Promotion stuff, tension at work. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so Tuesday night I stuck around and watching a manager do inventory, and do the deposit. It doesn’t seem that hard but once you also incorporate having to learn how to make all the food, know what number all the tables, learn to pour beer and wine, get everyone off the clock when your supposed to and interact with customers, I was feeling pretty fucking stress before getting to work yesterday. I was asked to ask customers if they wanted refills on their soda and I even struggled doing that. I still have my social anxiety issues so it’s hard for me to do stuff like, especially when I’ve never had to before so I’m hoping I’ll just get used to it once I get into my groove.

I’m very excited but nervous at the same time. The bosses will show up randomly and that makes me nervous because I’m just afraid that some night I’ll be by myself and things won’t be exactly how they should be and I worry that they’ll think I can’t handle it or something. I just have so much anxiety as I’m horrible with change and being out of my comfort zone. Even though I’ve been at this same place for a year, there’s still so much I don’t know how to do and as a manager person, you have to know how to do everything. I know that I’ll get the hang of it but until then, I’m definitely nervous and need to find some comfort outside of the norm.

Tonight I close with my boss so she can teach me shit. I have plenty of questions for her so I hope she’s ready lol. I’m a tad upset with her because she told that girl (that got promoted before me and used to be my friend) that I told on her for smoking pot. I know that I shouldn’t have but I was just so pissed that she got to move up and I didn’t when she didn’t want or deserve it. I also didn’t think my boss would tell her who gave her that information. I am debating on whether I should bring it up or not but now I just wish there was a way to fix it so we could at least be comfortable enough with each other to make small talk. I admit I was the asshole that threw her under the bus but now I’m pissed that she’s told other people and now they aren’t going to trust me. I am readily prepared to apologize but I just think she should have maybe pulled me aside and asked me about it instead of being all pissed off and telling other people when it’s not something I want everyone to know.

My biggest issue with this is this chick has done plenty to me as well but yet, I’m still the bad guy no matter what. It just pisses me off that it doesn’t matter that she went off on me in front of customers one night and then proceeded to text bomb my phone still being an asshole?!?!?! This whole thing is just a fucking joke. I know that we’ll more than likely never be homies again but I just wish we could be more social with each other at work and I could feel comfortable having to work with her. It’s bullshit that this crap has gone on as long as it has over stuff I feel like we could have worked out and have been done with it.

I went to my class and now I’m gonna go to my water zumba class at the YMCA in a few minutes. I need to get gas and go to the bank. I just want to have fun with my class and try to get my mind off of shit. I just feel stressed about all the new shit I have to learn, the crap with this girl at work, the fact that I have felt pretty lonely for the past few days and I’m starting to feel invisible again. My brother doesn’t answer when I call so then yesterday he asks if he can use my printer and I said no since he doesn’t fucking answer the phone so now I probably won’t get to see my niece anymore. I just feel like I fight losing battles with extremely irrational people, regardless of how they have treated me.

I’ve spent the last couple of days super anxious/nervous/lacking self confidence over my new set of responsibilities to remembering this is what I’ve wanted for a very long time and I will be just fine. My biggest issue is I fucking HATE not knowing what I’m doing but I know once I get familiar with everything, I will be more comfortable. I just like to do stuff and many times and then I feel like I can do it. I just need to be taught everything and know exactly what is expected of me and then it will all come together for me. I also know that what’s going on between this girl and I is getting to me as well but I know I need to just focus on my job and learn everything I need to. If we are meant to ever talk things out, it will happen and if not then it’s probably meant to just be left alone.

I’m glad that the weekend is almost here. I’m getting tired and ready for a break. I’ve been at work til 10:30 or 11pm every night so that’s starting to catch up to me. I have plans to hang out at a co-workers house on Saturday night and have a drink but not stay too late because I work at 10:30 Sunday morning but I am in need to some adult time outside of work.

Studying is also starting to really piss me off. I came home yesterday and wanted to get my study guides done for A&P and just couldn’t seem to find the answers in the book so I went to look online, well my laptop started running really fucking slow so I went to reset my modem and a fucking spider appeared out of nowhere and scared the shit out of me! I spent like a total of 2 hours working on my stuff and just feel really defeated and discouraged because it’s just so much stuff to try and remember and I also find it to be overwhelming when it’s 2 chapters to worry about. I’m going to spend some time working on it this weekend and if I still don’t feel like I’m going to be able to retain enough, I’m gonna see the tutor on Monday after class probably because the test is Wednesday morning. I have a D in that class and an A in Medical Terminology because it’s way easier, I like words and our work load isn’t nearly as bad.

Time for water Zumba.