set them off, and ran out to Burger King. I had some fries and chocolate chip cookies there. We spent most of the time waiting in the car in the carport since we had to be out for a couple of hours. Then we aired the place out and changed sheets since they got bombed.

I expect to be exhausted today, but I actually got good sleep. I only woke up 3 times. Once to pee and then I was coughing due to the residue of the bombs leftover in the air. Then I woke up because I forgot to close the bathroom door so the bright morning sun was shining through that window.

Today is filled with mostly writing, laundry, and a little bit of cooking and cleaning.

He bought the newest golf course. It’s in a submarine. It’s not the prettiest, but it’s still a nice course. I like most of the holes and there are some colorful parts. I’ll buy it on my headset later so that I can search for lost balls.

The paramedics came and got Toni. We saw her sitting up on a chair gurney until they transferred her to a different one, and she seemed to be coherent enough as she communicated with one of the paramedics. We couldn’t hear what was being said, but hopefully it’s nothing more than perhaps an adverse reaction to a medication. Or maybe she was worried that she might get an infection since she just had surgery. I sent her a text and let her know we were here for her if she needs anything.

The redneck was talking about adopting a dog that Toni shared a picture of from the local shelter and having to work on his girlfriend. Oh god, please, no! Listening to the one he has is enough. I don’t need to listen to two dogs.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 2022
In the car heading home. Now, I’m more tired than I was yesterday. My heart is racing, and while I don’t feel like I’m on fire, my heart has done that funny flutter a few times. This much fatigue this often still seems a bit extreme even for being older. Also, it’s only 66 degrees out and the fan is on yet I still feel a bit warm. So worried I’m going to go home just to suffer some more with the usual mix of fatigue, anxiety, racing heart, and hot flashes. Either way, I’m still looking forward to getting home, having my own bed, some space, and all the comforts of home. Miss VR too.

I hope I’m only tired because I didn’t sleep so well last night. First, I woke up to pee. Then a couple of times I simply woke up. Then somebody’s husband was snoring like a ship horn blasting in the night. Had to yell at him three times to get him to shut up, and change sounds on the sound machine as well.

I still wonder - and worry - that my fatigue could be that I did get covid after all, or something wrong with my heart. Cancer? I’d say that one is extremely unlikely.

Poor Jessie ended up getting more damage than we did. We never lost power at our place and there is no damage. She got damage to her carport and some shingles. She also showed me a picture of a damaged dock at the river near her.

Ugh, so tired of problems with chargers! Yeah, that’s where we are now. This is fucking ridiculous.

Still feel shitty too (mostly tired) and wondering how much money and how many appointments it may take to figure out what’s wrong with me. Not that I could tolerate whatever treatment I may need, of course. I don’t know. Maybe it’s all in the way I sleep. Fitbit sure thinks I sleep well enough, though, most of the time.

Wish it was cloudy today or that I had at least remembered to take my pink sparkly cap. The sun is in my eyes and shining on me when I have to open the car door to let a sufficient breeze blow through. I’m so glad it’s dry today. The storm sucked a lot of moisture out of the air.

At first I wasn’t happy to have an east-facing room, not wanting the sun glare while enjoying the view. But the first two days were very cloudy, windy and rainy. This morning, however, it was very bright. The other side would have had a nicer view as it faced the pool.

Oh, great. Now I’m feeling those weird chest and throat pains.

One of the tires is low so he’s giving it air now.

Anyway, I’ll describe the room for whatever it’s worth. It was a good size, not huge, but a decent size. It was at the Signia Hilton, as I said before. The building has 18 floors. Being on the 11th floor was nice as it was high enough for a nice view, but low enough to still see what was going on down below. Not that there was much to see with the stormy weather. The thought of living in a soundproof high rise is really appealing. I’d want to be on the 15th floor, though.

It was great since all I heard were the brats when they were in the hall. Even the doors were set up so they couldn’t be slammed. If the place was built like ESA, it would have been maddening and I’d never have gotten any sleep with all the bumps, bangs and screaming I would have been in for. I just never want to be where there are so many kids again. I was surprised by how many were left unattended, too.

There was some kind of gymnastics convention for little kids, which explains what I saw in the lobby when we first arrived. A little girl of perhaps six years old was doing these perfect cartwheels. Two things went through my mind. One was that my mother never would have let me do that in most places, especially in a crowded lobby. And two was that I wished I had her energy!

