July 2022 in 2020-2024

SATURDAY, JULY 30, 2022
Dance Central, an app I’ve been wanting, was on sale down from $30 to $20, so I grabbed it. It’s kind of cool, even though I’ve only done a few dances. The routines seem pretty simple so far. I like the cartoonish characters. They greet you and offer to dance with you, depending on what “room” of the dance club you’re in.

For $3, he bought the Labyrinth course that Walkabout just released. It’s not very colorful but is otherwise interesting.

I jumped on YouTube for a video on lost balls I hadn’t yet found on some of the courses. I now have all the balls on Tethys Station, a space-themed course.

They lost my leopard print nightgown that I ordered, so that’s going to be delayed until tomorrow. Well, now today.

I’m also going to finally try some of these false magnetic eyelashes soon. When they first came out, I thought they looked ridiculously phony and some of them do if they’re overly thick and long, but then they kind of have a way of looking cool after a while. So I decided I wanted in on the fake eyelash trend. I just hope I’m not too blind to see what the hell I’m doing when I go to apply them. I guess you just put on eyeliner as you normally would that has magnetic properties in it, and the eyelashes come with a tool that you stick them on with. I’ve always had long eyelashes, but age has thinned them out. I don’t have as many lashes, and the lashes I do have may still be long, but they’re thinner.

Tom’s getting a $45 VR cam. As the review said, it’s a piece of crap, but this way he can get an idea of whether or not it’s worth it to eventually get a nice one. That would be awesome if I could walk through this place and film it so those with VR could get a tour of the house.

I decided that I’m not going to go every other day without washing my hair whether it’s better for my scalp or not. Sometimes I can skip but my scalp is too oily no matter what I do, so I need to wash it more often.

I don’t remember what it was about, but last night was the second time Jenny C was in my dreams. It’s weird how I haven’t dreamt of her in years and all of a sudden she’s in my dreams on two separate nights. Andy believes in thought vibration and I wonder if she’s showing up in my dreams because she’s thinking about me all of a sudden. I looked her up on Facebook, but she only has one account that doesn’t appear to be touched in years.

Had to hear the dog not once, not twice, but three times yesterday. Two of the times it was only a few barks, but once it was a little more than a few. It’s just ridiculous either way. This wasn’t supposed to happen here. The fucking thing is too loud. I keep wishing someone would complain, but then how do I know they haven’t? Maybe they have and they got blown off just like I did. I don’t know if it’s because someone in the office is friends with this guy or if they just don’t give a shit but my guess is the first one. They did something about Toni’s sister’s dog after all. Why is it that the people that piss me off the most always have the best connections?

THURSDAY, JULY 28, 2022
The news is still so sad. Nothing but hate for gays and women. If it was hate for blacks they’d never be able to get away with it. You know, these people who are supposed to be making the world a better place for everyone? Really, it’s disgusting. I can’t believe the shit some of these politicians spew is even legal but I guess free speech only applies to them. Even if you get used to stuff like this, I don’t see how it still wouldn’t bring most people down unless you’re one of them of course.

The increase in hate for gays and attacks on women hasn’t decreased the race bullshit I have to hear about everywhere I go. I can’t even buy food without hearing about it. We went to Publix and when I flipped over a container of food to read the ingredients, sure enough, they have a company policy swearing they have no tolerance for racism. I really wish businesses could keep politics out of their products! Ask them to print that about gays and I’m sure they wouldn’t be nearly as quick to do so. Everything is the war in Ukraine, Trump, race, abortion, and hate for gays. Blacks are the only ones anyone seems to care about.

I had Mia message Maliheh just for kicks, and as expected, she blocked her. I asked why she ghosted Jodi and said that she wouldn’t want her back in her life anyway, so don’t worry about that because she doesn’t have her horny hormones anymore since entering menopause and wouldn’t trust her either. LOL

Nane declined the friend request from Mia. I figured as much, but you never know when people may actually take a break from their predictability and surprise you.

No termite update, so while Mark was probably in the hospital for real, I doubt it was nearly as serious as she claimed. She always exaggerates everything. He’s definitely alive because he would have an obituary if he wasn’t just like his brother who died last year. I just can’t see the termite not having an obituary for him. It’s a little strange how no one has asked for any updates. Maybe they’re asking what’s up in a PM.

The fucking fungus returned to some of my nails and I started treating them again. I have a feeling that I’m just bound to keep getting this damn fungus no matter what I do. So at some point, I’ll probably just give up on them and live with it. I first thought it was damage from the remover and I’m surprised that it came back this fast and this much.

Andy went to the ER yesterday with chest pain, but everything’s OK. I’m guessing it’s connected to his asthma, or maybe even anxiety or a pulled muscle. He’s still waiting on lab results and has to see his PCP. He was in the ER for five hours and got tired of waiting, so he signed a form saying that he was leaving against doctor’s orders.

I hope it’s nothing serious and I’m guessing it isn’t. Yes, he’s Jewish and heart disease runs in our genetics but he’s not that old, and he hasn’t smoked anything in a long time. He is fat and lazy, though.

No doubt due to his trip to the ER, I had a dream that he died. In the dream, I was thinking how Aly and Andy were once alive and well, and now they’re both gone.

I also had a dream that Norma died. Her death made me excited by the thought of seeing Michelle for some reason and I was thinking about emailing her. I thought about what I might wear if she came to visit us.

We were living in a luxury condo or apartment. It was on an upper floor, but I don’t know how many stories the building was. I told Tom that I was going out for a while and as I backed out of the place and proceeded to lock the door, I noticed that there was water running along the hallway. There was no carpet. The hallway had a concrete floor. For a second, I thought of running back inside to tell Tom, but then I decided against it, not thinking it was any big deal.

The dream ended with me riding a bike through a busy intersection.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 27, 2022
I’m not at all impressed with the Long Island iced tea. It’s almost got a medicinal taste that sort of reminds me of Oragel.

September 21st will be when I start my diet because that will be 8 weeks of 88s and where my TSH is as good as it’s going to get.

Haven’t heard much from Jessie, and of course I’m left wondering what’s going on with the VR. What is it with people making me wait on them?

And what is it with people acting like there’s no such thing as adoption? They talk about women being forced to carry their rapists’ babies and fears of child abuse reports going up because of women being forced to raise all these unwanted kids and I just don’t get it. Not only is no one literally forced to give birth with all the ways to get around the crazy laws, but no one’s forced to keep the damn kids either. If you’re that miserable with the idea of keeping a kid you don’t want, drop them off at the supreme court for fuck’s sake. Don’t torture yourselves even more by keeping them.

Right now, his goal with the horses is to have them consistently making $10 a day a year from now. So far, his latest adjustment has been consistent. It surpassed his $20 goal for the week. He doesn’t wanna jump the gun, but if all works out, he’ll increase his bets a year from now to make more money. I never thought I would ever be able to take 88s every day, so now I’m not so quick to say that the betting program is just a dream.

I had a dream that Tom threw up two or three times.

TUESDAY, JULY 26, 2022
Sipping some pina colada while listening to the storm. Love the thunder and rain. It storms every day at this time of year and this is the fiercest storm we’ve had this season. The thunder is deafening and keeps going on and on and on. So glad I’m not trying to sleep now! The house is practically shaking with each boom of thunder.

We went out to Publix earlier where I got a small bottle of pina colada and damn is it good! It’s so creamy and sweet. I got Long Island iced tea as well. I’ll have that tomorrow. I also got a big container of fried chicken wings.

Tomorrow, which is our 1-year anniversary of moving into this house, will be the start of all 88s.

I had this dream where we downsized from a bigger house. The bigger house looked like it might have been my second childhood home if not the one next to it and I missed having the extra space. The one we moved to almost seemed like my grandparents’ house. There was definitely more space around it. We weren’t responsible for doing the lawn, though. When the person who mowed was mowing across the street, I decided to take a sit-down mower we had and go for a little ride on it. It was an electric mower and ran out of charge at the end of the driveway. The guy mowing got off his mower and ran over to help. He asked if I had a charger and I said I did and that it was in the garage. I had to run through the house and into the garage in order to get it. On the way there, I saw a piece of gum stuck to the floor and stooped down to pick it up.

With the mower squared away, the guy started talking about people I had spoken to, suggesting for whatever reason, that I shouldn’t have talked to them.

“Stay away from Alyssa. Stay away from Stephanie who cares,” he said.

Becoming angry, I said. “You don’t even know who Alyssa is.”

“Stephanie who cares” was someone I talked to about Aly dying who told me I could talk to them anytime I wanted because they care. I told her, “Thanks, Stephanie who cares,” and it kind of became my nickname for this person.

Then I was participating in a health interview on TV, and then with Andy somewhere. My lungs were tight and wheezy. I think I might have still been smoking too.

