I ended my employment. in Since OD is shutting down....

It’s been a really emotional day and I’m beyond thankful that it’s getting to be bedtime. I just drug my ass out of my bed and home to get to work. I walked in planning to work and my boss walks up to me and could probably tell my eyes were swollen from crying and said since we had an extra person that I can take the day. I felt that was very nice. I signed my daughter out and we came home to just veg out, watch a movie and play on our phones. I asked her if she wanted to go back to her after school program even though she’s been telling me a thousand times that she is over it.

I completely understand why kids don’t want to go there. Since I spent 2 months working there, I feel there’s just too many rules for them and it’s not the fun after school thing that I originally thought it was. I’m very angry at myself for not knowing that there’s people working in there that shouldn’t be around children and they’ve done ran out of patience at least 10 years ago. I tried to explain all this to my friend who said, “I wouldn’t just write off free childcare” um okay so you would be okay with YOUR CHILDREN being mentally and verbally assaulted everyday?!

Again, I understand that these kids are growing up in a way different time than how I grew up but I also remember that there was plenty of adults that treated me JUST how my child has been treated and I’m not okay with it. My daughter will have plenty of assholes to encounter during her lifetime but she shouldn’t have to deal with it until she’s old enough to understand that adults being impatient, rude, and condecesending is completely and utterly abuse! I read a thing the other day that kids under the age of 7 believe every single thing that’s said to them and that stayed with me.

I text my boss a little bit ago and told her that we won’t be back, life has taken us in a different direction and I thanked her for everything. I don’t want to be there anymore dealing with an older man screaming at me in front of kids and deliberately telling them to go against EVERY SINGLE THING I would say to them. EVERY SINGLE DAY! I always felt that once he got there, there was no need for me to stick around. I wasn’t allowed to get to know them, communicate with them or say a word because he went against everything. There was no need for me whatsoever. I got so tired of my little mistakes getting called out or him screaming at me and then I wouldn’t say a word for the rest of the night.

My issue is I’ve been talked to like this my whole life and I’m constantly in fight or flight mode. I will NOT tolerate it in a work setting. I’m also upset at how much my daughter has tolerated amongst these people as well and that’s why I will be picking her up right after school from now on. I refuse to have her being talked to like this and grow up thinking it’s normal. I feel that it’s enough that she doesn’t have a Dad, doesn’t really have grandparents or really aunts or uncles, I’m not going to willingly allow for anyone to be mean and shitty towards her simply because they can’t control their rudeness.

There’s a lot of shit that’s gone on in the 2 months I’ve worked there and I never had a day where I felt comfortable or that this was the job for me. I grew increasingly depressed, angry, and I was bound and determined that I wasn’t going to stick around. I’ve text with my caseworker and I’d be good to do self employment as long as it’s around the same amount of hours I was already working. I’m pretty happy to hear this because I can just take my daughter with me and not have to worry about a fucking babysitter.

I’m still trying to figure out when I’m going to interview at the job I quit a few years ago. I’m being told that I need to interview with the hiring manager because they want to make sure that their managers feel that they are running their own stores. I just don’t know how I feel because I don’t know if it would be okay for me to only work 4 days a week because when I worked there before, it was either 5 or 6. I’m just worried that I wouldn’t have a consistent babysitter, I’m also not a fan of leaving with my kid with ANYONE.

After working my daughter’s first 3 years away at that job, I’m terrified that it would be like that again. I ain’t gonna have my child spending more time at someone else’s place than at home. We did that and I can’t imagine doing it again. I could at least interview and make it clear that I basically have to leave when I’m scheduled and I can only work 4 days a week. I’m not budging on that at all. She’s to let me know if the manager is for sure going to be there on Thursday so we’ll see. My Mom is off that day and has offered to babysit so I could go.

My boss text back and wants me to return my keyfob and write a letter of resignation. I have no problem doing that but it probably won’t happen tomorrow. I promised my daughter a mental health day so we’re going to do breakfast where we normally do that probably just come home and watch TV. I want to spend some time with her and she’s excited to get a day break from school.

There’s just so many other jobs/side hustles out here where you barely even speak to other people and don’t have to worry about anyone screaming at you, making you feel unsafe, or making you want to take off running. I put up with it as long as I could have. I stuck it out for 2 months, I wish I would have made it a bit longer but every weekend I would just sit and be miserable and smoke like a chimney worrying about what the next week would bring. I seriously just couldn’t take it anymore.

Yesterday, I was planning to give my 2 week notice. As the day wore on, I was going to give a week. By today, I couldn’t even put in another hour. I think once a job starts affecting your mental health and you feel there’s just this black cloud hanging over you, it’s time to quit. I wasn’t making much money and definitely not enough to want to stay. I know that it wasn’t going to get better and I couldn’t convince myself that I could be there any longer.

I definitely felt that I didn’t fit in too. My co-workers were either like 15 or 64. There was no in between, except me. I never knew what to talk about and felt annoyed that I couldn’t have like an adult conversation even when there wasn’t kids around. I walked in every day wondering if that day was going to be my last. I got there today with the mindset that the first second I heard something negative, I was going to grab my daughter and go.

After Friday where those 2 girls were talking about how my daughter didn’t want to be in their group and she’s a “Mommy’s Girl” that pretty much did it for me. I don’t know how many times they had told me that older guy in their group had been mean to my kid and the other kids and they still seemed so shocked by her not wanting to be around him?!!? The fact that they asked me if the boss had talked to me let me know that they had already said something to her which really made me feel uncomfortable too.

I remember thinking about it over the weekend like since it’s such an issue that I work there and my daughter wants to be in my group, how about we just not be there at all and then nobody has to worry about shit?! We don’t have to be there and I didn’t want to feel that at any given moment I could get fired or it become a big deal that my daughter would rather be with her Mother than those people!

There was other reasons for me quitting too. I don’t like that there’s no paycheck on breaks and then you have to wait 3 weeks to see any money. Well, unlike the teens that work there I have adult bills that have to be paid at a certain time so I can’t just not have a paycheck for long stretches! I can do a side hustle where even though it’s not ideal, I can bring my kid with me. I don’t have a lot of bills so I don’t have to work a lot but I will make more money being self employed and not put up with nearly as much emotional bullshit.

But, we’ll see what the future brings. It doesn’t seem so dark now that I’m not working for a place I hate and people I can’t stand. I feel the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I got to the point where I would lay in bed all day long and then drag myself to work. I don’t know if it’s just because I anticipated being talked to like I was trash or the fact that I got bored with it but I didn’t enjoy being there.