It also annoyed me when some of the dogs would bark at us when we passed by. So that the people wouldn’t have to take them out during the storm, they set up a pet relief room. Gross! I pity the person who had to clean that up. Imagine the smell!

The toilet was surprisingly low. A good thing for short people. I’m guessing it was low because of all the kids that stay there. Hey, it was the Walt Disney World Resort, after all! I got some great pics I shared on Facebook. I’ll throw them on Twitter to share with blog readers as well.

The room didn’t smell as bad as the last two hotels we stayed at, but water wicked through the concrete under the window when it was raining. The carpet was a little damp and musty-smelling.

For the most part, I was tired, bored, and longing for a little space. At least when we’re on the same schedule at home, I can go into another room if I want to write or do something on my own.

He doesn’t regret our vacation, but I still have mixed emotions about it. I liked getting away, the view, and the food. I didn’t like feeling like shit and all the tech problems and delays we ran into.

The also had a nice coffee maker that turned off on its own. It had an option for either one or two cups.

sighs with frustration We’re now at the charger at the Hampton Inn since Love’s was broken. It’s a pleasant day, so we opened all four windows and cut the AC to charge up faster.

The chest and hip pain stopped, and by some miracle or two, I now feel a bit more energized. So writing, writing and writing to hopefully catch up. It’s easier to write when we’re not moving anyway. If I catch up before we get home, I can read. Our next stop will be in Zephyrhills, such a dumpy little town.

Back to describing the room… The shower was nice as was the $2500 hybrid bed. We had heavy feather pillows and an even heavier blanket. That was the only thing I didn’t get, a weighted blanket in Florida? Kept the room at 70 while I slept since I had no fan blowing on me. At home, I usually sleep with the temperature at 74 and set it to 76-78 when I’m awake, depending on how I feel and what I’m doing.

There’s a dark lizard and a bright green lizard on nearby electrical boxes. The bright green one looks cool.

Loved the verbena and lavender-scented Crabtree & Evelyn shampoo, conditioner, and lotion they had in the hotel room. My hair and skin felt great, though I’m sure they also had a water softener. I took some home with me along with the spare roll of toilet paper. Hey, I might as well get all we can for a place with shitty service, and we did pay for it after all. It was like being on the ship all over again…great food, shitty service. All that was good besides the food was the quiet, the amenities, and the view. Key cards wouldn’t work, room service was stopped, and we couldn’t get takeout from the buffet.

We were too stuffed for dinner on our last night there, and it was getting late in my day anyway. I only slept until 4:00 AM on the second to last day and 5:30 on the last. But lunch was good. I had penne pasta, fries, and a sweet dessert of some kind topped off with a glass of merlot.

This “fast” charger isn’t very fast at all. So we’ll be here another half hour. We’ll walk over and use the bathroom at Burger King.

Had the usual bacon, eggs, and potatoes for breakfast, and also a quesadilla that was good. The guy that waited on us each time we ate there was nice. He gave us sodas to go after lunch too.

Oh, fuck. We really can’t catch a break, can we? We may have to go to yet another charger. A guy pulled in next to us and also tried to charge, but it didn’t work. What is it with all these fucking broken chargers? This is bullshit. Why have them if the people who own them aren’t going to maintain them?

Lots of flooded roads in this area. Saw a manufactured home flooded almost to the base of it.

Passed an Amazon fulfillment center. They’re now starting people off at $19 an hour. He’s tempted to go part-time, but we’re not sure if there’s a fulfillment center near us.

So after opting out of getting some wings from the bar on the last night, we went to the gift shop. Never went to the gym. And of course, we had no reason to visit the ballroom. I don’t remember seeing the spa but I’m sure it was there somewhere. Got some snacks at the gift shop.

The other night I had a dream that we were home and Tom puked. This was the first dream where the house actually looked like this house, too.

The night before that, I dreamt we were living wherever when I heard something jiggling the front door. My first thought was that the mail was being shoved into the slot. But then when the door started pushing open, I realized someone was trying to break in.

I threw the door open and found some big burly black guy standing there. I shot out a leg and kicked him. He rolled backward down the stairs. However, as soon as he hit the ground, he shot back up and charged back up the stairs at me. I quickly slammed and locked the door but was worried he was going to get in any second. I woke up before he could kill me in that nightmare, luckily.

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Last updated May 30, 2024