Horror Show in Current Events

The horrors persist but so do I

2024 is working my nerve. It’s first-world problems so I’ll be grateful for that much.

I’m not a I got a headache kind of girl but I’ve had one most of the week. It’s connected to a pain in my neck and there is a pain in my lower back connected to that one. My neck, my back, my bussy, and my crack. I’m falling apart at the seams. I could use a massage but iPoor. This is when I wish I had a man in my life. Honey I’m home, rub the pain away.

Speaking of being poor, the snow is melting. The days are getting longer and warmer. The Canadian geese are coming home and the homeless are coming out of hibernation. My city is vile and profane. That’s on a good day. I can’t stand it. I don’t know what ivory tower people live in but the homeless I know and see are addicts. They put on that sad face when they need to beg for change. Addicts are sociopaths, they don’t care who they use and hurt to get their fix. I don’t feel sorry for them, I feel threatened. They have been very aggressive on the bus. I remember now why I fought so hard to have a vehicle. When you do drugs, this happens. We know that. Also, can’t we stop glorifying recovering addicts? Where is the song about that guy who said no to drugs? Let’s stop giving these attention-seekers bad ideas on how to cry for attention. Don’t do drugs. Drugs are bad, mmkay?

I went for a walk with Alex and Bruce yesterday. We were talking about this so-called neurodivergent community. What a menacing concept. A community of cluster B’s. Vikki, a friend of Alex’s, fought hard to get diagnosed with ADHD. As soon as she did, it became her whole identity. Everything about this woman got worse. She just got fired from a job because they won’t accommodate her time blindness. That’s her version of the story. I’m the victim here! The title of her life story. Time management is a skill that she is not expected to learn now because she was chosen by the God of neurodivergence. These people just numb themselves out with medication and become a burden to everyone else. We have to pick up after them if we live with them and pick up their slack if we work with them. They’re just so entitled to our patience and understanding. It’s just a narcissist getting their supply. There are people with real issues Vikki. You just need to strengthen your character and make better choices. I don’t have dumb cow disease, so what do I know?!

If it wasn’t for self-awareness, I wouldn’t know that I am projecting here. I was close to being homeless not that long ago. I had a moment where I was starting to wonder if I was in control of my drinking. Maybe I would have self-medicated if I ended up on the street. I wasn’t that close, mind you. I cultivated a good circle of friends. I have a lot of support systems in my life. I see the worst version of myself in these people. I would be diagnosed with ADHD, and probably even put on the spectrum. I’m already diagnosed with anxiety and depression disorder but I don’t accept! More on that later. Psychology is just a self-fulfilling prophecy. They see problems, I see opportunities. Like needing to learn skills that may come easier to others. Time management, self-discipline, etc. I don’t want to be numbed out while waiting for somebody to come take care of me. That is the worst version of myself. I watch my roommate take bong rips all day long. She believes it makes her productivity superior to everyone else. You needed drugs to fold laundry? So elevated you are.

I saw a TikTok of a millennial talking about how our generation set the new standard for aging. He is 38. A Gen Z twat replied making fun of him and said that he looked 30. I thought his reply to that was going to be about her proving his point. No, she looked like she was in our age group but was 20. Not in her twenties but 20 years of age. All 220lbs of her. Not Gen Z aging poorly and not Gen Z with 50-year-old diseases. It’s giving brain damage, it’s giving inflammation, it’s giving autoimmune diseases, it’s giving gender confusion. This generation, it’s broken. It’s a bad batch. No cap on god. This new hire at work, he’s 28. I thought he was my age. He has a kid who is eating what he is eating… I can’t think about this. We’re in the dumb ages.

My physical pain is making me bitchy and judgemental. My default setting. I came on here to take a break from studying.

I now have an ND, a Naturopathic Doctor. I wanted to address my deficiencies. Due to my mainstream medical indoctrination, I assumed that we would be giving me a long list of things to supplement. You’re not getting enough B12 in your diet? Get a B12 shot. No, he went straight for causation. I’m not absorbing what my body needs. There is no medical magic wand to diagnose what that is. We have to do some trial and error. The villi in my small intestines need 3 weeks to repair themselves so we are cutting out all GMOs for three weeks. Nuts as well but only because that will complicate the picture. If I don’t improve, we try something else. He suspects GMOs because of my blood type. He also listed some foods to avoid. All the foods I have been avoiding because it upsets my stomach, go figure!

I’m intimidated about my diet being even more restricted but I will roll with it. The only deficiency worth talking about was protein. My hydrochloric acid levels are suspected to be low. I am going to be taking a capsule of HCL every day. I up the dosage by one until I experience discomfort. Acid reflux, essentially. This will tell him how much HCL I have. Long-term stress is the suspected cause of that. My body can’t make the right proteins to break down the right proteins. I learned a lot from him. He sent me a lot of literature. My current health practices made him feel like somebody already cooked here, as the TikTok trend goes. I’m more on a detox roll, however. That won’t fix my issue. I start this restricted diet on Monday. No canola, corn, soy, etc, and then some. Also, he had me get pure fermented protein which is expensive. He doesn’t like my plant-based diet for me. It is what it is. I’m in too deep. He also recommended I get Jackson Springs water. It’s only available in my province and he can’t find anything as good in the country. Say no more!

My ND also explained why I am serotonin deficient. It’s tied to the HCL issue. Go figure. It’s going to be nice if I don’t have to experience anxiety and depression (which are tied together for me).

Other than that, I have been very stressed. My default setting, as we know. I’m not too stressed to see how blessed I am though. Does that have sense? As my supervisor would say. My car was written off. I fell behind in school because I was sick. I am trying to catch up this weekend. I’m doing my whole self-sabotage routine, as per usual. I’ve been good, I am just kissing my old ways goodbye today. I have to restructure my diet for next week. My shifts drop to part-time next week as well. This is making me anxious. I wanted it this way. I have the opportunity to pursue my side quests and focus harder on school. I don’t cope with change well and this year has been forcing me out of my comfort zone.

Be careful what you wish for. Comfort zones are very toxic for me. I was wanting something to force me to take action. My 2024 mantra of What’s the opportunity here? Has been working out for me. I’m trying to channel some of that toxic optimism available in my 9H placement in my astrological birth chart. The 9th house is ruled by sexy Sagitarrius and that is where my Sun, and Venus, are. I am also making a conscious effort to ascend into my Taurus ascendant. It’s high time that I learn to get good with money. I opened a self-directed TFSA account and a self-direct RRSP account, I am going to start investing. I’m talking to a financial advisor first. I’m going to fail a lot more but… that is growing pains. My bloated 6H needs me to be of service to others and my 10H contains Jupiter which is where everybody wants their Jupiter. My chart is still Capricorn heavy so I’m a late bloomer… by a lot! Whatever.

The big investment I made, however, is this new computer I am typing from. I’m not in love with it but I have something that works. Finally! I just wish my monitors were a little bigger. That’s later problems. I keep booking myself solid and I run out of time for my things. Classic me! But I have 5 workdays and 4 school nights. I have burnout. Next week, I have so much time! I can almost taste it! I just really need to visit my sister and her kids this evening. Bev’s son asked me to visit them this weekend before they leave for a few weeks. Can’t say no to that now, can I? I see them tomorrow evening. I have the whole day to study. Assuming I don’t waste all of my energy at the gym again like I do every Saturday. My mind and body want to rest. Just one day in bed but I haven’t been giving it.

Last updated March 16, 2024