August 2020 in 2020s

MONDAY, AUGUST 31, 2020
Another day of good energy. I’ve been on a roll with not being tired for over 2 weeks now for the first time in months. I’m not sure why I have spells where I’m exhausted and then I do well. I just know I like having energy.

Enough to go bike riding. It was still a bit warm at 90° just like when we went out walking yesterday around the same time, but fun. Everything was perfect in that no one was parked too close to the speed bumps when we were coming downhill and there were no dog walkers in our way.

His HR made it up to 103 and mine hit 131. I realize that my high HR is “tricking” Fitbit (and my thyroid). As fun as it is to use in general, it’s going to tell me I can have more calories than I really can to lose weight. I’m still pretty confident that it would take 1000 calories or less every day for almost a year to lose weight and I’m just not up for that. I wish I was, and I hate to say it, but I don’t know that I would be up for that even if I was 100 pounds overweight. I don’t need the standard 2000 calories to feel comfortable and function well, but I do need around 1400 on most days. Yesterday I indulged and had 1775. I don’t usually go over 1500-1600 but I do splurge once a week or so. I’m up 2 pounds because of it but I’ll push it back off soon enough. I always do. Carbs really do matter as much as calories, so I’m learning, and yesterday I definitely had too much sugar and carbs.

When pulling out some hay to give to the guinea pigs, I ended up getting a sliver at the base of one of my fingers. Fortunately, Tom was able to get it out using a magnifier and good tweezers.

It just hit me that I haven’t been hearing the freeway as much lately. It started to become audible and then faded back out. What sucks is that tomorrow morning is September 1st and that means the plane frenzy begins. I’ll be asleep when it starts, though, which will be shortly before or after 6. But at least we’re one month closer to getting out of here!

I wish I knew why I had so many negative dreams. It’s usually the same damn things over and over again. They usually deal with me being in some kind of captivity where I’m trapped somewhere or losing everything.

In one dream, we had to abandon everything, and I mean literally everything. Our house, our car, our devices, medications, everything. We walked off with just the clothes on our back and even left the car running.

Around this time yet in a separate dream, I saw my old Endo. Even though I tried to keep a straight face, she sensed that something was off. She asked if everything was okay and I had to force a smile and say that everything was fine.

I accidentally stumbled upon something in my 2011 journal that further suggests my New York reader is Marie. I don’t remember the circumstances. I was looking for something else and didn’t read too much about it but it had to do with her contacting me to tell me that even though I told her I didn’t want anything to do with her, she’d been reading my journal from a distance and wanted to let me know she had nothing to do with someone that was messing with me at the time which I wrote about in one particular entry. So I guess that, unlike most people, she doesn’t ignore you if you cut her out of your life. She’s just quiet about it. It would explain the lack of comments, but would she really be that active on the site? There’s no way to get email notifications when you bookmark someone. She’s got to be logged in to get her bookmarks and she’s got to spend quite a bit of time on the site too, because there have been several times I’ve posted something and she’s shown up on my visitors’ list just minutes later.

Even she showed up in my dreams, but I don’t remember what the dream was about. It’s probably because she was on my mind as I was falling asleep. I both miss her, and I don’t. I miss how understanding and open-minded she always was. Her goofy side, her sense of humor, her empathy. But then she was the one that dumped and blocked me when her accusatory and paranoid side came out and I told her I had no idea what she was talking about or trying to say.

It wasn’t the first time this strange “other” side, whatever the hell it was, emerged. I don’t know if she has an illness she was born with or if the abuse she went through made her the way she is but I’m definitely not so sure that all the psych pills she was diving into were helping. If anything, I suspect that may have been making her worse. Regardless, I do miss her. It would be hard to slam the door in her face if she magically showed up. Instead, even though it probably wouldn’t be the smartest thing to do, I would probably run into her arms. Remember, I did love her, and I guess a part of me always will. Maybe I’ll hear from her someday. She’s probably gone through a million Facebook accounts by now, so I’m sure the one we blocked each other on is long gone. Maybe it would be okay to communicate while she was “normal,” so to speak, and then pull back and take a break when that other side came out. I know she’s bipolar and those are extremely hard to deal with. The intense and frequent mood swings are like OMG! And the way they can get paranoid and accusatory can be downright scary. I’ll never forget the way Lisa showed me a side of her that I never knew existed until 2009. But she still meant a lot to me and she always will.

Finally heard from Dixie. Her computer has been broken which was what I suspected.

LOL, not surprisingly, Aly has already received half a dozen letters from Kim, mostly about June, of course. They started off as penpals before they began texting around 2008.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 30, 2020
We went for a walk earlier and I opted to take a shortcut back because it was still so warm at close to 90°.

Tom needed flip-flops and found that even though they were $0.99 in person at Walmart, online they were $20, so he got a $10 pair on Amazon. While he was at it, I got another set of nail stickers to try.

Had a dream that I had to do 30 days in jail for who-knows-what. I know I dreamed about the guards and other inmates but can’t remember anything other than Tom visiting and me telling him that I was going to write him a letter but then I got busy doing something.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 29, 2020
I’m so fucking pissed! My new nail strips look absolutely nothing like they do on the sheets once they’re on my nails because they’re transparent. Now that I see this, I do remember someone complained about that in the reviews. I could still use them to cover boring ones, I suppose.

Also got some “retractions” to make. Aly was talking about a group text, not Facebook. I beat the recyclers but the trashers actually came before I got up, though I managed to sleep through them somehow. Also, my root canal didn’t last just 40 minutes, even though it seemed that way, thanks to Halcion. Tom said I was in for over an hour and a half.

I kind of let Pelosi have it on Twitter for trying to sabotage the election. At least it really seems like she doesn’t want Biden to win. I don’t know if she has a personal vendetta against him or what but if she keeps fighting the Republicans on the stimulus thing and doesn’t come to some agreement like now, the Dems are going to lose the election. For someone who’s said to be highly intelligent, she’s acting dumb as fuck. The people are going to remember that the Republicans tried to get us money while the Dems did nothing but argue and block them and that’s going to cause Trump to get reelected.

Fortunately, who gets elected doesn’t really affect us directly that much other than maybe with health insurance since there’s no way Trump would lower the age of Medicare. I just wish the rich could understand that no, not everyone can pay all their medical bills out of pocket just because they can.

It’s all I can do to keep from running across the street and blasting the shit out of that fucking cock. I got up around 1 and figured it would be too hot and too late in the day for the sawing since the bastard seems to prefer mornings, but I got a few seconds of it when I was in the kitchen. It sounds exactly like Tom’s saw when he’s using it right outside the door, that’s how fucking loud it is. If the cock across the street used that thing right outside the door, it would be ferociously loud in here. It’s still frequent and loud enough. I heard the fucking thing a couple more times when I was outside checking out the new fence and this was at an angle that our place was between us and the saw. The sound wraps around the place, but the other side where the kitchen and master bedroom and bathroom windows are gets hit worse.

The new fence looks great. A little more see-through and a little higher but better than the old rotted wooden fence. Being higher will make it easier to blow leaves under it and the lattice design will make it less susceptible to wind damage.

I’m just so sick of listening to people and for the millionth time I’m asking myself, where oh where can I go to escape people’s shit? Really, where can we go to get away from it? And vehicles so loud I can feel the vibration of them rumbling under my feet.

Tom is really frustrating because the more I complain, the more he doesn’t like it, and he never wants to do shit about anything. All he cares about is how others may react and not how I feel. I’m surprised he even bothered to fight for his Unemployment, that’s how paranoid he is when it comes to complaining. Yet he absolutely does not want to complain about any neighbor under any circumstance. I keep wishing someone else would take the honors for me, but I know they won’t. Maybe they have the same fears he has or maybe they just don’t mind the noise even though I would think it would annoy just about anyone. It’s usually only a few-second bursts, but it’s still too loud and too frequent.

I was pissed when it finally hit me after all this time that when Kim asked Aly to shut down some of her Facebook accounts because she didn’t want her sister to find them, she could have read our conversation. I don’t think I said anything that would have offended Aly, but still…the messages were meant for Kim and not her. Oh, the problems that can come with friend mixing.

Maybe she didn’t see them, though. I went back and checked our Skype messages from the end of July (this is why I never delete messages) and she talks about being asked to delete three accounts and says she couldn’t get into two of them. She says the one that she could access was under a variation of her last name. I asked Aly about it today, saying I couldn’t access some of our old messages and she said that as far as she knew, the account Kim and I were connected on was deactivated. It’s just that I can always count on what Aly tells me.

Maybe she isn’t as into hacking or spying on me as I thought she was, though. I have two Twitter accounts. The one we’re connected on where I use my real first name and then a private one in the name of Aubrey. Well, if she uses paid search sites regularly, I would think the private account would come up. I have a real email address tied to it.

She talks about being quietly observant and that people underestimate her and don’t realize the things she hears and knows. I still wonder if she’s a silent observer of my private journals but the only place I can think of that she could hack without getting caught or me knowing about it might be PB.

Sometimes I feel like she’s holding out on me and not so much pushing me away but keeping me at a distance. I wonder if she considers Molly a better friend but if she does, she does. I know that while she has numerous great qualities, she is not only prone to lying but also drawn to the mentally and emotionally ill.

I’m so excited! I took a break from writing this post and during my break, I finally found a way to do voice tweets. Well, they’re technically video tweets but I just keep the phone face down on the table so all you see is blackness. Either that or aimed at my desktop with its lovely nature and animal wallpaper pictures. I don’t want to show anything. I just want to talk and have the option to do tweets with my voice as well as in print.

So, I set up a third Twitter account in the name of Krista. I’m keeping it from Aly, though. I used to hate it when she would block me from her “secret” account so she could have privacy from those she knows yet still be public but now I kind of get that. Sometimes I just want a brand new unbiased audience, so to speak.

Only “Aubrey” is private and that’s kept as hidden as possible so I can still view any accounts of Aly’s that she blocks the account with my real name to which we’re connected.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 28, 2020
Whenever I post a story on Facebook, I always get views from someone not connected to me. Kim is out of commission and Aly said she doesn’t check my profile, so curious little me wonders who it could be. Doubt it’s Christiane.

My new nail strips are absolutely gorgeous even if I’ll have to trim some to fit. They even gave me an extra set! Going to wait a while before I do my nails again, though, since I just did them a couple of days ago.

The Northern Lights colorful glitter topcoat that seemed to be lost in the mail and that I got a refund on, arrived yesterday after all. It’s good for any nail strips that need a little extra shine or reinforcement.

We also got some new mouthguards and this time I did a much better job of molding them to my teeth. My first try was kind of a bust because it was too loose and would often lift up. I was worried that even if it was unlikely, I might choke on it in my sleep. I probably just didn’t heat it up enough but hey, it was my first one. With this one, I have a much more snugger fit.

Because Tom’s HR is naturally low, he can’t get in the cardio zone easily, LOL, where I practically live in the fat-burning zone. That’s just Mr. Bradycardia versus Miss Tachycardia for you.

We went to Rite Aid yesterday and as we were close to the parking lot but unable to see it yet, I told Tom I suddenly had a feeling it was going to be more crowded than usual and it was.

I wonder if something’s wrong with Dixie’s computer again because she hasn’t answered the email I sent a couple of days ago. it’s strange that she hasn’t even called either, though I’m not too worried since Tom recently saw her.

Slept forever last night with a sleep score of 86. At least I got up before the garbage and recycle trucks got a chance to wake me up.

Not that I doubt my buddy that says she was offended by anti-black memes on Facebook but where the hell are all these racists she’s encountering? I swear it’s been just the opposite for me. Sure, I’ve known some that hated blacks, but it’s been such a tiny percent compared to those that hate Jews and gays. I’ve never seen an anti-black comment or meme on Facebook other than a few complaints about them being able to get away with more than whites can these days, and I can guarantee you that if any of my Facebook friends or anyone on PB went anti-black, others would crucify them for it. The vast majority of the places I’ve been both on and offline seem to be very accepting and supportive of everyone except for some Jews, some Muslims, and many gays and lesbians. Just look at all the non-black supporters at the protests, both violent and not.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 27, 2020
It’s fun being the noisy ones around here for once. Yes, Tom is doing the loudest thing he’s done so far in prepping for curb appeal and that’s to drill holes in the concrete with a special drill bit for installing the posts that are going to hold the new lattice fence. Unfortunately, though, I doubt our little saw fanatic can hear much of it if any at all because he’s working on the other side of the house.

I saw Virginia yesterday. She called out something to the guy delivering our groceries from Walmart (got an excellent selection of pork chops, ribs, chicken, fish, avocados, grapes, and blueberries to enjoy and am definitely stocked up for a while). Anyway, she didn’t appear to be using a walker or a cane or anything to assist her, so that’s good. A few minutes later Nancy pulled up.

They stopped working on the house. The new one that was hauled in. That’s a long time to set up a new house! I wonder if there’s a problem with inspections.

I don’t know if the cock across the street was sawing yesterday or as of yet today. I cranked up the sound machines throughout the house (ridiculous thing to have to do anywhere to get any peace but especially here) but I did hear the usual buzz of landscaping equipment of course. That’s going to get worse right along with the planes when the leaves start coming down. Believe it or not, a few trees are already dropping leaves. Seems a bit early for that, though.