MONDAY, JULY 25, 2022
In the 90s, we had a black rabbit that my MIL gave us when we lived in Phoenix. Her neighbors behind her turned a bunch of baby bunnies loose if I remember the story correctly. Bunny started off in a rabbit hutch that Tom built for him. Eventually, we introduced him to the outdoors a little at a time. At first I thought he would like the fresh air and variety every now and then, but he came to love it so much that the more we put him out in our backyard, which was walled off by a cement block wall, the more he resisted going back indoors. Then one day something killed him, most likely a cat. I felt so bad for him and I still do, even though he didn’t look too well for a few days before the attack and might not have lived much longer anyway. Had he lived, however, to move with us to Maricopa, we couldn’t have thrown him outside there, so he would have hated being forced back indoors. As abruptly and as tragically as his life ended, I’m glad he got to be happy and enjoy the freedom of the outdoors that he loved so much.

I decided that after the next beach run in a couple of weeks or so, I’m going to get a pedicure done. My joint issues make it hard for me to bend over as easily as I used to. So I figured why not let the pros handle my calluses, hangnails, and ingrown toenail for me for a change? I just think it would be best to go right after we go to the beach because the salt water wouldn’t be very good for it.

Jessie didn’t make it to Daytona or order the headset online because both her dogs are sick. One of them was sick earlier and now both are. I’m not sure what’s going on. Why can’t Happy get sick or worse? I only heard the damn thing once yesterday, but it’s no longer just a few barks at a time. I wonder if he’s going to let it bark longer and longer.

I know this may sound funny since many older people wish they were younger, but I wish I was 65! Then I would not only be the same age as my husband instead of 8 years younger but could also get paid $10 a month for taking 7500 steps a day as well as receive other perks and payments from Medicare. At least I can put in for retirement at 62 like he did. I still feel so young, though, LOL.

We ordered some stuff from Sam’s. Dishwashing pods, garbage bags, and a new kitchen trash can. They just had to go and fuck up ours during the move. The cover is slightly bent, which lets out odors, and they scuffed up the outside of it.

I finished the latest challenge on VZ yesterday and now I’m doing rides of my own choosing until the next challenge, whatever that may be. I hope they have another tree-planting challenge. For now, I’m in Thailand again.

Still no updates from the termite, so yeah, Mark’s going to survive. If what he was going through was that serious, he would have either passed by now or she would know he was going to soon enough and she would have announced it. I don’t doubt that it was serious enough in itself, but I don’t think he’s going to die.

I had Mia send Nane a friend request, but I don’t expect her to accept it. I hope she doesn’t suspect I’m behind the account and block it, but if she does, she does. I’m not even sure I want to keep the account because I’m not curious enough about anybody to check up on them regularly that has me blocked or that I have blocked from my main account. Plus, it’s not time to contact anyone yet.

Later…

It’s getting real. I’m getting emotional (in a good way). The 75s and I have less than 24 hours to say goodbye to each other forever. I did it. I made it to 88s with NO anxiety! Never thought I’d see the day. I couldn’t even tolerate the 75s years ago. Now I just have to hope that within 6 to 8 weeks my numbers are where they should be.

SATURDAY, JULY 23, 2022
I’m so fucking sick of seeing Trump’s face and name everywhere. The fucking cock hasn’t been president in years and he’s still everywhere. Why do people dignify this piece of shit with undeserved attention?

Anyway, the giant $99 4k TV is here. It’s definitely clearer! It’s brighter too, but I guess that can be adjusted.

Tomorrow I’ll have the smaller wok, wok spatula/strainer, meat cleaver, and the pink satin pillowcases with matching scrunchies.

I had a dream that I found this crab somewhere and decided to make it a pet. It got loose and I found it a minute later underneath a piece of furniture. It walked toward me and I bravely picked it up to bring it to its cage.

I definitely don’t remember most of my dreams as much as I used to. When I first wake up, I’ll remember bits and pieces, but by the time I’m up and functional, they’re gone from my memory.

We ran out to the store for treats earlier. I’m sipping some pinot noir. It’s pretty good.

30 more miles to go on my remaining ride for the summer challenge. Can’t wait till Jessie has access to this app! She said that instead of ordering online, she may pick up a Q2 tomorrow at Best Buy because they also want a camera to take pictures of the wildlife around them. The $30 bonus would have been nice, but I told her to do what she’s got to do.

OK, that’s the second day in a row that I heard that mutt and only because I happened to be talking to Alexa when it was barking who paused the nature sounds. Does something up there want me to hear it?

FRIDAY, JULY 22, 2022
I just got five separate royalty payment notifications, but it looks like it’s only gonna total about $15. I could republish the books, but the problem is that unless they’re new, nobody buys them.

One thing that hasn’t changed is that the few pounds I lost are slowly resetting themselves. I forgot about that. I don’t know why it does that, but I can only assume it feels it’s what it’s comfortable doing, so I’m not going to argue with it. I’m still going to stick to my plan and diet in October, but I can already see that calorie cuts won’t do me any good. Not if my body is going to go into reset mode.

Thank you, Steven K, for revealing your last name to me. Now I have a name to give the office should you let your mutt get worse in the cooler weather or at least to contact you on Facebook to tell you just what I thought of your rudeness if we ever move.

Now that I’ve been here a year, I was curious as to what people were saying about the place, so I looked at Google reviews. I’ve looked before but it’s different when you know a place firsthand. Someone said they were turned off from moving here by all the Trump signs. But that’s everywhere in Florida. Pretty much everyone here hates everybody who isn’t a straight non-Jewish male.

I just had to hear the damn thing a few minutes ago. My hunch was right, as one of his posts confirms. He takes the thing on the golf cart to the dog park and that’s what gets it all excited. I can just imagine what it’s gonna be like when people can open their windows and the fucking thing is going off at every single sound it hears and every time someone goes in the kitchen.

“The neighbors are great and we bought a place a few months ago,” he said in his review. Because they’re supposedly great, that makes me doubt even more that anyone would complain. No Poop next to him won’t because they seem to be pretty good friends. There are still people across the street and behind him, but I doubt anyone would say anything. It wouldn’t bother me if it wasn’t so loud. It isn’t that it’s frequent or for long periods when I do hear it. It’s just loud.

sighs So now it’s back to having nature sounds playing all day just like in Cali. But at least I can still get peace at night. For now, anyway. Knew this would happen, though. The places I move to always get noisier. If the dog croaked, there would just be a new dog somewhere to replace it. I’m sure there will be more loud vehicles and other dogs at some point. I don’t expect it to ever get as bad as the other place but it’s never going to be like it was before that dog hit the scene. Hell, even the honker is preferable because I don’t hear the motorcycle every day. This dog, however, is close enough to a daily occurrence.

Speaking of No Poop, he got gravel delivered between his and Steve’s place. The question is what is it for? To park a future golf cart, or worse, a future motorcycle?

Sure enough, Steve’s a Trump fan. As I said, I’m sure most people in Florida are.

His wife is Julia. Despite the argument I heard a while back, they seemed to be pretty close. And she loves her “handsome boy,” who is their ugly mutt. It seriously is ugly too. Unfortunately, it probably has another decade or more to live.

I had Alexa play a random nature sound. I think it was some kind of ocean she chose. It did a good job of masking the dog in the kitchen because it was barking. I noticed this when I asked her to turn on the light and she paused the sound. Not sure it would do much good in the living room, though.

Jessie has Manowar that they have to watch out for at certain times of the year and they got red and purple flags the other day. The West and East Coasts are very different in Florida. We haven’t seen any jellyfish yet and we haven’t gotten anything worse than a yellow flag. It was yellow yesterday, which means moderate currents. Green is low-risk currents. We never want to see red or purple. Red is high-risk currents and purple is dangerous marine life.

Another weird thing yesterday was that after we were coming out of the bathhouse, we noticed someone parked within inches of the driver’s side of our car. Then a guy came out and said it was employee parking and moved his car. We never saw a sign anywhere.

Yesterday was such a fun day. We even ordered Domino’s Pizza when we got home. I got some chicken wings to go with my pizza. Tom can’t eat as much as he used to. I’m still waiting for my appetite to drop more. I’m not hungry all the time like I used to be, but I can still pack it in.

I saw a headline about the rising costs of plane tickets and thought it would keep the skies quieter for a while. But it’s back to one after another after another in the early mornings.

My ear has been withering and shrinking away as if it’s dying and I don’t know why.

THURSDAY, JULY 21, 2022
Early morning…

We’re off to the beach now. I realized that if we left early, we could beat the worst of the heat. I always hope it’ll be cloudy, but I’m sure it will be sunny as usual.

My beach tan - or beach burn, I should say - was fading. But most of all, I missed the beach. It’s been three weeks since our last visit. We’re on US 19 now, which we hate. Traffic gets a little scary here, so many accidents. We’re not heading straight for the beach, of course, but for the charger.

