Is It Depression? in Whatever Will Be Will Be

ALL of last week and so far ALL of this week, each morning comes with… I lack the word to describe. It takes me an hour or more to get out of bed. And when I do, I desperately don’t want to be up. And it isn’t “I don’t want to be up at all” it is strictly “I don’t want to be up because I don’t want to go to work.” Now, obviously, I’ve felt this way before. But I haven’t felt this exact way since Best Buy. Dreading going to work at my last job was because of insane assholes and the stress of the Special Victims docket. Dreading going to work at my job with the Private Firm was because that was an incredibly abusive work environment (objectively). Dreading going to work at my job in Tiny Town was because I had no support, no teaching, and the community was just abysmal. Dreading going to work at my job in the jail was because I was doing 60 hour weeks as a part timer with zero security or concern for my safety.

But Best Buy? Best Buy’s “dreading going into work” was because… the work was just the same plod through being over relied on for no logical reason other than “resource management.” Chris, you can unload the entire truck by yourself because we need to save on budget...... except of course, the truck is appliances like refrigerators and ovens along with hundreds of totes of electronics. Chris, you’re the only one working the department today so make it work… except of course, the department was Warehouse & Security so… one person cannot physically man the door while grabbing online orders while getting things for sales clerks. You may not recognize what I’m saying as the Best Buy experience of today. Because the Best Buy experience of today, like so many other places, has chosen to go BARE BONES STAFFING because apparently employing people and having a workforce are considered “negative profit factors.” This fucking world.

And that is where I am for this job. Dreading going into work because… the work is just the same plod through being over relied on for no logical reason other than “resource management.” Chris, you can do every traffic case and every citation case and every simple misdemeanor and every truancy and every forged check case by yourself because we don’t have any other attorneys who can help out. Chris, you’re the only one working the department period so make it work. Meanwhile, I have weeks like… oh, NEXT week. I’m the only one in my department.
On Monday, I have 9 trials. And I have to do all nine trials on Monday.
On Tuesday, I have another 130 traffic hearings BUT also a Jury Trial scheduled.
On Wednesday, I have another 40 Simple Misdemeanor Hearings BUT Violation of No Contact Order Trials AND the possible Jury Trial
On Thursday, I have 5 trials. AND possibly the Jury Trial still
On Friday, I have 13 Jail Hearings and 11 Magistrate hearings and they overlap! all while also having to argue A CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT… also scheduled at the same time.
That’s my work week next week.
And the truth, the serious truth that makes it all a little bit worse… is the knowledge that it isn’t getting better. We seem unable to hire for the positions that are currently open. We have more positions coming open as attorneys retire and quit over the next few months. And crime isn’t slowing. Crime isn’t getting smarter and taking plea deals. People are getting more arrogant, more stupid, more violent. So… work? Isn’t changing in any way any time soon.

Is it any wonder why I wake up and just… don’t want to go into work.