I just hate feeling pressured into having to sit back and take people’s annoying shit. I know Tom. He would always come up with a reason why we shouldn’t say anything. If it wasn’t because he’s making a racket and doesn’t want to seem hypocritical, it would be something else. Remember, before it was because he didn’t want prospective buyers questioning him about the place. There’s always something. Again, I understand his fears but what about me? Don’t I deserve not to have to listen to such loud shit so often? Why is it that others matter more, in a sense? Why is it more important that they be allowed to be annoying at my expense while I should have to sit back and take it because of what may happen if I speak up?

Received an email from my optometrist saying she was closing her business and didn’t have any plans to practice elsewhere. I’m guessing the virus has something to do with it but what is it with all these damn doctors moving around or leaving the area altogether? I hope this isn’t as common in Florida. It would be great to find doctors about 20 years younger than me who could take care of me for the rest of my life.

My next eye exam isn’t until October. He’s not going to bother anymore in this state. I’m not sure what I’m going to do. My eyes seem to change so fast and I’m already noticing that these glasses aren’t as helpful, but I have time to decide whether or not to get new ones here or just wait.

It seems the new system is that Rockefeller goes off and Blitz follows. LOL, I can’t figure out what these pigs want at times. It’s like where dogs often like to bark and babies often like to cry just for shits and giggles, they just like to scream.

I can’t stop staring at my nails. They look so cool. Dull color by itself (black to dark green gradient) but still looks good on me at the same time. Dark or neon looks best on my nails. My mother would puke if she could see them. I almost hope she can look down on me from the other side if there is one. Think of all the frustration she must be feeling not being able to critique, control and ridicule me, haha.

They were getting long so I cut them back. These are the stickers that are thicker and therefore harder to file the ends off of, so I just cut everything off. I don’t see how people tolerate really long nails. Yes, I voice type more than I type by hand, but I still do some things by hand. Can’t get these nails very short, though, with the long nail beds I have. The old-fashioned keyboards were easier to type on because my nails would just slip down between the keys. Not with an Apple keyboard, though.

I began logging my food on Fitbit after all because it’s interesting to see how much I burn versus how much I take in. I’ve gone from 157.8 to 155.2, so one more pound and it will stop. Probably even reset itself too. I know my body. I could diet and exercise until I was blue in the face, but no more than a few pounds would come off. But at least I can still get those few pounds off when I want to.

So Aly thinks she’s going to move back in with Cam and that they’ll be together forever. I hope she’s right for her sake! I’m not sure what to think. The fact that she had to move out once isn’t usually a good sign. What’s to say it wouldn’t happen again since what usually happens once has a way of repeating itself as the drama queen taught me?

Had a series of weird dreams and got a sleep score of 87 last time around. I discovered Molly blocked me on Twitter and this told me that I was still on her mind at times and she was likely looking in on me.

Then I had a dream where it was late at night, yet the sun was shining as if I might have been in Alaska. I was taking care of the animals when I realized one of them had a defective water bottle. Then I went outside and started walking down the street in just a bra and panties heading to wherever. Then I decided to go back and replace the bottle because I knew that if I put it off, I would forget to do it later. So I turned around and started running down the street when I realized the sun was really hot and I felt like I was burning. I was on a deserted road that didn’t seem to have anything but fields on one side of it with a few scattered side streets.

A car was coming toward me and it scared me because there was no one else around and I was at their mercy if they turned out to be trouble. I thought of how my life was going well, how I’d like to live longer, and how it would be a shame to die then. I felt like I was running in slow motion even though I was going as fast as I could. But I just couldn’t run fast enough, so I began pawing at the ground as if trying to run on all fours in hopes of it helping me move faster so I could get out of view before the car caught up to me. But the person turned off onto a side street before they could pass me. The sun seared my skin even more and I thought to myself, I’m frying! So now I was worried I wouldn’t get back home before I melted and passed out from the heat.

I can’t swear on this one, but I think I had a dream that I was visiting Chris and a friend of his was telling him that I had a decent body for an American woman, LOL.

The last dream was the shittiest. It started off with me constantly getting calls from numbers I didn’t recognize that would never leave messages.

Then Tom and I drove somewhere that I might have been required to go and at first we weren’t sure what the building was. But then either my phone lit up with the word “court” or I found a piece of paper with the word on it and knew right away that the termites or behind it.

Suddenly I realized I was naked and told him I wasn’t even dressed so we had to go back home. Once there, even though I figured he would want to do the “right” thing, so to speak, that was when I put my foot down and refused to go back to the courthouse or wherever we had just been. I hadn’t done anything wrong, didn’t trust the courts to believe me, and wasn’t going to let myself get railroaded all over again. I did it once 20 years ago and I wasn’t about to do it again.

Just saw the little saw cock drive out. He’s driving the navy 4x4 these days. Probably going to pick up more lumber to saw.

Tom’s own circular saw, which he just used, is comparable in volume inside this place to Dahl’s, so that goes to show how much louder Dahl’s is at 90’ away vs. right outside the door where Tom is.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 26, 2020
Wow! Got my first sleep score of 90! Been more awake more often too. But once I get back onto nights…

Sheila, my new Holly, cleaned my teeth and did an amazingly wonderful job. I love how my teeth look and feel! It turns out that the stains I had along the bottom teeth weren’t so much from being late on my cleaning but because of the wine I drink. She said red wine is a major stainer. So I guess I’ll be switching to white wine, like Moscato, and only have Merlot once in a while. I ran and brushed my teeth as soon as I had my last one.

She scaled the teeth by hand, polished them, flossed them with this sandpaper-like thing, and then she used their supersonic scaler that was both cold and hot at the same time. She warned me it would be loud but it wasn’t. It made a squeaking sound that sort of reminded me of mice, but that was it. It was the cold and warmth I noticed most. The supersonic vibrations probably create heat that needs to be cooled.

She said everything else looked great and that I didn’t have much tartar buildup and was doing great with the home care. I didn’t even see the dentist. I saw her and Dana working on another patient but other than when I paid Vicky $90 with our credit card, I didn’t see anyone else and I won’t be returning until March.

Just checked my schedule predictor and it actually doesn’t look good for either my dental or ear appointment. :-( Might have to reschedule.

No fucking wonder the planes are so annoying here! For some reason, I thought the airport was between 40 and 50 miles away but then Tom laughed and said, “It’s not that far. We’ve driven to and from there before.”

He pulled up a map to show me and it’s actually 21 miles by car and 14 miles if you draw a straight line from the airport to here. So no wonder they’re obnoxious. Another week and they’ll be really bad again. So from now on, we’ll definitely make sure the airport is at least 50 miles away from wherever we live. It won’t matter if we’re in a flight path if they’re 20K feet above us as opposed to 2K.

I’m so confused as to where to go! There’s a part of me that thinks it would be pointless to bother with rural since the world is so noisy no matter where you go, and why add other sounds you won’t have in a retirement community? But then I don’t want mowers coming up to the window every week like they would in a Florida park and I would still like to get people and their shit far enough away from me that I only need to sleep with just a fan or an air cleaner or maybe Alexa playing some nature sound and that’s it. I don’t want to have to continue blasting white noise via an off-dialed radio station on my old stereo. I’m sorry but right or wrong, no one should have to live like that. Or with the sound of loud power tools nearly every fucking week.

But adult communities simply aren’t what they were 30 years ago and they’re never going to be again. In fact, by the time I’m old, I’m sure the car stereos will have caught up to these places right along with the power tools. If we can just get off the busy street and further from airports, big and small, it’s got to be quieter. As far as the circular saws that are everywhere these days, maybe we can get lucky enough to get a neighbor that uses that shit once a month instead of once a week. Yeah, maybe.

Meanwhile, while we still think we’ll probably start off in a Florida park and then look for land there, we’re going to keep all our options open. If we find the ideal piece of land in the ideal location in some other state, we might take it as long as it doesn’t get too cold or snow there. It would take a hell of a place to get me to go where it snows. It’s hard, though, trying to find a place in a decent climate that’s not too far from a hospital if God forbid we ever needed to go, and that’s at least 70% white.

As a backup for if Florida messes with my asthma, allergies or sleep, we’re looking at Northeastern Texas and the desert areas of California which is the only affordable area that isn’t so expensive in this state.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 25, 2020
The new mattress pad is nice, but I found it too thick to cut up into liners for the pigs so the old one will just get thrown out.

I feel pretty well-rested for one who woke up twice to pee, once with horrible shoulder pain after lying on it wrong, TMJ pain because my mouthguard was too big, and then a funny-ish nightmare about kissing Suki and my lips getting stuck to hers. I woke up just as I was beginning to panic but managed to pry a corner of my mouth from hers.

I re-boiled the mouthguard and resized it to my lower teeth. Still comes up easily, though, since it’s not molded exactly to my teeth and is a bit wide for me since I’m small. Ordered some kids’ mouthguards, though I’m sure I can use these for a while.

While he grabbed something to hopefully help his tendonitis, I also grabbed a $10 pack of a dozen nail strips all with colors I like. Wearing one a week, I’ve now got a year’s supply unless Aly wants some more. I suggested the cuticle oil that I’ve been using. In just a few days I swear I have new growth, based on the position of my nail stickers. I use it after my shower and again before bed.

Had a feeling come over me saying that our forever house is going to be a 2006 but that makes no sense being magnets for older stuff and only having so much money. I’m sure it will be the ’70s or ’80s. That’s still a step up from the ’40s-’60s places we usually end up in.

Sometimes I don’t know who’s worse, our nation’s thugs (notice they’re never totally innocent) or the pigs that think their job is to play judge, jury, and executioner when in fact their job is simply to arrest suspects. It’s up to the courts to decide if they’re guilty or not. SMH, at least the ped isn’t going to be assaulting anyone else sexually in the future or beating up on his family.

I wish they wouldn’t put so much shit in the news. It only sparks riots and other problems, and well, is it really my business what goes on between a thug and a pig in Wisconsin? They should at least delay things for a year or so, not to mention the fact that some of us are sick of hearing about the same damn subjects day in and day out.

The other day I was thinking about how a part of me misses emotions. I mean real emotions. Not that I would want to be as emotional as I used to be but age, experience, maturity and EMDR have definitely dulled them for the most part. I’ve come to see, though, just how much my dying hormones affected my emotions which in many ways affected my creativity. I don’t want to be as angry as I used to be. I don’t want to have any reason to feel stressed and depressed to the degree that I used to. But sometimes I miss having fun crushes on whoever wherever for they often acted as great muses for stories.

And then one of my old muses was there in my dreams…Nane. I still wouldn’t want her back in my life but that doesn’t mean she can’t be in some of my stories. Like this funny one that was based on the idea for Far from Home where she let me stay in her apartment for the sake of Christiane who died after I’d been staying with her but does all kinds of things to mess with me while I always remain one step ahead of her, in a sense. So I’m working on a story idea but not the one I had for NaNo. It’s called My Little Slave.

The funny part of the dream was that Nane wouldn’t let me come and go from the apartment while she was working because she didn’t want me to have a key to the place, so she told me it was either in or out. Not wanting to walk around aimlessly in a foreign country that gets cold and snowy, I opted to stay in. Nane ordered me to stay at the kitchen table unless I had to use the bathroom while she was gone (I at least had my own laptop I could use), insisting there were cameras all over the apartment and would make me a casserole of whatever kind the night before which would serve as my food for the following day. LOL, so I’m going to add to and expand on that idea.

Later…

Last night, the very mean, ugly and butchy Mary D popped into my mind unbidden. The one who trashed my apartment and attacked me in the late ’80s when coming to pick up a record I’d borrowed for prank calling her at the house she lived in with her twin sister and BIL.

Oh, I remember it quite clearly. She came in without a word and stepped into the living room where I handed her the album. Then she picked up one of mine and smashed it on the entertainment center I had at the time. At first I don’t think I said anything because I was stunned. Next thing I knew she was toppling over that, the organ I had, and then she was throwing punches at me. I began throwing them back as hard and as fast as I could but it didn’t do me any good at all. Then she ripped the phone out of the wall, knocked me down on my back, straddled me, and proceeded to beat me in the face with the phone all the while screaming, “Call me, Jodi! Call me!”

I tried to tell her I loved her to get her off of me but she only screamed, “No! You never loved me!”

Damn right I didn’t!

But why didn’t I call the cops on her? I guess because I was never one to run to the pigs with my problems with others and had lost faith in the system. Besides, I never knew where she lived. I didn’t know at the time that a name and a number would have been enough for the cops since it was their job to track her down, but I doubt they would have put much effort into it.

Fortunately, I only had some bumps and bruises but nothing that required me to go to the hospital. I vaguely remember her calling to gloat about the attack saying, “I thought you were tough” or something like that and that she had “no intention of beating the shit out of me.”

My guess is she fought me her hardest but if she didn’t, thank God for that much because she ended up being a lot stronger than I would have guessed. I should have recognized the signs too. They were there. But young naive little me didn’t catch on when she spoke about her and others wanting to beat up some girl one time and then speeding dangerously in the car another time when I said something that pissed her off. She admitted that one was immature of her when I told her it was.

Thank God even more that I was never attracted to her. I can just imagine the hell I would have gone through being in a relationship with her.

Although she later told me she felt bad for attacking me, and while I know it was wrong of me to prank her, she’s part of what made me a very defensive and angry person. Apology or not, I would absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE a rematch with her. I’m just about a hundred percent certain the outcome would be very different a second time around. Just a feeling.

But would anything up there send anyone after me it knew I could take? Of course not!

