shock cold aware in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

i’m just. in shock. I told evan last night via phone [oh yeah I have evan news]. well i’d already told him the story of the last one which I refer to ‘the thing in winter............the bar........when I was’. I don’t know that he knows the story of the 2nd one. but I mean I told him the story of the first one. I don’t tell people that story. he was so great about it: “i’m sorry that happened to you”. thank you. it means a lot that he said that and that he validated me. i’ll never forget that. i’m not in shock cause of that just that. I was raped at all.
ya know. when I was 22 I remember that I always had to be cold. [which is funny considering how much I hate it]. but if I was cold I was aware just not too [to?] cold. and if I was aware then I was aware of what was happening to me. even though nothing like. in terms of rape was. but I was still in that mentality.
and then one day that just stopped. I don’t remember how old I was but it was before I was 25. I was like ‘it’s ok to not alwwaysss be cold’.