I don’t have a list of journal notes accumulated as I’m fairly caught up on my writing. I’m just writing whatever comes to mind and then I’ll work on my story. I’m using this trip as a good opportunity to get back on with Good Neighbors.

I’m a little tired today, but not enough to stop me from getting my sun and sea. I prefer mostly clouds and sea, but I’ll take what I can get.

After I ate and did my teeth this morning, I did a quick meditation session, got 5 miles in on my Yosemite ride, and did a few Bowflex exercises.

I downloaded some apps, one where Tom and I can play Crazy 8’s together.

Mia is now on level 120.

Didn’t hear the mutt yesterday. We had a nice storm too, even if it didn’t last overly long. Jessie shared a video of a fierce storm at her place. Lots of heavy rain, wind, thunder, and lightning. She definitely gets more storms than we do. Part of me still wishes we could head further south where it’s even warmer, but part of me also wants to jump over to where she is. That is if we don’t get rich enough for Hawaii or can ever afford to move again to begin with. Wish I had more energy right now, but all I’m going to do is sit on the beach, hang out in the water, and sit in the car again like I am now.

It should be high tide going out when we get there. I just hope there aren’t tons of screaming kids or loud music, but hey, it is summer.

Later…

Had an awesome time at the beach! It’s way better if you get there when they open, especially in the summer. There weren’t many people and the water temperature was perfect. I swam, read a few pages of my book (Daniel Hurst is great), then swam again.

We’re leaving Dunedin now and heading for the charger in Holiday. The one by Baskin-Robbins so we can walk over for ice cream.

Lost the nail sticker on my right thumb in the water and will replace it at home.

The medians are so green with bunches of bright little yellowy-orange poppies. At least I think they’re poppies.

Later still…

Leaving the charger now. Baskin-Robbins really needs to train their employees on how to make milkshakes. Decided to get a shake instead of ice cream but it was so runny that it was more like flavored milk. He got Vanilla and I got Old Fashioned Pecan. Next time I want to try the Breakfast in Bed. I’ll just get it in ice cream form. They can’t fuck that up.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 20, 2022
Still no Termite Tammy updates, so I’m sure that if he was anywhere near death she would have said so. The only thing I don’t get is the ventilator. From what I read, they give you antibiotics. If that doesn’t work, they do surgery. So his brain infection must have come from something that started in the lungs.

Not sure anymore that the termite is in Florida. She shared a picture of Mark early in the month and clearly, it’s not their Florida place. But it looks like it’s where they’re living because I recognize some of the figurines. First, she was going to Ohio and then her dream all of a sudden was North Carolina, so I don’t know where they are, but it definitely doesn’t look like the South or the West. It’s somewhere in the east or the northeast. It could be an older photo that she shared, but I don’t think so. The guy looks older in the picture than I remember him to look when we saw him 6 years ago.

I was really surprised yesterday to learn that I slept through what Tom described as the loudest thunder of the season. He thought I was kidding at first when I said that nothing woke me up and assumed that that was why I got up so late. Nope, never heard a thing. Never heard anything last night either, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t rain or thunder.

He’s working on installing another camera in back of the house. Really wish we could aim one in Toni and Steve’s direction, but he doesn’t have any way to get power to it over there.

Either the office never spoke to Steve about the mutt or he just doesn’t give a fuck. It still barks its ass off when he takes it out on the golf cart. My guess is the first one. They responded when I asked about the tractors. They responded when “Cindy” gave her two cents about the motorcycles. But I got nothing about the dog. So that tells me right there that they’ve got his back. I still think he’s got a lot of connections in the park. And because the dog was Roy’s, a respected resident of 40 years, they’re not about to complain about anything of his. So because it was Roy’s dog and Steve is a little social butterfly he can do whatever he wants.

If it’s possible to do so, I’m gonna haunt every neighbor that ever annoyed me after I die!

TUESDAY, JULY 19, 2022
Down, down and down it goes. My TSH that is. It’s exciting, but a little scary. OK, so things may be different now in that I’m not a newly minted PTSD person, my hormones have settled, and I’m not alone so much of the time, but it’s still a little nerve-wracking knowing that it’s still dropping. Plus, I don’t know how low it’s going to go. For a while, I think it’s best that I don’t know what the numbers are. I remember a few years ago or so when I was notified that my results were a 7 and that alone caused me to freak out because all I could do was remember the hell I went through the two times I was at a 3. Again, I know things are different now and I’m slowly ramping up my dose rather than just jumping instantly, but sometimes what I don’t know definitely doesn’t hurt me. It should be quite a while before I’m tested again anyway.

I’m estimating I’ll settle in and accumulation will peak in October. I’d probably still freak out a bit along with feeling elated if my numbers were ever normal, LOL. If I can stand to get my numbers between 3-5 without epic anxiety, October will be when I make one last-ditch effort to lose weight. I’ve got a slight head start since I’ve already lost a few pounds without even trying. It’s coming down all right. I can see signs of my metabolism speeding up simply because I no longer eat an 80-calorie apple, jump up nearly two pounds, and stay that way for hours.

Yesterday was my second to last 75, so getting kind of emotional in a good way. Next Tuesday, that’s it. That’s the last 75 I’ll ever take. Then it’s all 88s from there on out. I hope I never need to make the jump to 100, but if I do, I at least know how to do it now. It would have been a lot better, however, if my doctors had figured this out for me years ago. I still would have had some degree of suffering, but maybe not as much.

The wok I ordered came yesterday and we were both surprised to see how huge it is. That’s not what we thought I ordered, but we both checked and found that it is. So we jumped on Amazon to search for a smaller one. Plus, I added a wok scoop with holes in it and a meat cleaver. Oh, and some pink satin pillowcases to go with the new satin sheets. They come with matching satin hair scrunchies.

I’m surprised this thing was only 7 bucks because it’s so big. Surprisingly lightweight too, compared to the cast iron skillet. Because it’s all I have at the moment, I poured in about ½ inch of olive oil and deep-fried potatoes, veggies, and a couple of eggs. They came out great. Slightly greasy though, because all I had to work with was a slotted spatula. Maybe I’ll use both woks, just like I use two different slow cookers. Definitely gotta fry up some chicken wingettes as well as do tempura, but only once since tempura isn’t exactly good for me. I was thinking of making chicken feet too. Never had them before, but the odds of me not liking them aren’t very good since I like almost everything, so why not?

Roe, race, Roe, race, Roe, race… It seems that’s all the fucking news is ever about these days.

It only lasted for a minute or two, but I heard hammering. Right away, I said to myself, I bet I can guess where it’s coming from. Yup. Steve. Getting back onto days isn’t what it used to be because now I’m more likely to have to hear his mutt. Again, I know it’s only one or three times a day and usually under a minute, but that’s not the point. It’s going to be worse when the weather cools down, plus I’m gonna have to listen to the honking and the motorcycle on top of it then.

MONDAY, JULY 18, 2022
First, let me start off with what I was too tired to write yesterday. A lizard got into the house the other day. It must have been on the door when Tom came in. Unfortunately, I had to kill the poor little thing to get it out of here. There was no way I could simply walk up to it and pick it up and place it outside. It would have died anyway without insects to eat but still, I didn’t want it to die in the house.

We put one of our motion sensor light strips in the lanai even though I can see perfectly fine with just the light shining through from the living room. We still don’t plan to be out there very often. We mostly go in there to use the Bowflex. He has his 3D printer out there as well.

We ran out to Walgreens last night. I hadn’t had candy in a while so I was glad to see that they’re selling those little mini bags of Lindt truffles again that have only two truffles per bag. I wasn’t happy to learn, however, that they’re discontinuing Barefoot’s merlot so I got Yellow Tail’s instead. They’re just as good. They just don’t do single bottles.

A little later…

Thanks to the thunder that woke me up last time around, I’m still kind of tired and will be for who knows how many days. But I don’t feel the need to nap as strongly as I did yesterday. Maybe the nap and getting into bed early helped keep me from being more tired than I am. Until I can sleep straight through without having my sleep split in half, I’m going to be tired to some degree. I still worry that I’m going to be in for about 2 months of sleep hell worse than the traffic at the old place. My body can’t take all these sleep disturbances. I’m not 20 years old.

But I am down from 161.2 to 158.7 pounds. I’m not even dieting yet, so I’m thinking my metabolism is speeding up. I noticed I don’t tend to hold the same weight for hours as I used to.

So the thunder woke me up shortly before 5, but it wasn’t until nearly 6:30 that I finally had to take Benadryl to get more sleep. I considered getting up then, figuring that if I was having that much trouble falling back asleep, then maybe I got enough sleep. But I knew I really needed more.