Anyway, I wasn’t the writer or the person I am now, so I know I didn’t mention it much way back when. It was November of 1988, I just found, and I only wrote one quick paragraph in regard to it.

Didn’t know much about her but I swear she said something about her and another girl being raped by some guy and that the other girl “didn’t make it.”

Maybe that was why she was so angry and violent.

Realizing that the world has gotten so damn noisy no matter what (yeah, the cock is sawing again), I think we may as well forget rural. What would be the point if we’re still going to hear shit? We may actually hear more than just saws and loud vehicles when you add in the kids, dogs and boom stereos. Unless we get a piece of land so big that we can’t afford it or it’s in a shitty climate, we can never get far enough away not to hear people. So we may as well stay in a park and head for the coast so we can at least visit the beaches. The Venice area on the Gulf side may be ideal. I’m just tired of running from what I can’t escape. Still want to get as far away from the street as possible, though. Listening to shit while I’m awake is one thing. Being woken up by it is another.

And if there’s one thing I hate about Tom is that he never wants me to complain to anyone about anything. I do understand his paranoia to a degree, really, I do. But what are we supposed to do? Take shit all our lives and never say anything?

I can’t complain to the park about anything because A, he would rather give in to their every demand as if we’re children even though they work for us and we’re the ones paying them, and B, because the fuckers will only counter complain.

MONDAY, AUGUST 24, 2020
It’s sad that despite the Jews going through the worst shit ever being slaughtered by the millions, most have ended up doing quite well while blacks chose poverty and the thug life.

I only partially agree with this. No one chooses poverty. We certainly didn’t choose it when the economy went to hell. I believe that sometimes people really do get caught up in circumstances beyond their control. However, I do agree that criminality is a choice. No one has to be a criminal whether they have money or not. Joining gangs, rioting, stealing, drugging, killing… that’s all a choice and that’s why it’s hard to feel sorry for some people.

Woke up with a bit of a sore throat. Hopefully, it doesn’t mean anything and will go away soon enough. Also woke up to a T-storm. It didn’t wake me up. I heard it after I got up and turned the sound machine off. It’s very mild. So much so that I can smell smoke, so I’m not going out walking this morning. It’s good to give my hip a break every now and then anyway.

It’s funny because yesterday and the day before, even though I took the same route, Fitbit thought I climbed 2 floors yesterday and 3 the day before. There are only two sections that are uphill, one of them being a bit steep.

To finish up with the 23andMe results, the only thing it told Tom he was at risk of getting was celiac disease. It told me I had a variant for hereditary hemochromatosis but that it was unlikely I had an increased risk. I did have a slightly increased risk of late-onset Alzheimer’s disease and hereditary thrombophilia. We both have a typical likelihood of type 2 diabetes.

I was surprised it didn’t pick up on my thyroid and other things, but I guess not everything has a genetic component. Plus, there can be other variants not detected or that they don’t test for with some diseases.

Most surprising was that I don’t have any carrier traits. One of the many reasons I decided not to have a kid was that while I knew it was unlikely to also have atresia, I was afraid it would have so many health problems because many run in my family. That’s what my parents led me to believe too, but then I was at that age where many parents were beginning to say just about anything to deter their daughters from not focusing on careers instead.

Tom and I are not related in any way. So no incest going on here, LOL. He has more Neanderthal variants than 74% of 23andMe customers and I have more than 28%.

They got most things right but not all of them. I’ve never had a bunion, for example, and I don’t get motion sickness. But I definitely prefer sweet to salty, chocolate to vanilla, my big toe really is longer, I don’t have a unibrow, I don’t have flat feet, I wouldn’t fear public speaking, and I don’t have dandruff.

It’s so cool how I can now use Google Maps to measure distance. I always thought that the wall of the dumpy old tilted house we rented in Oregon was 40 or 50 feet away from the rental to the left that was full of young party animals before we left in 2007, but nope. It was 64 feet away.

Virginia has been spending the days elsewhere, which is probably best for her. I saw Nancy’s car there later in the day yesterday and Tom said he saw one of them bringing in a bag of stuff. I just hope she keeps the house for eight or nine more months!

For a few seconds, I thought I heard that fucking saw a couple of days ago. Definitely heard a saw, but it almost didn’t seem loud enough to be Dahl. I still can’t believe how common that shit is here of all places.

Got my wonderfully smelling cuticle oil yesterday. It smells of milk and honey. I also got the nightguards and now I’m pissed we spent hundreds to have my old dentist make me one when I can use these much cheaper disposables. Two of them came in a pack that is small enough for me and I’m sure I can use them for months before I need to get new ones.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 23, 2020
In getting my report from 23andMe yesterday, there was definitely a lot of surprise, a little disappointment, and a whole lot of funny.

I had asked Norma a while back if I could be Ashkenazi (my GYN said they have an increased risk of breast cancer) and she said she didn’t think so since I didn’t have dark eyes and because I’m pale-skinned. it was soon determined, or so I thought, that I was probably Litvak. So when I read that I was 99% Ashkenazi, I was like wow! Norma was surprised as well when I shared the news with her.

Where there was a slight bit of disappointment was that when I first glanced at the ancestry composition, I expected a long list of percentage breakdowns of all the different countries I supposedly originated from, as I’ve seen in sample reports. Yet there was virtually nothing there that was kind of boring, LOL. Okay, I’m 99.3% “broadly” European. I’m broadly 0.2% East Asian & Native American, broadly 0.2% Western Asian & North African, and then there’s 0.3% that’s unassigned. I guess unassigned means that they don’t yet have enough data collected to get any real definitive information and some areas, even though they tell me I have shared DNA with 1365 customers and 75 of them are “close” relatives. That’s why, the more people that submit samples, the percentages of our origins can change over time. So I’ll have to look for updates periodically.

The fact that the mitochondrial Eve, the mother of all humans, lived in Eastern Africa over 150K years ago makes me wonder if that explains the 0.2% African in me even though it says “North” African.

The Jews started out in East Asia which could also explain the tiny speck of Asian in me, and they eventually settled in Central and Eastern Europe, later migrating to America and other places in hopes of gaining acceptance in escaping persecution. So instead of showing me a list of countries, they just showed me a region which is what I expected it to be. It told me 100% of my relatives are Ashkenazi and 77% of them were less likely to live near a farm when they were young.

Just like not all blacks are quite the same since some can be American, Haitian, Jamaican, African, etc., we come in a variety as well with Mizrahi, Sephardic, Ethiopian, Hasidic, and the most common which is Ashkenazi. Thanks to Shitler, though, I am a very unique breed with only 10 to 12 million of us left on Earth and about 5 million in the US. I always did say no one had it as bad as the Jews (and gays) for a reason.

Jews were the least diverse in that they were very strict about marrying other Jews but that was mostly because they were forbidden to do so like blacks and whites were once forbidden to marry. Over the years there has been more inbreeding. Tom and I are an example of a mixed marriage, so I’m learning.

Yeah, this is the funny part. We used to “argue” in a funny way about being a bi-racial couple. He always insisted that’s what we were, and I was like, “Naw, Jewish is a religion, not a race. I’m white, you’re white…”

But I guess it really is both, LOL. We get a kick out of the name Ashkenazi too because it sounds so Indian. As silly as it may sound, I felt a surge of pride to be this unique Ashkenazi despite not doing anything to earn it, and the fact that I don’t have an exciting mix of things in my heritage.

Also funny was how Tom joked about me being the purebred while he was the mutt, LOL. It’s true, too. His composition looked more typical with him being 99.6% European, 36.9% French & German, 26.7% Scandinavian, 22.7% British & Irish, and 0.6% Finnish. He also had something like 1% unassigned.

This entry is getting a bit long so I will save additional info I’ve learned for another time.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 22, 2020
We could get our DNA results as early as today since they’re now being computed, but we’re hoping Monday at the latest.

Today’s Nane’s birthday. She would now be 60 years old. And she’s never going to be allowed back into my life either, not that she would ever want to be. Still, it makes me proud of myself to be able to say that and mean it. :-) Same goes for Maliheh, Andy, Paula, the termites, and anyone else who either dumped me or that I dumped.

Went on a half-hour walk yesterday afternoon which was about 2,600 steps. Still not quite making 10K, but I think the half-hour of activity 5 days a week is more important. Besides, more is not better. I just read a health article that talks about studies proving that more is actually bad for you just like underexercising can be.

Had some hip pain and I thought I would be in for a ton of it today but I’m fine so far. I’ll probably go on another walk in a couple of hours. Walking in a gated community in a dry climate is the ONLY thing I’m going to miss other than a few of my neighbors and doctors, so I’m going to make the most of it and take every opportunity I get to get out there.

Nail foil is not the way to go. At least not for me, it isn’t. It might be better to decorate things with but not my nails. It looks too much like chipped nail polish. It’s virtually impossible to get an entire full-nail transfer. I wanted to foil the ugly olive strips that were included in this weekend’s set which also has black and white marble strips. I like black marble a lot, but don’t care for white marble much. It looks like white polish with a few faint gray smudges as if something brushed against it.

Nail polish is going to be my best bet for altering the less appealing colors. I did a test to see if I could polish them while still on the wax paper they come on, figuring it would be easier to get even coverage that way and a great way to avoid getting any polish in my cuticles, but I found that after I let it dry and I lifted the strip, it also pulled up the nail polish that spilled over the edges and that wouldn’t be something I could trim off easily. Better to just polish the strips after they’ve been applied to my nails. I’m mostly steady-handed so if I take my time, I can get most of it where I want it to be.

I had some spares, so I tore off the three strips I foiled and replaced them with a couple of dark red glitter strips and a rainbow strip. The glitter is harder to see in the darker colors, I’ve noticed. I was going to throw some polish over the three olive strips on my right hand but decided I would wait until my holographic topcoat arrived. I think that’s due tomorrow. Today I get my cuticle oil and hair dye. Monday comes the new mattress pad and Tuesday comes the new mouthguards.

ANCESTRY

Neanderthal Ancestry 225 Variants
Ashkenazi Jewish 99.0% Ashkenazi Jewish

HEALTH PREDISPOSITION

Hereditary Hemochromatosis (HFE Related)
Variant detected, not likely at increased risk

Hereditary Thrombophilia
Slightly increased risk

Late-Onset Alzheimer’s Disease
Slightly increased risk

Type 2 Diabetes
Typical likelihood

WELLNESS

Alcohol Flush Reaction
Unlikely to flush
Oh, but I do feel a warm flush, mostly in my face, when I drink.

Caffeine Consumption
Likely to consume less
(If one cup a day is “less”)

Deep Sleep
Less likely to be a deep sleeper

Genetic Weight
Predisposed to weigh less than average
(Yup)

Lactose Intolerance
Likely intolerant
(Somewhat)

Muscle Composition
Common in elite power athletes
(Definitely have been naturally muscular most of my life)

Saturated Fat and Weight
Likely similar weight
(Not sure what this means)

Sleep Movement
Likely more than average movement

TRAITS

Ability to Match Musical Pitch
About a 50/50 chance of being able to match a musical pitch
(I’m actually pretty good at this. Can’t put a number on it but it’s higher than 50.)

Asparagus Odor Detection
Likely can smell

Bitter Taste
Likely can’t taste

Bunions
More likely than average to have had a bunion
(Never had one)

Cheek Dimples
Likely no dimples

Cilantro Taste Aversion
Slightly higher odds of disliking cilantro

Cleft Chin
Likely no cleft chin

Dandruff
Less likely to get dandruff

Earlobe Type
Likely detached earlobes

Earwax Type
Likely wet earwax
(Ew!)

Eye Color
Likely brown or hazel eyes
(Wrong. Started off hazel, went green in my early 20s)

Fear of Heights
More likely than average to be afraid of heights
(Not unless they’re open heights)

Fear of Public Speaking
Less likely to have a fear of public speaking

Finger Length Ratio
Likely ring finger longer

Flat Feet
Less likely than average to have flat feet

Freckles
Likely a lot of freckles
(Nope)

Hair Photobleaching
More likely to experience hair photobleaching
(Yes! My hair got much lighter upon moving to Arizona)

Hair Texture
Likely straight or wavy
(Nope. Curly)

Hair Thickness
Less likely to have thick hair
(Had very thick hair when I was younger)

Ice Cream Flavor Preference
More likely to prefer chocolate over vanilla ice cream

Light or Dark Hair
Likely dark

Misophonia
Average odds of hating chewing sounds
(OMG, I HATE the sound of chewing!)

Mosquito Bite Frequency
Likely bitten more often than others

Motion Sickness
More likely to experience motion sickness
(I don’t)

Newborn Hair
Likely lots of baby hair
(Yup)

Photic Sneeze Reflex
Likely no photic sneeze reflex

Red Hair
Likely no red hair
(I have 1%, hubs has 6%)

Skin Pigmentation
Likely lighter skin

Stretch Marks
About a 50/50 chance of having stretch marks

Sweet vs. Salty
Likely prefers sweet

Toe Length Ratio
Likely big toe longer

Unibrow
Likely no unibrow

Wake-Up Time
Likely to wake up around 7:34 am
(LMAO! Tell that to another circadian rhythm disorder person like me.)

Widow’s Peak
Likely no widow’s peak
(Had one when I was younger)

FRIDAY, AUGUST 21, 2020
Yay, my DNA is in review now! So is his, so we’re in the same batch.

