June 2020 in 2020s

MONDAY, JUNE 29, 2020
It’s a chilly 73 degrees in the house right now. I don’t like it under 75.

My lymph nodes have shrunk but they’re still noticeable. At least the one in my neck is. The soreness in the one in my groin has gone way down. I still don’t know whether or not I’m going to go to my doctor before October. I’m starting to think I won’t because bumping it up isn’t going to change things. I don’t think it’s ever going to get to the point where it’s not noticeable at all and I highly doubt I’m in any danger. I think this is just one more annoying and uncomfortable thing I’m going to have to live with on and off for the rest of my life just like my ear.

I’m starting to think that the reason I lost weight and then started putting it back has to do less with age and genetics than I thought and more with my medication. I don’t think I would have ever gone under the 150s, but I think I started going down because it was building up in my system and now it’s resetting because of the days I cut the dose. It takes a while to build back up.

I swore I would never be one of those who struggled hopelessly with her middle-aged weight for the rest of her life, and I won’t. I totally accept it as it is and will only continue to work at not gaining anymore. However, I sure would love to be as titless as the actress in the movie I just watched!

I’ve read 36 books so far this year.

I looked up libel and slander statutes based on state and found it isn’t just one year in the entire country. In most states it is, but some give you as long as three years to file. Even though the termites couldn’t make a case out of the journal excerpts since I don’t provide any sensitive info or anything they can prove detrimental to their lives in any way (plus, that’s already been tried before unsuccessfully when they supposedly went to the pigs in 2009 complaining about what I had to say about them then), I’m still going to take that into consideration if I decide to give them the blog link instead of directly sending them the excerpts. In Florida, it’s two years. It’s just that Messenger won’t hold italics. I still have plenty of time to decide what I’m going to do, though.

After hearing some sawing yesterday, my first thought was, I’ve had enough! I’m not going to listen to this every time it’s under 85 degrees. I’m going over there once and for all.

But then Tom, who assured me he wasn’t defending him and that I could do what I want, reminded me that people not only check the utilities for the last year of a particular place they’re considering buying but often talk to prospective neighbors as well. Well, if they talked to Dahl and he mentioned me complaining about his racket, that may chase off potential buyers that like me, want to live in an adult community and not a fucking woodshop. So, because we have less than a year to go, I’ll just listen to his fucking sawing, then listen to it for a few more months in the tester place before we pick a state and finally get back to country living. We’ll still hear shit there too and I’m sure we’ll happen to get the worst of neighbors, but at least they’ll be hundreds of feet away.

So I visited next door briefly yesterday morning and to be honest, I don’t even know if Bob knew who I was. It’s like he’s a whole different person from the Bob I’ve known him to be these last seven years, and while I certainly hope for the best, it’s hard to believe much of the old Bob is ever coming back. I just can’t picture him riding his bike again or even going for walks.

I knocked on the door and Virginia said she didn’t have anything and that I could come in. I asked if it was safe to remove my mask and she said it was fine. Meanwhile, Bob was standing with a cane in the dining area. He looked at me but didn’t say anything. Instead, he shuffled off down the hall. It’s like the lights were on but I’m not sure if anyone was home. I could see right away that he lost a lot of hair from the radiation, which Virginia says he’s completed. Maybe he shied away out of embarrassment, I don’t know.

Virginia says she’s worn out, understandably, and she was a lot like Dixie in that she was very chatty and sometimes struggled to come up with words and names. She mentioned their grandkids visiting and asked if Tom was working and what our “plans” were. Figured she suspected we were on our way out soon enough and I did tell her that yes, we were looking at leaving next spring. She didn’t seem all that surprised. The Twenties probably mentioned it to people around here and it got back to them. That’s okay, though. I don’t care who knows we’re moving.

I just wish I could jump up to that time and get the show on the road already! I also wish I could magically know where the best place for us to go would be. We may hire a realtor to help us. The most important thing is getting as far away from the street as we can, especially busy ones, and not having other people’s driveways too close to us. It would kind of defeat the purpose to get at the end of a quiet little cul-de-sac just to find that the neighbor, whose driveway is just 10-20 feet away, has a motorcycle.

I think we’re definitely looking at going rural no matter what state we end up in permanently. I’m sick of listening to all these projects and I can’t believe it would be different in another park in another state. I think this is just what adult communities have become…full of projects, loud power tools, and motorcycles. Why bother then? Really don’t see the point of these communities if we’re not going to get much peace in them. I’ve heard circular saws dozens of times just in this place. Yet out of all the millions of other places I’ve lived in, I can’t think of one time I heard that. I heard some hammering but that was it.

Back to Bob and Virginia. I’m not sure what to think but I don’t think this is going to end well. I didn’t want to come off as nosy and get too direct with the questions. But going by what she volunteered, it’s hard to believe the outcome is going to be positive even though she said something to the effect of how things should be taking a turn for the better. That may be what she hopes for and what she wants to believe but I don’t know if that will be the case. I sure hope so! At the risk of sounding horribly selfish, I don’t want to have to deal with new neighbors before we leave even if it wouldn’t be for long. I know they would be outdoors all the time with loud vehicles, loud projects, and probably some barking mutts and annoying company as well.

Here’s the part of my discussion with Virginia that really bothered me. If she weren’t so old at 87 and probably not all there at times, I would be really pissed. She said, “I haven’t been exactly honest with you. I’m going to be getting testing for that COVID thing.”

I asked if she thought she had the virus and she said she has no fever, but she’s been coughing more. She didn’t sound congested to me and never coughed while I visited, but I realize that with all the people coming and going as they have been, it may have been a dumb idea to go over there. Today I woke up with fatigue and a hint of dizziness which could be due to my good ear. The thing is that if she’s got it, he’s going to get it and I would think it would kill him. I sure hope not!

Anyway, tomorrow is dentist day and then NaNoWriMo begins the next day!

SUNDAY, JUNE 28, 2020
Happy 63rd birthday to my dear hubby! I think this is the first birthday since the recession that he hasn’t had to work. In the slow cooker, I’m making him quite a birthday feast. He doesn’t like many foods and the few that he does are pretty simple so I’m making homemade beanie weenies for him only this recipe calls for adding chopped onions, bacon, and some brown sugar. I know he’ll love it

We were just agreeing the other day that it wouldn’t be a good time to be in Florida right now since they’ve been having huge spikes in cases. Worldwide there are over 10 million cases and over half a million deaths. :(

Looks like we now have another reason to be glad we’re not in Florida and that’s the Saharan dust cloud. I had no idea a cloud of dust could sweep across the Atlantic like that! I remember dust storms when living in Arizona, but this seems like nothing in comparison.

The incense I got isn’t great. It’s too smokey and some of them don’t smell like what they’re supposed to be. They also substituted cinnamon for lotus, although that one isn’t bad.

Had a dream I was kidnapped with maybe two other women. Nothing bad seemed to happen to us other than that we were being confined in an upstairs bedroom. At one point, a female relative of the guy who owned the house came to visit. I wasn’t sure if she knew we’d been kidnapped but I wrote a note that I was going to slip to her only I wrote it as one of the other victims for some reason. I was going to give it to her when she stopped by the room again on her way out. But then I noticed the rest of the place went quiet. I peeked out the door and saw darkness, so I knew the woman left and the guy and his possible girlfriend or wife had fallen asleep. I contemplated running downstairs and seeing if I could get out the front door but didn’t think I had any place to run to even though I knew the house was on a busy street with several houses on it. Don’t know why I didn’t go after the guy or smash through a window, but I guess we don’t act the same in dreams as we would in real life.

FRIDAY, JUNE 26, 2020
Now my lymph node at the side of my neck is aching and although it’s not visible, I can feel faint swelling when I touch the area. I read that multiple swollen lymph nodes could be a sign of cancer but I’m virtually positive I don’t have anything dangerous. I just don’t feel like I do. It’s not what my gut instinct is saying. Plus, I don’t have other symptoms like weight loss. We’ve had rats die of cancer that quickly wasted away. My weight isn’t even slowly zigzagging downward anymore but climbing like two-tenths of a pound a day as if resetting itself. I don’t look even remotely close to weighing in the 150s so there is no dire need to lose weight anyway.

I don’t know what’s setting off my lymph nodes, but I have two in the neck, one at the side of my boob, and one in my groin that are a bit sore and swollen. Maybe some faint soreness in the one under my jaw as well. All are on my left side. I don’t know if I have some infection I don’t know about or if my body thinks there’s an infection or some kind of inflammation going on that the penicillin didn’t get rid of. I don’t have any tooth pain at the moment, and that was on the other side anyway, so I’m stumped.

My short-term memory continues to annoy me at times since it’s definitely not what it used to be. But everything I read suggests that what I’ve experienced is common with my age and not a sign of dementia. So when you get in your 50s, be prepared to walk into a room more often and forget why.

Aly’s spoke of Cam’s SIL a few times. She said her name was Summayah and that she was a doctor in obstetrics. Well, out of curiosity, I Googled various combinations of the first name along with “OB-GYN” and the state, figuring that would tell me Cam’s last name. However, nothing came up.

Yes, this is as strange as the fact that I’ve never seen a picture of Aly with any of her boyfriends. However, she definitely doesn’t seem to be making these people up. I don’t think anyone could play a pretend game like that consisting of multiple people so consistently, so detailed, so long. We’ll see if Cam happens to be unavailable if we drive through Nebraska. Yes, it would be very hard on me to lose sleep for a week but at least it would be under different circumstances than when rude assholes wake me up here and I’ll at least know what’s going on and to expect it. No guarantees yet on how we’re going out of here, though.

Back to Aly. She did say she was tired of relationships that only lasted a few months and then voila! In comes Cam who’s been around for over a year. The longest relationship she had prior to him changed as well. I still say Cam’s real. Don’t know what to make of Summayah, though.

It seemed like Tom and I were on vacation somewhere in my dreams last night. We were going down a busy road with multiple lanes when he realized we were lost. He decided to stop, get out of the car, and fish some directions out of his pocket.

I looked in the rearview window and saw a guy walking toward us and hoped he wouldn’t try to rob Tom but was ready to jump out if he did pull anything.

But then the car began to slowly lurch forward, and I quickly reached a foot over and onto the brake pedal to stop it before Tom would have to run too far to catch up.

THURSDAY, JUNE 25, 2020
Ended up napping for about a half-hour. Apparently, I can do that if I’m suddenly a little tired but not if I’m absolutely batshit exhausted.

Again I felt some discomfort when I got in a position that sort of compressed the left side of my neck. I could feel it spread toward the side, close to my shoulder. I think I’m likely going to have to get into Doc A as I don’t think I want to spend another 116 days wondering what the fuck this is.

Then I went for a nice peaceful walk at the crack of dawn just like I did yesterday morning. My hips are a little stiff and sore for some reason.

At one house, there were 2 motorcycles, 2 cars and one pickup in the driveway. Definitely not the first thing that comes to mind when I think of retirement communities.

Would my parents even believe this place if they were still alive? Yesterday was kind of funny because I pulled an old picture of her parents out from the hutch and said to Tom, what should I do with Pa and the Wicked Witch of the East? LOL, he thought I should keep them, so they’re sitting at the bottom of my jewelry box.

Maybe I should have accepted my mother’s ashes as well as my dad’s. Got to admit it might be kind of fun to make her go places that I decided on instead of the other way around, make her be places she wouldn’t want to be, and lock her in the closet or something. I will admit, though, that she never locked me in any closet. Just pawned me off on others every chance she got.

With my Bing points, I’m getting some incense. The fragrances will be: Sandalwood, Pine, Musk, Patchouli, Jasmine, Rose, Cedarwood, Amber, Vanilla, Green Tea, Lavender and Cinnamon.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 24, 2020
The sleep curser used two pops and my neck to wake me up. Besides these two mysterious popping sounds that seemed to come from the stereo speaker that definitely shouldn’t have, I got into a position that compressed the bulge in my neck and the discomfort woke me for a few seconds or so. I was able to go back to sleep all 3 times perhaps because it wasn’t some asshole with an insanely loud vehicle waking me up which pisses me off. Hard to return to sleep when you’re pissed.

