Paystubs, interview, whatever. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so I went to work in a pretty shitty mood and by the time I left it did improve. She finally texted back and let me know she had to fix my email address (obviously, considering it kept telling me it couldn’t verify it) so I was finally able to get in so I printed them out when I got home. I was pretty annoyed the whole time I was at work because the first thing was nobody said hello when I first got there so that made me uncomfortable so I finally asked why and apparently the boss was there and told the manager he was going to be “cleaning house” after watching the cameras, meaning he’s waiting for people to fuck up so he can fire them! Well, that’s a great attitude considering he doesn’t have enough people to work for him as it is and everyone wants out of there anyway! What a fucking douchebag! Then, at the end of the night before I left, I was told I had to pay for my food because now that he’s watching the cameras and if he sees people leaving without paying for their shit, the manager gets to pay for their shit! Like, wow! So it’s not enough that we are all paid minimum wage or pretty close to it but yet we have to pay for our food, even though it’s 50% off?!

I’m just so fucking done with that place. I have my interview in less than an hour an a half. I’m going to do the best I can and hopefully get hired so I can move on to bigger and better things. I’d love to work for a place that actually respects me, starts me out at a decent wage, lets me call in sick and a job where advancement is possible! It’s just sad that my job was almost bearable and now, it’s about as fucking miserable as it can be. I just can’t take much more and I’m not going to. My brother’s girlfriend works for the hospital and says I should know something in like a week and if not, I’m just going to keep getting applications in until I find something else.

After my interview, I have to go to school and let them know I’m not coming back this semester. I know that once I do that, I probably should go back to working 5 nights a week because I will have the time and always need the money. I’m going to miss school but I just don’t feel like I’m in the right program anymore, can’t keep up, and don’t want to keep failing tests. I also need to have my schedule more open for finding a better job and I’m really hoping I get hired at the hospital because I can always change positions there too. I’ve already missed classes because I haven’t gone since Friday afternoon. I’ve been sick plus I wanted to give it more thought before I made my decision. I also want to have more free time because in the next day or two (when I’m totally sure my cold is gone) I’m gonna start going to the gym.

I’ve been doing really good with my diet for the past 2 weeks. I haven’t had soda in 14 days, anytime I have fast food it’s healthy stuff like salad, chili, or just the meat and no bun. I’ve also been watching portion sizes and drinking more water. So far, my blood sugars have been on point, along with the help of this new dietary supplement I’ve been taking for the past week. I don’t want to say what it is just yet but it’s from where I live and the results are incredible. So far, I have noticed between a 4 and 6 pound difference in the past 2 weeks with eating carefully and taking this product so I am hopeful to start getting this weight off of me. I’m very angry that I’ve gained back all the weight I so proudly lost along with gaining a few extra but now I just have to take it one day at a time and just keep doing what I’m doing and have faith I can get back down to where I wanna be.

Even when I hate my job and things aren’t completely great, I’m still happy to be where I’m at. I remember this time last year. My boyfriend and I had split up, I still wasn’t working and was totally miserable in my own skin. If someone would have told me by this time a year later I would be over that ex that broke my heart, I would be working and doing just fine financially and I would be in a stronger place mentally, I wouldn’t have believed them. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year that I’ve been working at the same place and it does feel good, even on the worst days. My job has given me my confidence back, has made me believe in myself and I’ve gained a lot of respect for myself there. I like being more vocal and not taking much shit off anyone anymore. I don’t put up with nearly as much as I used to and it’s because I have self esteem again. I didn’t have that for a long time and that’s why people treated me like shit. I didn’t have the balls to say no.

It’s just crazy what a year can do. There’s a lot that’s the same but there’s so much that’s different and one of those things is the way I look at life and being in a better mindset has been a big help on the way I see things. I was pretty down yesterday about my job but then when I remember how I’m doing what I can to get the fuck outta there, I feel better. I’m not stuck there.

Interview time.