I slept better and woke up feeling more rested but now the fatigue is setting in yet again. Perhaps that’s because I’ve had nothing but junk since getting up. A huge TV dinner and ice cream. I’ll get some blueberries into me soon. Plus a 100-calorie pack of cashews.

Don’t know if I’m going to be going out walking this morning because of the smoke due to the fires coming from Vacaville. That’s about 45 miles from us. Yesterday, just opening the front door to receive groceries gave me quite a whiff of smoke and it made my lungs tight enough to need a puff of my inhaler. Tom didn’t do any outside work.

Fitbit asked Tom if he would be willing to participate in an experiment that he agreed to and that he may ultimately get paid for. They want to study his HR. We’re guessing this study is for people in their 60s.

He got a sleep score of 90 the other day. I can’t imagine ever getting mine that high. It was 88 the last time around, and my heart went down to 65.

The dentist texted me the other day saying to watch for the latest COVID-19 instructions 2 hours before my appointment next week. Definitely looking forward to getting my teeth cleaned. They’re overdue and kind of yucky-looking. Time for new mouthguards too as this one is getting kind of old and gross. I soaked it in peroxide earlier.

In just a couple of weeks, I will have been alive for 20K days. If I’m right about not making it to 80, then I should have less than 10K days to go. I’m okay with that too. The world and the people in it have always been fucked up but it just seems to be getting worse and worse with time. Plus I still get bored a lot. How many thousands of days could I do the same things over and over again? I just hope my death isn’t too torturous and that there’s no afterlife!

I had a dream we were living somewhere and were both up late one night when I heard a motorcycle tear out of the park. I could still hear it once outside the park over 1000 feet away and was worried that we’d never be able to get far enough away from them for me to not have to blast the sound machine while sleeping.

This is a real concern of mine too. Especially when motorcycles are even more abundant in Florida. Had they been roaring by our place in Maricopa, even though the bedroom was about 150 feet away from the street, it would have woken me up even with the box fan I would sleep with. But motorcycles have never been a problem for me until I came here, and I know they’re worse in Florida, both from what I heard when I was there and read online.

I didn’t hear any in the park throughout the night, but I heard plenty of them blazing down the freeway. That may not be nearly as maddening as when they go by the house but they’re still audible enough, especially at night when sound carries easier.

Interestingly enough, I also had a dream about that cold-hearted bigot Rosemarie from the Vista Ventana apartment complex that apparently made more of a lasting impression on me than I would have imagined given the very brief time I knew the gorgeous Italian hater.

I guess we ended up living in the same apartment building or maybe they were rented rooms or something. Either way, we eventually recognized each other, and I told her I would never be the pest I was years ago, something I would never say since I was never a pest in any way. But we seemed to put the past behind us and get along, eventually connecting on Facebook. I sat silently watching in the background and then one day she said she was glad that Rick, the guy she was with at the time I knew her in real life, was long gone because he was such an asshole. I was sure to “like” that one.

In real life, he seemed like he was a very controlling and probably abusive guy. I believe Rosemarie was indeed straight and uncomfortable around lesbians and bisexual women, but I always wondered if things might have turned out differently had Rick not been around to be such a negative influence on her. Perhaps we would have been friends. Who the hell goes from claiming to be understanding and accepting one minute to telling me that they thought about it and were too religious to bother with my kind the next? Regardless, it was one of many glimpses into the darkness and dishonesty the lies within so many people’s hearts shown to me between the late 80s and early 90s which helped to shape me into the distrusting and non-sociable person I became. What I could really kick myself for most was how forgiving I remained so late in life. So many people I took back into my life that I never should have. An apology meant everything to me and was the magic word for making things better. Never again! Once a person proves to be a problem, that’s it. I’m done. I don’t have to be forced to go to school with anyone of toxic nature, and I don’t have to work with anyone who’s fucked up, so there’s no need or reason to put up with any drama unnecessarily. Why put myself through that and do that to myself when I’ve had more than enough? Definitely better to have just a few close friends than dive into a sea of people which I’m smart enough to know is mostly going to bring trouble. Even Tom’s had enough bad experiences with people to have smartened up. But he’s smarter than me. He caught on way before I did. The only reason I accepted the termite back into my life was to get my hands on whatever money I could when our parents died to help us move. As soon as I had the money, I should have bailed.

I wasn’t at all surprised to read that countries run by women have been more successful in dealing with the virus. I’ve always believed women, in general, were smarter than men (except for Tom). Better looking too, for the most part, LOL. It’s about time people are finally seeing this and that there is no “weaker” sex. There’s more to fighting than size and gender. Like rage, determination, fitness level, and other things.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 20, 2020
It’s great to see the serious or critical down by about 5,000 cases. They say we can expect another surge at the end of the year but hopefully, that will be the last one and we’ll have access to a vaccine early next year.

First day under the triple digits in a while. It’s even getting down to 65 degrees tonight instead of 75 as it has been. The 10-cast says we’re going to range between 97 and 100 degrees.

Bet the guy across the street is just itching to jump out and grab that fucking saw, aren’t you, you little cock? At least it will make it easier for Tom to work outdoors. The new fence isn’t up yet but he’s been cleaning the gutter that runs alongside the carport.

Went out for a 15-minute walk yesterday morning at 6:30 since I did 15 minutes on the treadmill earlier. The sky was tainted brown due to the fires and I could make out the faint smell of smoke.

There are two definite new markings on Tandy at both ends of the street. If prayer actually worked, I would be down on my knees praying that they don’t work in the street by our place before we leave!

My hip pain started up yesterday but it’s not too bad today. Didn’t sleep so well either. Kept waking up a lot. Twice I had to get up and pee and once due to loud traffic blasting by. Sometimes I woke up just because. He cooked something strong-smelling, though I’m not sure if the smell woke me up or if I woke up and then smelled it.

I feel like I’m stuck in one big waiting game now with so many months ahead of us. We’re still eight or nine months away from moving. I’m excited but nervous. I just can’t picture us lucky enough to go straight from this place to a new home, though. No, something up there must fuck with us and delay things, so we’re stuck in an extended-stay hotel for a while and losing money which would delay moving from the temporary home even more. I’m surprised there were delays getting into this place as noisy as it is. If it were up to me, though, I would rather leave now and spend a couple of weeks in a hotel before getting into the house as opposed to waiting nearly a year and going straight to the house.

The biggest negative to owning is that it’s so hard to move when you want to! You can’t just up and go whenever yet in most cases it’s cheaper to own than rent. Even the one-bedroom apartments around here are more than this place and I can’t stand living attached to others anyway since adding door slamming, footsteps, TVs, music and voices to all the outside commotion is definitely not something I could ever get into.

Still no Bob obit, so I’m guessing there never will be. I wonder why. It just seems strange. Maybe everybody hated the guy. That family isn’t hurting for money, so they could definitely afford one.

12:40 a.m. and a commercial just passed overhead. In another 10-15 days, they’re going to be driving me crazy.

Came up with a story idea but I’m thinking I’m going to just wait until NaNoWriMo as I don’t expect to get another one between now and then.

Ran out to Rite-Aid yesterday.

It seems the thing Aly told Molly she would find out who was behind was a Twitter account pretending to be a celebrity Molly’s really into, Nick Carter. That totally smacks of Kim but if she’s not allowed online, then it’s obviously someone else fucking with her.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 19, 2020
OMG, I’ve learned to make the best scrambled eggs ever! First I crack the eggs into a bowl and spray the surface with butter spray. Then I add some garlic salt, minced onion, and shredded cheese, and mix it all up. So delicious! But I really should wait until I talk to my doctor in October about that thing I read saying eggs don’t raise cholesterol levels like saturated fat and see what she thinks. Just because I probably wouldn’t opt in for chemo if I had cancer doesn’t mean I want to hasten my death along either.

Looks like the spots on my back are healing so maybe they weren’t pre-cancerous spots. We’re keeping an eye on them and I’ll decide when I see my doctor if they’re worth mentioning or not. I’ve had suspicious spots before that went away, like the one on my chest.

Got the nail glue today which came with a cute little case of 10 solid-colored glitter foils. I not only learned that I really needed that glue but that the longer you keep the foil on before peeling it off, the more of the design will transfer. I think it will be best to get solid colors rather than foils with flowers and other designs because it’s hard to transfer the entire thing. I’m finding it’s best for making random streaks of color. I did the nail with turquoise polish with shots of red, royal blue and silver. Did the dark red nail strip with royal blue, gold and a speck of green. So multicolored nails are the easiest to create. Didn’t need to cure it either. I just threw a topcoat over it. So from now on, any boring colored nail polish strips that are included in the sets I get will be dressed up with shots of color.

Grabbed some cuticle oil along with what should be my last 3-pack of hair dye in this place. I usually do it every few months, so I’ll probably dye my hair in September, December and March.

I’m glad I didn’t send Aly any more nail strips because just when she thought the nail hardener was helping her nails, they’re brittle and breaking again. She’s going to ask her doctor about it when she sees them.

She’s really stressed out right now and considering moving home when her lease is up because her mother isn’t eating. She lost 45 lbs and is really frail and does nothing but lie around. Her dad isn’t doing well either and she’s scared for them. Guess that’s why I haven’t had the feeling that they would make it to Florida, unfortunately, but they are old. Not really old but they’re in their seventies.

I hate to do it since I’ve been feeling great but I’m cutting doses and waiting time this week because I just don’t see myself being able to make it without getting anxious all the way into early October when I go to the lab. After the lab, we’ll see if I can beat my 10-week record.

I’ve been getting a lot of spam calls from my area code, but I can never find out who the hell the numbers go to. A couple of them have green verified checks next to them but they never leave a message. The only message I got today was a 3-minute message in which only soft office sounds could be heard in the background. It’s got to be some type of spam or scam for them not to be leaving real messages and to keep calling from different numbers as if they expect to be blocked or something. Whenever I try to find out who owns the numbers, I don’t get any concrete answers but a mix of possibilities instead. I suppose one could never know for sure since anyone could get phone numbers, email addresses, and pretty much anything in a bogus name. So I’m thinking spam or scam like maybe they want to try to get “donations” for some fictitious cause.

Slept well for 6 hours and 20 minutes with a sleep score of 88. Got up once to pee, and don’t remember any dreams.

Going to be running out to Rite Aid when they open in the morning. I might do a pre-dawn walk but I’m not sure yet. I’ll definitely hit the Bowflex and do some indoor cardio.

I was sitting here thinking about how I was wrong in believing we would always be broke. Now if only I could find next year that I’m just as wrong in believing we’ll never have a place we both absolutely love. That’s more complicated than money. With money, you either have it or you don’t. But when it comes to where you live, there are a number of factors that can make it either good or bad.

On the bright side, if we had a place, I totally fell in love with I would only worry we’d lose it. It always seems harder to stay in the good places even though we’ll never be in the kind of predicament we were in 20 years ago because things are so much different now in so many ways.

I’m never going to have a peaceful place to live. I get that. Just wasn’t meant to be. But I think we can do better than this place. We can certainly improve the climate as well even if it means bringing on the humidity.

The nights are still peaceful but in a few weeks, they won’t be.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 18, 2020
I was right in guessing that I would be tired today although I’m not that tired. Took a sugar crash nap for an hour after eating some candy, then got up, tidied up the kitchen after throwing a couple of BBQ ribs in the slow cooker, and launched the robot vacuum.

I renamed the very first Alexa we got to “Tall” since we have five different Echo devices and I figured it would be easier to keep track of which is which that way. The other one I renamed was the white one without the clock that the termite lost out on. Appropriately, I renamed it “Termite.”

The white one without the clock was okay in the bedroom except it’s too muffled-sounding for reading, so right now I have Tall in there and the one with the clock is out in the living room. The first black Dot and Termite are currently offline. Tom has the second black Dot.

I complained to the seller that sent only half of the nail foils they said they would send and was surprised to receive a full refund. They said some senseless thing about me being sent something that was returned or something like that, but either way, I guess sometimes complaining really does pay. Literally.

Still haven’t gotten 10K steps yet due to either being tired or because of where my schedule is now, but I have made a point of getting 30 minutes or more of activity 5 days a week. Might take a break from cardio today but not the Bowflex.

It’s the strangest phenomenon ever, but my body will absolutely not budge below 153-154. What matters most is that I found a way to keep from gaining to the point that I hit the 160s, but it is weird. My body really wants that extra weight. It hasn’t killed me yet, though, and it won’t kill me to live another twenty-something years with it. So I can’t do jumping jacks or hop on one foot. Big deal. As soon as my weight reaches 157, I can always low-carb back down 2-3 pounds and that’s good enough for me.

I had two different dreams about moving, only we didn’t move to the country or to a park. The first place seemed kind of industrialized and not at all like it would be peaceful. When I looked out the window at the side of the place, I found it overlooked a parking lot. A truck was pulling into the garage of what looked like an auto mechanic shop.

Decided to sleep in the bedroom furthest from it, but the front, which was where the bedrooms were was horribly close to the street. My bed was practically right on top of the street and I could imagine all the screaming kids passing by on their way to and from school along with the traffic.

The second house seemed to be very spacious. Towards the middle of the place in the back, I noticed that Tom opened a couple of windows and thought it was nice that we could do that there without letting in so much noise.

Then I spotted a spider and ran to get the vacuum to suck it up off its web. However, when I returned with a vacuum, the spider was gone. So then I picked up a can of bug spray only to find that the little nozzle you spray it with was missing.

