April 3 in Old

My day started energetically. Left the bedroom, the headphones on listening to my latest favorite song. It got my limbs moving in my head bobbing. After my usual morning routine, I drove over to Meijers to get a prescription. I was delighted that the young woman there asked how my birds are. She is a beautiful girl and Muslim and I am three times her age, but it’s OK for me to think of someone as beautiful inside and out. Small acts of kindness are gold to me. Made small talk, then went home. When I got home on impulse, I called the pharmacy at Meijers and told them all of their staff had been very kind to me every time I go there, and I deeply appreciated it. I hope the woman I talked to spread the word to her coworkers. It was a good feeling to say something good to people.

My birds have been going crazy because of the mating season thing. Tonight I was relaxed with the birds on my chest, watching something on the computer when I felt a commotion, and I turned my head and saw that they were fucking on my chest. It was hilarious and very, very weird at the same time. I told him to get a room and filmed it and put it on Facebook. That was some weird shit.

Yesterday, no exercise and I felt mild guilt for it but today I was on the treadmill at a faster than normal pace for 45 minutes. It was good. I’ve noticed that I tried to push myself too much and then I suffer pain and have to stop.

The idea that practice is life has been on my mind today. What we practiced, we become good at. But what we practice and become good at maybe something very negative. Talking hate over and over about someone or some group. I know people that do that. I’ve known racist that practice that over and over and wow, are they ever pieces of shit because of the practice.

I’ve come to realize that I’m a better person at this time in my life a better person than ever because I have been practicing kindness, love compassion, and empathy. I have been practicing becoming a better listener, even when there is nobody there talking. I feel better for these positive behaviors that practice has solidified in me. My father practiced anger, and he became very good at it. I’ve had to look at that in my life and try not to be good at anger or hate. Do those so infrequently that maybe someday I won’t know how to do them.

Practice having a loving heart and be so much better for it.

For much of my life, I practiced being afraid of so many things and I became very good at being anxious and afraid. The big reward for all that the crowning achievement was panic attacks. I realized I have to become very, very bad at being afraid and feeling anxious. I need to practice it so much less and so many more situations. Stop practicing fear you are becoming too good at such an ugly thing.

I see the positives and I try to practice them to make them a part of me without feeling I need to practice them.