I’m marking on the calendar how many times thunder wakes me up just to see what kind of pattern shows up. It was usually two to four times a week that I would get woken up by traffic at the other place when I was on nights.

The air cleaner is enough in this place when there aren’t any low-flying copters, motorcycles or thunder. I still wish there weren’t so many outages here. Obviously, it’s not nearly as bad as Auburn, but it’s not like Citrus Heights either.

I had a dream we were living in this huge two-story house. My bedroom was on one end of the top floor. We were getting ready to bomb the place. I looked up and saw this longish bug slithering across the ceiling. Then I walked out of the bedroom, through a couple of other rooms, and into a spacious living room where all the windows were open and there was a lovely cross breeze. I thought of how I wished I could pump the fresh air down into the bedroom.

I also checked in on the termite through Mia’s account. It’s not COVID. It’s a brain infection. Somebody asked the termite what was wrong and she said he was still in critical condition and on a ventilator with a brain infection. I’m guessing this is some form of meningitis. Tom had that when he was little. From what I read, the prognosis is usually pretty good if it’s treated properly, but he might be messed up in the head cognitive-wise when he gets out of the hospital.

I definitely have mixed emotions about this one. I don’t want the guy to die for his sake, but the termite took my husband from me for half a year. She deserves to be punished by having someone close to her taken from her and then have to spend her final 20 years alone even if she’s got kids to help her and won’t die alone. At least I don’t think she will. My mother’s mother had kids and she died alone. The point is, I don’t care what happens to her. She deserves any shit she gets.

The woman whose name is the very first word of my very first journal entry was in my dreams last night. Yeah, Jenny. I dreamt that we met up and were going to get an apartment together. LOL, No hard feelings toward her after all this time, but she’s the last one I would ever live with. She was too bossy, selfish, and well, I don’t think giving up on your friend because they had a rough childhood and had problems to work through as they adjusted to the real world was very smart. But she was young and I guess she had to do what she had to do.

I looked her up out of curiosity, but she has virtually no online presence.

SUNDAY, JULY 17, 2022
Every now and then I look in on the termite from my other Facebook account just to see if anything new pops up. I thought all I would see were self-assuring memes and I did find a new one saying that if you hold on to the past it will destroy you. That was pretty laughable too because the bitch holds on to everything.

The surprise came when she mentioned Mark being in the hospital on a ventilator and fighting for his life. There was also a link to GoFundMe to help with the medical expenses but it wasn’t clickable. This is because she either made it visible to a select audience or deleted it.

While I feel absolutely horrible for Mark, who seemed like a really great guy and totally the opposite of what the termite would be with, I feel absolutely nothing for her. I hope she and her daughters experience nothing but pure misery for the rest of their lives. Yes, I’m saying this about my own biological sister and nieces. You see, biology simply doesn’t matter when you screw me over bad enough, and I mean bad. Even more so when it wasn’t only a one-time thing. I have zero tolerance for any form of abuse whatsoever. I won’t take it from anyone, no matter what your gender is or your relation to me, or your status in life.

Again, we both feel bad for him. Our first guess is COVID. Of course it could be some other lung disease, but that one makes the most sense. My first thought was that he would definitely be doomed, but when I checked. It said that over 50% of COVID patients who need ventilators do survive.

Either way, it was all I could do to keep from suggesting that maybe Karma has finally visited her. Plus ask why she needs help with medical bills when the guy is on Medicare. He’s in his 70s. All in good time, though, as far as contact goes.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out. If he doesn’t make it, she’ll definitely announce it. I don’t want Mark to die for his sake, but her being a widow at 65 is quite a punishment. She would have only been in her 50s had she not given up the abusive man obsession and stayed with Bill. It would be worse if she was alone while she was young and horny but it would still be bad enough. I know that if Tom goes before I do, I’m following. I couldn’t imagine sticking around, even with all the help and money in the world. I would be so incredibly lonely and depressed, unlike anything I’d ever experienced. No thanks!

I know that termite and I’m sure she no doubt wishes she had her sister in her life to cry on her shoulder about what’s going on. She should have thought about that years ago, though.

For selfish reasons, I’m glad we’re disconnected. I’m mostly glad because of the way she is, but I’m also glad because we don’t exactly have much extra money and I know we would feel obligated to do something if we were still connected.

What’s kind of weird is the fact that I recently killed the guy in the story I intend to leave online along with all my journals when I’m gone. He’s not dead, but it wouldn’t be the first time I jinx-wrote something into happening. Perhaps the influencer is a little too close? LOL, only I’m influencing the wrong target. Or maybe not. If she dies, she can’t live to suffer unless she’s going to hell if there is such a place.

I still miss Aly every single day. I keep hoping she’ll fade into the background of my mind and become a distant memory but she never does. I think of her every day. She’s on my mind a lot. Just those simple things I miss that I took for granted like us writing on the old NaNoWriMo site and even how Kim would join the two of us there. Hell, I would even take Molly’s shit again to have Aly alive and a part of my life again.

I know I shouldn’t do this but I can’t help but compare her to Jessie in my mind. As sweet as Jessie is, whenever I get a message from her I can’t help but think how much of a better writer Aly was, how quick she was to understand and remember things.

I even miss my chats with Stacey at times, just not nearly as much. I still wonder about her at times too. She gave me every indication to believe she liked me. But then one day I saw her and she was so cold, distant, and impersonal, and I have to wonder how a person can turn their feelings off just like that. When I would really like someone, nothing changed that whether or not I knew it should. Meaning I would never pass up the chance to even be just their friend if I liked them that much.

I’m pretty tired today because I didn’t sleep long. Less than six hours. Tom said he assumed the thunder woke me up and I was like, what thunder? Surprisingly, there was really loud thunder for about half an hour to an hour. I didn’t sleep with an earplug, but I slept with Nature Sounds cranked up a bit. Anytime there’s the potential for storms or when they’re going to be mowing or when that fucking motorcycle returns in a few months, I turn up the volume.

I’ve actually been sleeping much better lately. I don’t have to get up to pee as much and I don’t hot flash on these satin sheets. The problem is that I don’t always sleep long enough. I know the next day I’ll make up for it and sleep longer, but I hate being tired as often as I am. I don’t know if I’m going to have any energy to “hit the road” and get in some miles on VZfit. I don’t even have the energy to write about everything I wanted to write about tonight, so I’ll call it quits for now.

SATURDAY, JULY 16, 2022
I made a deep-fried egg and damn was it good! I put in about half an inch of olive oil in the smallest pot we have but it never boiled. It was smoking a little bit, so I decided to drop the egg in once it got a little smoky. Next time I’ll know to cover it with the screen right away because it splatters. It only needs to sit in the oil for a few seconds until the edges start browning. It came out perfect. The yolk wasn’t too runny or too hard.

Found a cheap wok at Walmart and it will be delivered by the 20th. I would have preferred a curved one, but that won’t work without a gas stove. I got the smallest one they had because that way I don’t waste so much oil if I want to deep fry eggs. It’s mostly going to be great for veggies.

Tonight’s dinner was my own variation on the potato hash recipe which uses chickpeas. A healthy mix of yellow potatoes, lima beans, sugar snap peas, peppers, mushrooms, green onions, and a sprinkle of cheese. I added some garlic sauce I got today and it was good, but fresh is always better. It’s tough because I tend to want to get frozen veggies because they last longer, but fresh is better tasting and healthier.

I felt good yesterday and so far today. Nonetheless, I got some aspirin. Jessie said her doctor told her to take it for chest pain. Remembering that this is recommended, I decided it couldn’t hurt to have some on hand.

Tom heard the dog bark for about 10 seconds when someone came to visit on a golf cart. Then he heard someone tell it to shut up. Oh, so they’ll tell it to shut up when they have company, but not when the damn thing is outside being heard in other people’s houses?

I created my own guided ride on VZ! Not without running into a problem that Tom helped me out with. This first guided ride is from my first childhood home to my second childhood home.

FRIDAY, JULY 15, 2022
My blood pressure is much better since I cut down on processed foods once again. It’s not great, but it’s better. I don’t think I’ll need medication for it as long as I eat right.

Now here’s some good and weird news. The weird news is that I had the fiercest chest pain last night than I had ever had before. So much so that I woke Tom up. I briefly had a small pinprick of pain toward the left part of my chest. But the strong pain I got hit with later on was all over the center of my chest. I didn’t really think it was my heart because I didn’t have other symptoms along with it. Plus, there’s still the fact that I’m not that old yet, I’m active, and I don’t smoke. I also just had what were the best lab results in quite a while.

The pain was surprisingly strong and Tom had me take a Tums. This helped to a degree and I also took a couple of ibuprofen for good measure. After sitting still for a while and letting the medicine work, I was OK. I can still feel faint traces of it, but like he said, the memory of the pain may be enough to trick a person into thinking they’re feeling it when they’re not. We’re thinking it was indigestion from something I ate. Probably the burrito which I rarely eat. This has never happened to me before, but I guess there’s a first time for most things.