Then I gave up on the spider and walked towards the side of the house where I caught a glimpse of an old man sitting down in a lawn chair in his backyard. He was perhaps 40 feet away.

Then I walked to the front corner of the house. There was a large area of space between the kitchen and where the front door. I looked out the door and saw the blur of movement between fence planks as a little kid played with her dog next door which stuck out in front of our place. This place was next to the old man, but the old man’s house faced a different street than our house and the house with the kid and dog.

Suddenly, the mother and the little girl that had been playing next door were just outside our place and we were introducing ourselves. I told her my husband was napping at the moment. She had 3 kids which she said were noisy and I said that I thought they were quiet and that I only heard them if I went right up to my door which I didn’t have any reason to do very often.

Then I was patting an outdoor pet of theirs which seemed to resemble a baby giraffe.

Lastly, the little girl dropped something, and I bent down to pick it up, but the mother said, “I got it.”

In the last dream, I swore I got off. Not sure if I came for real or just in the dream but as usual, I didn’t seem to have a partner, male or female. It was like I was doing myself.

Oh, how interesting. Just peeked in on Molly’s Twitter account which is now being followed by an account of Aly’s that she said she created a few months ago but wasn’t sure what to do with it. Molly complained about some strange email or something to that effect, and Aly asked if Roman, one of the guys Molly is obsessed with, is the pranking type. But she has her theory, she says. Then she said to give her the account or number and she was sure she could find out who was really behind it.

But how? Because she has a paid search or because she can hack it? But if she could hack accounts that easily like Prosebox which doesn’t alert users to unrecognized browsers logging in, then why hasn’t she messed with anything of mine there? Wouldn’t she want to delete some of the things I’ve said about her that she may not like or agree with? Or maybe she feels going that far would get her in trouble and cause me to restrict my writing to sites she couldn’t hack as easily?

Of course, she has the account I’m connected to her on blocked to keep it from being suggested to me, but surprisingly, she didn’t block my private account. So maybe she really doesn’t know about it then, although a paid search may point it out to her since I did use a valid email to sign up for that account. If I have to verify an email address, I have no choice.

Seems she’s hesitant to blog or incorporate pent-up anger into stories to share for fear of “harming” friendships. Says not everyone needs to know her every thought anyway and that it’s better that way.

Yeah, I’ve had more than enough of the race-related shit but it’s statements like this that make me wonder just how true a friend she is. Or how honest. I learned a long time ago that she doesn’t always say what’s on her mind and can be very two-faced by telling me everything’s okay and then “secretly” tweeting just the opposite. She told Molly that Sunday was an awful day and while she did mention skin and tummy issues to me, she didn’t describe them as “awful.” In fact, she said she was in better spirits when I asked her if she was.

She’s so damn sensitive and fragile that anything I say, no matter how harmless it may seem at least to me and most people, could offend her. I stopped worrying so much about that, though, not that I don’t care but because I have to be me. I can’t babysit her feelings and constantly try to guess whether or not she may take something I say the wrong way. Some things are obvious, but I could tell her I don’t like the colors olive or mustard yellow and she could take it personally for all I know.

Really hope she doesn’t have a way of finding out that I’m now aware of and watching this account because I’d love to see what she may say or hint about me. On the other hand, she knows she could be found if she’s unprotected, so we’ll see. It will be interesting to see if she happens to change handles or get rid of the account soon because if she does it will definitely make me think she has a way of tracking her Twitter visitors that I don’t know about.

MONDAY, AUGUST 17, 2020
Got up to 111 degrees yesterday. The triple-digit days are going to last for the rest of the month if not close to it.

The freeway is definitely getting louder and I’m sure the planes will as well. Still not sure if we don’t hear the planes in the summer because we don’t hear the freeway, but I’m dreading their return either way. It is just so damn annoying! The small planes and helicopters you hear from mid-June until now are still more than I’ve ever heard at night anywhere else but damn peaceful compared to the rest of the year. We can’t escape the saws and projects but we can definitely escape the busy streets and flight paths, which I’m looking so forward to doing. If I feel tears of joy and excitement just thinking about the day we leave this place now, I can just imagine how I’ll be when that day arrives!

I get that going rural means adding barking dogs, screaming kids, and loud music but if we could find a piece of land big enough and situated far enough away from the neighbors, it’s got to be better than a park.

I put my original Fitbit band back on because I like being able to wear it on my ankle and I couldn’t with the other one. You really need a bigger wrist for the other one but it still fits well enough to wear when I’m going out and things like that.

Again I got a sleep score of 89. I slept for 6 hours and 45 minutes. The lowest I’ve seen my heart was 65 but that was just one time. It usually drops to about 67-68. So far, I’ve learned that I don’t sleep an average of 8-9 hours like I thought but more like 7-8.

23andMe is now saying they expect my results as early as the third rather than the second. His still says the second. What, are my chromosomes more complicated or something?

We’re still slowly prepping for the upcoming move. Thus far he’s mostly been concentrating on the outside, but the heatwave has been slowing that down a bit.

He’s going to show me how to use his adhesive melting thing so I can remove most of the stickers. The little basket of flowers in the bathroom can stay and maybe even the flowers in the bedroom and master bath. It’s the rats, stripper, and large rainbow daisy that need to go. Well, I’m not so sure about the daisy but the dancers in the laundry room can go.

I thought I was hearing things, but nope. We really did get a burst of rain just now. Probably because of the excessive heat. I’m hearing thunder now too.

Got some nail foil glue, a glitter topcoat, and a new mattress pad on the way. This plush pillowtop pad is just over 3 years old and many of the fluffy pockets have gone flat. Gonna cut it up to make disposable liners for the pigs when the new one arrives. They’ll love it.

Oh, fuck. Just heard a commercial. Ugh. So glad this is the last year of this shit!

As I’ve said, the current plan is to share the termite excerpt a year after we move. I think I might begin my message to them, childish or not, by saying that I got their “apology” on one of my blogs, still want nothing to do with them, but here are the excerpts they asked for, LOL.

Can’t wait to get my teeth cleaned. They definitely need it. They’re filthy. I can see the plaque and tartar buildup between the teeth, especially the bottom ones. It’s making my mouth feel not so clean and it can give you bad breath, not to mention lead to cavities, especially with me. So they’re definitely overdue to be done. I just hope no new cavities are discovered! They may be a lot easier to deal with these days, but they still cost money.

The thunder is getting closer.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 16, 2020
Realizing I no longer needed the Alexa clock giving off unwanted light when I sleep at night, I swapped it out with the one the termite lost out on. It was then that I remembered that this one has issues reading books. Its speaker is messed up and causes a hissing sound. If that happens again, and I’m sure it will, I’ll take the one in the kitchen into the bedroom and put the clock one in the kitchen.

I forgot to put my Fitbit back on after my shower yesterday evening. I would love to go out for a walk now but it’s much too warm. Fuck it. I think I’m going to go anyway after I post this entry. I’ll just stick to this side of the circle and hope I don’t see any skunks. They’re easier to get away from on foot. I can turn myself around a lot easier than I can a bike if I see one heading my way. Wonder if heading uphill from next door to our place will count as a floor climb.

Where my heart is average to good, his is good to excellent. Luckily, healthy hearts run in his family which is the opposite of mine.

Got my best sleep score yet of 89 and I feel much more rested than yesterday, but you know me…in another day or two, I’ll be tired again. I don’t understand why I sleep shitty so much of the time. I know my sleep disorder doesn’t help since it’s not good to not be able to keep a schedule. Age and the stress of the noisy street are probably the biggest factors.

Couldn’t sleep on the airbed as comfortable as it is because it was a bit too high and “wobbly” being on top of the other mattress. So it’s folded and safely tucked away in the closet for me to sleep on when we get to Florida. The only negatives to the airbed are worrying about it leaking and it does cause a pain right above my tailbone that almost feels like my lower body is trying to detach from my upper body or something, so I can see where waterbeds would be bad. Especially now that I’m older and fatter. I’ll just get cheap coils every 3-4 years. Still glad we got this thing because like I said, I can sleep on it when we move until I get a new mattress, and it helped me decide the best way to go. I just can’t see a high-end mattress lasting the rest of my life but if I can find one comfortable enough that will, great. No way I’m ordering something like that online, though. We need to go to a mattress store so I can lay on it even if it means dealing with pesky salespeople. Glad we don’t have to go to furniture stores for the rest of the furniture although this couch ended up being a lot nicer looking than it feels. It’s much too firm.

I’m learning from Aly that there are regional differences between the meanings of words. Where to say you want to jump someone back East means you want to kick their ass, I learned a long time ago that it means you want to get them in bed in the West. Well, apparently, envy and jealousy have different meanings in different locations as well. To me, I’m jealous of the murderer who gets to remain free and live a great life in great health while I envy the lottery winner.

Had a dream I was indoors in a large room that had several Jacuzzis in it. My former GYN was sitting on the steps of one of them talking to someone while she smoked a cigarette. I was surprised to find she smoked and thought that if she was so heavy as a smoker, I’d hate to think of what she might gain if she quit.

Then I was in a long corridor. She came running down it saying she had to puke. She entered a bathroom off the corridor, and I could hear her barfing behind the door.

The nail foils are a bust without the special glue they need, and I’m not too happy that they sent half of what they said they’d send, so I messaged them. Really hoped I could use them with just a clear coat of nail polish but nope. I’ll grab some glue the next time we need something from Amazon, plus a holographic topcoat I like.

Love how I can use my metallic polishes on the strips I don’t like as much. The ones I put on looked better on the sheet than they do on my nails. The accent strips are fine, but I don’t like the dark dull red ones, so I threw polish over those.

Even though I’m not keeping the dresser, I decorated the knobs with some of them too, just for fun.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 14, 2020
My skin cancer is back or at least what could be pre-cancerous spots. The one she sprayed is back and I have another one that’s smaller also on my back. I’ll have to have her spray them when I see her in a couple of months. It’s probably basal or squamous and although these cancers aren’t as aggressive or as deadly as melanoma, they can get into the bones and tissue and cause disfigurement if left untreated. Had a little bit of bleeding with the first one last night.

Really REALLY getting sick and fucking tired of being tired every 2-3 days. I knew I would be today, too. Wish I could get used to it. Hope to hell I’m not tired on moving day! I would assume that the stress of sleeping on such a busy street with so much loud traffic is a big factor, but I won’t know for sure until we move. This could just be how I am now, and I could very well be looking at spending the rest of my life tired a third of the time. I sure hope not! Not sure what else could be going on to cause me such fatigue and to not always sleep so well, but I’m sure age is a part of it. I remember one of the times I woke up was because the nature sounds playing on Alexa stopped. It does that sometimes.

My sleep score was 84 and I slept for 6 hours and 44 minutes.

Will be sleeping on the twin airbed tonight or more like tomorrow morning. It’s way comfier. Just a little “wobbly,” and I can’t use the body pillow because it’s too narrow. Maybe I’ll get a double sometime with a thinner mattress to put underneath to catch me when it leaks since these things don’t last long at all. It’s slightly tricky to climb into but easy enough to slide out of. Hopefully, I can stop waking up to pee as often as I have.

Made it over 9k steps yesterday but was pissed to have done a half-hour of activity just to have it record only 21 minutes. Guess I skied too slowly at times. Today I’m not going to get shit for steps or exercise. Too tired.

Got my new Fitbit band. Not as shiny as I thought it would be but it’s still nice and stylish. It’s easier to get on and off too.

My hair is getting long again. I can now reach the ends when the hair is pulled straight from being wet in the shower by reaching from my lower back and upward.

Right after I mentioned not being able to hear the freeway yet, I noticed the soft whisper of it when I was in the bathroom at 3 a.m. yesterday, so it’s slowly trickling back in. It’s the fucking onslaught of planes I dread the most.

Got an email at 7 p.m. saying they’re now genotyping my DNA. Exciting!

Dr. H is showing up again under Suggestions. All three of them are.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 13, 2020
Really wanted to go out walking before it was dark enough for the skunks to come out but it’s going to be too hot for the next week or so. Once I start sleeping later, I’ll go out early in the morning. I ran out to dump some trash just after 10 p.m. and it was still a sauna out. In Arizona, that was common. But not here. It usually cools off after dark.

Fitbit said I slept for 8.5 hours and this time I got a sleep score of 85. However, I feel more rested today than I did yesterday with a score of 88. HR dropped to 65. The bulk trash collectors picked the right time to wake me up because I was getting up at that time anyway. Had they come any earlier, I probably would have ended up tired, especially if I couldn’t get back to sleep. I don’t think I’ll be so lucky tomorrow when the regular trash collectors come. They’re going to come earlier.

Fitbit also says my heart is average-good for my age and all that. I crushed my 30-minute activity goal today, but I doubt I’ll hit 10K steps getting up late in the day as I did. It will be close, though.

We were excited to learn that they finally got our spit, there’s enough, and it’s not contaminated or anything like that for analysis. It’s now in the queue for the DNA cells to be extracted from the spit! We should have our results on September 2nd or September 17th at the latest. Can’t wait!

Tom said Virginia wasn’t home all day. She didn’t get back until after 8 (at least I’m guessing it was her), so maybe she spent the day elsewhere. I hope she’s not having serious health issues, but you never know since it’s not uncommon for couples who have been together for decades to die within the same time frame.

I’ve noticed my bite has been slightly off lately where the teeth on the right side almost seem a bit longer, but I wonder if it’s why my TMJ has been so much better lately. My bite isn’t bothersome in any way. It doesn’t affect how I chew or anything like that. It’s just barely noticeable.

