Constantly struggling... :( :( I can't take another day. in 2014

MY GOODNESS.

I was sleeping last night. Yes sleeping. Miley actually slept from 8pm until 5 am!!! HOWEVER, I was having these horrible dreams that I had a killer headache and that something was terribly wrong with me. I was at my moms house and then at the hospital. Then I woke up, and I was like wow, thats a really strange dream to have. I went to roll over and I was like “oh”… the worst pain ever.

My head was just screaming with pain, I couldn’t move. It took me 15 minutes to convince myself to get up and go get some tylenol. Now if you guys have been reading me long enough, you know I have had cluster headaches. Basically its not a throbbing pain in which you can find relief, its a constant pain, doesn’t come and go, makes you want to jump out of a skyscraper window. Usually they happen in the back of my head but for some reason this morning it was all over the front of my head. I took tylenol and prayed that it would just go away. Seriously, the pain was so bad, my eyes were watering, I went to the bathroom and half expected to see blood coming out of my eyes lol

Anyway, two doses of extra strength tylenol and I can function right now. And of course Miley is home from school “sick”… so she says. Evelyn did have a fever yesterday so I’m waiting for it, but as of right now, no fever for her. Evelyn is much better already as well. I know my friends kids had a random 6 hour fever there last week so I assume is just that. But Miley also said that she didn’t want to go because she wants to spend time home watching TV and that I don’t give her enough to eat at school. Shes freaking out right now.

I’d have to say, this is the hardest point thus far in my life. I feel like my relationship is struggling, my house is struggling, my child is struggling. I don’t have patience for anything because my 5 year old rivals a newborn in the night… So that is a vicious cycle. I feel throwing in the towel half the time. I feel like curling into a ball today and just crying. But you know what? I don’t have the fucking time because my kid refuses to go to school. I asked her if she hates school while shes at school and she said no. She said she forgets once she gets to school. So its clearly not a bullying problem or whatever. She just wants to stay home.

Everything is falling apart. Its been since June 2013 when Chris quit his job. I’m sure thats not the reason for everything but its been downhill since then. Miley has been downhill since then, she hasn’t had a good night sleep since then, which in turn, means we haven’t had a good night’s sleep since then. It seems like a small miracle right now to get 5-6 consecutive hours. I actually get so excited when I wake up and notice that I’ve slept for a few hours. This situation is not good.

I guess I’m at my wits end. I know a lot of you have it a lot worse than I do… but this is my struggle. I seriously do not know what to do next. I’m considering bringing Miley up to the hospital and asking them for help. What else can I do? I’m trying my best with everything and I’ve tried every technique known to man. But its one thing after the next with this kid. Once we fix something (and by fix, I mean sort of get it to be a little bit better) something else goes wrong and we are battling the next thing.

If we aren’t struggling with her eating, we are struggling with her sleeping, if its not that, then its tantrums, if its not that then its her behavior, if its not that, then its something else… its ALWAYS.... always always ALWAYS something. And I cannot take another day of just constant struggle with this kid.

haha, and last night, she was finally decent, and my brain wakes me up with that killer head ache. Go fucking figure.

Kristen :(

EDIT***

I brought her to school at like 10am, then the school called me at lunch hour and I had to bring her home. She does have a slight fever, I’m seriously hoping this is whats wrong with her today because I cannot, CANNOT deal with her fighting me on one more thing :( :’( Its pretty bad when I hope my kid has a fever instead. lol

Kristen…

Last updated September 18, 2014