Work yesterday. in Since OD is shutting down....

I get to work and we set up. The principal came and got me and we talked. She basically said that they have flagged my account so if he shows up, they’ll call me. Since he’s not on the BC they have but there’s CS papers linking him to her, that if he were to come and check her out that he could. They would call me right away and let me know so I could get there but it’s put to me that it’s a possibility. I get to sit here now and worry that he could show up to see her where they would tell him he can’t because it’s in the school day but it would be an issue if he wanted to sign her out.

There’s a part of me that doesn’t think he would for different reasons but there’s also this nagging feeling that he would. I told her that if he did that, I wouldn’t know where she was or when she would be coming back. I guess she’s waiting to hear back from the school district to figure out what to do.

I don’t get this because I’ve been told since I was pregnant that CS and visitation are 2 separate things and I’m not making the connection between the 2. I don’t feel he should have any rights since he’s been absent much of her life and even with CS, he doesn’t pay it. He does nothing to contribute to her life at all. She said that he doesn’t know he could check her out so the only way he would know to say that is if someone tells him. I really hope that no one does that because that could be really catastrophic for my daughter and myself. I could see him taking her simply for me to be begging him to give her back. I do worry that she could be put in the middle of a really ugly game of tug of war.

Again, I don’t know how you just disappear for months, even over a year and then pop up and act entitled. I was told when I was pregnant to just let him live his life so why the fuck won’t he just let me live mine?! I don’t ask for his involvement nor do I want it. I leave the guy completely alone and don’t have any expectations. I don’t think it’s right for him to just decide when he gets around to it that he cares about his child.

BD’s like this just want to come around to stress you out. They aren’t worried about seeing or having a relationship with their kid. They’re worried about doing what they want to the Mom. I think he’s only ever worried about seeing her depending on the day, his mood, and if there’s going to be an audience. He’s always had his motives for coming around or wanting to take her and those motives are never for the right reasons.

Had he just been a Dad from the jump, had sanity, and stability it would have not ended up like this in the first fucking place. I wish more than anything I could trust his word and know that my daughter would be safe with him. He’s burnt every bridge there is and I’m not going to just ignore the issues he’s caused. I’m sick of this where no matter what’s happened every time she’s gone with him that I’m to sweep it under the rug and not worry about what could happen the next fucking time.

It’s like no on wants to come to the realization that he’s 100% the problem. If he would have done his part as a Dad all along, I wouldn’t have gone years without regular employment, we would have a nicer place to live and I’d be driving a better car. He’s made it damn near impossible for me to do what I need to do because of his lack of involvement. Everyone acts like I shouldn’t be pissed at my situation with him at all. I don’t think anyone blames me for anything but they damn sure don’t want to put the blame where it’s due either.

I have tried so hard for everyone to have a relationship with my child but whether I try or not, it’s still my fault that they aren’t involved. I remember after I had my daughter and went back to work, I would text my Mom, older brother, and her DB saying when my next day off was where they could come over and see her and most of the time I wouldn’t even get a response. There’s been times where I’ve messaged her Dad and tried to offer visitation at my house on certain days and certain times where he didn’t show up. I tried a thousand times with all these people and they’ve still chosen to not be present and still blame me.

I’m dealing with people that didn’t care to begin with and whether I try to extend that olive branch and keep that open door, they choose to not walk through it. That is 100% on them. I would have never thought in my wildest dreams it would be have been like, especially almost 7 years in. Everyone has made their decision to be absent and that’s the way it is. But, they also have to understand that my kid is getting older and is seeing all of this.

It’s like her ‘Dad’ coming to her school. He’s seen her 1 time in the past 6 months and he just wants to come around to make sure of that open door. Someday he’s going to have to explain why he hated me more than he loved her. Of course, he’ll put all the blame on me for not allowing the in and out, but he knows damn well his hatred for me is what keeps him away. It’s like does he not grasp how the in and out is a problem and why I’m not okay with it?! He gets to flounce around when he wants, bad mouth me to my child, and then act stupid when I deny visitation. He creates problems and I’m to deal with the aftermath. Last year, I was dealing with the behavioral problems for WEEKS at home and at school because he had seen her and told her I was taking all of his money! Even at the point, he hadn’t paid in a year and a half but wanted my daughter to believe that he worked all the time to give me money and that’s why he didn’t see her.

He basically told her that he didn’t care about her, didn’t want to have to help take care of her but wanted her to believe that he worked all the time to excuse his absence. Again, everything is my fault. Let’s ignore the fact that the guy has never held down a job and is more worried about being an alcoholic and a man whore so that’s why he’s not present in her life. EVERYTHING is more of a priority. I think he tends to forget how he’s talked to me in every conversation and by the time he comes around gain, I’m to just completely forget about it. He does what he needs to in order to chase me away and then wants whatever later. It’s nothing more than push and pull with a fucking narc.

The principal asked me yesterday if he was on a BC and I said yes. I’m not going to lie about it because I’m not sure if he could go get it and then I look deceptive. I’m guessing my boss told her that I said he was on it. I don’t feel that him being on it should make him entitled to come visit when he wants though. I feel like I did what I could to maintain an open door for as long as I could stand it and now that door is closed. I see what my child goes through every time he’s had contact with her and I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I’m the one to watch her cry begging for her Dad and wanting to see him while he could care less. I don’t want my child to go through it anymore. He doesn’t care about seeing her except to badmouth me and create problems in my household.

All I can do is just hope that he doesn’t come back. I do worry about what could come out of this because I said no to visitation and he’s been made aware of not being on her BC. I sense a full blown shit storm coming my way. I think the school should tell him that until there’s a court order for him to see or take her, their hands are tied. I again would be grateful for this to be a family court issue because then we can’t keep her from one another, there’s structure and stability for my daughter and above all else, it takes the control away from both of us. I told him the other day that I’m not actively keeping him from her, I’m just not actively trying for his involvement either. Since I was told that until I bring them a piece of paper saying he has no rights, their hands are tied. Well they need to tell him until he brings court papers for visitation, their hands are tied. It needs to go both ways.