Peace in 1 Day at a time in my crazy life

I sit here and listen to the nighttime music coming out of my girls’ room and I remember a different life. While I sit here in peace tonight, my life wasn’t always so peaceful. When I ran from one emergency to another. Never quiet getting to enjoy life. I was a child of an abusive home, I saw my mom run from chaos. I married at 18 to get away from home. I was married 8 years had 4 babies before I realized I had done what everyone else wanted instead of what would make me happy. At 25 I started dating a woman whom I was head over heels in love with. I had never experienced this kind of obsessive love. Turned out she had lots and lots of mental diagnosis that would make loving her painful. I decided to be single for a while and just love my kids. at 30 I met the love of my life. The one who still today can knock me on my knees. There is nothing I wouldn’t have done for them….including allowing them to beat me. Nope it didnt start that way. It started like a fairytale….Drugs, prescription drugs changed it all. I stayed 7 years. 3 years later they would go on to kill themselves on my birthday. They always said they were trying to get back to the person I had loved so much…..I remarried in October and by april they were gone. I still feel them with me and I silently mourn them every single day.

You see, I finally got it right. My kids grew up and left home and I struck out to a city that had always held my heart. I was born a small-town girl but I was never a small-town girl. I met my now husband through my then best friend, only to learn later that she was his ex-wife and it would cost me that friendship for years. We dated for 3 years before we married. He became the calm in the middle of my chaos. A place I could always go to rest and recover. We have been together 10 years, married 7. We both swore we didnt want more children but life had other plans for us.

MY daughter started running from one bad place to another.

She got addicted to drugs and we ended up with custody of my Doodle. Then a year later we were called about my great niece, my PITA, 4 years later the phone rang again and we ended up with our Itty-Bitty. I know we had different plans for our lives….but this one seems pretty great.

MY daughter got clean and now she is tucked into bed beside my doodle, my youngest son is tucked in bed in my basement, my other 2 birth children are doing great on their own. Our youngest child is getting married friday and we become in laws.

Here I am trying to break the cycle with the 3 youngest.