It’s still almost scary just how cursed my sleep seems to be. I’m surprised I’m not tired. I’m not bursting with energy but maybe Tom has a point about the Benadryl. I considered taking it and then decided not to. Better to just lay there bored until I finally fell asleep. Drinking a little wine doesn’t leave me feeling that way when I get up, though I didn’t have any. Will pick some up this morning.

Declared my NaNo project even though it’s actually a continuation of an old project (Roomies). Looks like writing groups stick around unlike the old cabins. So I guess Tom, Aly, Kim and I just pick up from where we left off.

My hair is still thick enough that I need to use two brushes just to get through it. First I use the detangling brush, then I use the paddle brush that will actually go all the way through to my scalp.

It feels like I haven’t been out in forfuckingever that even I’m getting cabin fever and I’m generally a homebody. We still don’t want to do anything risky. We’re not going to start grocery shopping in person or anything like that, but we are going to run out to the Rite Aid outside the park when they open at 8. Unfortunately, the next time we’re out for more than just a few minutes will be when I’m in the dentist’s chair.

Another pig dream. Not as in “guinea” pig but the kind that walks on two legs, wears a uniform, and often abuses their power. Only this one wasn’t in uniform. It was a detective. They took my picture after suspecting I committed some crime against some woman (I think), but I don’t know what it was I supposedly did to her. The detective later showed up again wanting to take another picture and I was trying to decide whether or not to play dumb and act like I didn’t remember him or get a little confrontational and tell him to back off since he didn’t have a case

I LOL to myself when I thought of sending the journal excerpts to the termites in a rather creative fashion. I thought I would send the messages as if I hit their names by accident. Hey, this happens to some of us at times with the way it’s set up. I once flirted with the damn termite when I was supposed to be doing it with Nane.

So, I’m still going to wait till we’ve been gone a year, but then I thought I would write like someone else requested the excerpts and asked if they were bothering me or not and I would say nope, they haven’t bothered me at all because they’re dead. One got in a fatal accident, one had a heart attack, one killed herself, and the other was pushed to the ground in a fight, hitting her head and ending up dead. So no, they’re dead as a doorknob, and since they no longer exist, they’re no problem at all. But here are the excerpts you asked for on the details of their shit.

LMAO!

Ouch! I hate it when the pigs’ hay stabs my fingers when I’m pulling some out of the bag. Glad Rockefeller at least thinks it’s funny enough to popcorn over.

I threw my bracelets in a silver pouch I had and then put some necklaces in the glitter pouch Aly sent me. I can put all the bracelets together but not all the necklaces. They would get tangled. Some will go in individual sandwich bags. I’m wearing one of my faves right now. Shiny crystals.

Heard something climbing on the glass table on the patio. Probably a cat or a skunk.

TUESDAY, JUNE 23, 2020
Why is it that when a woman is raped and has her trust of guys in general shot, she’s never labeled a horrible sexist? But if a white person gets screwed by a black person(s) and has their trust in blacks as a whole dampened and knows it’s going to take time to accept them again, they’re automatically deemed this awful racist? This is just something I’ve noticed in general.

Since I like to keep track of things, I’m writing the word “tired” on my calendar every day that I don’t have enough energy for things like working out. Gives me a better idea of just how often it is.

The fact that I’ve had 5 days ranging from borderline to anxious this month alone is both awful and discouraging. Even right now I’m feeling a little iffy. Not as good emotionally as I could be.

Also, the Tea Tree nail polish was the bust I suspected it would be. I still have some discoloration and even more lifting. So it’s got to be either fungus, nail psoriasis, or both. I’ll hit it with Lamisil for a couple of weeks and hope for the best even though I suspect that won’t work either. At that point, it’s time to give up. As I’ve always said, there’s a time to try things, and then there’s a time to accept that some things are simply meant to be the way they are. I can cover it with nail polish and I’m not in pain or anything. So it won’t kill me to have ugly nails hiding under polish.

Vicky called yesterday to let me know that the dentist thinks she can hit all three fillings at once and has made time for it, so unless I have questions that cause her to run overtime, they should all be done on the 30th. At first I was worried she was calling to cancel.

I noticed that Christiane added the name Lisette in front of her name. So Christiane is her middle name?

Aly’s kind of misleading me, however unintentional it may be, as to who she was referring to in the tweets where she spoke of making herself harder to find and that she often thinks of ghosting someone who brings little joy, comfort and understanding to her life. When I confronted her about it after giving her time to tell me it was or wasn’t me or Kim (she at least said she wouldn’t dump me without talking to me first), she said it was someone she knew in person. Then she told me about the problems she’s had with Cam’s SIL Summayah and I said something about now understanding “those” tweets. But she never said she wasn’t talking about Summayah.

Yesterday I asked about her and whether or not she was trying to find her online. She said she wasn’t computer savvy and she had her email address although never used it.

Okaaay, I can’t force the truth out of anyone just like I could never get Tammy to own up to her part in her and Bill siccing the pigs on me and therefore the white/Jew-hating freeloaders. But come on! I know she was talking about me. I wonder, though, does she still think of ghosting me? Or at least dumping me with an explanation?

MONDAY, JUNE 22, 2020
No motorcycles woke me up, but I still woke up a million times. It was just for a few seconds unlike the day before, and it will be a great help when I one day have a bed that isn’t uneven and lumpy. It’s just that we don’t want to get anything until we’re sure we’re going to stay in Florida. If we’re not and we end up heading for land in someplace like Texas, then we’ll get the final touches like the bed and other furniture.

I’m not a hundred percent full of energy but I’m better than I was yesterday. Melons are definitely the best for energy. They say it’s bananas and blueberries but nope. It’s melons. I hope I can always get them year-round wherever we are.

I don’t have the energy to go out riding or walking with the skunks, but I hit the Bowflex for a while and maybe I’ll jump on the skier while I watch a movie.

Lost another pound but yesterday I didn’t even have a thousand calories. I was hungry but too tired to eat. Still, my body is continuing to “act” like it’s losing. There’s that zigzag effect I always have, and it’s always been a very slow process, too. Doubt I’ll lose anymore, though. I’m just glad I’m not going to keep gaining uncontrollably as I feared I would for a while. So I’m down from 157 to 153. That’s nothing for a young person with a normal metabolism and thyroid but it’s something for me. If I do lose another pound, I’ll zigzag between 153-154 for a few days or so. Then I’ll drop to 152 and bounce between that and 153 before 152 sticks. This would take about 10 days. Can’t see it happening though because I’m still going over a thousand calories most days.

Actually, it’s only been a week since I first hit 154, according to my calendar. Interesting.

I was curious to see what came up if I Googled my two childhood homes. I lived in the first one (Berkeley Dr.) until I was 13 or 14. It was built right after I was born. Couldn’t find interior pics for this house.

The second one (Birchwood Ave.), which they sold in the late 80s to move to Florida, was bigger and much older. It was built in 1919 and even though I like newer places better, I liked this house better. It had a very small yard that I would sometimes mow.

It’s amazing how much it’s changed since we lived there and how much remodeling and upgrading they’ve done. I can still remember what all the rooms were used for and who used them.

I also looked up Nana and Pa’s house which was next door to the first house. It’s also been mega-remodeled, and they took out a couple of sections of the wall. They’re wrong, though. It’s not a 3-bedroom. It’s a 2-bedroom.

I could superimpose the modern image with a mental image of how it was set up in the mid-60s to mid-80s when they died. Their console TV was where an upright piano sat.

They turned part of the cellar into a girly bedroom. In Nana’s room was a bunk bed and I’d say it was a boys’ room based on the colors and decorations. Imagine if they knew an old lady died in that room. Her bed was in a different spot against the wall but that’s where Dad found her dead after a few days of being unable to get ahold of her. Pretty sure Pa was gone too, before the paramedics arrived, and look at the house number (44).

So the second house sold only twice in 31 years and I could see the 1989 sale. So yeah, with $163K, I can see where my parents could afford to get a place on Nettles Island, and that didn’t include her inheritance.

SUNDAY, JUNE 21, 2020
I’ve always felt that there’s a difference between bad luck and curses just like there’s a difference between good luck and blessings. I’ve always wondered…if you happen to keep getting particularly unlucky in a certain area for so long, could it mean something up there could be cursing us with it? Same with if we happen to get lucky in a good way more often than normal. Does that mean we’re blessed with that particular thing? I don’t know, but I sure as hell have wondered if my sleep is cursed. I’ve had problems with it all my life. So much so that it definitely seems to go beyond simple “bad luck.”

Yeah, I’m having another exhausting day. I fell asleep in the late morning only to be woken up by my damn phone ringing which I later found to be a voice message from Dixie asking questions about Walmart’s grocery delivery service.

My first thought was that it was my own damn fault for not leaving the phone on the bathroom counter before bed. I always turn on the Do Not Disturb because I throw the phone behind me on my headboard shelf. But the ringing woke me up over the sound machines easily because it was right by my head.

So I grabbed the phone and turned the volume all the way down and then after what took me forever, I fell back asleep. Then a couple of hours later she woke me up again! By then I wanted to strangle her, even if she couldn’t have known and it wasn’t her fault, and then smash the phone against the wall.

It turns out that when Samsung did a huge update, it messed up those settings. I’m surprised Skype didn’t wake me up too, which makes a loud whistle of sorts whenever a message is left. Maybe the update only caused the ringing of calls not to be disabled. Nonetheless, this is why I usually fight updates; because they always break something. So I enabled all notifications once again and the phone will no longer be allowed in the bedroom. You would think these things would be a lot simpler by now!

It used to be that whenever my sleep would be disturbed or shorted, I’d perk up 3-6 hours later. Not anymore. The only thing that’s going to fix this and refresh my energy is sleeping without interruptions until my body is ready to wake up on its own. That’s the problem with circadian rhythm disorder, too. We rarely fall asleep earlier even if we’re tired. Instead were usually up a little longer each day and we make up for lost sleep by sleeping later the next day. I can’t even nap most of the time no matter how tired I am. It’s almost like something wants me to spend so much time tired. So if that isn’t stepping beyond shit luck to downright cursed, I don’t know what it is. I have to edit this in spurts that’s how utterly exhausted I am. It’s like it’s become so debilitating that you would think I was sick and not just tired.

Then something hit me. If I’m going to have to spend so much time exhausted anyway, why not do it in the daytime when it’s more convenient to do whatever, including going to appointments? So I decided that once my schedule gets back on days, it’s into bed by 9 or 10 to read for an hour or two and then I stay there until 7. At 7, I must get up no matter how tired I am and remind myself that I likely would have been tired anyway. My sleep isn’t always disturbed by other people, though. Sometimes I just sleep shitty. I keep waking up for no reason, I’ll have a nightmare, etc. There’s always something. So even though the days aren’t as peaceful and I won’t get much alone time, if I’m going to have to be tired anyway, why not at least do it during the daytime? I know the sleep experts recommend against CRD people doing this since it can lead to heart problems and other health issues, and also say that you can’t train your body to need less sleep, but it won’t kill me to give it a try. We’ll see how much more sleep-deprived I end up. If I’m short on sleep 5 days a week instead of 2 or 3, then maybe it’s not such a good idea. I’m going to wait until after my dentist appointment. It’s going to take me until then to flip my schedule anyway.

Since Florida is likely to be the state we move to, I did some research and found they have an average of 90 thunderstorms a year, typically in the afternoons. So if I were asleep during half the storms, that means 40-50 times a year they’d wake me up. I could lower the number if I forced myself to be up during the daytime when the storms were more likely.

Traffic used to wake me up here about 3 times a week but by tweaking the sound machines, I was able to bring it down to about once a week, along with the virus, of course.

Another thing that pisses me off is that most people could be woken up by their phone and fall back asleep at least relatively quickly and not be so damn exhausted the next day. I don’t know why lack of sleep is so hard on me, but it is. It seems to get worse the older I get. The only thing it doesn’t do is trigger lung tightness and asthma attacks at times like it would when I was a smoker. Makes me hungry, though. Like the days before periods used to be where I could eat all day just to stay hungry.

