I think he's gone. in Since OD is shutting down....

So the guy I was seeing lived across from where I get my morning coffee. I’ve noticed that I never see his truck there anymore. I remember the other day as I was leaving the drive through, I happened to look over and see the doors on his pick up were open. I think he was packing up to leave. I have been by there a couple of times this morning and I still haven’t seen his truck. I think he’s probably went back to where his parents live. I wonder if he left because it was already an idea in his head and then maybe I fueled it by blocking him. I admit, I’d like to know what happened and where he is. It’s just no longer my concern.

I still wish I would have waited an extra couple of days before I made the decision to block him. But I don’t know because I just read our text from when we started talking and I remember how frustrated I was that his efforts were incredibly forced. I feel like we had a great vibe when we were hanging out but he got unbelievably rude a lot for absolutely no reason. I think from being in the war, he’s been through more than I’ll ever understand and probably wouldn’t be able to handle long term.

All I can say is I’ve definitely learned from this. I’ve always been really quick to shut the door on people when I get mad or my expectations aren’t getting satisfied. I think it’s just a defense mechanism. It really doesn’t feel good when someone just exits your life where you don’t even get a goodbye. They won’t talk to you whatsoever or even answer texts from another person. I really do wish I would have handled this differently. I just have really mixed feelings about this whole situation. He definitely struggled with having patience for my child and that was a huge red flag. He didn’t seem like would have struck her or anything but would holler at her. My daughter isn’t sad at all that he’s not around.

Everything happens for a reason. Maybe I’m meant to just focus on my daughter and making a living for now. The right person will come along eventually. I know we get bored and wish we had more people to hang around with but it’s whatever for now. We still have not heard from her big sister. I have no idea what’s going on. My friend said that I should text her but I think that should be her responsibility. I just feel bad for my daughter that people, basically everyone treats her as a fucking option. It’s seriously maddening.

It hurts to know that my daughter and myself don’t mean as much to people as I hoped we would. I will never understand why anyone would want to miss out on her life. I will never understand. My daughter definitely gets her feelings hurt by their absence but I just tell her that we’ll see them again and she always has me. I’m not going anywhere and I love spending my time with her. I make sure to tell her every single day how special she is to me and how she makes my whole world.