Tomorrow is the day. in Since OD is shutting down....

I go file another protection order. I talked to my brother while we were at his house last night and he helped convince me not to add my daughter to it. I am lowkey hoping that because my employment is at her school that he will still not be allowed to come there. I plan to have screenshots printed to show the threats of legal action for court. I plan to put in the protection order that I don’t want him talking to anyone in my circle because that still occurred with the last protection order and I’m not going to allow that again because it was basically pointless having any kind of order because the guy was still harassing and abusing me through a 3rd party.

I’m currently doing laundry while my daughter is with her big sister. I’m going to make dinner and have that ready for her and then get her another bath before bed. It sucks that weekends go so fast. I wish there was a day between Saturday and Sunday to just chill.

But yeah, I’ve just been thinking about what I’m going to say in the protection order and wanting to make sure everything flows nicely. All I know is I’m fed up and I can’t let this person come into my workplace to embarrass me and I’m not able to withhold my privacy. He robbed me of that and I can’t even express how angry I am at this point. I don’t think that everyone needs to know what they do and it’s just completely unfair.

I think it’s pretty gross that the only documents he had to prove his ties to my child is from the child support office. It’s really disgusting that he was smart enough to hang on to them to use at his advantage. He didn’t get to see her but still got to humiliate me and mixed in some intimidation. I just can’t deal with the threats anymore. After how many times he’s threatened me with court he has to know that at this point it’s abuse. He knows damn well he is NEVER going to go through with it because then he’d actually have to plan on giving up his free time! He also wants to make sure that I’m not able to do whatever I want.

I’ve decided not to add her to the PO simply because then he can’t say I’ve barred him access and him trying to use that against me. I also don’t want to help him have an out with anything either. I definitely don’t want to worry about him seeing her behind my back but I’m going to talk to the principal and make sure she understands that if he comes, the visit is to be supervised and he’s not to take her. I personally don’t think he’ll come back for different reasons but I want to cover my bases the best I can.

I’m sure he’s probably floored that he’s not on her BC. He is, but I gave the school the one that doesn’t have his name on it because I didn’t want to ever worry about him taking her and I don’t know where she is or when she’ll come home. I have my reasons for every single thing I’ve done and I’m going to do what I can to protect my peace in this.

Also getting really tired of how he keeps getting out of any accountability as well. Not only does he get to hide out from CS, but I’m sure he’ll avoid getting served with the protection order as well. Which is fine because whether he gets served or not, it will go in my favor. They try to serve them 3 different times on different days and then if they can’t, they just put it in as they’ve been served so he won’t know when the court date is so I’ll just show up with my proof of why I want it and it will get granted.

I just need this to stop. I don’t want to be pissed off or stressed out. I’m living my life, my daughter is living hers so he needs to do the same. He should be grateful that there’s no pressure for him to be in her life, he doesn’t have to pay anything, or worry about either one of us expecting anything. I’m not sure why he cares enough to come around every few months other than to be disruptive, provide chaos, and try to hurt me. I truly believe the guy is evil and needs to be put down. No one gives a fuck about him.

I do feel bad for him to the extent that he’s so messed up in his own mind that he doesn’t know anything else. I get that he grew up without a Dad but he didn’t have to be absent with his own child. I think that with his drinking problems that it makes him just this mean, ruthless person. There’s a lot of shit that I probably don’t understand but I don’t care to. I’ve done what I could over the years to make sense of his behavior and I don’t care to keep trying to.

I’m going to mention how he’s put my full name on that website to slander me and talk about him being mentally and emotionally abusive through 3rd parties. I remember seeing my full name on that website and just thinking it takes 2 seconds to find someone’s address. I don’t think he had any regard for putting our safety in jeopardy because he was more worried about getting the pot stirred up but it’s going to be noted in my writing tomorrow. I told my friend the other day how much worse this would have been had I left him to be a single parent. I would have been chased out of this town and wouldn’t be safe going anywhere by myself. It makes me cringe every time I think about how much drama he’s caused and it’s never going to stop without a PO.

More tomorrow.