Mothers day in Memories.....or lack thereof...

It’s mothers day today
I thought of you a lot
I wanted to tell you all the things
I learned from what you taught

I learned my pain was shameful
Secret, dirty, bad
That I must also be at fault
For all the pain YOU had

I learned that you are most important
I’m just a reflection of you
That if I make a poor mistake
They’ll think It’s your mistake too.

I learned that weight matters most
Skinny is the ideal
I lose value as I get fat,
No one cares about being real

I learned that my abuser
Matters far more than I do
Smile, hug, and be ok
Do this for me, it’s just one day

I learned to hide my self harm
Cutting is to easy to see
Move a photo, smash the head
no one knows except for me

I learned no one was looking
I learned no one held a care
Because the bump that I enjoyed
Was visible through my hair

I learned that I come second
Each and every time
Including now that I am safe
I’m silent as a mime

So happy mothers day, mom
I’m glad I learned from you
Cause now I know, when I raise my girls
Exactly what NOT to do.