I think some of those “gunshots” I’ve been hearing are actually firecrackers. Of course we have to start with the fireworks weeks in advance of the fourth just like we had to act like Father’s Day was just days away a whole month or more before it actually arrived. Rolls eyes

They’re opening the pool on the 20th but limiting how many people can be in it at once, and of course social distancing is still mandatory. I don’t know if I want to go to the pool in that case. If I’ve got to pay attention to how many people are in the pool with me and how close we get, that may take the fun out of it.

I noticed Bob and Virginia’s garage light on earlier and Tom said he saw a different vehicle there. One of these days soon enough I’ll get over there and find out what’s going on. I just hope to hell they don’t move before we do!

Got mild soreness in my groin today. Tom thinks my lymph nodes are swollen simply due to stress, but I don’t think so. Why would they wait until 2017 to start reacting to stress? That’s about when I first noticed the one in my neck.

Besides investigating Florida’s climate in more detail, I learned that 1 in 29 people in Citrus Heights has a chance of becoming a victim of a violent or property crime. Therefore, this city is deemed not very safe. This didn’t surprise me at all. What did surprise me is that 1 in 30 has a chance in Stuart. I thought it’d be more like one in hundreds if not thousands.

Venice, however, has a much lower chance and is the 12th safest city in Florida.

Little Miss Curious here found that Alyssa’s husband is a personal trainer who owns his own gym. Damn! Together they must bring home at least a quarter mil but probably closer to half a mil a year. Of course, I couldn’t resist dropping a comment on his Facebook page. There’s nothing there other than his profile pic, and I’m surprised he allows anybody to comment. Slipped him a quick message as well. It’s gone ignored, not surprisingly, assuming it’s even been noticed.

FRIDAY, JUNE 19, 2020
My lymph nodes have me worried again. The one in my groin got so sore when I was visiting Dixie that I had to take a couple of Ibuprofen as soon as I got home. I can still feel a bulge in my neck as well. After I get my fillings done on the 30th and Tom sees that that doesn’t fix things like he suspects it will, then I’ll make a decision as to whether or not I think I should get into Doc A sooner.

It could still be a nodule in my neck and my groin could be a pulled muscle, ligament or tendon but then what about the soreness I sometimes get in the side of my boob where another lymph node is located? You have hundreds of lymph nodes all over the place, but I guess those are the main spots along with under the jaw. Those have yet to give me any shit.

Swollen lymph nodes usually mean you have an infection or some kind of inflammation but I recently had a round of antibiotics so that leaves one other possibility and I really hope to hell that isn’t it! Lymphoma is the last thing I want to have to deal with! Really, I’m tired of one health issue after another! I would definitely like to know what the hell it is but that doesn’t mean I want to treat it if it requires treatment. If there is a health curse on me, I’ve got to stop giving in to it. I can’t keep running around treating this and treating that. So far, I’m not in the kind of excruciating pain I was in when my tooth got infected, and of course I don’t want to spend so much time and money constantly having to fix myself, so I’ll decide what to do in a couple of weeks.

They finally made masks mandatory in Cali as they should have months ago everywhere until a vaccine is available. The overall US death count is going down, though, since those most susceptible are likely dead by now. Mandatory or not, Tom and I are smart enough not to go anywhere unnecessarily and to wear masks when we do. Just ordered an adorable reusable mask with a photo of a guinea pig sitting next to some yellow pansies.

Dixie called late in the evening and said she was sitting out front watering and asked if I wanted to come down and chat with her. Diane was already in bed. So I went down and while she flooded the yard and made it hard to hear her soft voice over the water running and other noise, she told me she was woken by her motion sensor light a few weeks ago. Then she said she heard the sound of water dripping or something like that. Then, supposedly without seeing anyone, she became certain that someone decided to pee in her carport, so she called the police. The pigs said her hose was dripping and they thought that was it, but she says it was on the wrong side of the house.

Like someone is going to jump over the fence of a fancy gated community in the middle of the night just to pick one out of 500 carports to piss in? Somehow, I doubt that! I think she’s just losing it or has become incredibly paranoid in her old age. She doesn’t always remember things, switches subjects rapidly, and often forgets what the hell she’s talking about or was about to say, so I kind of doubt her story, LOL. It was still nice to see her.

Before she called, I could hear the annoying sound of a small plane or helicopter circling round and round. It was even louder when I went down to her place since we were outdoors, and we could see a helicopter circling around. We could also hear what I’m guessing were the cops talking through a loudspeaker, so I guess they were trying to catch someone. I can’t wait to get away from all these planes and helicopters! The commercials still haven’t been as bad and neither has traffic. But still, next year can’t come fast enough! Even Dixie agrees it’s noisy. I just hope the virus doesn’t hold us back or anything with my health! I don’t have any bad vibes right now, but something’s got to be setting my lymph nodes off if that’s what it is.

Dixie said she’s had soreness in her groin node before but again, I can’t always count on what she tells me.

She tells me she worries about having to go out with the virus still around and as I told her, I don’t understand why she’s going out for groceries. Why go out unnecessarily when she can get a $15 monthly subscription for unlimited free delivery as long as she gets at least $30 of stuff? So I gave her the link to the Walmart grocery store. We spend $400-$500 a month and that’s lower than the national norm.

Because she’s over 65 and so many restaurants are going out of business, she gets free meals delivered daily as well. But to go out grocery shopping is too risky.

Since Pinterest obviously doesn’t want its users to be able to download their boards for reasons I’ll never understand, I’ve been dragging pins into files on my computer one by one, a little at a time. Then I weed out the blurry ones. Quality images should look good even on a big screen.

Norma finally answered my message asking how often she gets woken up by thunder and she said she was used to it and that it rarely wakes her up. Why can’t I get used to sleeping through things???

And why can’t I have fun dreams more often? The kinds that inspire story ideas. It’s usually the same old depressing themes. Had a dream I couldn’t help but send an email or two to the corrupt pig-turned-family businessman. I don’t know what I said but I was suddenly worried that it may cause repercussions for me.

It seems there was some kind of legal dream last night as well (or yesterday in my case). I don’t know why I have these types of dreams so often when I haven’t done anything remotely illegal and I don’t intend to. My worst “crime” is not always agreeing with the majority on certain issues. Other than eventually sharing some journal excerpts with the termites (maybe), I don’t want to make trouble for anyone simply for fun or because they may not want anything to do with me.

But the fact that I’ve been a law-abiding citizen doesn’t explain why I have so many dreams revolving around legal issues and being stuck in strange “jails.” But then I guess not everything we dream about has to do with our real lives since I’ve had a few dreams where I was with my former PO, yet I never had an ounce of attraction for him in any way. So I don’t know. Maybe this shit is going on in other dimensions.

The weather has been hot and dry. I guess the pool is open now, yet we have no desire to go swimming. Who knows if we’ll ever swim in this state again?

Been having an anxious week. I was borderline on the 14th and 15th. I cut my pill on the 16th and was fine. Had mild anxiety the next day, cut my pill the next day and was borderline. Today I cut my waiting time in half and feel a little on edge now. Depending on how I feel tomorrow, I may skip Sunday’s dose altogether. If I’m right about it having to do with the medication building up in my system - and I’ve always thought that - then I really need to get more of it out of my system once and for all so I can feel better faster. Yeah, I knew it wasn’t gone forever and it never will be any more than my on-and-off TMJ pain will one day vanish forever right along with my extra weight or other things I’ve been dealing with for years.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 17, 2020
Not feeling as well as yesterday, but still better than the day before yesterday. May cut tomorrow’s pills as I did with yesterday’s. My levels need to drop a bit more. But if I can go longer and longer between cuts, great. Hopefully, I won’t have to cut too close to labs, but my comfort is more important than their numbers.

Since there are only so many more recyclable pickups between now and when we leave, I’m thinking of large items we no longer want or need that aren’t too large for the recycle bin but not quite big enough for the bulk trash pickup. I have a big black roasting pan that I don’t think I’ve even used in this house and we’ve been here almost 7 years. It’s a recyclable metal of sorts. I just can’t see myself using it ever again when cookers can cook just as well, if not better, with a fraction of the cost and without heating up the house. So that’s out in the recycle bin.

I never noticed the portable AC cycling on and off when I slept because that’s how much quieter they’ve gotten. You know how it is, they make indoor stuff quieter and outdoor stuff louder. Woke up warm a couple of times so I’m going to drop it from 75 degrees to 74. The rest of the house remains at 78 and will be 68 in the winter.

I was looking at some pics Kim posted of her trip to Rhode Island with her sister and her sister’s girlfriend and you would never think they were sisters any more than you would think me and the termite were sisters. Different heights, different weights, different styles of dress, different everything. Carol once looked like an average woman but now she looks very butchy, and again, while we all have a right to look as we wish and to date who we wish, what’s the point? Why do you have to “be a man” to be with women? I still don’t see the connection or why anyone would want that since you might as well just get a real man if you’re going to get something that masculine. Yet they’re your typical lesbian couple unlike on TV where they’re both feminine and gorgeous. Carol was the man-woman while the other was feminine and long-haired. I never had the desire to run and cut my hair really short, stop wearing makeup, and start dressing, acting, walking and talking like a guy simply because I’ve been attracted to women. Again, though, to each their own.

Took the bike around the circle, and as I was careening down the hill in front of our place, I caught a glimpse into Bob & Virginia’s kitchen window. I saw Bob walking and I don’t think he was using his walker, so hopefully, that’s a good sign.

Been having fun picking out items for our future house, wherever it may end up being, and putting them in the save-for-later section on Amazon. Some things we can’t pick out until we know what we’re going to be living in, such as murals. But I have my eye on a pink plush office chair and a really cool desk. The desk was designed for two users with shelves in the middle. You can actually set it up in different ways. I was thinking I would have a little office on one side and a coloring station on the other. And rather than get two chairs, since we plan to have laminated floors, I could just wheel myself back and forth easily enough.

Molly was in my dreams last night for the first time in ages. We lived in a strip of apartments and next to us on the end lived Molly with her mother who was still alive. Facebook came out with this thing that showed the profile picture of non-friends who visit your profile. I still hated her like I did a decade ago and was furious when her picture appeared as having visited my profile.

Knowing they were right next door, I decided to go over and get Molly seriously disinterested in me. I was surprised to find their door unlocked, but I burst in ready to scream at them only to find the apartment dark and deserted because they moved.

TUESDAY, JUNE 16, 2020
I’m on for the dentist on the 30th to get my fillings done. The only thing right now is this faint aching feeling in my jaw that has me a little worried I’m reinfecting. What if he didn’t clean the infection out enough? We can’t afford to throw $1,700 in my mouth every month. Really wish there was a better long-term solution for my teeth. Right now I worry it’s going to flare up in which case it would get worse and worse each day until it was excruciating. God, I hope that doesn’t happen! But this is how these infections usually start. I just can’t get a fucking break, can I? :-(

But perfectly healthy Kim, despite being so humongous that she looks like a giant blow-up doll gone wrong, never has a fucking problem and will likely never know how good she’s got it either. Imagine your worst problem being that you can’t get your way and you can’t ride with someone you’re obsessed with, and then you get to spend all day sitting on your ass bitching about it.

As I was telling Aly, I’ve been in a few situations that were so shitty they made me see how easy past problems were in some ways. Just the extreme hell I went through with my health from 2014 to 2019 actually made the recession and even jail seem like not such big crises. Living like bums in tiny ancient trailers made me see that the Phoenix house wasn’t that small and dumpy, after all.

Well, what is it going to take for Kim to see how great she really has it? Who throws her in jail over nothing? Who sends her through hormonal hell? Who gives her one health issue after another? Who makes her live in poverty and insecurity?

I otherwise feel wonderful. I cut my pill today and will return to full doses tomorrow. Maybe next time around I’ll make it 11 weeks before I feel on edge. I may have to make pill cuts periodically all my life. I stopped losing weight, not surprisingly, so there’s no concern there. While I could afford it, if I lost 20 or so pounds, then I would be terrified of how the medication may affect me. But as I read and have heard, hypothyroidism usually makes you fat, but treatment doesn’t normally make you lose weight.

Although I haven’t had a scratchy throat, I can still feel a bulge in my neck depending on the position my head is in.