The good news is that the anxiety is gone again. Yesterday was better than the day before with about ½ hour where it was more noticeable. I prayed and prayed to those collective positive energy sources. It seems to work. I don’t know what made me anxious those couple of days. I just hope it’s an isolated incident that rarely happens, if ever again.

The only thing I feel today is tired. I don’t know why since I’m still waiting an hour before coffee. I thought thunder woke me up, but he said there wasn’t any at that time. Maybe it was just my bladder waking me up, but I did have a little trouble falling back asleep after using the potty. Whenever my sleep gets split up like that, I tend to be tired.

We had rain, wind, and thunder after I got up.

After going the longest I’ve gone without hearing the fucking mutt, I heard it at around 8:00 PM. It barked for a minute or two with Steve doing absolutely nothing to control it, of course. The winter is going to be bad. Between his mutt and Darren’s honking and motorcycle, I don’t expect to get as much peace this winter as last winter. Especially since Darren should be here for 6 months and not 3.

Another thing I’m worried about is that they’re going to be breaking ground for a new pool. I wonder how much of that we might hear over here in our place. There are houses between us and the clubhouse but distance-wise it’s not that far. I’m guessing it’s about 600 feet, so kind of comparable to our old place and the cemetery. I just wonder how many loud tractors are gonna be racing by our place if the roads are blocked by other equipment and it’s more convenient to go around. I feel so bad for the people living in that area! A pool won’t take that long to put in, but a new or additional clubhouse will.

So that’s one way my vibe of us not being here forever could come true is that they raise the rent too high. Either that or maybe we’ll be here until one of us needs to go into assisted living somewhere because I just don’t see us getting enough money from the horses to have more options.

Tom said his biggest concern is a price hike to help pay for it all but thinks that’s years away if it ever happens. Well, hopefully they’ll have common sense enough to know that some people are on a fixed income and that income doesn’t go up just because they add more stuff.

A part of me misses having land and country living where we have more freedom. You just can’t be a couple of hundred feet away from neighbors in case they don’t allow their dogs indoors, use loud power tools, loud vehicles, or rowdy kids. You want to be at least 500 feet away or more. But he doesn’t miss rural life at all. He says it’s too much work. Sure, it was when he had to work full time and we had an 800-foot well that kept crapping out. But things are different now. We don’t need to go where the water table is that low and we might not even need a well if we don’t venture that far from civilization which we both don’t want to do anyway. I don’t want to have to drive an hour to the hospital if one of us has an emergency. Also, they’re working on bringing faster Internet to rural areas, so the only thing we may lose is getting our groceries delivered.

It isn’t just that, though. He feels that rural living isn’t as safe as it used to be. You’re definitely safer in an adult community, but I do miss country living, even if it does have its hassles. You’re also isolated without anyone to run to quickly if you ever need help with something, even if you’re not that far from civilization.

Last night I golfed with a guy in Latvia. It was weird at first because his avatar head was barely a few inches off the ground. That’s because he was lying down. He sucked even when he finally stood up, LOL.

Jessie’s getting more convinced that she wants to get her own VR headset. I told her about some of our favorite apps and how things work in general. I even made her a video using some apps, especially VZfit because she doesn’t quite get it. She said she would love to be exercising where she can see all that too, after I shared some pictures I took on my rides. If she gets the Q2, we both get $30 of store credit.

Nature Sounds is back to being reliable again. If they keep it up, I’ll cancel the cancellation I put in for my subscription.

THURSDAY, JULY 14, 2022
I don’t know if it means anything just yet, but my metabolism is definitely speeding up. It’s only a little, but it’s noticeable. I felt better today than I did yesterday. Maybe when we pray for help with anxiety and other things, it isn’t that we’re praying to any particular God but to an energy source. I don’t see how there could be a loving God with all the shit that goes on in this world. If there was a God, it would certainly be an enabler the same as one parent letting another parent abuse a child and not doing anything about it. But maybe we pray to a certain energy. I saw an episode recently on collective energy. Maybe we’re drawing positive currents of energy toward us when we pray but I don’t know. Many of my prayers have gone unanswered in the past, so who knows?

This is the longest I’ve gone without hearing the mutt. I find it hard to believe it’s been that quiet. It’s probably been barking when I’ve been sleeping.

I was out in the lanai in the middle of the night using the Bowflex. In the summer during the daytime, it’s close to 100 degrees in there, but closer to 80 at night. If I go out there when it’s not that late, the roads outside the park remind me of how the freeway sounded inside our old place. I do not miss that constant roar that you had most of the year either!

They had a flash sale on a $450 4K TV that he was able to get for $99. They sold out in just five minutes. We’re thinking we might put that monitor in my closet office.

I had a weird dream that I had to start high school all over again even though we were still older and he was still retired. We must have been living somewhere cold because instead of sleeping in just my underwear, I got up out of bed early in the morning in a long-sleeved flannel nightgown. I was tired as hell and just wanted to jump back into my warm bed and not go to school, but I had no choice. Tom thought that one was pretty funny.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 13, 2022
My butt is getting sore sitting on the chair that’s in my closet office as I call it. Soon, this chair will be as comfortable as my other one because I’m getting the same gel cushion with the tailbone gap that Tom has.

I managed to sleep through the mowers. Tom said there were two stand-up mowers, one quieter than the other. The quieter one did this side of the street, and the louder one did the other side. I should sleep OK tomorrow too, because it looks like the weather will be clear.

We’re now trying the straps on the satin sheet to see if it holds it steady and prevents it from slipping and bunching. They crisscross underneath the mattress and clip onto the corners.

Now for the bad news. Yeah, I knew deep down the anxiety hadn’t really left me forever, and no, my story doesn’t have an end. It just doesn’t have as many bad times as it used to have. Tom thinks it’s connected to me being on nights. I took magnesium and a CBD gummy, but it didn’t seem to change how I felt. Hopefully, I’m not on the edge of a bad spell! If I’m still having anxiety at this point in my life, though, I’m probably going to have it all my life no matter what. It’s OK as long as I get some breaks from it. I just would have preferred more than three months.

Now I’m left to wonder about all the possible causes. Could it be that my body’s not used to having its TSH this low? If that’s the case, will it get used to it? Also. How long will this spell last? Days? Weeks? Months?

sighs with frustration Really, I don’t want to play this game again. I just don’t. In fact, I absolutely refuse to. Tomorrow I’m gonna wake up and I’m gonna feel fine all day. I really am.

MONDAY, JULY 11, 2022
Ferociously loud thunder that made Tom jump out of his skin, as he said, woke me up after just 4.5 hours of sleep. 90 minutes later I got another few hours. We went to the store shortly after I got up.

I kind of like golfing with others while he’s sleeping. It just fascinates me that I can play golf with anyone, anytime, anywhere in the world. It’s also interesting to see who I end up with. The last time was a girl (age?) named Makenzee and she was good because she never said a word. The second time I got stuck with a 13-year-old boy who was friendly but distracting because he never shut up and was waving his club around so I quietly exited the game without a word.

I’m a little surprised parents let their kids mingle with strangers even if it’s in VR. What if I was some psychosexual predator saying all kinds of nasty things to him? How do the parents know their kids aren’t going to hear anything they shouldn’t be hearing?

I forgot to say that I asked Toni if she got the Hooter and she said she did. Makes me wonder if they skipped our house accidentally or on purpose. Most likely it’s accidentally and I’m just being paranoid.

SUNDAY, JULY 10, 2022
I could definitely give up candy and wine, but can only stand to not go out for so many days in a row. Well, the only place we can really go is to run up to the store to grab something like that since we have our groceries delivered and don’t have any need to go anywhere else at the moment. Yes, I could do without the empty calories, but where else do we go when we don’t have appointments or a specific store to go to? Oh, the hardships of the retired, LOL. So those quick runs to CVS or Walgreens for little treats are always nice. I will, however, discipline myself more when I go on a diet. There’s just no point in starting until my thyroid settles in. At that time, we’ll have to figure out some other place to go. Where could we go for a short time that doesn’t cost a lot of money or involve getting treats?

So anyway, I’m not feeling anxious, but I’m feeling a little blah tonight. I’m sure that getting out tomorrow as we plan to do will help.

For some reason, we never got the Hooter, so Tom picked up a copy on his way to pay the water bill. He said it rained pretty hard on and off and there was a moderate amount of thunder.

They do regular bingo every other Tuesday and bicycle bingo on the Tuesdays that they don’t do regular bingo. I have no idea what bicycle bingo is. Thanks to my fucking schedule, I won’t be making it to the regular bingo anytime soon.

