I can't sleep. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I went to bed super early again and now I’m up and I just want to sleep. I’m struggling with everything right now. I have been talking to a couple of different people on Facebook about watching my kid because my Mom has never been reliable and I have to work. It’s not optional anymore. Everyone has gotten out of helping with my daughter all these years and since my situation is a lot more critical, I have to have childcare. My Mom has always been very good at saying she’ll watch her but then doesn’t do it.

I’m super concerned about my car and need to get that loan paid off so I can start saving to get into something else. It doesn’t always idle like it should so that’s the next worry. I’m so tired of being stressed that it’s going to break down on me and it’s imperative that I be working so I have money to get into another vehicle. I can’t just plan on never working because I don’t have childcare. I’ve lived this for so long that it’s hard to think outside the box and it’s getting old at this point.

He text a couple of times but I didn’t answer. I was sleeping. There’s a million reasons why this will never work. I’m also tired of feeling like there’s no one who has any real regard for my daughter or myself. It’s like I’m just to wander around with no support system forever. People only care if they are benefitting from you. He should be trying to be there for me, not me always being there for him. It’s like whatever he’s done for me, I have to do twice as much for him. None of this is okay with me and I don’t plan to put forth any more time trying.

I’m not putting any more energy into this and it’s like everyone just LIVES to make me fly off the handle so they can sit back and thrive off the fact that they got the reaction they were hoping for.