It Can't Be Easy in Public

To be married to or date a crossdresser. I mean, for some people, maybe…but I think most folks would have some problems. Since you read me, you can’t have too big of an issue with a guy in a dress, but it would probably be tough to be in a relationship with someone like me.

Friends? Not a problem Many women think it is kind of neat

Lovers? Then things get complicated.

Regardless of how cool and tolerant people are, it is different when it is your partner. I have asked some of my most supportive friends if they could date a crossdresser and most of them were honest and said it would be tough.

From what I have read, most crossdresser relationships are doomed. I think this is largely because they are revealed too late in the relationship. She finds your stash of clothes? Not a great way to open a dialogue. People don’t like being lied to, even lying through omission. The partner may feel cheated because they were attracted to what they thought a person was and then discover they are something else.

Even beyond possible deceptions, there is other pitfalls. Many questions can arise, things like:
- Am I not enough woman for him, so he dresses up?
- Can I respect him as a man?
- Does he want gender reassignment?
- Is he going to borrow my clothes and stretch them out?
- What if he is prettier/girlier than me?
- (insert additional questions here)

Communication is key. Boundaries need to be established and respected. I there is a message board I go to sometimes and they have a section for spouses of crossdressers to speak anonymously. Some of them are heartbreaking.

One woman felt that after she accepted him, he stopped accepting her. He made it all about his girly things and would not let her in to bathroom to get ready and just stopped doing many of the things she loved him for. He stopped being a considerate, sensitive guy and turned into a bit of a bitch.

The one I think of a lot (even 10 years later) though is a story where her man was determined to play the female role in bed and only the female role. She loved being with a man in bed, afterall, she was a hetero woman and not attracted to other women. However, now, she was always on top. He would spread his legs and sometimes wrap them around her. He was 100% submissive and wanted to be touched like a woman. She really wanted a man in bed. Just a good hard fucking from time to time, you know? She was ok with his submissive role, as long as sometimes she got what she wanted. Not an unreasonable request. After she accepted his feminine needs, he just stopped having sex like a man all together. She mentioned her concerns him and nothing changed. One day though, she thought they had turned the corner and he might be willing to indulge her. He threw her on the bed, climbed on top and gave her a good hard fuck. She was so happy. It felt like her husband was back…until afterwards, her husband turned to her and said “see, that is what I want you to do to me”.

She cried. A lot. I feel so bad for this woman.

These stories have made me more respectful and considerate towards partners, but it also made me aware of many of the reservations women have with crossdressing or transgender partners. I wouldn’t do what either of those crossdressers above did, but I still imagine being with people like me can’t be easy.

=============

I am going to ask a question and please don’t think I am hitting on you, collectively. Ladies, if you are attracted to men, do you think you could be with someone like me? What struggles would you have? For the sake of the question, let’s say the guy is a pretty “normal guy” (whatever that means to you) with the exception of his crossdressing and some girly interests in addition to his manly ones. He tells you up front about his crossdressing and no deception is involved.

100% honesty please. I won’t get angry or not like you if you don’t think you could do it. I know some of you would be ok with it, and some would not. I am looking for an honest dialogue. I won’t be offended. I promise. I respect everyone’s thoughts and feelings on this.

If you have questions or want more info to help you answer, please feel free to ask. No judgement.

Last updated August 12, 2016