I let the 8th wonder go in The OpenDiary (OD) Days!

I let the 8th Wonder go - 11/1/2005

<font color="#00ccff">Well, I dunno how true Luke’s message’s are, but he says everything is okay and he shouldn’t have pushed me.  He came over tonight, and left early cos he got pissed off with me, cos he felt I was neglecting him.  I wasn’t expecting him over and I tried to pay him attention but I guess with the things I had to do, I didn’t pay him enough attention.  So he said he was going home, and I followed him down the stairs, and when I asked him for a goodbye hug, he rejected me, saying he was dirty.  Fine then.</font>

<font color="#00ccff">We just messaged each other all night.  It’s like I was expecting the messages to come through with what I did wrong.  Sure enough they did, and I replied that ‘this is exactly what I’m talking about, whenever there’s a problem, I hear about it in messages, not in person.’ I didnt get any replies to my 4 messages so I got up him for ignoring me, then he replied saying he didn’t know where we stood, if we were together or not.  I told him that no we aren’t, and explained why.  I was talking to my friend Beau tonight and he made me realise something cos he was in a similar situation to me.  He couldn’t commit to his ex the way things used to be.  I realised that’s exactly the problem with me, or at least close to it.  After being so full on with a guy so caring and whom I loved so much, and us now living apart and not been boyfriends for like 4 months or so, it just didn’t feel right and I can’t be the boyfriend I thought I could be.  I wouldn’t be giving my full potential until I sort myself out.  I was expecting the upset reply but he replied that he shouldn’t have pushed me, and he’s happy we sorted things out and wants to give me a big hug.  That was nice, but I seriously do wonder how honest he’s being, and if he’s crying right now.  I know I did a bit.  I guess I can’t do anything about these things.  He wrote that, ‘If we are meant to be together, then one day we will, but until then enjoy your life and freedom’.  That was nice, and yeh exactly how I feel, but I have to wonder whether the word ‘freedom’ was a subtle attack.  I hope he still talks to me like he says he will.  He reckons we have been through too much not to be friends.  I worry though, whether we can be right away.  He was probably being nice.</font>

<font color="#00ccff">Went to John’s today - that was good, hung out with him heaps and we kicked a ball around the park, which we later discovered was a gully lol.  Then went to JB and looked around.  I bought a Robin WIlliams CD.  I soent way too much money today.  I also bought an IRiver, which is like an IPod, but it’s competition I think.  God it was pricey, I hope I figure out how to use it haha.  I just charged it.  Too scared to do anything else!</font>

<font color="#00ccff">Going to the movies tomorrow with Aaron - I haven’t seen him in ages and it’s good now that we both know we only wanna be friends.  Mind you that was thanks to Luke.  God I feel so bad.  I just let Luke go, and I know I’m gunna regret it later on, but hey, that’s just my life for you.  Then Wednesday night I’m gunna hang out with Mick after work - it’ll be good to catch up with them.  Gotta find time to see Beau too sometime.  My friend Addam is moving in with him soon, so I found out!  That’ll be cool!!</font>

Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------

RYN: I have no doubt that it is… :) [Sex Hound] 10/31/2005 11:12:37 AM

Oh Matt.

-Hugs- [The Cherry] 10/31/2005 12:01:17 PM

Hey buddy, things will be alright. All things happen for a reason and a lot of good can come from all this confusion and fustration. You can bet on that. Take care and live life! [C-Dub85] 10/31/2005 12:04:32 PM

Hey Matt just take it slow and everything will work out just fine. OMG I had a dream about you last night. Crazy as that might sound to you I honestly did. And no, it wasn’t a bad dream! Take care buddy and I’ll catch ya later!

Hugs,

Ben [Taste The Rain Bow] 10/31/2005 5:33:19 PM

Yeah - you’re keeping your head on your shoulders - am glad. Enjoy life, it is all too short sometimes. [The_Blind_Archer] 10/31/2005 6:23:55 PM

hey stranger. Its been awhile : P [Interpreter of Life] [p] 10/31/2005 7:00:26 PM

You’ll be alright :) [CollegeDude84] 10/31/2005 8:33:27 PM

I can’t offer any real advice other than I think Luke was right. If it was meant to be, it’ll happen eventually. I’m sorry that it made you so upset though. Take care, [broken.wings.] 10/31/2005 9:05:21 PM

<font color="orange"> well, i’m glad things arent so up in the air anymore, and atleast you’ve some to some kind of conclusion? but i agree…if it’s meant to be, it WILL happen. deffinately. i’m here if you need to talk babe!! :)
xox
[[disco-lemonade]] 10/31/2005 10:26:19 PM

uhg, he’s not sounding too nice right now. HUGS [EternallyHopeful] 10/31/2005 10:31:24 PM

RYN: lol, thanks for the info. I think I’ll use it to bug some of my cheerier friends, because they have so little an idea of what those words could mean. Well, the subtler ones, at least, =) [Nesstwy.] 10/31/2005 11:06:20 PM

wow already the first of november, time flies does it? i’ve never heard of an IRiver before, are they strictly an australian product or what? have fun at the movies though. :~) [PetiteAnge] [p] 11/1/2005 12:00:34 AM

I love JB HiFi. [Ezra_Medic] 11/1/2005 3:12:45 AM

JB rocks! Great store!!

I think you need a break from Luke, so don’t feel bad about it all. I’m sure everything will work out fine!

Hope you have a good week :) [jessicah] 11/1/2005 5:10:29 AM

Things have a way of working out, when its time. Its happened to me on a no. of occassions. Make sure, its what u want & not pressure from other sources. Take care, [^v^SuGaBaBe^o^] [p] 11/1/2005 3:02:27 PM

I see your situation with Luke. There is so much there, and the problems that tore you apart in the beginning aren’t going away simply with time. Chin up…you’ll bulldoze through and be a-ok, and better for it! If he’s the one, he’ll come around. I’ll be backto finish the other entires…i’m off to Contemporary Art class! yay! [yellow_bull] 11/1/2005 4:23:17 PM

Last updated October 13, 2014