Mothers day and 20 years in Bittersweet

Mothers day was great. I told T I wanted a digital frame for my office and he got that. Also a wireless card for my car so I dont need to plug it in. L and Ch bought me flowers and a cactus. A got me a pillow. Co got me two fake plants in heavy planters. T chipped the fake out of the one and I planted a cool white succulent that I found into it.
I also got two rose buses and a pink and green plant and a few other SMALL plants. T wants to build a topsy turvy planter so Im going to put the roses in the bottom.

Rosemary is sitting on me more!!

B turns 20 at 1 49 tomorrow morning. 20 years ago I was in labor. He is struggling a lot right now. Hes been so happy lately on his own. But then he wanted to transfer to a new department so he put in for the transfer, Not realizing it was a day shift. My kid commutes 60 miles and dosent have a car. He has coworker/friends that he ride shares with. So hes been really struggling as he figures out how to get in and out. He cant put in for another txfr till the start of June. 30 days. So hes kinda stuck right now. Its causing so much stress and hes always had such a delicate stomach and its bad right now. I saw him for a few minutes last night and tried to give him a rib eye ( our dinner) and he wouldent take it. I have all these leftovers but hes so stressed he dosent want to eat. or he throws up.
Its hard seeing your babies getting older and “doing their own thing” and you cant help them anymore.

Over all he has been doing so good. He got a centepede, a snake and a gecko. He is enjoying his independence and his own place. He lives in a motel converted to little efficiencies. I try to love him from here. He will tell me when he needs me right… I miss my boy though. I have my other kiddos but I miss him too.

Growing up is hard.

You just want them to do their best, be their best. And seeing struggles it hurts because you cant fix this like you could with a band aide and sticker. I have hope you know.

I havent seen him too much since he moved out. But little messages here and there. As long as I know he is alive, ill make it lol. They come back around.