Just two and a half weeks to go before the commercial planes will be driving me crazy by the dozens. Since they’ve been a problem from fall to spring the last couple of years, I doubt they would change flight paths this soon. Not looking forward to that at all! Can’t hear the freeway yet but that should be anytime now. So glad this will be our last winter here! For now, I’m going to continue to enjoy the mostly quiet nights that are left to enjoy.

The colorful sink strainers arrived today. I’m using the pink and blue ones and at the end of the year, I’ll switch them out for the yellow and orange. The rubbery part gets kind of yucky after a while.

I had a bunch of dreams but the only ones I remember are rearranging a large room with Tom somewhere and then another dream where I was young and single again. Maybe another dimension?

Anyway, there was this woman I was interested in and I kept hoping things would go further but wasn’t sure she was as into me as I was into her. I dropped hints about advancing to intimacy as she was driving me to her place one evening. Her house had one long big hallway running through the center of it. All the rooms were off to the sides. She gave me a tour of the rooms on one side and then said she had to pee. I asked if I could check out the room across the hall while she was in the bathroom.

With tomorrow’s Walmart order, I’m getting (hopefully) a $9 twin airbed like I would get for the RV on the mountain and when we first moved into places and had yet to get any real furniture. Always thought those were the most comfortable things I ever slept on. I’m hoping it will help my hip and keep me cooler since those things tend to be cold. So cold that during the cooler months, you need more than just a thin sheet over it. Might not need anything at all since it’s summer.

Not saying I’m going to do this, but I might just cycle through these cheap airbeds which don’t last long, rather than get a luxury mattress when we get settled wherever since the costs are actually similar, maybe even cheaper. I would get a platform that didn’t have screw heads that could poke holes in it like this one has and then use a foam or coil mattress as a base to catch me if I bottomed out in my sleep. I would always have a backup on hand, too.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 12, 2020
Last night I felt like I could be on the verge of a wave of anxiety but next week I was going to cut the waiting time 3 days and my pill 2 days anyway. So I’ll definitely do that at that time unless it gets worse before then. Then I should be good for labs as I can now usually go at least 6 weeks without getting anxious. I felt fine today but I’m still going to drop my level a teeny bit.

Learned from 23andMe that people with O blood types are between 9-18% less likely than individuals with other blood types to test positive for the virus. Well, Tom is type O so that’s great. I don’t know what I am.

I like that you can use foil transfers on other things besides nails. Saw a picture of someone who used them for their crafts. Maybe I can decorate some things with some of them like the knobs on my dresser even though I don’t plan on taking it with me. I hope I don’t have to get foil glue, but I don’t think I will. I think they should work with polish or topcoats.

We’re going to be in for quite a heatwave, coming close to 110 degrees a few days in a row.

Why is Fitbit telling me I can eat 1519 calories? I’m not actively trying to lose weight and I haven’t for a while since deciding to just accept myself as I am, but 4 years ago I set my goal to 1200 calories. Today it’s saying I can have 1388 cals. I don’t get it.

I should try to get in the habit of throwing it in the charger when I’m showering. I don’t always hit 10K steps, though, especially if I get up late morning or early afternoon. Being tired doesn’t help either. Got the same sleep score of 88 yesterday after sleeping 9 hours and 6 minutes but didn’t awake feeling refreshed. Woke up too many times along the way, I guess. Just a bit stressed over my schedule for my appointment in a couple of weeks and being woken up by the bulk pickup trucks that didn’t come today. They’re late at times. HR went lower, though, to 68.

Looks like the only thing the public can see on my Fitbit profile might be my Lifetime Achievement Stats that keep a running total of my steps. Funny how it thought I climbed one floor when I was out walking yesterday for 10 minutes. That had to have been on my way back when I was coming up the hill. My HR peaked at 169.

Based on the signs people had in their yards, I was surprised to see at least three Biden supporters on one street alone. Usually, older people tend to be more conservative. I don’t know much about Biden, but I would love for anybody but Trump to win and I still feel confident as a psychic that he won’t. It was nice to see the very attractive Kamala Harris chosen as his VP running mate. The only thing I don’t like about her is that she seems a little too focused on her own rather than everybody as a whole, as it should be. But I would take her any day over Trump and any other conservative. Being conservative means you want to control others who aren’t like you and that you believe there is only one correct way. I grew up with a control freak. The last thing we need is someone in charge telling us how to live our lives. I’ll never understand why people who are anti-gay marriage or anti-abortion simply don’t marry the same sex or get an abortion if they’re so against these things. Meanwhile, leave everyone else the fuck alone!

I somehow unlocked a week of Premium Grammarly but so far, I don’t see any difference between it and the free version. It does do a great job overall, but it also misses things it shouldn’t. So it’s not perfect but then what is?

Still nothing from Kim. She got busted badly this time! Enjoying the break from her and I know Aly is too. For once I’m glad that Aly doesn’t follow through on her word to blog more regularly with stories or anything else. She’s been swearing she’s going to start “taking a stand” on some things and sharing her opinions on random topics, but it hasn’t happened yet. She did share a few short stories that were under 1000 words but that’s it so far. Again, I’m kind of glad because as great of a writer as she is, I don’t care for erotica, and I definitely don’t want to hear any more than I already do every single fucking day about racism!

TUESDAY, AUGUST 11, 2020
I’ve gotten to know my Fitbit a lot more. There are still some things that are confusing and frustrating, but I’m thinking I am going to keep it after all. Tom loves his. I don’t get why there’s a privacy option for sharing things like steps, sleep and HR when no one can see these things anyway. The extra features are cool even if we may not use them all. You can choose up to five different clock faces and change them whenever you want. Even though there are some pretty designs with pictures of flowers and butterflies and all that bright, colorful girly shit I’ve always loved, I’m wearing it on my ankle when I’m awake, so there’s no point in switching to a clock face that would be harder to see anyway. It was great being able to quickly check the time when I woke up, thanks to the large numbers on the large screen. Until I get even more blind of course.

Really hoping that the next place will be quieter enough that I can give him the Alexa clock and just use the first-generation Alexa for sleeping. Don’t know that I’ll be able to do away with the stereo, however, until we get land. I’m not going to be able to get motorcycles far enough away from the bedroom in any park anywhere. Plus, they’re going to have big loud commercial mowers coming right up to the windows once a week but at least it will only be once a week. Hopefully, the temp home won’t be next to someone with lots of shrubs that they trim regularly with loud equipment.

It was right on, and I mean right on, with the sleep! When I got up, I remembered getting up after 5 to pee, plus the few other times I awoke and glanced at the time. I got a good sleep score of 88 and slept for 7 hours and 44 minutes. It saw the exact times I woke, too. Slept from 2:36 a.m. to 11:12 a.m. and was awake for 52 minutes, in REM for 2 hours and 11 minutes, in a light sleep for 4 hours and 6 minutes, and a deep sleep for 1 hour and 27 minutes.

I can tell when I got up since I shot from 71 to 97 as that wake-up adrenaline shot through me. 71 was as low as my HR went. I’ve always had a naturally high HR but it’s way better, along with my sleep than when I was in perimenopause and started on the medication

That was another thing we didn’t like about the MorePro is that it would only track sleep between midnight and 8 a.m.

So since I’m keeping it, I decided to go ahead and get that bling band. Others with small wrists say it fits them. Don’t know that I could open it wide enough to get it on my ankle but changing bands on these things is a nightmare.

I’m also getting nail foil in 91 different colors and designs. :-) I look forward to trying them! I should be able to do so without having any chemicals touch my nails. Whenever I get a set of nail polish strips that are boring, I can throw a topcoat (or some real polish) over them and then foil the top with whatever design I want. I’m getting a huge mix of things from holographic to chrome to glitter to flowers and so much more.

Nail stamping is something I would never bother trying because it seems to be a really messy pain in the ass. With the foil, I shouldn’t need any special glues or UV lights. So it will be to dress up those boring colors mixed in with whatever sets of stickers I get.

I’m going to go out running later this evening so I should beat my high HR score of 126 that I hit yesterday on the skier. Didn’t quite get 10k steps yesterday because I forgot that the next day starts at midnight and not when I go to bed.

Pretty fucking sad that we have to “negotiate” whether or not to help the American people, but in a heartbeat, we’ll send millions to a terroristic country like Lebanon that wouldn’t do shit for us in return if they could.

I’m also wondering if we’re ever going to have a woman or gay president in my lifetime. Hell, we haven’t even had a Jewish, Hispanic or Asian president. But we’ve had a black one. See why it gets to me when people claim blacks don’t have the same opportunities as others? Oh, I totally believe they didn’t used to. No doubt about that. But I think they’ve had equal opportunities for quite a while now regardless of how some of the police treat them. Doctors, lawyers, nurses and many other great jobs including those currently training for great careers in law enforcement, medical, legal, labor and all kinds of things. Many jobs will purposely pass over whites in favor of minorities and or foreigners. I personally know people this has happened to.

Holly and Shannan are back to being suggested to me, but I haven’t seen Dr. H.

Had a dream that I made a prank call to Andy where I didn’t say anything.

I also dreamed a therapist came to visit me and she brought a suitcase to help with the move or maybe some vacation I was about to embark on. The place was long and cluttered. As she settled on the couch, I told her I had to pee before we started talking. I tried to hop quickly and gracefully over all the furniture and clutter just to feel like I was stuck in slow motion or something. Once I got to the bathroom, I could barely even push my string bikini panties down. It was as if they just didn’t want to budge.

MONDAY, AUGUST 10, 2020
It’s been a fun yet sometimes frustrating day, LOL, but yes, I’ve definitely been in good spirits overall and that means a lot to me. I’ll never take these good feelings for granted. Not after the hell I went through from 2014 until early last year.

So our new Fitbits came earlier than expected. There’s a part of me that thinks I should return it and that it’s a waste of money since it doesn’t have a speaker or do all the things I thought it would do. I can talk to Alexa, but she doesn’t talk back. She writes her response on the screen. So that means I can’t play music from it either. It would have to be synced to Bluetooth or something like that.

Setting it up and learning about the features has been more frustrating than fun. We had to watch a tutorial just to change the damn band sizes which seem a bit extreme for the amount of money we paid for this thing. Pretty sure this is the Rolls-Royce of Fitbits, so when you’re getting something that’s top-of-the-line, it just seems like things shouldn’t be this complicated.

His is actually in shades of black and gray. It’s a limited-edition band. It came with an extra band in a hideous shade of army green that not even he likes.

I’m still thinking of getting the diamond rose gold band if I don’t send it back altogether. It is still kind of fun and a definite motivator. I just prefer to wear mine on my ankle more often because my arms don’t always swing back and forth when I walk, especially if I’m carrying something and that way my steps don’t get tracked. My band is a light pale pink which is nice but not great. It’s better than the tangerine Charge HR I used to have that actually looked more like red with a hint of orange.

I just wish I knew why I was getting so much skin irritation lately when things are in contact with it. I’ve worn my wedding band for 26 years yet lately I’ve been getting red and irritated beneath it and have to take it off for a while. Same with the Fitbit, though it’s worse around my wrist than my ankle. I don’t think it will be comfortable to sleep with it around my ankle, though. Besides, that wouldn’t be very convenient if I wanted to glance at the time throughout the night. I keep the Alexa clock turned away because even on the dimmest setting it’s too bright and I like the bedroom pitch black. I dimmed the screen on my Fitbit.

I was checking out the different clock faces but had some issues with some of those so I’m using the one that came with it for now which is actually the easiest to see. Functionality is more important than its inner appearance.

We’ve had issues trying to set up notifications and the GPS but hopefully I won’t be woken up by anything new that comes in since I’m going to set it to Sleep Mode before I crash. If that doesn’t work, then I guess I’ll try Do Not Disturb.

What’s better about Fitbit than MorePro is that even though the MorePro had more things it tracked, Fitbit is definitely more accurate.

My hip still bugs me at times but it’s nothing too debilitating.

As I said, though, there are some frustrations that go with it and some things I don’t get. I have most of my graphs and all of my statistics set to public yet when I view my profile from the public’s perspective, all I see is stuff from 2016.

Also, how the hell could I have had too many calories when it says I’ve burned more than I’ve eaten? I burned 1417 and ate 1375.

We went to Rite Aid earlier and saw that the SUV was parked in front of next door. Saw some other guy walking around the carport and bending down to look at something just outside of it by the property line. Getting the feeling they’re gearing up to clear things out and move her. :-(

The bastard with the saw was quiet for the last couple of days but I don’t expect it to last more than a week or so if even that.

Tom has torn down the old rotted fence in the back corner and the next step will be to put up the new one.

Since Dixie fell this morning and didn’t think she could get outside safely and easily enough, instead of going down for a visit, we had a phone visit and chatted for about an hour.

I voice-typed this entry on the skier which Fitbit thinks is an elliptical machine. Now I’m “in the zone.” It says I’ve now burned 1567 calories. Then it says I reached my goal of 1475 cals.

But my goal is set to 1200, even though I knew I’d have more than that. So yeah, not sure how that works. I don’t expect to lose weight, and that’s okay. As long as I’m active for at least a half-hour most days

I got up shortly before 11:00 AM and put it on a couple of hours later. So in the 12 hours I’ve been wearing it I’ve accumulated 7474 steps and 41 minutes of activity. My heart peaked at 126. Made a quick drop to 70 but that’s no doubt when I took it off of my wrist to transfer it to my ankle. I’ll be sure to hit 10K steps before bed.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 9, 2020
Ordered some tracing paper to make nail sticker templates for the ones that are too big for my nails. I’ll trace some of the ones that fit and those will be my templates so I can cut the bigger ones to the proper size.

