Rent, money, tags. in Since OD is shutting down....

Little is at school and I came home and made breakfast. McDonald’s doesn’t have my $1 coffee coupon anymore so I’m not going there until they have it again. I also like not spending money everyday on breakfast. I don’t like cooking right away in the morning but I do like saving money, even if it’s just a few dollars.

I got help with rent but I will have to pay it I believe in June. I said that I can give it back but she said to just send her the receipt when I do pay it. It’s a boost for right now, but I will be spending it later. I’m currently making dinner because I am going to try and make money here in a few minutes. I like to put in the majority of my hours while she’s at school so we don’t have to put in a lot on the weekends. We spend a lot of time on our phones while we’re home so it’s not much different in the car. I just feel bad because that’s her days off and she’s fighting that ear infection. Again, I wish it was different but we’re doing fine.

I went and renewed my tags. I’m happy to get that over with. It’s a beautiful day outside. I just wish it was busy because I always want to make money. I’ll probably just hang out and ask my kid when I pick her up if she wants to go for awhile.

Chances are, there isn’t going to be childcare over the Summer. I’m not thrilled about it but there’s nothing I can do. Everything is expensive. She’s been asking to go back to her after school program but I talk myself out of even asking. I feel that my child has the whole rest of her life to be talked to like crap so I would rather she not have to put up with it as a child. I think about Summer and it’s going to be hot running around but I plan to go as long as my daughter can stand it and we can always come home and cool off too. We’ll be alright. I’m going to start saving for another car.

I have about 30 minutes before I do school pick up. I’m really cold. Bored. Sick of being by myself all day long. Being in my head all the time isn’t my jam. I just hope that good things happen where I’ll have childcare for at least some of the Summer. Maybe she’ll get in that other place that I applied for about 3 weeks ago.

All I know is I just want to do my very best to take care of my child. I give her what I never had and that makes me so happy on the inside. I just want to be saving money for another car. I’ve been looking online and cars are ridiculously expensive for absolute junk. I’m just going to save money for now and worry about buying one later. One step at a time. Mine makes noises and just gives me anxiety everyday.

I do hope that we have a good Summer and things work out. Even if there isn’t childcare, I keep in mind that this won’t be the first Summer by ourselves and it probably won’t be the last. Unfortunately, I just can’t afford to pay someone to watch her and I just don’t trust that anyone would treat her with kindness and respect. That’s why I pulled her out of the after school program. There was another Mom that worked there and ended up doing the same thing I did so clearly there’s some issues there.

It sucks never getting a break because I get stressed and over stimulated but I also have so much time with her before she become a teenager too. She was telling me over the weekend how everyone has forgotten about her. She’s asked about her big sister and I haven’t heard from her in almost a month. She was talking to me over the weekend how no one is every around and how “it’s their loss” and I just said that I appreciate what time I get with everyone and I know we’ll see them again. I don’t even hear from my brother ever since I told him we weren’t coming to his kid’s birthday party. I at least dropped off a gift card for her. I just can’t sit back and watch my kid be mistreated anymore.

Sometimes I feel like my brother just likes to check in with me and see if there’s still buttons that are able to click on. I don’t think he truly cares for me or my child at all. I’m also sick of it being this really rare and special occasion for my daughter to see his.