Really wondering what the hell is wrong with Blitz. He doesn’t limp as much, but he has a noticeable red spot on his hip and we’re still not sure what it is. It’s common for guinea pigs to get things like cysts, tumors, abscesses and other forms of growths which can be cancerous or benign. Nothing can be done to prevent them. If this is serious, he may very well be gone in a few months, but I don’t think it is.

I thought of unblocking the termites and then seeing if they notice and then replying with the journal excerpts if they do and contact me but unblocking them could cause problems. Tammy could look for a post of mine that she’s commented on and add something I definitely wouldn’t want others to see. She could also comment on a comment I made to Norma. I wish there was a way I could go around and delete all the comments I’ve ever received from the termites, but I don’t see how that’s possible. I would have to comb through my entire wall bit by bit and it’s just not worth that amount of work. But I know that unblocking them would bring all their comments and reactions back. I’ll just wait until we’ve been gone for a year or so and then send the excerpts before reblocking them.

Just read that if she commented on something that wasn’t public, then she could no longer find the comment and add another one to it.

But I don’t want to give Becky and Sarah a chance to block me if they haven’t already and don’t know that you can block someone who blocked you first because then I can’t deliver the excerpts as easily. I thought of asking Aly to piggyback the excerpts but they’re not likely to get them that way since they were never connected before. Even if the account wasn’t in her real name, they would probably think I was behind the account.

A fucking motorcycle came tearing in at midnight last night and then ran back out that was insanely loud. I could feel the fucking vibration beneath my feet which were touching the floor. It’s pretty fucking sad that this is what adult communities have come to. They definitely aren’t what they were 20 years ago. I swear I heard about five gunshots too. Hopefully, they popped the fucker.

I’m just pissed that the world has come to what it has and that I’m never going to be able to return to the days of getting away with just sleeping with a fan or air cleaner, even at night. Can’t do that here with those fuckers roaring by just 20 feet from the bedroom until maybe November.

Thought about anonymously contacting the office and demanding they do something about the late-night motorcycles, but they’ll just figure out it’s me and counter-complain without doing shit.

Oh, and remember the days when you could go online without hearing about racism on every single fucking site you went to? Damn, do I miss those days as well! At this point, it’s no longer a matter of who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s TOO DAMN MUCH! Period. People need to find something else to run into the ground and obsess over. It’s never healthy or productive to fixate on something endlessly.

We went over our plans until the winter. We’re focusing on curb appeal so Tom was going over ideas for outside the house such as adding rocks along the carport, replacing the old rotted fence on the back corner, and maybe having someone come out to take care of the tree between us and next door. It would be safer, since it’s not a sturdy tree, if it wasn’t taller than the roof.

We won’t touch up the inside until we’re about to list the house. He thinks we’ll be out of here by May. That would be awesome! Wish I knew our moving date so I could start a countdown.

He still hopes to work during the holiday season for extra money. Of course he’s getting interview offers. When he wanted them, he couldn’t get them and now that he doesn’t want them, he gets them. Life is so the opposite of what we want.

We talked about possibly hiring a realtor to get us a place so we’ll have a place to move into when we arrive in Florida, and that way we can skip hotels if we were to fly and an extended stay in RV parks if we drive. This would be the temporary climate testing place. We would just tell the realtor what we wanted and check it out on Google Maps to see what was around it. I would really like to get on a cul-de-sac or something. Fewer houses so close to us would be nice as well. Common areas could be a problem too, so we have to consider everything around the place with me needing to sleep in the daytime half the time.

I have a feeling I’m never going to get to live in peace no matter where we go and I’m always going to be stuck in places built in the 20th century. Then again, any place that’s not on a busy road or in a flight path has to be at least a little better than this. I’m surprised the planes aren’t going crazy tonight. I heard quite a mix of small planes and commercials throughout most of my day.

Fly or drive? It’s still a tough call. I want to meet Aly and I want to give her the doll. But he hates to drive and I love to fly.

If we went by ground but had a place to move right into, that would make traveling that way easier on me because then I would only lose sleep during the days it took to get across the country. At least not unless the day we got there I was woken up by someone’s mutt barking too close to the bedroom, then a visiting kid screamed me awake the next day, then a storm thundered me awake the next day, and then mowers the next.

With a fan, I could sleep through the mowers that came to mow the duplex in Oregon, but these are big commercial monsters that go right up to the windows so I don’t know if they’re going to be easy to mask or not.

We’re gonna see if we can sell or donate the couch and whatever else. During one of the bulk pickups, he’s gonna dump his bed and sleep on the airbed that has a hole in it somewhere. I’m getting a new airbed when we get to the tester place. A cheap twin mattress that’s on the floor until I have a real bed of whatever kind is fine.

Anyway, we took the bikes out when it was in the low 80s. It was a little blinding when I was facing the sun because we went out late in the day.

He finished putting the soundproofing around the AC panel in the window and I can operate it by remote from bed if I wake up too warm or cold. From now on the house AC will stay at 78 degrees. When I want to make it cooler in the bedroom for sleeping, I can do that. I love the peace of mind that comes with having it as a backup if the house AC decided to crap out on us, and how it should definitely save money most of the year.

I was once again thinking about how Aly said she wouldn’t tell me what she had on me because then she would lose that “power” before telling me she didn’t really have much dirt on me as opposed to others.

If it’s something she feels telling me would cause her to lose power over, then it makes me wonder if she’s got any passwords to any sites my journal is on which she would know I could run and change or maybe even remove the journals altogether. If she’s found a way to read them, though, oh well. As long as she doesn’t delete or alter them in any way, that’s on her because she’s the one who’s going to have to live with what she reads that she may not like, after all. :-)

For a minute I thought of Tom’s case but surely she’s got to know that being in a different state wouldn’t give her any power. Not for a misdemeanor. You could call and report the location of a murderer in any state and the cops would come running, but not in his case. If she really feels she has anything on me that she could use, although I can’t imagine what, she’s not going to tell me about it. But then why didn’t she use it when she dumped me? Maybe because she feels I didn’t do anything bad enough to deserve revenge?

Had a series of weird dreams. In one of them, I was pulling up these socks that were made out of this strange material. I decided I would throw them out since they felt too weird and didn’t fit right. One sock reached all the way up to my groin. I went to show Tom how funny they looked but when I looked down at my legs, they were bare.

In the next dream, I was at the front door. As usual, it didn’t look like any place we lived in. I looked out toward the street and saw a couple of old guys talking and then I stepped back and stretched out on the couch for a nap.

Then I dreamed I was at this woman’s house. She may’ve been in her 30s. I didn’t seem to know Tom. I told her I was worried I may have to move to a particular place, and she said, “Yeah, you may have to if…”

Then I suggested we be roommates and offered to take over the cooking, cleaning and laundry and she said, “Nah, just seven seconds,” as if it took her no time at all to do these things herself.

I was then walking around the outside of this jail that looked more like a farm. Several inmates hung out in a fenced-in area in back of the place and I knew that one of the inmates was Jodi Arias. There was also another female killer with the same first name. I spotted Jodi Arias who had her back toward me. The top of her uniform was a bit large and part of her shoulder was exposed which appeared to be dotted with bruises.

“Which Jodi killer is worse?” I asked jokingly. Then a handful of inmates looked at me like I was mean to ask such a thing and moved further away from the fence.

Next thing I know, I’m the one in jail. I don’t know why or for how long, but this place didn’t look like a jail either.

I casually walked through the place. There were various rooms with various groups of inmates. I wanted to find my room because I was tired and wanted to lie down. I couldn’t figure out how to get upstairs to the bedrooms, though. Instead, I found a ladder leading up to a wooden frame with a large piece of material draped over it. I climbed the 6 rungs or so to check it out and saw it was a large hammock of sorts.

Disinterested, I climbed back down as Tom approached me with some of my belongings in his hands. I knew he had to leave me there and that I couldn’t go with him. The dream ended with him telling me what things he had to take with him and what things he could leave with me.

MONDAY, JUNE 15, 2020
Happy 26th anniversary to us! We’re definitely becoming a bit “old-fashioned” in that sense. Fewer people are having kids and even fewer are getting married these days. I still say to each their own, though.

Not doing much today. Just taking it easy but I’ll go out for a bike ride in the evening when it’s cooler. I gotta stop cooking for Tom, though. He says he’ll never lose weight since he likes my cooking that much. LOL

He says he’s going back to before he got fat which means he has just one full meal a day. Yeah, but he can’t go back to the body he had 30 years ago, so we’ll see. At least he’s been working out regularly and feeling well.

Whenever I’ve lost weight in the past, with the exception of going thyrotoxic, it was always slow. Always the same kind of pattern too, where I would hit a new low and sort of zig-zag between that and the next pound up, settling in for about a week, and then my hunger would increase as it would make a reach for the next pound down, hitting a new low. Well, this is what’s been happening lately, though I’m not sure why. I don’t diet and I try not to get too food-focused but accept myself as I am instead as long as I don’t gain. This is simple enough if I stick mostly to low-carb. Assuming nothing’s wrong, then I guess the weight loss is because I’m higher on thyroid than I have been in ages. My hair hasn’t been this thick in years! Even though it’s not that long, brushing it has become a bit of a challenge once again. I can’t push the detangling brush all the way through it yet when I use the brush with stiffer bristles, it snags because of the balls on the ends of the bristles. They need to come up with better brushes for thick curly hair!

So full of thyroid am I that I was worried yesterday that I could be on the verge of getting anxious again, so I cut my waiting time today just to be safe. Besides, it’s our anniversary. Who wants to wait for their coffee? I almost felt like I was getting borderline yesterday. Depending on how I feel for the rest of the day, I’ll decide what to do tomorrow. If I do get anxious, back to pill cuts I go.

I was able to go a couple of days without Ibuprofen for my ear, but I’m still wondering and worried about my neck at times. Just not to the point where I feel I have to bump up my October appointment.

Had a strange few seconds when I sat down in my chair and was dizzy. Not light-headed, but dizzy. The room spun and I almost felt like I was going to topple over to the side, but I didn’t, of course. The sensation only lasted a few seconds.

Now we’re thinking it may be cheaper to get a piece of shit rather than rent a condo and stay there for just a few months in order to test the climate. Then we would turn around and sell it and then settle where we decided to settle. You can get a place for as low as 8k in an adult community in Florida. The problem is that things always take longer than expected. It wouldn’t be just a few months for us. We’d be stuck there for close to a year. It doesn’t seem like we should be because we would be in an entirely different situation, but this has always happened to us in the past. I’ve never been able to move as soon as I wanted to. We thought we would only be in hotels for one or two months when we first came to the state and it turned out to be almost a year. I wanted to get out of here years ago yet we’re still here. I wanted to get out of the trailer much sooner than we did, and Phoenix, and other places I was in before I met Tom. I don’t know if something up there gets off on seeing me stuck in places or what, but I just know that “temporary” place to test the climate, be it a house or a condo, wouldn’t be so temporary. Either way, I’m all for the idea of a house rather than a condo. Attached living is just too noisy and you hear enough shit as it is in a standalone place.

There are some loud vehicles here lately, but the planes and traffic haven’t been nearly as maddening as they tend to be from September to around April. I’m sure there have been planes in the early mornings but I’ve been sleeping during those hours lately. Summers are always quieter here.

My dream blog, although not fully updated, has been public for some time now yet interestingly enough, when I click on “stats” nothing shows up. I would have thought some Google searches would have led to some visitors by now with all the content that’s there, but nope.

Had a few strange dreams last night. In one, I was inspecting a large furnished bedroom.

In another, I was standing on the shore of a beach watching a jellyfish and an old chimney from someone’s house slowly float by. The chimney wasn’t made of brick but wood instead. It appeared ugly and creepy to me for some reason.

In the last dream, I had a roommate somewhere. A detective came to visit with a search warrant for the roommate who was wanted on some rather serious charges (child abuse?). I told him I wished he could wait for her to return, not knowing how she’d react if I sprung the news on her while we were alone. To my relief, she came in a few minutes later while the detective was still there. He got up from the small kitchen table we had and I told her she needed to pack her stuff and get out.

