Another Step Forward? in The Common Room

My oncologist has told me that I am in remission. That’s good news, of course, but I’m not sure of it being meaningful. The lymphoma was never much of an issue to me. It was the empyema (infection of the lung and thoracic cavity lining) that was killing me.

That infection is, according to the pulmonologist, now gone.
I’m sitting here wondering why I feel like the hind wheels of .. whatever.

Why do I not feel any better.?

“Well,” they say, ” you’ve been through a lot.” Yeah, You’re using the past tense and the feeling is current.

“When can I expect to feel better,” I ask.

“Well,” they say, “you’ve been through a lot.”

I drag myself up in the mornings, fighting down the desire to cry out in frustration at having to do so.

I crawl through the day,, struggling to get something done .. a little laundry, a meal cooked, a floor swept. Not all on the same day, you understand. Fighting the dizzyiness, the lack of balance, and the warped, foggy vision, I’m lucky tio get one thing done.

Then it’s night and I try to sit still enough to rest. No plans for the morrow, just the knowledge that another night must somehow pass.

Eventually I sleep– and wake.

Why?

Oh yes. I have been miraculously saved from death.

Many poeple worked very hard to get me to this point.

I’m supposed to be grateful.

Never do this to anyone you love , please. Never.

This has been sitting in draft for about three weeks. I have kept it so that I could laugh and throw it away.

It’s still very true.

Let me repeat.

Never do this to anyone you love , please. Never