Really like some of the bands they have for the Versa. Fell in love with this rainbow band but I fell even harder for a rose-gold band I found with shiny “diamonds” embedded in it. Makes it look less sporty and more feminine. It also has a clasp that I think will be easier to get on and off. It’s beautiful and definitely more like jewelry and a fancy watch than anything else. But it’s not just about looks for me. I’m so excited to get using it! We went through the online user guide to get a head start in getting familiar with it for when it comes on the 11th.

I picked out what songs I want to load on it. I’m thinking I’ll put it on my right wrist even though it may be harder to get on and off that way because that’s the side my hearing ear is on. They say it’s waterproof, but I really don’t want to wear it in the shower.

Now if only I could stop breaking things and my hip would get better. As I was going out the screen door in back, which is getting kind of ancient, part of the metal frame in the center popped off but Tom was able to put it back on in no time.

My hip problem could still be the sciatic nerve or arthritis but now we’re wondering about a damaged hip flexor. I did some stretching exercises and I’m hoping that will help.

He began working on the back corner and will soon be removing the little fence back there so long as nothing else breaks to take his time away from it. He thinks he can be done in time for the bulk trash collection.

When I looked out front earlier, I noticed that Nancy was parked in the driveway. The garage door was open but there was no sign of their SUV. I’m thinking they got rid of it. I just hope she stays there while we’re still here! I thought of going over to show my support but not with the virus still going around and not knowing if she’s even up to having company to begin with.

Dixie invited me down yesterday evening, but I told her it was still not a good time for me. She left a voice message earlier today saying that her computer is broken so call if I want to talk. I texted her back, but I don’t know if she got the message. Monday or Tuesday evening I should be able to get down there. Plus, I can start taking the bike out in the evening.

With all the delays at the post office, thanks to the fucking virus, I’m starting to think our spit isn’t going to make it to 23andMe this month.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 8, 2020
A father-and-son team came out and fixed the clog in the kitchen sink. It’s nice that it only costs $176 since most places want more, but it still seems a bit extreme for a simple job but didn’t even take a half hour. He just vacuumed out the excess water, opened the pipe, and sent his motorized snake down the drain.

It probably was my fault after all as he mentioned eggshells being good for disposals but bad for drains and I definitely put some eggshells down lately. Potatoes are another bad thing as I’ve known for a while now, but we’re just not going to bother using them anymore. Garbage disposals are always a problem. I can just scrape any leftover food off the plate and into the trash. I’ve got some new colorful sink strainers on the way in pink, yellow, blue and orange.

I just wish our shit would stop breaking. The next thing to break was the motor on the coded lock on the back door. I sensed it was broken very strongly and told him so before he discovered that was the case by running some tests. Just a feeling that came to me. So he’s ordered yet another part for that which is another $50.

Starting to see a familiar and frustrating pattern here as I remember the breakage curse that seemed to be on us in Arizona where things were constantly breaking, big and small.

Another frustrating thing was that when I was finally able to clean up the kitchen and put things away, I cut myself on the slicer when loading up the dishwasher. Cut myself deeper than I have in ages, but we managed to put a Band-Aid on it and get it under control. It started bleeding again when I removed the Band-Aid and took a shower, so I re-bandaged it and it’s better today.

Yesterday I had better energy than I’ve had in a while but today I’m tired. It totally fucking figures, too. I knew I would be. I knew I would have trouble sleeping because I had so much energy yesterday. It took 2 Calms Forte to knock me out and I woke up a lot along the way so that’s why I feel anything but rested today.

The fucking cock across the street is back to sawing again. The dark pickup has been there instead of the gold van so I don’t know if it’s Dahl or his son (couldn’t see that deep into the carport at this angle) but today was the second day in a row and once again I want to confront the bastard. But also once again, Tom’s paranoia has me hesitant because of the timing, so he says. He says that because he’s going to be making his own racket putting up the new fence and using the power hose, it wouldn’t be a good time to say anything.

First of all, his power tools are nowhere near as loud as that fucking saw. Second of all, the cock isn’t going to hear his tools inside his house like I can hear his in here, especially when the fence is on the other side of the house. It’s just his reluctance to complain on neighbors that he’s always had.

I do understand his concerns to a degree. I didn’t know I was going to be counter-complained on for being encouraged to come down and swear out a complaint against the loud car. Then complained on again when I “anonymously” complained. People in the West really do hate it when you complain. So it’s tough either way. It sucks having to sit back and quietly take shit, but you can’t speak out about it either without some kind of harassment for it. I mean look at Phoenix. I always thought that the pigs acted on actions and not words because that only made sense, yet they sure did make a whole lot out of nothing in the end, didn’t they?

It still blows my mind how often I hear sawing around here. Even I never would have believed it and would have laughed had someone told me that every 5-6 houses would be wielding the damn things. On just this circle alone that I know of, there was Bob who used to do that, the contractor that moved a few years ago, someone down toward Dixie’s place, someone in back that even Andy saw when he was here and out walking with us, and now this little cock. Definitely not what retirement communities were about when my parents were in them and I’d be willing to bet they never heard a single motorcycle either.

I’m not stupid. I know the 3-month temporary place isn’t going to be so temporary. We always get stuck in places for longer than we want. Always. Oh, it may not be for the eight years we’ll be here, the six years we were in Phoenix or the five years in Auburn, but I’m sure those few months will end up being at least a year. That’s why it’s really important to get the money’s worth out of the realtor we hire to try to get the quietest place possible so that when they’re sawing there as well, since this is obviously what retirement communities have come to, and they’re zooming by on motorcycles, it won’t be as noticeable as it is here.

I can’t wait to get back out into the country and put some space between us and others! I am so sick of people and the racket they make.

Our new Fitbits are on the way! His is black and mine will be what’s called pedal which is a peachy pink of sorts.

I put the silver metallic nails on, but they sucked, and I had to remove them. They were too big and thick and had creases in them. I now have green glitter strips on.

Haven’t heard from Kim in a few days and neither has Aly. She thinks she might be being temporarily ghosted for refusing to contact June for her, but I think that because I haven’t heard from her either she probably got caught. I’m sure she’ll find a way back on, though, within a week if even that.

Had this really bizarre dream where I was in my bedroom. It sort of looked like this bedroom even though it wasn’t. I sat on the floor at the far end of the room and pulled a couple of dolls off the nearby bed. I took hold of one of them and spread its legs and began to rub its crotch. I began to feel totally turned on and lay on my back. I was by the wall and the floor was cold even though it was carpeted so I knew it was cold outdoors. I became even hornier and woke up with my heart pounding as I was beginning to slide my pants down, totally turned on by this cheap plastic doll that didn’t seem much bigger than a Barbie.

Strange. Just strange.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 7, 2020
He tried all different things to fix the sink to no avail so we’re having a company come out sometime between 10 and noon and it isn’t Roto-Rooter. They claim their rates are a lot cheaper, so we’ll see. As long as they fix it right!

He got a new pipe and drain for the non-disposal side but it’s looking like we won’t have to replace the sink. Good. I would prefer not to in this place because then it’s mostly going to end up being for someone else since we’re not even going to be here for another year. Normally I’d like one big sink but the dividers are good for the pigs because then I can just shift any dishes over to one side, clean out the other side, and put the pigs in there when I’m cleaning their cage and they need a quick bath. They’re enough work as it is and again I have to trim their fucking nails. Fortunately, today isn’t a pet care day other than feeding them and stopping to pat some heads.

I’ve always preferred porcelain to stainless steel because there’s always this whitish film that builds up in stainless steel sinks that I never seem to be able to get rid of no matter what cleaning products I try. So the 37-year-old sink gets to stay for now. We would do a complete kitchen remodel if we were staying, but of course we’re not. There isn’t much that doesn’t need to be updated in this place. The roof may last for a while but other than the bathroom sinks and toilets, everything needs to be redone. The kitchen appliances and washer are new enough, but the dryer is ancient.

While Tom was working yesterday, I had the doors open. When I went to shake the duster out the front door because I had been dusting the living room, I saw movement behind the hedges and for a second I thought it was Bob. I called out hello and the guy said hello back and, “You’re Jodi, right?”

He introduced himself as Mike and I asked how his parents were doing. That’s when he told me that eight or nine days ago Bob died around 1 in the morning. :-( So the poor guy suffered through radiation for nothing.

Mike said he’s going back to his home in Southern California this weekend but that his brother and sister would be around to spend time with Virginia. He said she’s doing well but I didn’t ask if she planned to stay. I didn’t think it would be the time or my place to ask that. I’m so sorry for her and I can just imagine the immense depression she must be feeling now! :-( They’ve lived here for 32 years and have probably been married twice as long as Tom and I have. I can’t imagine how I could ever possibly go on without him but at least she has kids to help her. I hope she doesn’t leave before we do, but I guess it’s going to depend on how needy she is for help and if she can stand to stay there with all the memories and all that. She may be moved to an assisted care place or in with relatives.

Couldn’t help but remember how I said to Tom right after Bob told Tom of his diagnosis how I feared he’d be gone by August and the place on the market by Christmas. And the bad feeling that “blew through” the front door two days ago when I opened it.

His spirit? Just negative energy due to the sadness of his loss radiating from over there?

sighs Can’t I be psychic in less worthless ways than knowing the timeframe of when my neighbor is going to die? How about being able to bust through clogs, pick winning lottery numbers, and things like that?

His son trimmed and blew weeds which, like his dad, took him forever. Then I saw Bob and Virginia’s SUV parked on the street, but I don’t know if it’s been moved or is now back in the garage. Can’t imagine Virginia ever driving again. If that’s true, then I don’t see how she could stay here unless someone moves in with her. This place has a walking score of just 8. The nearest bus stop is miles away.

Can’t find the obit but I guess it’s too soon. Pretty sad that they’ll air out your dirty laundry if you break the law (or are falsely accused of doing so) for free, but your loved ones have to pay to announce your death.

Still getting hit with fatigue too much of the time, so I’m going to tweak my diet a bit and see if that helps. I’ll drink just plain water rather than flavored sparkling water for starters. Slept well last night, though, only waking up twice. Slept a long time again, too.

Replied to Kim’s 2-day-old message and have resolved to reply every two to three days. Nothing short of death will keep her offline anyway, and I don’t feel the need to totally ghost her at this time even if I should.

I guess Cam’s already making enemies training to be a CO because he refuses to be quiet about some of the guards coughing in teens’ faces. I guess he got transferred to some courthouse but he’s going along with the transfer for now so he doesn’t get fired.

I’d have been too selfish to care. Life is all about survival and looking out for ourselves. If it doesn’t affect me directly then I don’t say shit. I wouldn’t have said anything about the kids living in back had it not been for one of them having an insanely loud car.

Speaking of that, this has been the longest I’ve gone without hearing that bastard. It’s gotta be dead, in jail, or have moved.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 6, 2020
I really fucked things up big time by clogging the kitchen sink up. Tom says don’t worry about it, he’s broken things before too, etc.

But it still sucks because it’s more money and time that could go into other things.

He thought the drain opener would be the fix, but nope. Then he took apart the pipe under the sink and snaked out the clog that way. Then the pipe broke, and he was trying to seal it with a rubber spray that smells absolutely horrible even with the doors and kitchen window open. He came to suspect we may have to replace the entire sink. I’ve always preferred to have one big sink rather than two separate sides but would have liked to do this wherever we end up settling. We picked out a sink and faucet for $150, but first he’s going to try to replace the pipe and drain for just $35. It’s still going to be a lot of work. He’s definitely not happy with how huge a job it’s going to be when he had other plans, and I don’t blame him. At least if the sink does need replacing, the timing is good because they’re doing bulk pickup on the 12th. It’d be one seriously heavy MF since it’s porcelain with a cast iron bottom. The stainless steels are much lighter.

On top of that, Alexa is messed up. At least the one in the bedroom is. I have it in brief response mode yet she’s back to saying “okay” when I command her to do things. She was also having trouble reading my book. We discovered that somehow, that device got switched to the wrong account.

How the hell do these things happen?

No sign of Dahl or his van lately. Been seeing other vehicles there instead. Given how quiet it’s been there for a couple of weeks now, I wonder if something happened to him. But if it did, that doesn’t explain the absence of the van unless he got in an accident.

Yesterday I got so damn tired that I worried I had somehow become diabetic but when we tested me a couple of hours after my last meal, my blood sugar was 91. That was such a relief to know that it actually perked me up. We thought it would be around 110.

I only needed one Calms Forte to sleep last night and I slept a long time, only waking up once.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 5, 2020
The metallic nails came yesterday. This weekend I’ll put on the silver set. If I like how it looks, I’ll wear the gold ones when I wear my teal dress with gold accents when I see Dr. A in October. Not sure that one’s going to be turned into a video appointment. If it is, I’ll wear that dress and those nails to my final ENT appointment.

I have the next few weekends picked out. Silver metallics this weekend, green glitter the next, and red solids with red stripes against white accents the next.

The kitchen sink drain is pretty clogged up so we’re hoping that when Walmart delivers groceries in a few hours along with some drain opener, it will be enough to bust through the clog.