SUNDAY, JUNE 14, 2020
Now it’s my turn to lose weight for seemingly no reason like Aly. It’s just another half a pound but that’s something for an older person with a bum metabolism and thyroid. Maybe my thyroid is actually better, though. With 10 weeks of taking my medication consistently, I’ve got to be around 6 or 7. But that’s still mildly hypo and while I’m eating healthier overall, I’m not eating healthy all the time. Yesterday is a good example of that. I was a little hungrier than usual yesterday and ended up having between 1600-1700 calories. I’ve had so much more fatigue lately that I haven’t been exercising nearly as much, so it could be some muscle loss, although I doubt it.

Been hot flashing a little more lately which is discouraging because if that and the fatigue can pick up again, so can the anxiety.

My lymph node is still swollen to the point that you can just make it out by looking at my neck but only if you knew what to look for. It’s not that obvious. I can definitely feel it more than I can see it. Sometimes I feel a slight scratchiness in my throat when I swallow. Tom still thinks that it will back off in a few days. I don’t think so, but I know I’m really sick of doctors and would still like to try to wait until I see my PCP in October at which time she’s going to do a full panel of blood work and not just thyroid and cholesterol.

Made homemade macaroni and cheese in the crock-pot and I think it came out shitty. It smelled great and it tasted good, but the texture was kind of fucked up with “heavy” noodles and the creamy part being too runny. The good thing is that Tom loved it, so it’s not like it’s going to go to waste even though it didn’t even cost five bucks to make. It was just a box of elbow macaroni, milk, evaporated milk, and cheese.

Good thing I got up before the fucking motorcycle came and went. Probably Tom’s son, the guy across from Dixie. I don’t know if she’ll win, but I’m glad she’s going to get a lawyer and fight the park on the palm tree issue. There’s no way, after all these years, it’s suddenly blocking drainage. Especially when palm trees have such short roots. She said the park isn’t allowing palm trees anymore. Yeah, if it was up to this fucking park, they’d practically bulldoze everything out of here with the way they love to cut trees down. The cutting of the trees here, in general, has been unbelievable right along with the projects, traffic, and everything else.

I told her that since she likes that tree and isn’t planning to move within a year, it’s great that she’s going to fight them. We only complied with their last two demands because it was something we were going to do anyway, but so help me God, one more complaint - just one more - and I’ll be quick to put them in their place and remind them that they’re not only not our parents but we’re the ones that live here and we’re the ones that pay. Therefore, they’re not to contact us again.

Tom also thinks I should stop taking Benadryl when I’m having trouble sleeping and that it’s part of my fatigue. Now that’s something I can definitely try, especially when I don’t have any scheduled appointments right around the corner. I was up till nearly 3 a.m. and was woken up by a nightmare which certainly didn’t help.

A couple of guys tried to kidnap me in the nightmare. Tom and I were staying in this building that may have been a hotel. The ground floor was long with many doors off the sides of the hallway. Tom was asleep in one of the rooms closer to the entrance. The rooms had two beds in them.

I was coming in from wherever one night. Just as I entered the building, I turned to look behind me and saw this guy running up to the door. I quickly pulled it shut so it would lock, thinking he didn’t belong in the building. But then I saw him reaching into his pocket and assumed he was taking out a key and that he was staying there after all. So I pushed the door open and demanded to see a key since he stopped reaching for whatever he was reaching for in his pocket.

Suddenly, there were two guys and they were trying to kidnap me. I began screaming Tom’s name as loud as I could. I was wearing a jacket and they were pulling on the sleeves. I managed to wiggle my way out of the jacket and run toward our room.

The guys began to leave due to all the racket I was making but then they stopped as if they were considering changing their minds. The dream ended with me hoping I got the right room in my panic as I busted through the door to one of them. Instead of regular doors, the rooms had swinging doors. Once inside the room, I saw the outline of Tom asleep in the bed and continued screaming for him to get up.

SATURDAY, JUNE 13, 2020
Yesterday evening I was sitting here when all of a sudden, I heard a loud shriek. Guess which kiddies are back? Yeah, Miss Melody has her grandanimals living here again from what I can tell. Yesterday evening it was screaming by on its bike. Today it was a scooter. You don’t bring that kind of shit here unless you’re living here. But being tight with the manager enables you to get away with shit for a while until enough complaints come in. None will be from me because they’re not right next door, and while the screaming is certainly annoying and not what I came to an adult community for, it’s not maddening like the loud car was. I’m sure that will make its return next. People get testy. I learned this in Phoenix. They’ll behave for a while and then they’ll slowly ramp up their old shit to see how much they can get away with the next time around.

Then at about 4, it got really dark all of a sudden, and we were hit with a surprise fast-moving thunderstorm. There was only one loud thunderclap but I’m glad I was awake. It rained hard but not for long.

A little further into the evening and my TMJ turned itself on like a switch. That’s when I started to look up self-help tips and found some jaw exercises that might be helpful. It figures that sleeping on your stomach is the worst position for TMJ since that’s my favorite position. The best is on your back but that’s my least favorite position. Sometimes I do flip over onto my back after I’ve been asleep for a while, though.

So why is it that my favorite everything seems to be bad for me somehow?

I also read that cold weather is bad for it. No wonder it was so much worse in Oregon! But why has it been worse these last few months? I did read something about weather changes and we’ve definitely been having some up-and-down weather lately. The temps have been like a roller coaster. We’ll drop from triple-digits to the seventies in just a few days.

I liked how I read that warm weather wouldn’t do you much good unless it could stay that way consistently. Well, Florida will do just that most of the time. :-) Couldn’t find any connection good or bad to humidity.

Got up shortly after 8 a.m. and there was an email from Dixie complaining that the park is complaining about the same shit they complained about us for. Yeah, it’s funny that all of a sudden, after all these years, one of her palm trees is suddenly blocking drainage. I guess she also thought some parts of her property were part of the park and not her responsibility. She’s also noticing it getting noisier with things opening up and says she’s having a hard time with Diane. I guess she’s giving her and one of her babysitters a hard time, plus she needs cataracts removed which may be more than she could handle. I know I’d be freaking out big-time if I ever needed any kind of eye surgery!

I told her about the paper masks we got on Amazon and that they were similar to what doctors and nurses usually wear and told her we had some to spare if she was interested. I ran down and gave her 4 from our 10-pack so she and Diane could each have a couple.

At 9:40 we set the bombs off for what will hopefully be the last time and went to Jack-in-the-Box. We left the pigs in the storeroom which we bombed the day before since their cage is so big and might be too smelly enclosed in a car. We put a divider in the middle to keep them from fighting.

I put the rat in the small white wired birdcage with the pink base and he rode in the backseat. He happily accepted the piece of cheesy burger bun and French fry I shared with him. To a rat, it’s like taking a dog out. It’s a fun adventure for them. The pigs might have been scared, though. We both agreed that even if we do decide to move by the ground when the time comes, they should be re-homed and not subjected to a long road trip. We feel they’d be much better off being taken in by a pet store and then adopted out to someone who wouldn’t mind having older guinea pigs. There are pet stores that will take any animal for any reason.

Adding vitamin C to Blitz’s food has helped but he still has a bit of a limp and I’m still not sure if he has a tumor or not. A male rodent’s balls tend to get large with age but one side of him seems a little too large.

We spent most of the time sitting in the carport since we don’t want to take chances in public unnecessarily, masked not, and don’t want to spend too much money either. The two hours we needed to be out of the house passed by quickly enough. We ate our food and played on our phones. I watched part of a movie, listened to audiobooks, and that sort of thing.

The only thing that bugs me in some of the Lifetime movies is certain stereotypes. Why is it always that you see a woman who’s fearful of being home alone because of whoever and never a guy? Why portray women as scared little wimps? Some are, of course, but not all are any more than all guys are tough.

Tomorrow I’ll be making homemade macaroni for the first time in the cooker. I would save it for our anniversary, but the milk is to expire tomorrow. Close enough, though.

After we got back and aired the place out, he began setting up the portable air conditioner in the bedroom. Well, first we got the doll out of the way and put her on the living room couch since we never “use” her anyway. She’s beautiful to look at, but $700 wasted. If I can’t magically transport Aly or me to visit each other, I wish I could at least teleport Suki to her!

So he put this thing in the window that the AC hose attaches to and at first I was like, are you kidding me? This thin little flimsy piece of plastic is all I’ve got between me and the motorcycles?

But he’s going to add layers of soundproofing material that we still have over it. The whole point is to save money by keeping the rest of the house warmer in the summer and cooler in the winter. The thing won’t pay for itself as just a backup alone.

I’m now relaxing with some merlot. decided I would drink every other week instead of every day. That way I don’t become addicted and it remains more of a treat that way.

FRIDAY, JUNE 12, 2020
Not much going on at the moment. Yesterday evening, the paramedics showed up at Bob and Virginia’s, but they didn’t take either of them away, so I hope they’re okay.

We went to Rite Aid this morning and it was nice to go out someplace that didn’t include doctors or dentists.

The endodontist’s office called to see how I was, and I called back and let them know I’m still pain-free.

After we got back, we went for a bike ride. It was breezy but nice. I saw the outline of Bob sitting in his chair in his living room watching TV as we were coming up the street. It’s been a long time and I’m really curious, so one of these days soon I may go over there with my mask on and see what’s up.

On the 23rd, Sam’s is going to have their early hours again, so we’ll probably pick up some things from there that we haven’t gotten in a while.

It was finally time for my ENT to star in my dreams. She was in three or four of them, but I barely remember them and they didn’t really make much sense. Tom was talking to her about my past ear surgeries on the phone and calling her Lara. Then when I asked who the hell that was, he said it was Elle and I knew he was talking about my ENT. I guess she liked to change names regularly.

THURSDAY, JUNE 11, 2020
The root canal is done! It was WAY easier and quicker than I expected. Definitely worth it to go to a high-end place. They were over in Roseville.

Woke up at 4:30, just in time to hear the motorcycle roar out of here. I was a little scared when I first took the Halcion at 6:30 which was an hour before the appointment because I’m always nervous about anything I haven’t taken before. Yet it wasn’t quite like Lorazepam even though they’re related. In 10 minutes you feel an instant effect from the Lorazepam but it’s very short-acting. This made me more tired, but it was a gradual and longer-lasting effect. I was able to walk into the building okay, just a little slow.

After a brief wait, someone took my temperature and Tom made himself comfortable with his phone in the waiting room as I was taken into the exam room and prepped by Samantha. Doctor K and his assistant Sam were wonderful. He slipped half of the second Halcion under my tongue and the non-epinephrine numbing agent they gave me worked its magic during the entire procedure. I really thought they would be working on me for over an hour but nope. Took only about 40 minutes. As a bonus, I’m no longer freaked out by those electronic blood pressure cuffs that they had to use. It didn’t hurt at all. My upper number started off in the 160s but dropped to the 130s as I calmed down. My HR went from the 90s to the 80s.

Because I was so groggy, Sam wheeled me out in a wheelchair while Tom pulled the car around. I’ve had absolutely no pain at all! :-) I indulged in a 3-hour nap shortly after getting home and gave Dr. K and his staff rave reviews on Yelp, Google and Facebook.

Sam had me LMAO when she said she thought I was 100-110 pounds and went, “No way!” when I told her I was in the 150s. Muscle definitely makes you heavier than you look. I may not be that big but I’m damn heavy.

Now all I have to do is wait for my dentist to call to schedule to fill me in. She finally sent us a bill too, and $74 for her to have to open things up for an emergency was quite a bargain since we were expecting it to be over $100.

The only thing the doctor said that I didn’t like was that my tooth shouldn’t be affecting my lymph nodes or energy levels. I hope Tom is right when he says he thinks that it was just aggravated by stress. Really want to just get filled up soon and then not have any appointments until I see Doc A in October.

My ear got on my nerves at the end of my day yesterday to the point that I had to take Ibuprofen, but it’s been okay so far today. Going to oil it in just a bit.

I repolished my nails a little while ago, and believe it or not, I really do think the tea tree oil is helping even after just one use! But I think it’s only helping with the discoloration, not the lifting. I’m still not sure what to make of the lifting. That seemed to improve with the calcium supplements but now I’m not so sure.

Since I just saw my ENT, I would have thought I would dream of her if I was going to dream of any of my doctors, but instead I dreamed of my GYN. It seemed like I was at some summer camp or resort. I glanced at people swimming in a lake as I entered a building.

