Work and drama. in Since OD is shutting down....

So yesterday, Friday work went a lot better. I definitely had a better night and I’m grateful for that. Everyone was a lot more friendly and social. Probably because it was the end of the week. I’ve been alone for the last couple of nights which helps me break out of my shell because there’s no one else to be running everything.

My brother and his girlfriend are having serious problems. He came over earlier while my daughter was at a birthday party and just went on and on about his girlfriend and if she leaves he won’t be able to pay all the bills by himself and blah blah. He’d rather stay in a familiar hell than go into the unknown. Ugh, he’s absolutely draining.

Then, I’ve been in contact with my friend that lives a few hours away. Well, I guess his brother owed him rent and stole money from him so he decided to open his mail and deposit his check into his account. I guess this whole thing has blown up and his brother has now contacted the sheriff’s office and has called his PO. He just has this thing where if he feels someone has crossed him, he’s going to do everything in his power to settle the score. I get that his brother owed him rent money and then stole money but 2 wrongs don’t make a right. He sent me text from his brother a few minutes ago stating that he didn’t have money to steal. I’m not there so I don’t know exactly what went down but now I almost wonder if there wasn’t money to take in the first fucking place.

It’s like I hear everyone’s bullshit and it makes me glad that I live a very simple life where I don’t have much contact with other people and it’s because I don’t want to get caught up. It’s like when you are in a relationship or have friends, there’s just a lot of drama that goes on and I’ve had more than enough over the years that I don’t care to dabble in any of it anymore. I think I’m just getting way too old for the bullshit.

As far as my friend goes, he’s one of those people who creates his own storms and then gets upset when it rains. I’m glad that he’s self aware to the extent that he’ll tell you the part he played but he’s constantly trying to rationalize his behavior too. He’s ripped me off and fucked me over to the point that I honestly don’t care what happens to him because most of it is self induced. He’s just hell bent that he’s going to be on top and he knows no bounds in making that happen. I think it’s gross that he’s always trying to use people to get by instead of just working and making his boyfriend get a job and then they wouldn’t need to worry about other people helping to pay rent!

It’s now Sunday. I wrote that last night. We did breakfast, got quarters for laundry and got some stuff at the store. I needed bottled water and packets. I got the Skittles box because there’s 30 of them and will last awhile. We ran into my parents and my Mom did get another car. I’m grateful for that but he drives that one too.

My daughter has been asking to see her cousin this morning but that’s not going to happen because my brother’s girlfriend is still on a rampage. She’s been filling their hallway with boxes and rubbermaid totes. The whole weekend has been wasted with this crap.

I get paid Wednesday and I’m definitely excited. I need to buy new cat litter boxes and cat litter. I should be getting some more money from TANF eventually too. Probably in the next 2 weeks. I am just so ready to start having consistent money and maybe even be able to start saving.

It’s a huge issue getting packages at my place and I’m getting really sick of it. I’m currently chatting with Amazon to figure out if they are going to try and bring my stuff again or if I’m going to get a refund. I’m just so annoyed that I pay for Prime but it’s pretty much pointless.

My friend called this morning to tell me the latest. I guess his brother had locked him out of the house and he had to call the cops to get back in. He’s the only one on the lease and is back in. I guess they are going to change the locks. They had an echo dot where with that he was able to listen to their conversations where all they did was talk shit about him. Since they found out he’d listen to them talk shit, someone took a hammer and busted the Echo dot. I didn’t even know that something like that would have those capabilities but I’m glad to know it now.

I think it’s ridiculous that my friend controls people to the extent of having a device to listen in on their conversations. Maybe if he wasn’t fucking people over, he wouldn’t have to be so paranoid. He still bugs for me to move there but he doesn’t understand that even if I do, I will make sure to not have any entanglements with him whatsoever. He would be a friend and we would hang out but I would be very careful about everything.

We’ve done lunch and got laundry done. I have to make sure to pack her an extra outfit because she used hers the other day. She likes to remind me that they have extra clothes for her but I don’t trust that so I make sure she has some. The house is pretty much cleaned up but I’m going to organize her room while she’s at school in the next couple of days.

I just got off the phone with my friend. I guess his Mom and brother came over to have a confrontation. I told him that it isn’t right that they keep stirring the pot instead of just leaving everything alone and letting everyone cool off. I guess his brother told him that he wants to destroy his life. How do you think it’s okay to want to destroy someone, especially family? If you do feel like that, leave them alone! I know when I get angry, I just shut down and cut off contact. People just don’t know when to quit. I told him that I think he’s just been in survival mode his whole life and he’s been homeless so getting the rent paid is a priority for him.