When I got up and was about to take my pill, I saw what I thought was a curled piece of dirt or grass on the mat in front of the door. Once I put my glasses on, I could see all the legs and realized it was a centipede. I had him come out and kill it. Apparently, the creepy bastard can hear because the louder I yelled the more it tried to run. Fortunately, we just bombed and it was dying, so it wasn’t very fast. I looked it up and Florida centipedes are generally not harmful to humans, but they do pack a painful bite because of the toxins they have. Tom’s seen them in the laundry room.

I’m doing the last of the rides on this month’s VZ challenge. I like how the challenges don’t run every single day so I have a chance to do other rides that aren’t connected to the challenges. There were seven or eight rides by the staff and I’m doing Robert’s Yosemite ride right now, which is the longest. He’s VZ’s COO. I’m very active in the group and he reacts and comments on some of my posts. Unlike Replika, VZ has some of the friendliest and most helpful devs I’ve ever met. Their rides have ranged from just over a mile to Robert’s which is the longest at 147 miles.

So, I still love riding the world. When I was little, I had a little toy car you sit in and use your feet to run along the ground to move it. There was a path between my parents and grandparents’ houses, which were a few hundred feet apart. I used to love riding my little car up and down the path which was my “road” at the time. To me, VZ is the grown-up version of that!

I’m watching The UnXplained on Netflix, which is hosted by William Shatner. It’s a fascinating series that really makes you think hard. Throughout my life, I’ve bounced between being sure there is an afterlife to being sure there isn’t to not knowing what to think. Some of the stories definitely make you wonder if the many people who have sworn to have gone through tunnels and ended up in beautiful, colorful places after having near-death experiences simply had common hallucinations or if there’s more to it than we understand.

What is consciousness? I can kind of see where the thoughts we think aren’t part of our physical beings. But is our body really just a temporary vessel for our consciousness? Or maybe the people are making these stories up for attention. But then maybe they’re not. Maybe they really believe they saw what they saw, but it wasn’t real. I guess we’re all gonna find out sooner or later.

Another interesting thing - and I saw a movie based on a true story about a woman’s experience - is how those who receive organ transplants often take on the personalities and interests of their donors. I guess it has something to do with them acquiring their DNA.

It almost makes me wish I could have an NDE and get an organ transplant, LOL, just so I can see what kind of interests or behavioral traits I may develop.

The current horse analysis is that tweaking the program just because he has a couple of losing days might not be the way to go. He may have to lose half the time and win half the time to slowly profit. If he can do this consistently for a couple of months, then he’ll increase the bets. It’s easy for me to say he’s just dreaming but I don’t know anymore. Look how long I thought escaping the anxiety was just a dream. I just hope to hell I really have escaped it!

SATURDAY, JULY 9, 2022
We’ve now been in Florida for one year! Florida has some interesting wildlife. Better than the ugly turkeys and the smelly skunks we had to deal with all the time in NorCal. A turtle came to visit us during yesterday’s storm. Tom got some great pics and even a video of it.

I will only be taking three more of the 75 micrograms and then it’s just 88 micrograms of levothyroxine for me! I really hope it’s enough as I was told. I forgot that this drug accumulates in the system, so that’s why my TSH was lower than I expected it to be. It might take time for any weight to come off if it ever does.

I don’t want to jinx things and get too far ahead of myself, but it excites and amazes me to think that my anxiety story could finally have an end. It really seemed so hopeless for so many years! But I didn’t know in 2014 when this shit first started that the answer was nearly 8 years and 3000 miles away. I likely would have killed myself if I’d known I was going to suffer that long. If I’d had a bottle of lorazepam at certain times, I wonder if I would have had the strength to resist downing the entire bottle when I was at my worst. I’m glad I’ll never have to find out!

THURSDAY, JULY 7, 2022
I have quite an update, but I want to go in order of events. I forgot to mention yesterday that I damn near fell flat on my face in BK. They had a long mat running along their soda machines. One edge was pulled up so my foot got caught in it, but luckily I was able to catch myself on the soda counter. It was so loud too, me smacking the metal counter. The guy behind the main counter felt bad and he came and straightened the mat out by pulling the end of it.

We went to my dentist so I could get more fluoride toothpaste. They didn’t have the MI Paste for $25, so instead, I got Previ-Dent for $10. It’s a bigger tube with more fluoride, so it might be better for me.

We stopped at KFC on the way home and their French fries were horrible. Way too salty and too soggy. I just can’t acquire a taste for salt. The chicken was still good.

As we were passing Steve’s place - at least I think it was Steve’s place - there was an older guy who might be the guy who lives across from Toni and next to Steve sitting out front by himself. I waved to him and I’m pretty sure he saw me yet he never waved back. Does he know something he shouldn’t? Like the fact that I complained about the dog? It’s been nothing but radio silence from the office, so yeah, I’d say Steve’s well-connected.

But why would the guy be sitting by himself at Steve’s place if it’s who I think it was? Maybe Steve ran inside for a second, and maybe he really didn’t see me, IDK. I’m not worried about it.

So we got home, ate our food, and then I got an e-mail alert. I logged in to the site it was for and then I let out a howl. A loud one. Tom came running to see what it was all about and found me pointing to my screen with a stunned expression on my face, eyes beginning to water with tears of joy. The TSH I thought would be 11.50 is actually 8.44. Just a few more points to go! And I have no anxiety whatsoever.

It gets better. My glucose was normal and so was my white blood cell count. My red blood cell count was very slightly elevated, but that was probably because I was dehydrated. All the other tests were normal. Once again, I suspect that some of the fatigue was connected to my waiting time before having coffee after taking my meds. I seem to be perking up again since I started waiting an hour. Some of it is still on the thyroid, though. I asked if I could still have symptoms, and yes, you can, even if you’re numbers are slightly elevated. Normal is roughly between 3-5. Also, they think that they can get my numbers normal with just the 88s!

So pretty damn exciting day to see myself getting healthier and healthier. TSH, I’m gonna walk you home! Yes, I’m gonna get you there. I’m so close now too. At the same time, I’m trying not to get my hopes up despite things looking more promising than ever. It’s just that I’ve been there before thinking this is it, I beat the anxiety. However, things really are different this time around. This time around, I’m not only postmenopausal, but I’m slowly titrating up my dose. Just like the doctor should have done 8 years ago.

The only thing that’s probably still pretty bad is my cholesterol, but I don’t know. Being hypo raises cholesterol, so in addition to me having the gene that causes high cholesterol, it might still be under 300 now with my TSH being lower.

It was a year ago yesterday that we walked out of the Citrus Heights house and I’ve never missed it. Some of the extra space and the walks around the park perhaps, but nothing else. I love it here and this place is way better, even if it’s not perfect. Been hearing thunder every day and sometimes we get rain with it. Things are definitely pretty green here now.

Chatted with Jess, but Doc A hasn’t yet seen the quick update I left her.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 6, 2022
It hit me that I really ought to take my own advice. Ever since the SCOTUS overturned Roe, I’ve been hesitant to share much of my life, thoughts, beliefs, experiences, and opinions publicly, knowing that sooner or later, writing and speech are going to be targeted. Meanwhile, I’ve been insisting that the way to stand up to crazy is to defy it and not give in to it, meaning that doctors and nurses should continue caring for their patients as they’re sworn to do and not listen to what any twisted laws say. I do believe that sometimes you need to do what’s right and not what the law says. Technically, any doctor who doesn’t fully treat their patients as the SCOTUS demands is aiding and abetting evil. Crazy only keeps on getting crazier if you give in to it and you let crazy push you around.

So then why have I run from public view? Well, I’m not anymore because I don’t give a shit. I don’t give a shit anymore about the SCOTUS. I don’t give a shit anymore about the laws. I don’t give a shit about anything but living my life and allowing others to do the same. I’m not doing anything wrong and I’m not about to let my speech be trampled on any more than I would let anyone tell me I had to have a baby I didn’t want to have if I was in that situation.

While I’m on the topic of speaking out, I did just that in my own name about Steve’s mutt. I watched it go on and on while he was getting the golf cart ready. That seems to be when I hear it the most. The little fucker gets all excited about going riding. Well, I don’t want to hear it anymore so I spoke up. Yes, they could be friends with Steve and they could retaliate, but I’ll take my chances because that’s what life is about…taking chances. And as someone once told me, there would never be any chance for change for the better if no one ever spoke up. I just don’t know if it will do any good even if they don’t spite me for it.

Went to the lab this morning and had no trouble getting blood drawn. Women usually do a better job than men, so it’s a good thing that most phlebotomists are women.