I don’t know if this was connected to the dream the GYN was in or not, but we were neighbors in an apartment building. Permanently or temporarily, I don’t know, but she lived a few doors down. Seems like we were several floors up. I would visit her for an hour or two late at night and we would chat, and I would wonder how she had the energy to see patients all day after staying up so late.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 10, 2020
It’s ENT day. Compared to tomorrow, I expect this visit to be short and sweet. Going to see if I can see her again in March since that will be getting close to when we leave. Going to also ask her about this thing I saw on Amazon for blocked eustachian tubes. Just wish the outside hadn’t gotten so sensitive thanks to nerve damage.

The endodontist’s office called yesterday to confirm that I got the Halcion and said to feel free to take my phone and listen to music through earbuds and to remember to remove the nail polish from my middle finger and all that. I’m going to remove all of it later today. I’m curious to see if this new and pricey polish is helping the fungus. Unfortunately, I have my doubts about that as much as I have my doubts that getting the root canal will help my lymph node. It was sore yesterday and I had to take ibuprofen for it but at least that helped. I could feel soreness in both my neck and side of my boob. Also, if you look closely enough, you can see a slight bulge in my neck.

After reading around a bit, I realized that there’s a chance it could be lymphoma even though Tom and I both doubt it. I do have some fatigue but that could be connected to my tooth. It seems like every other day I just don’t have much energy. Or I’ll start off okay and then a few hours later I’m dragging for the rest of my day. But I don’t have most of the other symptoms of lymphoma.

I asked Norma how often she gets woken up by thunderstorms in Florida. She saw the message but hasn’t replied. What, does she not like the idea of me moving there? Again, I know she’s going to side with and believe whatever the termite tells her because she knows her better. Just not well enough to have crossed her in the way that would unleash her true colors.

While our stuff is definitely going to travel by ground, we’re still not sure if we are. Now we’re throwing up the idea of shipping Candy and flying to a condo. Yes, I hate living connected to others but if it’s only for a few months to test the climate, it wouldn’t be much noisier than this place when you think about it. Instead of landscaping, it would be doors slamming. Instead of traffic, it would be footsteps. I would still be hearing sounds, just different ones. As long as the place isn’t too close to the street, especially a busy one.

Tom likes the Venice area on the Gulf side. Lots of old folks there and good beaches, yet close enough to big cities and rural areas further inland in case we decide to stay but not in a community.

I could likely adapt to the climate without any serious lung or allergy issues, especially since you spend most of the time indoors in air conditioning, but what I’m most concerned about is how often thunderstorms would wake me up. That’s what I want to find out. If that’s an issue, then I’m going to have to return to drier ground. It would also be nice to have another adult community to compare this one to, although I would think it would be similar. Times change and so do people. It’s noisy everywhere these days. Once we pick the state, then maybe we can try to get something a little less noisy somewhere.

I had a quick and vague dream about moving to the Northeast, which we would never do, and not being sure I wanted to stay there because of the cold.

Then I dreamed we had a place somewhere that was connected to my parents’ place (ugh). There was an inner door between the two places as with connecting hotel rooms. I walked over to my parents’ side and into a room that had two beds similar to in a hotel. Some guy was sleeping on one of the beds. I woke him up and he swore at me. Then I left and drafted an email in my head about it that I would send to my dad.

Then I entered our place from the outside and was surprised to find the door unlocked. But I checked the place, which seemed to be a small one-bedroom, and found no one in it.

Later…

Oh, to have all my appointments be as short and sweet as it was today! It was more like an enjoyable social visit than anything else.

My once just there ENT has become so cool and I’ll miss her. Funny too, because she started off very business-like and some described her as rude and snobby. She never stood out to me in any way and I could have taken or left her for all I cared. She cut her hair to the shoulders and went from brown to dark blond. She’s fairly ordinary-looking but now treats me like an old friend, LOL.

Instead of getting right down to business when she entered the room, she took a seat in the chair by the door and asked how I was and I told her it was a pleasure cleaning her luxury apartment, LOL, and told her about the dream I had.

She laughed and said, “Well, I definitely don’t have a luxury apartment.”

So then I told her my ear was up and down as usual and asked what she thought about the device for eustachian tubes. She said don’t waste my money. She said the best thing to do would be to pinch my nose and gently blow my nose which is exactly what the doctor in Oregon recommended.

My ear wasn’t horrible but was in need of cleaning out the dead skin, though, and this time she used a vacuum before using what she calls a grabber to clear out the rest of it. She agreed that a year is a bit long, so I’ll see her one last time in March.

I told her we were moving and that was also why I didn’t want to wait a year. She asked where we were going, and I told her. I said it was too bad I couldn’t take her with me and that I would miss her, and she said she’ll miss me too. I told her if she was ever going through Florida to let me know and she said she would.

She and her husband have been talking about where they might go when they retire in about 15 years. As I was telling her, California is simply too crowded and expensive. She said it’s okay if you’re working but otherwise no. She said she lived in the South and was originally from Washington, so I guess they’re considering those areas.

I don’t expect to ever get a response, but I’ll message the one account I found with the name of my ENT on Facebook once we get settled wherever we end up and let her know that she can feel free to message me there as well if she wants when I see her in March.

She told me I looked cute all dressed in pink which is also her favorite color and I complimented her colorful mask. She said one of the people who works there made a bunch up for the staff.

Before the doctor came in, I was brave enough to let the beautiful and friendly black nurse check my blood pressure electronically, and while I was a bit nervous and the top number was high, it didn’t grip me nearly as tight as the one we have at home.

TUESDAY, JUNE 9, 2020
We talked more about the pros and cons of moving to another country and I’m pretty sure we’re not going to do it. Too risky. Especially when it comes to medical stuff and if we needed extra money. He couldn’t just go out and get a job in another country. Again, the US is pretty much the only country that’s going to give you instant health care and let you help yourself to whatever jobs are available. Between that and the areas that protect illegals, it’s no wonder so many fucking people come over here.

So while it’s easy to say I’d like to go to a country that takes care of its own rather than the other way around, well, we wouldn’t be one of its own. So we’ll have to stay here and pay our own medical expenses since we’re from here and continue to deal with all the racial bullshit.

Given the massive outpouring of love and support for blacks from all over the world, maybe people can finally see the big picture and realize that racism isn’t as huge of an issue as the media wants you to think it is and that many people make it out to be. Besides, what about all the black cops on police forces around the country? If cops in general hated blacks, does that mean even black cops hate blacks? Funny how you seldom hear about the black cops who also get carried away and abuse their power as well. Again, I don’t think it’s about race for your average pig. It’s about the abuse of power and losing control in the name of power play. White cops do it. Black cops do it. Asian cops do it. And it isn’t just blacks who get killed.

With selective reporting, the media can cleverly twist things to either make something look much bigger than it is and not show the whole picture.

Getting worried about my lymph nodes which are becoming more noticeable. I just fear that they won’t settle down after getting my tooth fixed. then I’ll have the tough decision of whether or not to bump my PCP appointment up or not. I’m just tired of appointments and running to doctors every time I feel something. It’s unlikely to be anything life-threatening and while it’s uncomfortable I’m not in any real pain. Just dealing with fatigue at times.

MONDAY, JUNE 8, 2020
The zucchini pretty much turned to mush and the pork was dry, but the squash came out okay and the corn and chicken came out better than okay.

We decided to bomb the place when I go to the dentist. This should be the last time we ever bomb here.

We’re still discussing various options. Can’t swear to it but right now it’s looking like we’re going to drive across to Florida. However, we’re also weighing the pros and cons of getting out of this fucked up country. I’m tired of the healthcare system here and the racial bullshit. However, I would be worried that I may have trouble getting insured and finding new doctors in another country. The US is pretty much the only country that will cater to outsiders promptly and with no questions asked. If we decided to do this, we would have to get rid of virtually everything and would spend a few months in the country before making any concrete decisions. It’s really going to depend on costs and whether or not any benefits outweigh any negatives. It really would be a lot easier to just stay in the country since no country is perfect to begin with but we won’t know anything for sure for a while yet.

Funny that this country has been preaching a lack of intolerance more and more lately, but in a sense, when you really think about it, that right there is a lack of intolerance all by itself. It’s like we’ve acquired a whole new kind of intolerance and desire to control others. But still, if only gays and lesbians could get the same love and support blacks are getting all around the world! You can destroy all the statues you want but you can’t rewrite history, as bleak as it may be.

I wasn’t going to write this just in case Aly does read my entire journal somewhere someday after I’m gone but then I said, no fucking way! I’m not holding back in my own journal because of what someone might read decades from now. Well, where Kim was driving me nuts with long and excessive messages about June, Aly is almost as bad with detailed messages about her parents’ health. It isn’t so much that I don’t want to hear it and that I don’t empathize but that I don’t know these people.

SUNDAY, JUNE 7, 2020
As I go through old journals, I think whoa! This world is way too sensitive for my uncensored journal which I plan to leave after I’m gone. There’s a good chance it will get kicked off when it goes public but that’s okay. It can exist for however long it exists. Some sites may not kick it off but it’s hard to believe it would last very long on Blogger with the way I say how I’d like to kill whoever for screwing me over and I hope God kills whoever for the pain and suffering they’ve inflicted upon people, etcetera. But Blogger doesn’t get much traffic, so I really don’t know. It doesn’t matter either way. I’m leaving my online legacy whether people like it or not and whether it survives for long or not. The thing is that I don’t think anybody cares about reading about someone’s life from a few decades ago. Once it gets to be a few hundred years, then maybe. I don’t think there will be people left on earth in another 100-200 years from now, but they’re still cute up for 2055 unless I publish them sooner. If we find out in 10 years that one of us has terminal cancer, obviously they would be made public sooner.

Back in the days when I thought I wanted a kid for those three or four years or so that I did and I had that dream where my evil grandmother was telling me to pick new goals and dreams, I’ve often wondered if that was her sending a message from the other side. I’m not sure if there is another side, but if there is and that was really her, it gives me a little hope that there just might not be a hell after all. If anyone deserves a first-class ticket to hell, it would be her. So if she can be deemed to be not bad enough for hell, then I sure couldn’t be. I just can’t believe anyone residing in hell would have the power to deliver messages through the dreams of the living.

I’m slow-cooking a piece of chicken and a piece of pork with zucchini, butternut squash and corn on the cob. I bagged the meats and wrote the number of the date on which they expire on the bags, although I already froze most of them. I made sure to add the letter B to the chicken that isn’t boneless, not that it matters much. I can kind of tell anyway because the boneless pieces are smaller and lighter.

None of the rodents are interested in oranges so I tried to add drops of vitamin C to Blitz’s food for whatever good that may do.

And the little babies continue to throw their temper tantrums, leaving me to wonder if their shit will ever end. It’s like it’s not just about George Floyd anymore. It’s about raising hell and labeling all whites as evil racist monsters. Okay, so some of them are going about it in a peaceful manner but many aren’t “protesting” but rioting instead. There’s a difference.

We saw Bob sitting at the end of his driveway on his walker early yesterday morning as if he were waiting for someone to pick him up. A sad sight to see. Makes me want to kill myself when I hit 70 to spare myself from the hell most of us go through the older we get. Gone is the guy who would annoy me with his power tools, easily and fearlessly climb his roof to blow leaves out of his gutters, trim his trees, and walk the 2-mile perimeter around the park every morning without fail. I wonder if he misses his walks with Jim and the two of them playing golf together. Tom said he could have sworn he saw him driving the other day. That much isn’t too surprising since there are many people who can’t walk well but can still drive such as Dixie.

I know this sounds horribly selfish, but I just hope to hell that house doesn’t end up on the market before we leave! However, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if he was gone by Labor Day and the place was for sale by Christmas. Can’t say for sure, though, not knowing the details of his health.

Although I may have TMJ, nerve damage that causes sensitivity to the upper outside area of where the canal was made, sensitivity from skin shedding in the canal, and God only knows what else, I wonder if that doctor in Oregon might not have been so wrong after all. He believed, my eardrum was being vacuum-sucked inward or something like that, putting pressure on the eustachian tubes and blocking them from draining any fluid build-up normally. I think that damn tube has been a big part of the problem the more I think about it. I’m wondering if it’s been worse lately because I haven’t been taking my allergy spray. Just because I haven’t been having sneezing fits doesn’t mean I still don’t have congestion. I really wonder if it’s having trouble draining because the tube is blocked or closing up somehow. That too might explain why I hear a bit of a “tearing” sound when I move my jaw a certain way, sort of like Velcro tearing apart. I found things on Amazon for that but don’t want to spend the money on it right now and I want to ask my ENT about it in a few days and see what she thinks.