It’s like that guy at the gas station telling me he had me figured out. I immediately blocked him. I ain’t out here trying to use anyone or get caught up in drama. I’ve never told him anything personal or asked for anything so coming at me like that will make me roll out. I’m more willing to try and communicate if it’s people I care about and I’ve known for a long time but when it’s someone that I don’t know whatsoever, I’m quick to cut you off and not engage. I’ve had more drama in the past 7 years than I’ve had my whole life and I am really good at cutting people off. I’m probably too quick to do it but I refuse to have any type of drama.

It’s just sad that you can’t just have normal, healthy relationships with people. It’s like everyone is so geared for drama that it’s mind blowing. I listen to everyone else’s problems and what drama they have and it makes me glad that I don’t have a boyfriend or friends for that matter. Life is just too fucking short and I want to focus on positive things and not have extra stress. If I have anyone in my life where I do more fighting and arguing with more than there’s anything good, I won’t have them in my life. I just won’t.

I remember about a year ago when I started talking to that one guy who had been in the military and out of nowhere, he said something about how I was just looking to use him. I never mentioned money or asked him for anything. I get that men have probably been used but when we aren’t even talking about money at all, even joking then you can fuck off. I don’t ask anyone for a fucking thing. I pay all my own bills and pay my way for my daughter and myself. I don’t even get CS. I wouldn’t even expect a man to pay for my dinner if I was asked out on a date. I would absolutely pay for myself. I could be downright struggling or not have food in the house and still wouldn’t ask for help.

There’s 3 things that I don’t discuss in mixed company which is religion, politics, or money. I just feel you should get to know someone pretty well before bringing up those topics. I don’t even talk about how expensive shit is with people I barely know. I just don’t get where people always think the worst of others. I just think if you haven’t healed from your past, you have no business trying to form relationships with anyone. I get that saying that if you don’t heal, you will bleed on people who didn’t cut you.

There was a TIk Tok going around a while ago about a woman who was at dinner with a dude who was basically saying to her that she owed him if he paid for her dinner. She was recording the whole time and said she’d pay for her own food. He became pushy and aggressive. I just don’t like anyone paying for anything for me because that kind of shit can happen. I won’t let anyone make it out to where I owe them.

I wasn’t a saint in my younger days and I will straight admit that I’ve used people as well. I’ve changed a lot in the past 12 years. I’m a totally different person now. I don’t go out of my way to use anyone like I did and I won’t even let someone pay for my dinner. I don’t care how nice they are and even if it’s their idea to go get something to eat because I’m not going to let anyone feel used or have something over on me. Men have this thing where if they do anything for you than they are to get something in return. There’s no such thing as them just doing something nice and having no expectations.

I’ve heard stories about 50-60 years ago about men being providers and it’s definitely not like that now. Most men are just looking for a Mom figure. Someone to take care of them and they contribute nothing. Well, I’m the type of woman that if I’m going to do it all on my own then I’m going to be all on my own. I want someone who’s going to help me carry the bricks, not just add to them. I want an actual partner, not just someone bumming off me. Life is just too expensive and I don’t want someone to use me.

Another thing. As a single Mom, I’ve been to hell and back. It’s like men think because they haven’t put you through anything yet that they get a free pass to put you through even more. Because they haven’t already done damage then they should get the chance to do more. I honestly believe that most people are damaged and want to take their hurt out on someone. It doesn’t matter who or what they’ve already dealt with. The lack of compassion in this world terrifies me.

We’re going to do dinner and bath time. It was a lot warmer today and I’ve actually been outside without my coat. It’s supposed to be nice all week and I’m ready for it.

The weekend went pretty fast even though we didn’t do much at all. My daughter was hoping we were going to get a 3 day weekend and was visibly sad when I told her no not this time. This week will be my first full week since I started. I’m a little nervous about it because I’m going to be pretty tired by Friday but I gotta make my money while I can. I still want to try and find something else but haven’t really been trying. I just don’t know what I would do if I worked during the day and needed someone to watch her.

I’m sad that I’ll be alone tomorrow after I drop her off. I hate being in my head all day long. I just wish it was easier to find friends. But I’m ready to get the day tackled. I get paid on Wednesday and plan to buy her another pair of shoes. It’s crazy that those things have a life expectancy of about 2 months.

More tomorrow.