Stopped at Burger King on the way back. I’m slowly scaling back on my guilty pleasures. We don’t eat out often to begin with, but because we’re going out tomorrow to get some more fluoride toothpaste from my dentist we’ll probably stop at KFC along the way. I’ve been craving them for a while. But my 3 guilty pleasures are coffee, candy, and wine. I’m cutting back on the candy because I am pre-diabetic and I definitely don’t want to become diabetic. So I figure getting rid of sugar will help. Once I get my thyroid numbers as ideal as I can, I will be cutting out the wine and making one last-ditch effort to lose weight. I’m going to keep the coffee though.

I decided I’m finally done publishing books on Amazon whether or not it’s my own name or a pen name. They never paid me for book sales I’ve made over the last few months! So I said fuck it and pulled everything off their shelves. I’m not going to be a free library. Sharing stories for free on my story account is one thing. Not being paid while others profit is another. I swear I am so not meant to make money! ☹

MONDAY, JULY 4, 2022
It occurred to me that I haven’t heard firecrackers. Turns out that’s only because I’ve been asleep when they’ve been going on. Tom’s heard them for a few days now, and I just heard one. It can’t be nearly as bad as it was in Cali, though! It was horrible there.

Since protesting seems to be America’s favorite pastime, some are protesting the July 4th holiday saying what independence? What independence do we supposedly have when women have been stripped of the rights to their own bodily anatomy? It’s fucked up but people have got to learn to live with it since it’s not going to change for decades and when it does, it will eventually be back to the way things are now or worse. People’s rights are gonna be bounced back and forth like a basketball for as long as humans exist. Meanwhile, there are still states where it’s legal, there are pills, and other methods. I just wish more doctors and nurses would stand up to these fuckers (SCOTUS) and take care of their patients like they’re trained to do. It really is important to stand up to and defy crazy. If you don’t, crazy just gets crazier. What’s the point of being a doctor if you can’t fully do your job? Or you don’t.

I love that the SCOTUS is getting fed up with the chaos going on outside their homes, but that’s not good enough for them. They need to be shown a better example of what can and should happen to those who play God with other people’s lives and bodies. Sadly, this won’t be happening, though. There’s a US Marshall standing every few feet apart all around their houses. But if the protesters can get themselves to their houses, why can’t drive by shooters? Where are all the martyrs when you need them? The people willing to go to jail to help right a wrong.

sighs Lots of shootings tonight. But hey, guns have more rights than women.

Heard a few barks from the dog today and a few yesterday. It seems that nowadays most of what I’m hearing is the damn thing getting all excited to go with Steve on the golf cart. I still worry about when the weather is cooler and windows are open.

There’s quite a bit of thunder going on now, so I’m glad I’m not asleep yet. But will it bring any rain? It seems we’ve had some rather dry storms lately.

Woke up after 6 hours of sleep after being up 20 hours and was exhausted, as expected. Luckily, I was able to go back to sleep for over an hour. When I got up, I was amazed to find I had the energy I rarely have and I cleaned most of the house. I spent over 4 hours on it.

My Co Q10 should arrive tomorrow. I also got a pink wide-brimmed hat with a ponytail holder. It’s identical to the brown hat I got in Hawaii that has a drawstring tie around the neck for when it’s windy. That one doesn’t have a ponytail holder, though. This hat should be good for when we do nature walks in the winter.

Because the satin sheets are a little big for this mattress, we got something that secures them to the mattress better.

SUNDAY, JULY 3, 2022
Tom said he was beginning to wonder if my curse was true because everything that could go wrong yesterday with the horses went wrong. He lost 30 bucks. As I told him, I was sorry to hear that, but I’m not surprised. I always knew the horses were just a dream. We’re not meant to have a lot of money. I just don’t know why or what, if anything, is behind it. Does it just happen to not be meant to be just because or is there something up there making sure that it’s not meant to be?

This is very likely our forever home, so when we plan home improvements and upgrades, we should consider that. I don’t think it will do any good, but after the AC is paid off we should decide what room I’m going to settle in and have it soundproofed. I would prefer to do the whole house actually, excluding the lanai of course. That would be the time to do the floors too.

But yeah, I really think this is it from a logical standpoint. We would never do this and this is just a hypothetical example of course, but if we sold this place and stayed in a hotel until we ran out of money, we would never be able to get a house again anywhere. Especially with him not working. So it’s not so much a curse as that it’s simply not meant to be. My sleep issues…that’s a curse! If my fatigue really is mostly connected to the thyroid, that and the fact that there doesn’t seem to be any change in my metabolism tells me I’m still way out of range.

Slept okay for the most part, but woke up tired as usual. Because there was no thunder or power failure to use against me, I had to have a nightmare instead where we were soon to be killing ourselves. It was weird too because he didn’t seem sick or upset and neither did I. It was simply something we were going to do and had to do just like we have to go grocery shopping and stuff like that. What was even stranger was that we got rid of most of our stuff beforehand. I wasn’t going to, but I knew he would be pissed if I suddenly changed my mind since we’d already made plans and given up our stuff.

Galileo just sent some helpful tips on blood pressure, most of which I already was aware of like the Mediterranean diet and things like that. But here’s something I didn’t know. There are natural supplements that can help blood pressure, since I turned down medication, and CoQ10 is one of them. They said to let them know if I’m interested in that and to keep track of my BP once or twice a week. They’ll check in with me in a month for those results.

First I gotta see if I can wake up today. 7 hours and 14 minutes of sleep, 88 sleep score, and I’m tired.

The nuts I’m getting this morning will be the last time I get them because they are lightly salted. The nuts need to be raw. For the Mediterranean or DASH diet, it’s basically very little salt, no processed stuff, no pastries, no snacks, no chips, no candy. In other words, Tom wouldn’t even last a day on this diet because it’s mostly fish, veggies, fruits, nuts, beans, legumes, whole grains, and a little dairy, pasta and rice. The bagels I’m getting are all wrong too LOL. At least I didn’t get any processed stuff! I did get a candy bar, though.

When my wine is gone, I will give that up for a long time. Read that high blood pressure is also implicated in earlier onset and worsening progression of Alzheimer’s disease and vascular dementia and I swear I have been so brain-dead lately! I’ve been putting the wrong diamonds in the wrong places more often when diamond painting, I’ve been forgetting that I preheated the oven, and all kinds of other things.

They recommend a minimum of 2000 milligrams of salt, whole grains, vegetables, and less saturated fats and sugar (DASH or Mediterranean diet).

Exercise five days a week for 20 minutes, and two of those days with resistance.

Limit alcohol and try to lose weight.

Meditation.

Natural supplements are EPA DHA CoQ10 and garlic.

I could definitely do most of these, except I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to lose weight. As we know, not everybody gets weight loss from diet and exercise. I don’t stand a chance with my TSH where it’s at right now. But for starters, I will focus on what I’m eating and count calories later. Glad that Bowflex is finally set up and that we didn’t sell it after all!

He wasn’t kidding when he said you can hear so much noise out in the lanai compared to the house. You can hear everything and I mean everything. As soon as we stepped out into it, I heard other dogs. Steve’s dog would be very loud in there because it has a loud bark and can easily be heard throughout the house. There’s another one around here that barks regularly, but it’s not too annoying. It’s further away and not as loud.

Since my legs and part of my arms get most of the workout when I’m doing VZfit, I’m going to focus on my core, biceps, and triceps when using the Bowflex.

My HR is doing OK today. Yesterday it spiked to around 100 for a while even though I didn’t have anything greasy or sugary.

SATURDAY, JULY 2, 2022
Yesterday we decided to bomb the place after all. First, a spider jumped out and scared the shit out of me, and we have a lot of little flying bugs due to the humidity. We only had to be out for two hours, so we drove around and then ended up at BK.

Someone was definitely next door as Tom noticed someone painting their carport the other day. They also shut their bathroom window.

Anyway, I was a little jittery but it was my own fault for indulging in a wee bit too much fudge. So my heart was a little racy yesterday and I felt warm. And then the fatigue set in big time. Even though I only slept 5 hours yesterday, I started off with decent enough energy. In the middle of my day, though, it started hitting me.

Finally fed up with the extreme fatigue that’s been worse for about a year now, I decided to let Galileo in on it. They made a new case for that as well as for hypertension. They asked me to take some blood pressure readings for them and I did. It was probably high, though, because of the stress and extra sodium. I told them it’s usually lower when I wake up and that my old doctor decided against blood pressure medication because she felt it would make me dizzy since my readings are better at the beginning of my day. Plus, there’s the medication phobia. Yes, that’s gotten better, but I’m still prone to side effects, whether I like it or not and I don’t want to go on medication at this time.

They asked if I had ever partaken in a sleep study because they wondered if I could have sleep apnea. I told them no and that it would be hard for me to get meaningful results in a sleep study because of my unique sleeping situation where I have trouble falling asleep and have to sleep with the sound machine on. I guess I might be able to do one eventually at home if it doesn’t cost too much, but I doubt I have sleep apnea. Tom pointed out there’s a thing on Fitbit that measures your oxygen rate in your sleep. It’s a graph in which blue is better than orange. I only had a few orange peaks. Nothing that smacks of an unhealthy trend.

