Being down fucking sucks in Adventures in paradise

It’s 7:30am. I’m still not asleep. I guess it doesn’t help I have foulmouthed tradies on the street directly outside my bedroom window. If I were asleep already, I doubt I’d even notice them, as I sleep like a log. But I’m not.
I don’t know what the hell they are doing. I keep hearing glass bottles clashing together or rolling against the bitumen.
Such typical Aussie Ocker voices also. I can almost picture the King Gees and flannelette shirts even though my blinds are drawn shut.

But I’m awake because I have stupid depression shit on my mind, again.
For a while there, the negative thoughts kept accumulating. I’d think one bad thing about myself and try to ‘better’ it by thinking something worse.
I shut my eyes for a while in the hope sleep would take me and distract me away from my thoughts.
I mean, it usually works. I barely ever have depressive dreams. My subconscious is as vivid as ever.
However, real life - not so much.

Something needs to happen. To change. Beats me how or when but I feel after living here for such a long time, that’s probably the cause of my depression. Tthoughtsmates are the strangest combination they’ve ever been, with only one of us a day shifter and the rest of us working nights.
And I don’t have much going for me :(
That was the accumulation depression thoughts. It started with that sentence.
Part-time work, same house renting for 7 years, no car, few friends, no real social life cos of working every single weekend night, haven’t had a boyfriend in years, money, not feeling good enough… I could go on.

Now my phone is being a bitch and not letting me write this properly. Ergh, nothing’s going right lately.

And most of my friends probably don’t even realise how down I feel a lot of the time. It’s not like I want to tell them.

Complacency just doesn’t feel like me, I guess.
I’m confused, down in the dumps, and probably overtired right now.

Fucking tradies. All I hear is trucks revving and comments about women.
Juuuust what I wanna hear…