We’re back to the cool spells again and I feel like it’s early April instead of early June. It’s getting down to 50 degrees this morning and it’s only 71 degrees in this room right now. That’s about 5 degrees too low for me. I can’t wait to live where it’s always summer or at least summer more often than it is here!

SATURDAY, JUNE 6, 2020
Just went to Bing to get my daily “racism” points. rolls eyes

“Dallas Police Adopts ‘Duty To Intervene’ Policy To Prevent Abuse”

Oh, that’ll work. Like the pigs will really prevent each other from getting carried away, right?

“Buffalo police officers quit unit to protest colleagues’ suspension - officials”

Well, of course. Why wouldn’t corruption side with corruption?

Lastly, it’s pretty fucked up that a student has to get expelled over a Twitter post that they made in their own free time and that shouldn’t have anything to do with their studies, no matter how much people may not have liked it. Same for the guy booted off some sports team simply for his wife’s supposed right to express herself in a way no one agreed with.

Freedom of speech? Who the hell are people kidding? The correct term is more like the freedom to say what people want to hear and what’s popular opinion!

Seriously, can we please go back to segregation now since we’re obviously never going to get along? Just leave my bestie’s BF out of it. Oh, people will still find something else to pick on each other for but at least it will be something different for a change.

Did a little research and we’re starting to wonder if Blitz might have scurvy which is due to a lack of vitamin C and a known problem with guinea pigs. It’s just that tomatoes, which he loves, have vitamin C, so I don’t know. We threw in a couple of oranges in our Walmart order and we’ll see if he eats that and if it helps or not. Lack of calcium could also cause his symptoms, but guinea pigs shouldn’t have too much calcium.

I only ended up having barely 1000 calories the last couple of days and it wasn’t because I counted them or was sick in any way but simply what I ate. Protein definitely makes me less hungry. I could easily have a 3-egg omelet every day, but I know that even those without high cholesterol shouldn’t have that, so I decided I would replace the eggs with cottage cheese. There’s still some cholesterol in that but not nearly as much as eggs.

Since broccoli is said to irritate thyroids, I decided to replace it with zucchini and it’s delicious! I don’t know why I didn’t think to do this before. I’ll still have broccoli every now and then, just not as much.

The nail polish arrived yesterday and I’m hoping it helps my fungus. I have my doubts, though, with both my finger and toenails yet I don’t want to take medication for it either. If this doesn’t help, then it was just meant to be the way it is. Meanwhile, I’ll have a very expensive but lovely bright turquoise nail polish that I’ll definitely use up.

I was going to get another set of bras in a smaller size but decided not to for now. I still have smaller bras, just different styles. Instead, I got a 10-pack of low-cut boy shorts. They’re not all cotton but they’re mostly darker colors. The Alyce boy shorts are too high-cut which means they roll down my fat gut, the lace ones I got tore, and while I could get all-cotton and very comfortable Fruit of the Loom boy shorts, they have too many light colors. I prefer light bras but dark panties. It’s not easy to find sets of all-cotton boy shorts in black. I would have to get them in singles and that would be close to 10 bucks apiece.

We also decided that rather than bother with homemade masks to just get the same kind of light blue paper masks dentists, doctors and nurses use. We also got a set of pink adjustable straps so that if they’re too big on me I can secure them with that.

Now Holly is showing up in the People You May Know, so that makes all three of them. again, I have no idea if it’s because I messaged them or because they visited my profile, but I haven’t heard a thing from any of them, so that’s it from me.

Got the crazy, outlandish idea to ask Doc O out for lunch or dinner to meet one last time before we move so I can tell her about the brand issue. I won’t ask until the house goes on the market, of course. I’m going to request that I get an answer from her either way but I’m sure I won’t. I guess I’m just wondering if there will ever come a day when anyone that I never met in person that wasn’t a neighbor will ever surprise the shit out of me with a reply. Might even say hello to Doc A and Doc G a year or so after moving.

Had a split-second dream where I’m pretty sure I was in Nebraska. I plucked a leaf off a tree and studied it intently. Aly asked what I was doing and I said that it was great to finally see what she sees.

A sign we really will be passing through Nebraska? Well, I should have that answer in less than a year.

We’re having another cool spell and I’m not liking it much. It’s only getting into the upper 70s today and down as low as 53 degrees. I would be pissed if the pool was open because that wouldn’t help warm it up at all. I don’t like it under about 76 degrees in the house yet right now it’s 73 degrees in here and it’s only 2 a.m.

FRIDAY, JUNE 5, 2020
I slept well but now I’m not sure if I’ll sleep well until after my appointments. Tomorrow is trash day. Weekends are more likely to call for motorcycles. Then beginning next week, I’ll have the stress of my upcoming root canal.

With today’s technology, I jokingly suggested to Tom that we leave cameras behind when we leave so we can see what the next people do to the place. If it’s completely empty, though, then cameras would be hard to hide.

Now Shannan is showing up under the People You May Know section. No Holly yet. Again I can’t help but wonder what this means. Did she just pick up my message or is it only because I messaged her? If I had to guess she and Doc H picked up my messages and then visited my profile. If Holly’s picked up hers, she hasn’t looked in on me.

I kicked Twitter off my toolbar for now because I can’t stand the violent videos anymore showing all the police brutality and rioting going on. It’s nothing but a surefire way to get me angry, depressed and anxious feeling, and that’s something I can certainly do without. Filtering keywords doesn’t work when they’re trending in the news. I don’t see any way to hide the news feed when I use Twitter on my computer, so I’ll only use it on the phone. I also can’t see a way to use the account switcher on the phone, so I’ll only use my private account there. Facebook no longer shows trending news, so the only place I should have to have it shoved in my face is when I go to get my Bing points.

Because the world is full of liars, there’s no way to know who’s telling the truth in the case of Justin Howell in Austin where the pigs fired a “less lethal” bullet at his head and cracked his skull and then fired at the medics trying to help him. It’s fucking sick either way. Of course the pigs claim he was struck by accident and that they were really aiming for people throwing bottles at them.

What sickens me even more was the unarmed white guy in his seventies that the pigs shoved to the ground in New York. He started bleeding like crazy as soon as his head hit the ground and the pigs walked on by like nothing ever happened, claiming he “tripped” when the video clearly shows otherwise. This won’t get nearly as much coverage, of course, because he’s white, but it further proves my point that the pigs will abuse anybody, and being white doesn’t automatically make you “privileged.” Anybody who thinks that is sadly naive and mistaken. Just ask the Cali illegals getting free medical care while we have to pay for our own needs.

Right now it seems like both sides are fucked up in their own ways. Seriously, this world is getting more and more twisted by the moment. We still have far too many blacks falsely and unfairly crying racism and ruining countless lives. But our police departments definitely need serious reform as well. I doubt much will happen to any of the pigs involved in brutality since they do protect their own. Parades, marches and riots have never changed much of anything either other than to allow people to vent. No matter what color I was, the pigs are the last ones I trust to protect and serve me. The problem is - and I don’t need a degree in psychology to know this - those who would make better cops aren’t usually interested in the job to begin with. It’s those who are aggressive and like to act out that aggression that are much more likely to apply.

At about 4 in the morning yesterday, I heard about half a dozen gunshots. Because I don’t know much about guns, I couldn’t say what type of gun or how far away it was. I don’t even know if it was connected to what’s going on.

No more front-loading washers. The guy that set it up was right about them being high-maintenance. With my bloodhound nose, I can smell mildew buildup no matter how much we try to clean it. They may not clean clothes as well since the clothes don’t get rinsed beforehand, but back to top-loaders we go in the next place. I also get tired of the pod getting wedged between the rubber seal in the door if I don’t put it in a sock bag first.

Wonder if I slipped into another dimension last night in my sleep given how detailed the dream I had was. An ordinary-looking dark-haired woman in her forties came to pick me up and take me to her place.

She had a small home out in the country. The area had a mix of hills and patches of wooded areas. For some reason, she got tired and ended up taking a nap in the one-bedroom cottage-like home. She left the door open and was just down the hall from the kitchen.

So I sat at the kitchen table writing in a notebook to pass the time. I was writing a book about my life that I decided to name Not Dropping My Anchor. On the way over, I explained to the woman that I thought it was an appropriate title since I didn’t plan to stay where I was currently living.

I knew that the woman had a gun in the drawer of her nightstand. I then heard someone fiddle with the lock on the back door just a few feet away from me. The way they were taking so long to open the door made me think they were breaking in. Not knowing if they were armed, I ran and hid in a closet. When a guy finally entered who I could see was unarmed through the cracked door, I wondered if I should jump out and surprise him, but then he walked down the hall and began to argue with the woman. I decided to stay where I was in case she shot him as I didn’t want to get caught in the crossfire. But then the guy left and the woman went back to napping.

I casually walked over to a window on the other side of the kitchen and looked down the hill at this dumpy-looking single-wide trailer. I could see several colorful kids’ toys strewn about as well as one of those plastic free-standing basketball hoops. I could imagine how noisy it would be when the kids were out playing, reminded of the fact that the country isn’t always totally peaceful.

Then I decided to take a few pictures on my phone so Tom could see where I was since he had never been there before. But it was starting to get dark and the pictures barely came out. That was when I decided to wake the woman up and ask her to bring me home.

In a split second, she was out the door and I was scrambling in the dark to gather my stuff, unable to find a light switch. I felt my phone in my pocket and decided that was most important so all was good enough.

THURSDAY, JUNE 4, 2020
I know I said I’ve had enough of this subject, and yes, I have. But I can’t help but note that it’s a damn shame that apparently, it’s now racist to say that ALL lives matter. Just ask the sports announcer who was forced to quit for saying this. So I guess that because one group matters, others don’t? As usual, it’s blacks against whites and whites against whites. Reminds me of those who insisted marriage should only be between a woman and a man. Why does everything have to be one way or the other and so all or nothing? And how much longer is every single fucking site we go to going to shove BLM in our faces? Getting pushy is not the way to obtain approval. if anything, it’s only going to bring on more resentment.

I asked Tom if he felt BLM was a hate group and he doesn’t. I don’t know about that, though. They’ve been pretty damn disruptive in some cases. Certainly not as vicious as groups like the KKK, but I think that anytime a group is created for one particular group only and not people as a whole, that pretty much tells me something right there.

Who knows how much longer this bullshit subject is going to be run into the ground and people (of all races) are going to carry on like spoiled children taking their animalistic shitfits out on innocent people? The fuckers are not only hurting innocent business owners but they’re interfering with people getting tested for the virus along with a host of other things.

They even started rioting in France, but they love to riot there so this doesn’t surprise me. Give them the slightest excuse and they’re quick to get their riot on. I swear I am SO sick of this world and the people in it at times!

At least the cheeseburger pie came out well. I’ve gained a few pounds, though, so time to low-carb back down to my usual plateau.

The planes have continued to be quiet at night but they’re getting annoying again in the early mornings. I was hoping I would get a few months off from their shit but I’m sure they’re going to be annoying for the most part for as long as we live here.

Tom took the test today and it turns out that even though he was sure to have a dumb moment when it came to it and was quick to let them know that he wouldn’t accept less than $19 an hour and couldn’t start until after the 11th, they want to send him on a fucking interview anyway. Well, of course they do. He went from not being able to work to not being able to stop working to trying not to work, LOL.

Turns out it’s the same company he worked for when we first came to Cali. He really wants to wait until October and then do holiday work and get extra money that way, but he may have no choice. It might look suspicious to Unemployment if it takes him too long to get a job. They may get curious as to why he’s had offers and interviews yet is still unemployed. But it would be a temp agency so we would still have the better insurance we now have.

Not only does he hope they don’t want him since we’re getting more money for free, but that virus is still out there, and we still don’t have a vaccine either.

