Smoothies. in Since OD is shutting down....

We had breakfast and then went and got a smoothie maker. We had one for a long time and then I threw it away because I couldn’t take it apart to clean it properly and it looked gross. My daughter has been asking for smoothies for awhile and I kept forgetting about it. We got yogurt, juice, and frozen fruit. She has since had 3 and loves them just like she used to. I stopped and got some free clothes too. A lot of it is tank tops but there’s like 3 hoodies that I’ll wear and a couple of tops. There was only 1 pair of pants and I haven’t tried them on yet.

My period started this morning. I’m definitely glad I was home and I’m hoping it won’t be super heavy by Wednesday when I’m at work. My period is always super heavy the first couple of days and I always worry that it will leak out and you can see it on my pants. I hate my period and I wish I didn’t have it at all.

We’ve since done dinner and watched a movie. The internet is still kicking on and off. I’ve had them send a reboot so many times that I know my account number by heart. It’s supposed to be warmer tomorrow so hopefully it won’t have any more issues. I plan to get laundry done tomorrow because today it just got cold way too soon in the day that I didn’t want to venture out to get it done. I absolutely hate doing laundry because it’s such a chore.

I’m definitely relieved to get my online stuff done and now I just have to do that class Wednesday night after work and I’m going to be so glad when it’s over. It’s going to make for a really long day. I’m hoping my brother will get my kid before I get off work so I can maybe stop and get a burger because I won’t be able to last another 3 hours without eating. I’m always starving by the time we get home so I either need to have a snack in the car or get something on my way over there. I’m also not thrilled that it’s on another side of town but I have to get it over with. I’ll have a certificate and that sounds really cool to me. I’ll feel super accomplished.

I don’t have a lot of money but I did order some new underwear online. I desperately need more so I just got some.

It’s super cold again so I have the oven on and open because I want it good and warm before we go to sleep. This bitter cold is just making me angry now. It’s just getting depressing. I’m also pissed about the internet not working because it’s just so cold outside. A lot of people have been dealing with frozen pipes and that’s way worse so I shouldn’t complain. It’s just hard to entertain my kid when the internet doesn’t work.

We have one more day before we go back to school and work. I’m excited but I also like being at home too. I do like my job and it’s way better than sitting in that room. I’m grateful that I don’t have to do that anymore.

My Mom text yesterday and we visited a little bit. I won’t talk to her on the phone because I don’t like being on speaker. She said that she got another job and was planning on buying a car. Well, my Dad will make sure that never happens. He’s glad that her car is gone because it helps further the abuse and control. He likes to make sure that they have no money and things are as fucked as possible. I just don’t know how my Mom deals with all this crap because after 40 years, I would have done lost my shit. I don’t get how you could have severe financial issues well into your 60’s like that and it’s honestly just too much for me to hear about so that’s a lot of the reason I don’t make much effort. I’ve listened to their money problems my whole life and it’s depressing.

I like being able to buy a dollar coffee some mornings, buy nicer shampoo, body wash, and lotion. I like knowing the only person I have to really buy for is my kid. I wouldn’t be able to tolerate a man living off me and making sure that I NEVER have anything for myself. He never worked and took every last dollar she ever made and he’s still doing it. I’m sure he’s jumping for joy that her car is gone because then it’s harder for her to leave and he won’t have to worry about my brother or myself getting it once they’re gone. He always told me how he worried about my Mom giving my older brother money but I’m sure he has the exact same concern for me and that’s another reason he likes to monitor what contact we have to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Time to lay down. More tomorrow.