Maslentisa day 1 in Reiwa 6

In the 6th year of the Reiwa Emperor.
February 27 Julian Calendar

Lately, I haven’t lived life as I know I should. A lot of my good deeds and my steps in the right direction are performative. Even when I do the things that I know I need to do, I do them begrudgingly or half heartedly. And, not to my credit, I actually know, unambiguously, what I ought to be doing.
Last night, I feel asleep too early to write this, though, if I’m being honest, I could have written it earlier. But, let’s track the day.

The Sunday before Cheesefare, I ate until I felt sick. A reminder, I suppose, of why a person ought to control their appetites. It brought me no pleasure, but the compulsion is always there. On Monday, I woke up after dreaming of food, smoking, and women. At least two of those three at any rate (the remainder and some extra would be with me on Tuesday). My lunch . . . I cannot remember. A snack of some kind. My dinner, salad, soup, and bread. I was still very much able to eat, but I didn’t. I don’t know if I can describe it as self control or anything so noble as that. I simply . . . didn’t do something that I knew was bad and that wouldn’t bring me anything good. It was a bit of perspective in action.

I was disappointed when I opened The Prologue because I hadn’t read it since November. Thoughts for Each Day of the Year probably wasn’t much better, but I didn’t have a specific date to go by. It’s amazing how having some books next to you that can change everything go neglected for months spent in a haze of half hearted hedonism.

Today, I hope to keep up the progress, what little there is, from yesterday.