Thursday. in Since OD is shutting down....

It’s been a pretty good day. My daughter and I got breakfast and then some stuff at the store. She’s leaving on Saturday morning to spend the holiday with her Dad. I had originally tried to invite him on Messenger kids so he can visit with her where he ended up messaging me asking if they could come get her. He said please. He’s never said please ever for any reason. He was very cordial and I mentioned all the concerns and it sounds like we’ve worked them out so we got a new toothbrush, toothpaste, and a couple of new outfits.

I honestly believe that we have serious communication issues and that’s the majority of the reason why shit has never worked. He did say they’d like to take her every other weekend and I could definitely use the help. I also know how she’s been so giddy and just overall excited every time he messages her. I honestly just love to see her happy and he adds to it.

My Mom came and watched her for awhile today. I was getting annoyed with her eating our food but I’m trying really hard to just bite my tongue. If her Dad starts taking her every other weekend, I won’t have to worry about finding a sitter every single weekend and that would really reduce my stress level.

I worked for awhile and then decided to take my Mom and kid out for lunch. I was trying to give my Mom money and she absolutely wouldn’t take it. She’s coming again in the morning and I’m going to make her take some money. I don’t expect her to just help out for free, not every time. I know they could use the money.

All I know is I just want to try and get along with everyone. I don’t have room in my heart for drama anymore. I’m just getting too fucking old for it. I don’t want to be mad, hurt, hating, or sad anymore. I’ve spent enough time sitting in my anger and life is just too damn short. I’ve spent the past couple of years trying to find childcare and everything else but now, if her Dad is seriously wanting to take her, I’m going to let him. I just have to hope that it’s going to be a consistent thing. We haven’t spoke since yesterday, he just messages her phone and they visit. I think the less we deal with each other, the better this is going to work.

I haven’t heard from ole what’s his name is Tuesday morning when he made another meek attempt at getting me to help him with a phone. I definitely believe he’s taking the damn hint. I think I’m honestly more let down than I am angry. He had so many good qualities and things I was looking for but had to ruin it by being a selfish mooch. I still think about that first couple of days and how sweet he was, I was absolutely drawn to him. He was just sexy as hell standing in the doorway and the sunlight shining in his eyes. I remember looking at him thinking I’d won the jackpot. I was so excited to see where this could go.

For most of my life, I thought I was dead inside. He awakened feelings that I never even knew existed. It just really sucks that people have to always operate on motives and their own agendas. Men are always talking about how they can never find a good girl but then chase them away when they do. It just doesn’t make sense.

I’m sad about it because I really thought that God had finally sent me my person. I couldn’t wait to get to know him better and go camping. Just have my own man to do things with and honestly someone to be there for my daughter and myself. I will never understand how he thought he was just going to watch me not only be on that struggle bus but he was going to add to it? Nah, I am going to figure it out and I’m not going to have someone around to make my problems even harder. I find it odd how I didn’t ask him for anything but he’d offer to add us to his cell phone plan, help me with my bills, offered to watch my kid, just everything and didn’t do anything at all. For the record, no I wouldn’t ever leave my kid with some random man but it’s just another example of him saying he was going to do something and didn’t.

I’m just grateful that I cut it off as fast as I did. I remember when I was young and I would put up with shit like this until it was past the point of even trying to justify it. I’m lonely but I’m not desperate enough to tolerate someone using me and not caring that they are also taking from my child. I want to understand how you could do this kind of shit in the first fucking place. It’s like bro, you are a grown ass man and you are trying to use a single Mom. Like, who the fuck raised you!?!?! I have a couple of friends that normally encourage me to not give up right away and give people the benefit of the doubt, but both of them were not having it with this guy at all. They both felt he was a mooch and had way too many excuses.