Correspondence With My Attorney Friend in Elephant Architecture

[The following is my correspondence with an attorney friend of mine who is at the point in his life where he only takes cases that he feels inclined to take on].

Big K_,

I regret to inform you that I have case that may interest you.

Subject: Nick B_

Nick was a manager of mine while I was in college and working at Little Caesar’s in Alabaster. Nick had anxiety issues. The company was always trying to push him into General management positions which he was always reluctant to do. He was happy to just come into work and live life. He enjoys watching Ancient Aliens and talking about UFOs. He was finally captured into a GM position with Little Caesars and somewhat forced into a marriage he was not sure he wanted to be in with Kim. I was in his Wedding and volunteered to bartend at it. I danced with his mother that night. Nick had overwhelming anxiety. At his Vows he was on substances like xanax, I believe, and asking me for mushrooms on his Wedding Day. Nick has High anxiety. I would eventually rent a room from him and his wife close to Alabaster. I would get him a job where I was working at an Italian Winery. Nick had anxiety.

Nick has since thus divorced his wife yet they are still roommates; this is years and years of history. Nick has overwhelming anxiety, you know… He always has since around 2011 when I met him as one of my favourite managers I’ve ever had at Little Caesars. He asked me for mushrooms for his Vows. Nick has Anxiety.

Nick has just been a charged for Indecent Exposure in his new realm. Some rich old lady saw him bathing in his shower across the street, and reported him for indecent exposure and he is now a Federal leper. Nick has anxiety, you know. He says he was bathing and they looked in his window and he would eventually sign a guilty plea bargain feeling the pressure from the police. Nick has anxiety, you know. He says he never left his home indecently, and his Wife-ish supports him though she is just his roommate.

While he was relaying the story to me he kept saying things like “In the shower he ‘got dropped’ or ‘something hit me’” and so when he was arrested he felt drugged or that someone laced his joint. I asked him if he was Wankin’ it in the shower and he said he wasn’t sure. He was utterly confused and overly anxious and he signed whatever the cops wanted him to sign to get him out of there. (Nick needs therapy. He is a good boy who can easily be pushed around like accepting a GM role at Little Caesars he didn’t want or marriage he didn’t want. I was his confidant).

You would love him/them. He is out of work with an embarrassing Indecent Exposure charge, family aging, and his “Life Ruined”.

I told him that I don’t think his joint was laced through all that. I have been researching DSM-V Narcissistic personality disorders and I have found they are researching that those with the disorder can actually cause brain damage in their targets or victims. I told him that I think some “rich” dementor across the street from him decided she didn’t like his hoodlum ass and began targeting him. She had a figurative rocket launcher with a laser pointer on end pointed at hom and he could feel the laser point which caused a melt down and psychotic break causing brain damage and that’s why he signed the guilty plea. He was badgered into it; the mentally feeble being preyed upon.

Regards,
Zampano