No point in searching for something that doesn't exist. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so I feel like I’ve hit an all time low. I texted that one dude for awhile last night, the one that came over but I was too chicken to actually let him in. Well then I started talking to this other guy that seemed seriously amazing. We emailed for a bit, then texted the whole time I was at work and even talked on the phone. I was sad when I had to get off the phone! My heart was beating so hard and felt like it was in my throat! I couldn’t believe how well we had connected on the phone and how we were both just looking for people who would appreciate what our ex’s didn’t, we both wanted the same things sexually and he was sweeter than my ex had been the whole time we dated. Yup, WAY too good to be true. Well I raced home from work, showered and then he came over. Well I just wanted to maybe lay in my bed with him and watch a movie but all he wanted was to get in my pants, even though I told him I don’t do that right away. Well at some point, I went to get a movie out my DVD player in the living room and he came up behind me and started kissing me. Um…I was a tad uncomfortable but went along with it thinking we could just kiss and just go hang out and watch a movie. Well, no. We get to my bed and he’s on top of me, lifting up my tank top and bra…and I was like no let’s just watch this movie and then he said his boss texted him so he had to leave.

I was pissed that I had wasted so much time taking a shower at 9:30 at night just to have this guy come over with nothing else intended but to get his dick wet. I was devastated. I had never had a better phone conversation. I couldn’t believe how amazing this guy seemed over the phone and it was all a lie. He had his own agenda for wanting to hang out and it’s too bad that it ruined everything.

Needless to say, I went to bed pretty depressed and actually cried myself to sleep thinking about my ex and knowing if he would have turned out to be halfway fucking normal I wouldn’t have to try to find someone else. I am still in a pretty shitty mood today and struggled to get out of bed to go to my class. We went over our tests we took on Friday which I was apprehensive about what I got for a grade considering it takes her FOREVER to post it online and I was scared to death I failed another test in that class. I got a D on the last one which is an improvement so when she handed mine to me and I saw I got a C, I couldn’t have been more happy. It was a harder test, worth 125 points. I couldn’t believe I had done so well, especially on a pretty hard test with a shit load of stuff to remember. It makes me want to continue to do well now.

I just called the YMCA and got approved!!!!!!!! My membership will be $23/month! I honestly couldn’t be happier and this has put me in a little bit better mood. I plan to nap and just hang out today before I go to work but after my 9am class tomorrow, I’m gonna go down, pay my membership and start working out! Whether it’s lifting weights, treadmill, or hopefully hitting the pool, I really want to go! I love the YMCA and I’m so glad things didn’t work out with Snap Fitness because I’d much rather go somewhere I feel comfortable, people are friendly and there’s more variety of things to do!

I’m gonna brush my teeth and go lay down for awhile. I really hope tonight’s gonna be a better night at work than it has been. I’m just not making the tips I used to and I’m starting to get worried. If I can’t make my car payment out of my tips, it’s probably time to start putting in serious effort looking for something else. One paycheck a month goes to rent and the other goes to cable bill, cell phone bill, credit cards, and insurance. I don’t have extra money out of my paycheck for car payment so things need to start getting better! I know that I always pay way more on my car than I need to every week and I should be able to pay the bare minimum no matter what but I’ve been paying more so that I can get it paid off quicker.

Anyways, more later.