Uncle Andydammit in After OD

I was almost 14 years old when I got my first computer. It opened up a whole new world to me, a young teen in the very late 90’s. It was a time when chatrooms were popular and plentiful. I immediately began exploring them and while most my age would likely be in rooms for teens, or rooms targeted to their age, I was a little beyond my years and enjoyed the Yahoo! political chatrooms.

One spring day in 1999, I met Andydammit in one of these chatrooms. He was a 40 something graphic designer from LA with a wife and a cat and an incredible appreciation for music, books, movies, and art. He was funny and smart and he actually enjoyed chatting with me. Eventually, we exchanged info and our chats left Yahoo! and moved to ICQ messenger. We became friends.

I know, I know, what would a 40 year old man want with a 14 year old girl? That wasn’t the case though, EVER. He was kind, and listened to what I had to say, and gave me advice and encouraged me to pursue the things I loved like art and writing. I knew that this wouldn’t look right to others and so I told my mom about him, and I had them start exchanging e-mails so she could see that he really was just a nice guy. His wife and I also would communicate and became friends as well.

Andydammit and I would often exchange gifts. The first was a surprise package from Amazon. It was a book I’d mentioned reading about to him a few weeks earlier. Then, the mix tapes would start to come. Every few months a padded envelope would show up in the mailbox with a cassette tape inside, with beautifully digitally designed covers. The tapes had the most eclectic variety of music that you could ever imagine. And with every tape I listened to, my musical taste would grow just a little more. And of course, I began to reciprocate with my own mixes, with handmade cassette box covers. This went on for years, and the tapes eventually morphed into CD’s.

I also loved to send him artwork I made. Drawings, watercolors, pottery when I started ceramics in high school. He was always thrilled with it, or at least he always said he was. He always had a kind word for me. We also always sent birthday gifts. Never anything big, usually a book or CD, or a starbucks gift card. Just a simple little thing to let the other know they were thought of and appreciated.

This unusual and unlikely friendship was very special to me. I felt so close to him and at one point asked if I could call him my uncle. He was flattered. Truthfully though, a lot of times he felt more like a dad to me. He paid more attention to me than my own dad. Andydammit and his wife had no kids. I like to think maybe, just maybe he thought of me as a daughter figure.

Over 25 years of online friendship, we had a few phone calls here and there, but not once did we ever have the chance to meet face to face. I live on the opposite side of the country and it just never came to be. As technology changed, so did our communication. Eventually, like everyone else, we ended up on facebook. Communication came from instant messages now and then, or a card in the mail a couple times a year. The gifts were still exchanged, but slowed down a lot. The mix CD’s ceased several years ago with music being in digital formats now. We’d always be friends, but just like in person, you’re closer to different people throughout your life and through different circumstances. I started a family and began adulting, and he changed jobs and eventually retired.

Last Fall, a facebook post from him came across my feed that simply read: Lymphoma. I got a sick feeling to my stomach. The post disappeared shortly after and was replaced with another that said he made a premature announcement and that he was doing fine. As months went on, it was clear that he wasn’t. His pictures showed him becoming thin and frail. He was clearly sick. He continued to post, but mostly pictures, selfies in a hospital gown. Last month I made him a playlist on spotify and sent him the link, it’d been a very long time since I’d sent him a mix and thought maybe it’d bring him some cheer.

Today a post came across my facebook feed that said Andydammit passed away on Sunday. I knew it was coming, but I was still stunned. I reread the post to make sure I read it correctly. Gone. Then the tears came and they haven’t stopped the entire time I’ve been writing this.

My friend is gone. I’m heartbroken. And I am so very thankful we met that day in a Yahoo! chatroom. He was a huge influence on me and who I am as an adult. He was my mentor of music. He shared my love of the Beatles, and taught me to appreciate all kinds of art. He gave me the gift of pure, simple, love, acceptance, and understanding. I will think of him often and with great fondness.