Please God. in Since OD is shutting down....

I’m definitely struggling with things. I don’t know how well my side hustle is going to work out and I’m diligently looking for some type of job. Again, I don’t have any help here so I doubt I will find something. I’m really sick of this being on my own thing. I filled out an application for after school care for my daughter yesterday. I was told that there’s a waiting list due to short staffing and there’s no promise she’s going to get a spot. I looked on their website and they require a Bachelor’s degree for every position so I can’t work there.

I have been looking for a job the whole 2 months I was working and I’m still no closer to finding something now. I seriously don’t know what in the absolute fuck I’m going to do. I’ve been on my own for so long and I dread even asking for help but I know that I’ll have to at some point. My car isn’t going to last forever. Whether I get CS or not, it’s not going to save me from needing to make my own money. This deal where there’s no one to help is really becoming a make or break thing for me. It’s like even daycares that are open until 5:30pm, I’m still struggling to find a job where you get to leave by 5:15. Like how do you work as a parent, especially a single parent?

All I can say is I really do wish I would have found something before quitting my job. I just don’t know what to do. Again, there’s only so much I can do by myself. I’m doing the job meant for 2 every single day and I don’t know how to keep trying to figure it out. When my daughter is at school, I’m completely alone. My thoughts just run wild. I feel like absolute garbage every minute of the day. It doesn’t help that people make me feel like my daughter and I are absolutely nothing. No one wants us around and when they are nice, I feel like it’s forced.

Things are really hard right now. I just wish I had the help I needed to make sense of my life and everything be alright.