3nd in A Nice Dream On Elm Street

Mom got a dog. I think it’s impulsive and ill fated, but she got a ‘Morkie’. For those of you not aware, that’s a Maltese-Yorkie mix, and they are fucking L O U D.
I’m not a fan. I liked the other dog, my brothers dog.
Stephen King once wrote that expecting someone to bond with a pet that isn’t there’s never works, he wrote a short story about it too; the woman gets her husband a dog who hates him and the husband gets the wife a cat who hates her.
My mom-..I have a feeling I may have already told you this. About the dog.
Anyway, she’s always been a tomboy and never (dog forgive me) much for having a feminine side except when she was like in her 20’s and early 30’s trying to get my addict dad’s attention when he was home/sober.
So, back to this dog and mom, I guess.
I have to hear “Lilly” and “Lil” in the most horrific babyspeak voice at all hours of the day.
Someone told me it disgusts me because I’m so used to being the favorite everything.
Probably, but it’s not like they’re a shrink, hahaha.
It’s a puppy so of course it’s fucking needy at all hours and barks LOUD and of course mother is quoting from her Morkie handbook or some shit about you aren’t supposed to acknowledge their ‘temper’.
We had interesting talks- everyone has had an interesting talk the last week or so, gosh.
I’ve come to realize I’d been blocking out some pretty awful memories of child abuse, haha! THAT was a fun talk with mom, and it garnered some sort of crazy robotic tier apology from my dad. I’ve still a lot of anger towards him over everything, but I didn’t say anything other than “Yep well I had some guy shouting at me to stop being such a pussy growing up so it’s not like I could dwell on it as a youth.”
Haha, so that’s why I’m quiet and “”“”weird”“” and give people the side-eye, I’m CONDITIONED to being a vulnerable thing, hahaha.
Learned it happened to mom, too, and that shook me, man. She said right then at the time, as a little girl, she prayed to Dog and asked him to turn all her suffering and sadness into strength, and fuck it worked. Everyone in my family is so brave and strong except me, but in my defense, my parents didn’t help much (I mean did YOU ever get called ‘the guinea pig child’?)
My dad perservered through his awful childhood and became a father of three and homeowner, mom did the same with her less awful childhood and became a mother of three and devoted all out worker bee type. My brother looked at me and must’ve saw how NOT to live his life, and now he’s married and owns a home at 29.
My sister? Oh well, dog bless her, but all she had to do was look pretty.
She wants me to come live over there in Oz, said a new start is just what I need.
I know no amount of new starts will fix this or make me “normal” especially not a fresh start in one of the most extroverted waspy places on Earth lmao.
In my car is where I’m ok though (“Hey Rick, weren’t you just IN a minor fender bender though?”)..
Anyway, I like driving, because you know why? I’m in charge. Not just where the car goes, but where I go and what happens to me.
In uh, fucking Car-Land, did you know I’m a super functional handsome guy AND professional sports player AND a ninja AND a licensed notary public?
Mhmm. You know, they always say you’re crazy if you talk to yourself but everyone knows you’re only crazy if you answer yourself, hahah.
Be good, see you around.