I was tired early yesterday because I’d been tired all day. At 5:30 yesterday evening I took one Calms Forte pill, but it didn’t do me any good. At around 7, I took another one and was out by 8. I only woke up two times that I remember. Got up to pee around midnight and then I glanced at the clock at 2-something before falling back asleep. Then I got up just after 3. I have okay energy today but I’m not going out walking because my hip is still sore.

Yesterday I was thinking about how I miss having a Fitbit tracker. My old one started having problems and can’t be used so I was thinking of eventually getting a new one. I like the Versa 2. It not only tracks steps, sleep and HR, but I can also talk to Alexa as well and upload up to 300 songs. Even Tom agrees he likes Fitbit better than MorePro. Fitbit is more accurate and in real-time. I also liked being able to share my Fitbit activity with others, so when I get a new one, I’ll share the link to my Fitbit profile, though it may be a while.

I realize that reconnecting with Kim as I did a few years ago means I’m giving her a chance to potentially screw me over again like I gave the termite the chance to do that too many times, but as I said yesterday, there’s an in-between. I have no books for sale for her to mess with and I can always block her if she becomes a problem. I know she’d create fake accounts to contact me from but those would be ignored and or blocked as well.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 4, 2020
Waiting on a Hostess variety pack of cappuccino and hot cocoa K-cups with Twinkies, Snoballs & Ding Dongs flavors. Plus, caramel apple coffee K-cups.

Saw the Floyd bodycam video. Both sides are guilty without a doubt. Floyd was suspected of some crime, high on drugs, and resisting arrest. The pigs, however, have no excuse for keeping a knee on his neck for 11 minutes.

I’ve had serious asthma attacks before, and yes, you really can have enough oxygen to shout out here and there but not enough to support the body. The thug should have been thrown in jail and given his day in court. Not killed. The pigs should be charged with at least manslaughter because I can’t say that it was premeditated and that they consciously chose their end goal to be murder.

Shortly after I began my walk yesterday, I noticed what may or may not be my sciatic nerve acting up again, and where I should have shortened my walk, I did my usual half-hour mix of walking and jogging and ended up aggravating it even more. It hurt all day yesterday when I walked or when I would lie on that side. Not sure it’s my sciatic nerve, though, since Tom describes it as a pain that is not only excruciating but that doesn’t stay in one place. For me, it’s right above the hip joint only and I wouldn’t describe it as excruciating. It’s a bit painful, especially if I jump up quickly after sitting for a while but nothing that extreme. I’m taking it easy today. I’m tired anyway. Yesterday was my day to be up longer than I would have liked, and I didn’t sleep as well or as long.

We went out to Rite Aid yesterday and got some treats. Then I did more surveys on 23andMe and even took a hearing test. I followed the instructions and thought I did pretty well, yet they said my hearing was below normal. Okay, I get that I’m deaf in one ear, but the good ear has always seemed to more than make up for it.

It hit me that I don’t have to not polish my toenails in order to treat the fungus. The fungus isn’t on the nail surface, so all I have to do is put the Lamisil along the cuticles and as far under the edges of the nails as I can, and it will either work or it won’t. I put nail stickers on the big toes and regular polish on the other toes.

Just like Aly did, I got a quick text from Kim asking how I was and that we had a stick to texts for now. There really is no keeping this sicko offline, is there? It always finds a way on. I realized, however, that there really is an in-between when it comes to ghosting her vs. going back and forth with her every single day, and that’s what I started to do where I would only check in a couple of times a week. Decided to leave a voice message because I also realize that just because I’m likely to receive 10 minutes’ worth of repetitive rambling voice messages in return, that doesn’t mean I have to listen to them all. Especially when I know damn well what she’s going to say.

As I told Aly, who says she’s gotten worse with age, her June fixation really is nothing new. Remember, she obsessively stalked and harassed the shit out of me too, from something like 2010-2015, just in different ways and for different reasons. She’s sick. Plain and simple. There really isn’t any getting around that, cruel-sounding or not. This isn’t just someone with learning disabilities and memory issues. It’s someone that’s truly sick in the head. The kind that may actually kill her victims if she had the mentality, means, freedom, and the guts to do it.

As long as she never has my address, email addresses, and is never connected to me on Facebook, there’s only so much she could do if she decided to turn on me since it’s so much easier to block people online and on phones than it was a decade ago. It’s just that she could do quite a bit of damage on Facebook before I could stop her if she turned against me, and that includes involving others. I have real friends and relatives on Facebook and I certainly don’t want her reaching out to them just because she was pissed at me, not that I wouldn’t reach out to Carol in return. On any other site, I don’t care what she does.

She’s also been known to abuse email addresses by signing people up for tons of shit and this is by her own admission.

If there was any good to being funny farmed and in a couple of foster homes, it’s that it gives you great hands-on experience with learning about all kinds of crazies.

MONDAY, AUGUST 3, 2020
Luckily for me, I wasn’t up as long as I thought I would be and I’m not tired today either. My sciatic nerve was bothering me yesterday but it’s fine today, so I think I’ll go for my half-hour walk once the sun starts coming up enough to send the skunks to bed. OMG, there was a particular spot I walked by yesterday where the stench of skunk was horrible! Really, really hope they’re not such an issue in Florida.

I also saw what I’m pretty sure was a baby jackrabbit. It was so cute, and it sure ran fast when it saw me coming.

Yesterday I made a homemade smoothie with a banana, blueberries and a pinch of brown sugar, flaxseed and coconut flakes. Today’s smoothie has the same ingredients except that I replaced the blueberries with honeydew melon.

I have quite a decision to make. As of yet, I haven’t gone longer than 10 weeks of consistently taking my medication before I start to feel a little anxious. It’s been just over 6 weeks since the last time I had to cut my dose, yet labs are a total of 16 weeks away. I don’t think I can go that long without having anxiety as the shit ramps up in my system, so I’m thinking that the week before when I have 6 weeks to go, I’m going to cut doses no matter how I feel. Monday, Wednesday and Friday I’ll cut my waiting time in half. On Tuesday and Thursday, I’ll cut the pill in half. That random picture you see on Twitter if you’re following me there…that’s posted after I get up and pee, take my meds, then begin the half-hour wait until I can have my coffee.

I want my numbers to be as good as possible, so that’s what I’m going to do with my medication, and also, a few days before the lab, I’ll cut as much cholesterol out as I can. I hate to replace it with pasta and bread, but I need to have something filling even if it’ll put a pound or two on me even in just a few days. Saw they have that Impossible beef at Walmart, so I may try it even though it’s a bit expensive.

Well, that didn’t take long. Not surprisingly, Aly received a message saying, “Can we talk?” from the 860 area code which is Connecticut. It came from an internet number. I figured Kim would find a way to reach out to her soon enough. There really is no keeping her offline.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 2, 2020
I slept well and awoke with good energy. Let me guess…this means I’ll be up 18 hours or more and will be exhausted tomorrow, right?

Because it’s cheaper on the weekend, we set the main AC to 78 but I’m going to bump it back up to 80. 78 makes it too chilly in here early in the morning. When it’s set at 80, the room I spend most of my time in stays between 77-78 which is perfect for me.

I hope today is more peaceful. Yesterday was like old times and I almost wished we were locked down again. Lots of loud traffic, landscaping, and Santa’s yapping mutt that just can’t shut up whether it’s sitting outside their place or being walked.

He cleaned up and brought in the bike yesterday, so now we have the bike, the treadmill, the Bowflex and the skier. Of course I have my Pilates ring too. We have plenty of variety although my favorite is outdoor cardio. I’m going to be heading out right before the sun jumps up over the horizon. I split up my Bowflex exercises where I work my arms and core a little at a time over a 4-day period because strength training to me is just so damn boring. Tom laughed at that and said that being bored for 20 minutes is nothing compared to all day long when he was working.

Well, he’ll be working hard on installing the new fence just as soon as all the parts get here.

Our spit is now at the post office down in Los Angeles. it should be delivered to 23andMe’s lab tomorrow, but it can take about a month to get the results.

Really didn’t like the ocean nail stickers so I put one of the gradients on. Silver on one side, grayish-black on the other.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 1, 2020
And so it’s August. One more month until the hours of about 5 p.m. to 8 a.m. that are mostly peaceful get cut to 12:30 a.m. to 5:40 a.m. if the planes hold true to the schedule they’ve been on since 2018. Still hear a bunch of small planes and helicopters that can get annoying at times, but the commercials are going to make me want to scream soon enough. The sound of the freeway should be trickling back by the end of the month as well.

Why are so many people ashamed and embarrassed to grow old? All my life I’ve seen younger people tease older people about aging and I never understood why. Do they think they’re exempt from growing old someday as well? Maybe it’s just me but I’ve never been ashamed or embarrassed about getting older. Frustrated at times with the problems it often brings, but I’m otherwise proud because each year that I live is one more year I’ve survived this shitty world. So go ahead and laugh at my wrinkled hands. Laugh at my age spots. Laugh at my gray roots. Laugh at the fat rolls you call curves because it’s somehow kinder, less shameful, and politically correct, at least according to most people. In the end, I’m still alive and I’m still happy with all I’ve learned and experienced even if some of it was anything but fun.

Still nothing from Kim. I’m guessing Aly will eventually talk to her because she’s more tolerant and forgiving than I am, but I’ve decided I’m probably just gonna ghost her. She simply lies way too much. The foundation of any friendship has to be built on trust and honesty. If you don’t have that then you don’t have a friendship. Never have I or will I wake up one day and say to myself, “Hey, I want a habitual liar in my life. Yeah, dishonesty is just what I need.”

I’ve never cared for those who have no empathy unless it affects them, who feel the world owes them, and who think everyone envies them because they’re supposedly oh-so-special. Many people would envy me in some ways since I don’t have to work, have a guy like Tom, an okay amount of money, and whatever, but that doesn’t mean I think I’m special. It just means I got lucky in some ways just like I’m unlucky in others. Oh, there’s definitely nothing lucky, special, or glamorous about CRD.

Speaking of work, Tom got both good and bad news regarding the government job. The good is that they’re holding off on interviewing people in person because of the virus. He definitely would prefer not to work because he really wants to get into programming and other things, even though he’ll have to take the job if they give it to him (or any other job). It’s too soon for him to go into full retirement unless we were in a cheaper place. He may still work part-time for the next few years either way, even though he’s always hated working because the jobs require you to be at a certain place, at a certain time, and do things in certain ways. Like most people, a little more independence is preferred.

The bad news is that he was chosen for an interview. This job would be a shitload of money and just about the best benefits you could ever have. We both agreed that unless he lands a job that could really alter our lives for the better and really open up our moving options, we’re out of here next year. Seriously, it would have to be some incredibly amazing job to delay the move. Not necessarily a job that could get us a place in Hawaii but a place within walking distance of the beach in Florida or something like that. It wouldn’t surprise me if something happened to delay the move, but I also can’t see us being that lucky financially.

We agree we’re well-off enough right now and it was so funny because he was actually trying to “flunk” the video interview by giving dumb and silly answers. Some of the examples he gave me earlier had me laughing so hard I hurt his ears. Something about what software he would use in past jobs to keep track of inventory and he said, “Well, I just looked to see what was there.”

I forgot to say when I was looking up my maiden name that yes, most people with that name have been in New York. They’re all over the country, including California, but mostly New York. Pretty sure my great-grandparents entered New York which was the main port of entry back then.

Tom is going to bring in the bike stand and the old bike I used in Oregon since it’s a 24in-wheel to get more cardio that way since it’s too hot to be out for that long during the daytime. That’s why I’m going out either at night or early in the morning. He likes biking better than the treadmill. To me, the bike is boring as fuck if it isn’t outdoors.

Yesterday morning’s walk was surprisingly chilly. It was 62° yet it felt like 50. As I was passing by the RV lot, I remembered the email from Linda that Dixie forwarded to me about the problems with people climbing the fence into the lot and stealing catalytic converters and even solar panels off of one of the RVs. There are sections of the lot that can’t be seen by other houses or people driving by, so it would be easy to do.

Tom saw 2 cop cars head down the street yesterday but they were only there for a few minutes which suggests they may have come to do a wellness check because you would think it would take longer to fill out a police report if a crime had been committed.

They’ve joined the new house, and someone is definitely living with Bob and Virginia. I haven’t seen either one of them out and about on foot or in their vehicle for a few weeks now which can’t be good. I just hope we get out of here while they’re still alive!

Decided to treat my toenails with Lamisil and see what happens. My fingernails are also looking worse again but not the lifting. The discoloration, especially in the thumbs, has darkened. So the lifting needed the calcium supplements I’ve been taking, and the discoloration is probably the fungus the pharmacist told me it was and that I’ve suspected was the case. If I can get off my nail strip obsession for a while, I can go back to treating that as well because it did seem to help. Maybe after my October appointment with Doc A.

I’m not all that impressed with the ocean nail stickers because even with my nails longer, you can’t see as much of the image to know what it is. If I didn’t know any better, I may think it was some random abstract design.

Had good energy yesterday but today I’m tired. I knew I would be. Even so, I’m managing to tackle the laundry and later we’ll slave over the damn pigs.

Dixie left a message yesterday evening inviting me to come down and visit with her out front but I told her in an email that I’m off-schedule now and will let her know when I can get down to see her.

Going to pull the clothes out of the dryer now. I had to wait for them to cool down because heat melts adhesive and causes my nail strips to lift.

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Last updated May 27, 2024