I’m tired today because I was up for a long time and didn’t quite sleep for 6 hours. Part of my fatigue is stressing over my upcoming root canal. Nothing woke me up, although there was a project today. Gee, what a surprise! And what a surprise that it was at Dahl’s place. The project whore got new windows from what we can tell. At least this wouldn’t have called for much sawing and hammering if any at all.

I just can’t wait to one day be able to go to sleep and not worry if anyone’s vehicle or project will wake me up! But I still do worry about Florida’s storms. Maybe it won’t be any worse than the monsoon storms in Arizona, but I don’t know about that. I would think there would be a lot more storms in Florida than in Arizona.

We thought the quickest way would be to go through Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, and so on, but as I said a few entries ago, it’s actually shorter and quicker to head toward the Midwest and then drop down from there. It’s just the way the roads are set up. We’re still a ways away from any concrete plans but now we’re thinking that instead of a truck and trailer, getting an RV and having it pull Candy might be our cheapest and safest bet since electric cars are so expensive in Florida for some reason. It’s weird too, because RVs and gas cars are similar to here but those Nissan Leafs? Not quite.

My biggest concern, although this would only be temporary even if “temporary” may seem like forever to me, is how the hell I would get much sleep until we’re on solid ground somewhere. The older I get, the harder it is to deal with a lack of sleep. So even if it was just the couple of weeks Tom expects it to be, that would be like a few months to me, and I would be willing to bet just about anything that’s exactly what it would end up being. You know things always take longer and don’t go according to plan, I reminded him. We were only supposed to be in hotels for a couple of months when we came down from Oregon and that couple of months turned into nearly nine months.

I love to fly and he hates to drive, and flying may be more fun, but I don’t see how we could afford to fly, spend even just weeks in a hotel, and then buy another Candy (or something I’d assign another silly name to if it wasn’t candy apple red).

The first thing that comes to mind when I think of RV parks is a ferocious symphony of screaming kids, barking dogs, motorcycles and God knows what else. But they do have 55+ RV parks in Florida. Fortunately, Florida has a lot of old folks in it. :-) Great! This eliminates everything but the mutts since they’re not going to pull a motorcycle. This way, even if they had grandkids, why would they be there? If you’re traveling to see your kids and grandkids, wouldn’t you visit them at their place instead of having them come to your RV?

Another concern is whether or not a park will let us rent or buy anything due to not making enough money but if worse comes to absolute worst, we could always slap on a down payment on a piece of land somewhere, which is where I think we’re going to end up anyway.

If things go really wrong, the climate will mess with my asthma and allergies and the storms won’t let me get much sleep and therefore we would likely end up in Texas somewhere. Imagine if we had to move there and Molly knew it, LMAO! I would make sure she didn’t, though, unless Aly told her. I’m not telling anybody but Aly where we’re going despite how easy it would be to find our location once we got settled into something we owned. I may mention moving and whatnot in blogs, but I don’t have to say where we’re going. I’ll tell Kim which state, but there’s no need to mention the town.

TUESDAY, JUNE 2, 2020
Mrs. Twenties delivered Tom the newsletter when he was outside putting air in the tires. Then he read that the person who owns the house that was removed isn’t going anywhere. They simply donated the house to farmworkers but will be living in the new house whenever it gets here which wasn’t mentioned. I’m sure the illegals will greatly appreciate her old house. I still think it’s a ridiculous waste of money when you can just move to a newer place but that’s just me.

I just hope the new place comes in when I’m on days!

Slept better last time around and Tom said it was quiet. I figured as much since nothing woke me up, making me wonder once again if the noise curse was always aimed at me since it’s been quieter since he’s been home despite the lockdown. Plus, the curse began before we even met. I was surprised when he said he didn’t even hear much landscaping since Tuesday is a big day for that. He’s either deafer than he realizes or maybe they changed their schedule around.

What the hell was I thinking getting bras in size 44? They’re definitely big on me and don’t give me much support. I guess that like with most people, I’m smaller than I give myself credit for. I’ll either keep them for lounging around or get a smaller size or both.

My ear has been driving me crazy and Tom looked at it and could see big chunks of dead skin so I think I’m going to tell my ENT that a year is too long. 8 or 9 months would be better.

Tom said Walmart was pretty crowded when he was there, and half the people weren’t even wearing masks. I just hope it relaxes me enough to survive my appointment but doesn’t totally knock me out so I can’t even move.

The calcium supplements do seem to be helping with the nail lifting and even some of the discoloration has improved. I still have some fungus and I’m looking forward to trying the antifungal nail polish when it arrives.

Tom has a test for a potential job tomorrow but even if he got the most they pay which is $22 an hour, that’s less than what we’re getting for free and would mean a cut to the retirement checks, so he’s going to be sure to have a dumb moment during the test, lol.

I gotta pull back from the internet a bit. I just gotta. Or at least limit where I go and how often. Every single fucking site I go to has some mention of race and racism and it’s just way too much. Society has been obsessed with the subject for far too long and while I’m not expecting anyone to sweep it under the carpet entirely, too much of anything is just plain overkill. It isn’t a matter of who’s right and who’s wrong but the excessiveness of it that gets to me. I’ve never had a tolerance for repetition no matter what the subject. I think any time we get fixated to the point of obsession that people literally live, eat and breathe the issue, it’s unhealthy and unproductive. It really isn’t much different than a person who obsesses over another person to the point that it basically consumes them and becomes so much a part of their everyday life. It seems to be all people can ever talk about, and enough is enough! Not all whites are out to get blacks. Not all blacks are angels. Being white doesn’t make me “privileged” and one example of that is how my state pays the medical expenses of illegals while my husband and I are on our own. And yes, reverse discrimination does happen. I should know. I was a victim of it 20 years ago.

I did thank those who managed to get supportive comments sent my way on PB. And I agree…it’s not illegal to dislike or hate any particular group, and I get that I’m automatically seen as “racist” for not supporting violence as a means of obtaining justice, but I never have or will use public slurs of any kind nor will I make any direct threats or suggest a person(s) take violent measures against anyone. I simply shared an opinion some didn’t like or agree with and that was all.

As for those saying they want a “safe” place without racism, I think what they’re really trying to say is that they want PB to be about what they want to hear only and what’s popular belief and opinion. Anything out of the “norm” is racist. Therefore, different viewpoints should be censored and banned, right?

But that’s just not real life. The reality of the internet is that it’s a great big smorgasbord of all kinds of things, some we agree with and like and some we don’t. Again, don’t like it, move on.

As for safe; how is PB unsafe? Can any of us reach through our phones or monitors and harm anyone there???

Well, others are free to dwell. I’m moving on to making my first cheeseburger pie!

MONDAY, JUNE 1, 2020
I try not to let petty shit get to me, especially when it involves people I don’t even know. But the more I think about the rude person that demanded I take my last entry down on PB because they didn’t agree with it and mistook it for “racist” and “threatening,” the more it pisses me off. Who the hell do they think they are to judge and decide whose entries should be taken down vs. those that are “right” for the PB community? I read shit all the time that I don’t like or agree with, and what do I do? I simply stop reading and move on. It’s that simple. I don’t judge you; you don’t judge me. :)

My opinion still stands, and I have every right to express myself the same as others do. I don’t support violence as a means of obtaining justice. I never will no matter who’s involved and I’m not going to change my mind just because most people think I should. I’ll be damned if I’ll run and hide just because I’m not willing to bury my head in the sand in the name of political correctness. I have no idea why George Floyd was being arrested and I really don’t care either. the fact is that he was needlessly murdered since I didn’t hear any reports of him brandishing a weapon or anything like that. No one should have to die to be arrested, and restraining someone for 8 minutes is definitely overkill. In less than that time, he should have been cuffed, hogtied if he was out of control, and thrown in a squad car. Can’t say that it was done out of “hate” as opposed to the aggressive macho bullshit stance many cops have with anybody and everybody since I don’t know the cop involved. But that doesn’t matter. Why you kill someone shouldn’t matter. What matters is dead he did indeed kill someone and it’s a shame to know that he’ll never pay for it since those in law enforcement usually take care of their own. He may be in jail now, but we’ll see how long that lasts.

Meanwhile, I’m not the least bit ashamed or guilty for feeling that looting and destroying innocent people and their businesses is totally wrong. There’s no excuse for taking your anger out on those that have absolutely nothing to do with the situation at hand and nothing anyone says is going to make me feel differently. My beliefs and opinions stand as they are just like yours do and that’s okay. :-) Violence only incites more violence. What good would that do anyone? I’m not saying you shouldn’t defend yourself if someone were to attack you personally, I’m just saying that when you’re pissed at the bank teller, you don’t take it out on the hairstylist, do you? It’s never okay to go on a rioting rampage like a bunch of spoiled children. Becoming criminals and thugs only makes you look bad. So unless the owners of this site decide to kick me off, I’m not going to stop expressing myself. I never threaten and I never divulge sensitive/personal info on anyone, so take a hike if you don’t like what I have to say. No one’s ever obligated to read me. :-)

Had to laugh at the president running to hide in his little bunker, though, and threatening military action. Yeah, the dumb cock loves to make all kinds of empty threats but that would actually be against the law. In this country, military action is to defend against other countries. I do defend the right to drive through protesters who are blocking roads, especially in emergencies. If you’re dumb enough to stand in the middle of the fucking road, you could be hit no matter what the circumstances.

When I think of how this decade has begun, I’m surprised it’s not the 40s instead of the 20s since 4 is such an unlucky number. Not even halfway through the year and first it’s the virus and then corrupt cops and violent protests. They say bad things happen in threes. What’s next? I cringe just thinking about it. It’s like the world is going to hell but then humanity has always had its ups and downs ever since it existed. I think it just seems a lot worse now because the news is so in our faces that it seems to compound and magnify things, not to mention the fact that there are a lot more people in the world now than there were 30, 40, 50 years ago.

In general, I’m much more concerned with those I care about and my own personal health and well-being than what’s going on in the rest of the world, selfish or not. My husband, my upcoming root canal, my bestie…this is what’s on my mind right now.

Moving on. The lights were flickering really badly all through the night to the point that the power would cut out for a few seconds every now and then. It puts stress on me because I’m on nights now and it was shitty timing like most things seem to be in my life. Luckily, though, it has been taken care of and everything’s been holding steady ever since, so I’m relieved and appreciative of that much. It cost $160. I was worried it would take days to get someone out here which would make it even harder on me, especially when I have two appointments back-to-back that are coming up soon enough. Yet he called someone a little after 8 and they were out shortly before 10. Didn’t take them long to fix the problem which was exactly what he thought it was. One of the circuit boards had corrosion. Definitely glad it’s fixed since it was 90 degrees yesterday and it’s going to be 100 degrees tomorrow.

I was going to crash at 6 but ended up not crashing till around 11 with the exception of dozing off for nearly an hour beforehand. I even pulled out the old portable sound machine in which the batteries were amazingly still good. The sleeping earbuds would be great for on the road if they didn’t give me those horrible earaches every now and then. Anyway, I slept on and off until 4 and was woken up by traffic once, not at all surprisingly. Then I kept waking up because I was worried I was going to sleep too late and fuck up my schedule. No motorcycles or new house today, though. No idea when they’re going to haul it in. At least the motorcycles usually aren’t as bad during the week. As I’ve always said, it isn’t so much the residents that are annoying but their visitors and workers. They were annoying in my dreams, all right. First I dream that insanely loud car returned only it looked like an old Caddy. The kind that was really long.

Then I was being annoyed by the damn sawing at Dahl’s place. I looked out and saw two people in the carport and decided it was time to finally find out why there was so much sawing going on over there. But as I was heading across the street, Virginia was sitting with a few people on a grassy area that’s really where this retaining wall is in front of the house. When I saw Virginia, I hesitated and decided to postpone complaining since it didn’t involve her. But they had already spotted me and insisted Tom and I eat some of the food they had grilled. Some guy handed me a plate with a burger and steak fries that looked delicious, LOL.

Back to reality. I ended up taking a nap from about 8 p.m. to 9:30 and I’m still tired. Hopefully, I’ll sleep better tomorrow with no interruptions. Right now I’m going to bake some fried clams and just kick back and relax with a movie.

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Last updated May 28, 2024