um. so. created drama. and relief. and let's just be honest. and again not good enough. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

so yesterday. as usual I created drama. between 4 and 5 p.m. I came out of my room and told stephanie I wasn’t going to my moms tomorrow [which is now today] but I was going wed. when she asked me why I told her I forgot. ok let’s just be honest. I didn’t forget why but if i’d told her why she’d have made a big thing out of it and reacted just like she always does. christopher was being loud when we were talking and so he kept interrupting us and so stephanie didn’t get all of what i’d said. so she wanted me to repeat myself which I hate doing which was why I got annoyed when I did. sorry I just hate repeating myself. that’s why I prefer writing [which yeah I could’ve done like. last wk. but I didn’t] so that way you don’t have to. she pointed out that she wants to know those things in advance [um. but that was in advance] so she can plan her schedule around it. when she told me that if she didn’t cancel in advance they’d charge her I thought she meant the bus. prior to her telling me that her insurance is different than mine. yeah but she didn’t tell me what exactly that had to do w/ anything until she told me that she didn’t have a dr.’s appt. tomorrow but christopher did. er, does.
and then she goes on to tell me that ‘our communication’s a real problem’ and that I can’t do that anymore. uuhm well I can but I shouldn’t. she doesn’t want me to. I just went ‘ok’ which doesn’t mean i’m agreeing to do better. it means ‘yeah ok conversation over’. yeah I don’t particularly care. and honestly the fact that she’s so happy all the time. well I was doing that [so ok I didn’t know she’d react that way. I just thought oh ok i’ll tell her and it won’t be a big thing] but now that I know how she reacted. well honestly i’m glad she wasn’t so damn happy. it’s like oh wow it doesn’t bother me that you’re so put out right now. no it’s actually a relief.
she also pointed out that she didn’t know how long the appt. would be. i’m only allowed 3 hrs. at the house by myself. and if the uh appt. runs overtime then she’s liable for that. yeah well that’s my way of making sure she’s snot as involved. I don’t have much of a problem w/ that.
so instead of going ‘thanks for telling me but I wish you’d told me sooner’ she goes on to elude to the fact that that wasn’t good enough which means i’m not good enough. oh wow that’s nice.