Feeling pretty good about rejection. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I went to my class and got the voicemail as I was leaving the school that I did not get chosen and I should apply for other jobs at the hospital. I thought it would bother me more than it really is and it’s nice to know I’m okay with not getting hired. Honestly, I’m not ready to leave the job I’m at since I’m comfortable there and I’m just not ready to be the new girl somewhere else just yet. I know it was a better job with benefits but everything happens for a reason.

My weekend was great until last night when I realized my car key was gone! There’s a recall on it so it can’t be on my keychain because I have to get the ignition replaced and completely forgot that I left it in the trunk keyhole when I went out to look for something! After looking around my house for like an hour an a half, it finally hit me that it was in my trunk! It had been there for over 24 hours and I thank God nobody saw it as I live in a rougher neighborhood and that could have ended up a very bad day for me! I was freaking out because I had a class this morning and work later so I just thank God it was right where I left it!

So my friend from work that came over Friday night called and said she quit, again. She said that she has a really good chance at getting a better job. She didn’t say if something new had happened at work or she’s just done because she’s done but it really sucks because she’s just such a big part of the crew I work with and now she’s not going to be there anymore. I know she’s been super unhappy there and I don’t blame her for leaving but it makes it harder for me to stay. She’s not only one of my favorite people at work but someone I consider to be a friend outside of work as well. We’ve lost so many good people and it gets kinda hard to deal with but I’m trying not to dwell on it since it’s not going to help but merely checking out jobs online and applying
to them.

It’s just another reminder of how much of a shit hole that place is and how unbearable it really is. It really sucks when people I’ve grown so close to end up quitting and then my days at work aren’t as fun. I hate that we’ve lost a lot of really good people because none of us are treated that great, we work way too hard for what we get paid and the managers generally aren’t that nice to us. I’m tired of constantly worrying that I’m going to get fired and no matter how hard I work, nobody seems to notice.

I just got done visiting my brother’s girlfriend about things and went to this gym that’s about 2 blocks away from my house and signed up for 40 days free. I like that it’s small, it’s close to my hours and it’s open 24 hours. I plan on going when I get off work tonight! I’m excited because I am happy to start going to the gym again and because it’s going to help me lose weight. I kinda cheated today and last night and had chocolate covered peanuts so I feel like shit about myself but I’m hoping with the help of working out, I will start meeting my fitness goals. I have been doing really good with watching what I eat, portion sizes and not having soda but I know I’m not really going to see any results until I start working out.

I’m kinda down because my friend from work quit but I know that I’m not going to be at that place forever either and we all do what we have to do. I just hoped she would always be there and it sucks to know that when I go to work tonight, she’s not going to be there. I just wish things weren’t so awful there so people would stay. I applied at some credit place because they will train and the pay is good so I’m gonna wait and see how that goes. I’m also going to keep my eye out for any other places that are hiring that would be a good fit for me. It’s just hard to find something that’s going to pay decent, fit with my school/homework schedule and leave me enough money.

There’s no test in my anatomy class this week but will have one next Monday. I got a D on the last test which isn’t great but better than an F. She hasn’t graded the packet yet so my grade is still failing so I’m waiting to see how much my grade goes up once I get my points for the packet. The next chapter is about bones and what not which I find fascinating so I’m hoping to do pretty decent on that. It’s a lot to remember but I’m going to study a little bit everyday and do the best I can. I’m happy that I’ve gone down to just 2 classes this semester, it has made things so much easier for me and has really lightened my load. I plan to take like 3 class next time and I can do composition online which is what I’m going to do. I just have to make sure I can handle what I sign up for and the schedule that I’ll get as I won’t be able to drop anything again due to financial aid saying no since I already dropped the one class this time.

I haven’t heard from my parents since last week and it’s been super nice. It sucks that I don’t have them to call if I’m having a bad day or need advice but then I remember I’m not the one who’s made this situation what it is. I just can’t handle their drama and negative outlook. I hate how there’s ALWAYS SOMETHING WRONG but yet they do nothing about it. There’s nothing any of us can do until they decide it’s time to start making some positive healthy choices. Everyone in our family has given my parents money, food, paid bills and helped in every possible way one and off for decades and it’s just too bad that my parents don’t appreciate any of it but just expect everyone to keep doing it instead of making what changes they need to make so no one has to keep helping.

I just wish I could understand why my parents think everyone needs to worry about their bills more than they do. I understand that my Mom lost her job for a bogus reason but even when she’s working and making good money, they are still pawning shit, getting loans on cars, not paying bills on time and struggling to keep food in their house and a lot of it is because they live outside of their means by having horses (which are a never ending money pit) having monthly payments on stupid shit like computers, they all smoke like chimneys and just don’t know how to budget money at all. My Dad also LOVES to waste money. He loves to make sure that if there’s money or gas in a car that he needs to waste it. He’s always been like that and it’s just ridiculous especially when it’s not even his money! He has always made sure that my Mom’s paychecks are spent too. It’s just sad that he’s that way and that my Mom doesn’t have enough backbone to say no because then he gives her the silent treatment. I also think it’s bullshit how he uses my Mom to manipulate everyone into giving them money.

I absolutely refuse to give them any more money or help in any way because I would end up suffering for it and that’s just not going to happen. I’ve suffered enough from helping them and now, because I had to get that loan after I got my car back, I owe some place $600 that’s gonna be going on my credit report thanks to my parents because they never paid me back so I couldn’t pay on my title loan so that put me in a serious bind. I’m going to see about getting into credit consolidation just so that I could make a lump sum payment on everything instead of trying to pay everything off in huge clumps. My credit isn’t that bad but I do have a few bills that I’d like to take care of. It’s just such bullshit that my parents “borrowed” all that money and because they never paid me back, I get to pay it back plus some and still suffer along with them being pissed that I don’t give them money anymore!?

It’s whatever. I made my choice to give them that money knowing their track record of telling me what I want to hear so they get what they need and then they dip out so it’s my own fault for giving them that money but it’s still bullshit that they got to fuck me over and so did that fucking mechanic. Oh well, eventually I will have that loan paid off and own my car again.

Time for work.