Miserable, Just Miserable in Still Listening to Spirit
- Sept. 25, 2014, 5:26 p.m.
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- Public
This whole balancing act with the insulin, diet, etc. is not going well since I am no longer working. I finally called for an appointment with Lynne and saw her today.
I feel weak and dizzy most of the time. I am tentative in movement, as much from not being able to see as from this whole diabetes issue. Nothing I could eat sounded good and I ate I am still confused in my thinking.
Lynne taught me more about administering insulin and the need to be moving, not sleeping, during the day. I am to not count carbs since I cannot seem to eat when I am. I am to eat normally without overdoing with carbs and sugar. I am to call Lynne Friday to report in. She assured me that if I can just hang on til Friday, I will feel better.
There is no life in me, no enthusiasm, no zest. I am merely waiting, for what? I don’t know. I really, really just want it all to be over with, all of it. I see no reason to fight to extend my life if I miserable, and I have been miserable for at least a week and probably longer? I don’t know.
That’s all. I am done babbling. I will hang in until Friday praying for no pain and for an uptick in spirits.
noko ⋅ September 26, 2014
Settling into a routine of eating and sleeping and doing moderate regular exercise sounds so simple but it is so very much not! I sad to read you are in this dark place. You can do this! Of course the depression is going to try to slam you into submission. I think about where my sister was a few months ago and how fiercely she wants to live now. That will happen for you too. It will.
noko ⋅ September 26, 2014
I am sad...silly phone.
Silent Echo/Quiet Storm ⋅ September 26, 2014
prayers for whatever you need to get you healthy and able to manage. take care,
Everything Good Rebecca ⋅ September 27, 2014
I'm so sad you're miserable and so glad you've discerned the steps you can take to improve your life (one day at a time of course). I wish your town were not so far from mine, so I could help somehow even if only by friendly conversation and laughing together if not something more practical.
Hillbilly Princess ⋅ September 27, 2014
ODSago ⋅ September 28, 2014
Really am hoping you can find the life skills in order to triumph over this diabetes in the way you have mastered other triumphs in your life. I know you can do it. I am not very active myself and find easier and easier to sit rather than do things, be active. So you are not alone. I am skirting diabetes my doctor said...so you can teach me how to do what is necessary if I follow you down this road. I am not disciplined. Are you? I think you have had to be in order to build the life you have there in Alaska. I am very sad just to think of you floundering. I know the meds will do there work if you simply do what you medical practioner advises. We are all pulling for you.
seedys ODSago ⋅ September 28, 2014
Thank you for the encouragement. Yes, I know I can. I didn't expect this to take so long, or be so difficult. I didn't expect my whole body to 'rebel' on me because of a wee bit of injection of insulin. I will figure it out. I must for the quality of my life must be the highest it can be or I tend to give up, hide in sleep and think 'what's-the-use-of-going-on thoughts. Again, your note touched me and I thank you.
leonalia ⋅ October 02, 2014
Do keep moving about if you can. The temptation to sleep can be overwhelming. Good luck with it all. I have watched my sister combat diabetes. She often says that she has to call upon her inner strength. You are strong and you can get through this. Just remember to be really kind to yourself. You are your Number One Priority.