I wish I had more people to talk to. in Since OD is shutting down....

I’ve been massively sick all weekend. I’ve done nothing but eat and sleep the past 2 days. I’m completely sick of this now. I want to feel better already. I’m getting really impatient.

Oh and I’ve spent the past several days trying to get into my online paystubs and I’m locked out. I can’t remember what my username is so I can’t get in. I’ve tried everything and my employer doesn’t seem to give a fuck. If I end up having to pay extra on my rent because of this, I’m going to pull my fucking hair out! I’m so tired of working for a place that doesn’t give any kind of a fuck about their employees! Every time I text her, she’s very rude and says for me to text her later and remind her to send me the link but never does it so I guess I’ll just keep paying high rent because they won’t help me at all!

I’m just super grumpy because I still feel like shit and I have to work later. There’s no such thing as calling in sick where I work. I’m also really fucking sick of that as well. There’s plenty of people who are always sick and end up working 1 maybe 2 days a week and that’s okay but if I call in I’m told I have to find a replacement which isn’t possible so I just have to be there. Wonderful place to work.

I have also decided that I’m not going to be around my brother anymore when he’s drinking. The other night I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do about college and he’s just being as argumentative and annoying as possible which was making it harder for me to try and figure out what to do and I finally got rude with him and told him I don’t need advice from someone who never even got their GED. I also got annoyed because he was asking me to watch his kid yesterday even though he’s known for days I haven’t felt good. I’m really sick of people not having any respect for me at all, including my job.

I’m just so tired of feeling trapped. I feel trapped because of my job and because of school and I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired of never having time for anything other than those 2 things. I’m sick of never getting enough sleep, not having the time for the gym even if I wanted to go, I’m tired of my house being a mess because I never have the time or energy to clean it. Just sick of feeling like I’m never going to get anywhere. I know that’s not true but I just feel like I have no free time at all and what free time I do have is so limited.

It’s probably safe to say I bit off more than I can chew. I just didn’t think my 3 classes would be this hard and the homework would be such a heavy load. I also know I can’t go on working at this same job until I graduate either. I can’t go on like this for another year an a half. I’m just really unhappy with the way things are going because I’m so tired all the time and I’m so tired of my job and all the bullshit that goes on there. I can’t stay there much longer.

I have my interview in the morning and then I’m going to swing by the school and let them know my plans. I want to just take incompletes in all my classes and then go back next semester or whenever for Phlebotomy. It’s a better, more achievable goal and something I’m more interested in because it’s more interactive.

I’m just in a really shitty mood right now. I’m still sick as fuck, I got my period yesterday, I have no one to talk to. Just grumpy.