They asked about snoring, and I do snore, but lightly. I’m not like Tom where you can hear it through walls. Thunder didn’t wake me up as expected last night, but a power failure woke me up. It was the second one we had, too. The first one happened when I was awake. I hope I’m not going to get as many wake-up calls from that as I do from thunder. Anyway, I woke up the instant the power went out and I did notice that yes, I was softly snoring.

I also filled out some standard questionnaires and was asked about alcohol consumption and whether or not I’ve ever had any EKG or stress test. I told them I had both in 2016 and then they asked about anyone having serious heart issues before the age of 50 in my family. I told them about my father and the fact that one of my grandfathers died of a heart attack at just over 50.

They’re going to be sending me to the lab. They want to check my TSH and also my iron levels and look for antibodies that could indicate either infections or inflammation. It will be interesting to see what my TSH is which I’d guess is 11-point-whatever.

I don’t have a guess as to what could be causing my fatigue, but I don’t think it’s serious. I want to say it’s my TSH but then why didn’t I have such fatigue when I was first diagnosed? I was so tired that I slept for nearly 10 hours and got a good sleep score. As usual, though, I didn’t wake up feeling that refreshed.

I’m just so glad I have Galileo to exchange all this information with. I could never have done this through a portal with a regular doctor/patient setup.

So I peeled off the nail stickers from my big toes expecting quite a mess underneath, but nope. The lacquer really does kill fungus. My fingernails have me completely mystified though. I still see redness and I still have sensitivity where the fingertip meets the nail. If it was just a chemical reaction, wouldn’t it be better by now? But I don’t see how a fungus or infection of any kind could spring up that fast either. I still have plenty of lacquer on hand and tons of refills, though, if it doesn’t go away.

After Burger King (I only got hash browns) we stopped at Walgreens. I got some wine but no treats. I’ve had enough sugar. Since we still had time to kill, we sat in the driveway for a while. The humidity gives all the houses a drenched look as if it just finished raining. Once the sun comes up, it dries it up.

I came up with a cover story to have Mia contact Nane, but she never replied to the message. I’m sure she saw it, even though I can’t see that she did. I said… I believe we could be related. My father was Robert L and was married to my mother for 20 years. Somewhere during the marriage, he took up with a mistress. Although I can’t get my mother to talk about it, he supposedly started a family with this woman until he died of a heart attack in her bed. They had two daughters, Vivian and Marion. They would be in their 50s or 60s today. I live in New Mexico, but his mistress is from Europe. I was never told which country, but seeing the German writing on your profile makes me wonder if it could be you. The name and the age in your photos look right as well.

I don’t know if she suspects I’m behind the account. I added some religious memes and chose a royalty cover photo of a Hispanic-looking woman with three kids. There is a hand holding beach shells for the profile picture.

I’m now unsure as far as the termite goes. I went through everything that’s public and she has shit spanning back to 2010. Of course, one of the posts had to be the photos she took of me when we visited her that I specifically asked that she not make public, but I don’t care at this point. Most of what’s public is the usual shit she would post. Self-comforting memes, memes about being screwed over, praise for the Sarasite, her mommy and Daddy in heaven, the angels that watch over her, etc.

It could be that she’s had this stuff public all along and didn’t recently make it public, but I just never noticed when we were connected. I didn’t have another account to look in on her as I had no reason to. I also wouldn’t notice if she’s allowed anyone to comment on her posts all along. So she still might not have seen the message and might not have recently changed any settings.

I can’t get rid of the pictures she took and shared, but I really wish there was a way to get rid of all comments and likes between a person. I don’t understand why they’re showing up since I’ve blocked her. Blocking is supposed to delete all likes and comments from the person, but apparently, it doesn’t. That’s fucking Facebook for you. It’ll take time, but I could slowly go through my activity log and delete some things.

FRIDAY, JULY 1, 2022
I’m going to be sending Galileo a message letting them know I’ve been doing well as far as anxiety goes and am starting just one 75 a week, with the rest being 88. While I’m at it, I’m going to mention the fatigue. I’ll explain that I’ve been having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep more often, not waking up refreshed most days, and see what they say.

It’s strange how I could sleep 8 hours two days ago and felt tired the first few hours of my day while I just got up from 5 hours of sleep and I feel more rested.

I love it when I remember enough of my dreams to write about them, even if they’re not good. Tom and I were living in a tiny house somewhere. There was just one room on one side and a bathroom and a kitchenette on the other. I slept on a twin bed along the back wall and he had a twin bed along the side wall.

A young woman in her 20s or 30s whom we had met previously came to the door while he was asleep. I let her in, even though I wasn’t sure I liked her very much. She just didn’t seem all there. She stayed briefly and then returned later. At this time, she lay down on my bed and pulled the comforter over her head. Then she started nonstop rambling about everything and nothing. I could clearly see she was bipolar, paranoid, and delusional. At one point she mentioned something about having to train me. Sick of listening to it and having no tolerance for the mentally ill any more than rude people, I said I had been up since 4 in the morning and asked her to leave, which she did.

I also had a dream about Johnson for the first time in ages. She and I were having a friendly chat and she told me she would marry me in 10 to 15 years. She knew I was still with Tom and in her mind, she may have thought he would be gone then.

Realizing she never told me her first name as she was walking away, I called out “Rachel!” to see if she would turn around. She didn’t, though.

Too bad I could never find her on Facebook. I don’t harbor any hard feelings anymore and I would love to say hello and see how her life has been even though I’m sure she wouldn’t reply whether or not she blocked me. I realize that as far as her blowing me off, that’s just how people are, not that people shouldn’t keep their word unless they have a good excuse not to.

I’ve only heard the dog once in the last few days, but I think that’s because I haven’t been around in the mid-afternoon to early evening when it seems to be heard the most. I heard a few barks yesterday, but nothing too loud or annoying. Still dread it when the weather cools down and people open their windows. I know I’m gonna hear the damn thing bark every time someone goes into the kitchen and it gets all excited in anticipation of being fed or when someone comes to the door or they go out somewhere and leave the mutt home.

My nails aren’t quite as sensitive after what I suspect was a chemical burn from the gel remover, but I do have discoloration. Not the yellow and brownish discoloration I had from the fungus, but more like a red irritated look. It extends from the middle of the nails to the tips. Hopefully, it will grow out and I’ll be as good as new again. I’m not doing anything else to my nails for a while.

Mrs. Twenties still says it’s been quieter there “for some reason” and that still bugs me, even though I know it can’t be as quiet as it is here. Not when you’re on a busy street in a big city. And like the trash collectors are suddenly using the smaller, quieter trucks they use here where a guy jumps off the back to grab the trash and they’re in and out? I wouldn’t be surprised if there were fewer planes and projects, though. I’ve been up for an hour and I’ve already heard four planes as late as it is.

She says the only dog she sometimes hears is Melody’s. Figures Gerry would shut her dog up after we leave.

It hit me as I was falling asleep that the termite could have allowed public comments sooner or later than she started making more things public. I remember having Aly check her account because I was curious if she made anything public about me and she couldn’t see much of anything. So yeah, she could have started allowing comments from anyone right after I sent the messages. Discovering this gives me a little more hope that the messages really did go through and were seen. Well, I knew they went through because I saw that much. I just had no way to tell if Facebook blocked them from being able to view the messages, or if they didn’t get them. As funny as it may sound, I really do hope her allowing public comments is because of me, LOL. There’s just something amusing about her doing this in hopes of “getting” me and me knowing she’ll never get what she wants. If I knew Tom and I were about to die, I would certainly leave a message, even though there still wouldn’t be anything she could do about it from a legal standpoint. I just wouldn’t want Tom to find out about it somehow so that’s why I’m quiet for now.

I’m still a little surprised she would risk embarrassing herself with what I may say about her, but I guess hoping to get me is worth whatever that may be. There are plenty of people out there willing to spite themselves to spite others. My guess is she’s either hoping I’ll write something she can legally use against me or she wants me to reach out so she can reply with “sensitive,” false and nasty “info.” Something like, “You’ve been in jail. You’ve been in funny farms. You’re going to be arrested,” as if that would really hurt, LOL.

As I said, I would gladly return the trolling as immature as it may be and as much as I’d be stooping to their level if it weren’t for Tom. I would just keep it legal. She really could have gotten her ass in trouble for threatening me in a recording in her own voice. She only did it because she knew I wouldn’t bother to waste time reporting her. It was still a daring but bold move on her part. A stupid one too.

Damn the fucking motorcycles blazing by the park! I know it’s Friday night but still. It’s the middle of the night. Have some fucking respect.

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Last updated July 20, 2024