Fears of mind loss in Old

When I was young, I was considered many descriptions for what amounts to crazy. I was never thought of us being stupid or slow just a very weird person. Unusual. I got my ass beat at home, but I think my sense of humor and good nature got me out of it such at school. It did take me a long time to not think of myself as being the labels others have given me in my youth. I admit to have been to many mental health professionals, but it was my own determination that changed what I felt was slightly broken inside. My problem had always been that of anxiety, and I accept that I will always have that but insane no never.

I do wonder about memory loss and the mind stumbling at times. There is no recent generational history of dementia or Alzheimer’s in my family. Despite the abuse, he gave himself for many years of alcohol until his last days up to 88 years he remained quite lucid. But I have wondered about myself. What in my life affected my mind? My actual brain functioning. When I had head injuries at work, I was told to just shake it off and keep going. I remember after one particularly bad concussion. It seemed. I was in a grocery store after work and I started to panic because I did not know where I was. I remember standing frozen and just trying to get my shit together. It was obvious I was in a grocery store. OK take it easy. The moment passed, but I wondered how many head bangs Will damage the brain?

Now that I am considered a senior citizen, I think the Internet knows this because I am often shown advertisements and articles about Alzheimer’s or dementia. I question my mental faculties all the time. For example, coming out of the emergency part of the hospital waiting for someone to pick me up. I did not see my sister. I did not recognize her. It shook me a bit. I have been in for a blood clot. That and another incident that nobody could relate to shook me a bit. I question my faculties. My mind. When I am driving my car, I try to be very focused on that. Recently at the grocery store, I made an error, checking out my purchases and had to start over. I was not focused. I was talking to a worker there. But years ago, I could’ve done that easily. Writing this, I have an answer or something that will help me which is be mindful more. Something that may have been simple years ago, I need to focus on it. Do it with more focus more mindfulness than ever. I don’t want to be one of those stupid old men that get distracted and smash their car into someone. Or get my ass run over in a parking lot simply for not looking around. I don’t fear such things, but I need to be aware they could happen.

I take a few supplements and have a diet of things that often are said to be good for the brain. I exercise, which helps. I try to exercise my brain. I analyze or review conversations with people and see if I was overly repeating myself and talking coherently. I’ve been doing good with this, but I need to be careful with it. “ mindful” is a keyword in all this.

We all have a certain amount of absentmindedness of forgetting small things, but I wonder how many such put together become problematic. Distraction. That’s part of it and again I need to focus and be mindful. Long ago, my father told me do one thing at a time. He was so right.

On a more positive note, I’ve noticed that I appreciate music more than ever. I can hear things better even though I do not hear voices as good as I once did. I can see things with more awareness than ever when I look at them. When I look at people. There is a wondrous innocence at times looking at people. Listening to them and that’s a good thing. I can stare at my two pet birds and just find them very fascinating because of their simply being. That’s a good thing. It’s also a good way to see people. Come to think of it that often happens to me with people I will look at them and wonder about them and find a sense of wonder about some unknown individual I encounter. They don’t have to be ugly or beautiful. They are just a unique person and I think that I have a sense of wonder about that with people and so many other things at this stage in my life now. I’m not losing my mind in so many ways I think I’m realizing so much with my mind. And those are good things.