25 weeks in The REAL Baby Journey!

So I had my 24 week appointment today and got to bring my adorable parents along to see my baby nugget. The baby cooperated for the most part and even let out a big old yawn right as we were watching the profile and trying to get a picture of the face. So cool!! Still surreal to see such ‘human’ movements in a baby that still feels so far away! :) The appointment went well overall with just a few hiccups - nothing that I’m too concerned about though.

First off they said the baby looks perfect. Healthy, strong, moving great and weighs a spot on 1 lb 10 oz right now. No concerns about that and it’s still head down (as it has been the whole time…I’m thinking the less space means it just will be stuck like that) and growing right on target. That is great news!

The first hiccup is that they noticed some abnormal heart beats and heart rhythms from the baby while monitoring the pump and function of the cardiac chambers. Nothing to be too worried about now but could symbolize future heart issues and might be just a little red flag to keep an eye out down the road. I’m, again, not worried about it and will let it be. My doctor said it’s yet another ‘negative side effect” of how closely we monitor babies now because it likely will never amount to anything and can just be a cause of unnecessary worry. It could just be related to an immature cardiac conduction system (not surprising - baby is barely half cooked! :)) and not end up being anything. Baby looks great, heart is developing correctly so I’m gonna just let it be whatever it will be. :)

Secondly, my cervix continues to shorten. I was 30 mm at 20 weeks then 25 mm at 22 weeks and now at 25 weeks, 3 days I’m down to 20 mm with some areas as short as 17 mm. I guess premature labor is ‘increasingly likely’ once you get to 15 mm and doctors get pretty nervous at that point. Thus I’m getting started on vaginal progesterone suppositories tomorrow as they might help but certainly couldn’t hurt. I will take them nightly until 36 weeks. I have no reason to think I’m imminently going into labor or that anything is really all that different (I feel the exact same as when I measured 30 mm) but I’ll be careful and listen to my body and rest more often. Unless anything big changes I’m planning to still go full term and for life to be ho hum and normal. If I can dream it, it can happen…right? :)

Now, two confessions that have been rolling around in my head for awhile. I’m documenting them here simply because I want to have them written somewhere for later when I’m reading back through this some day.

1) I still sometimes feel like the baby isn’t real. Like it won’t actually pan out. I know this sounds weird but I’m not particularly worried about it. There’s just always this quiet acceptance somewhere in the back of my head & my heart that something, somewhere along the line will end up showing that the baby has passed or it will pass in delivery or have some fatal issue and we won’t ever actually take a baby home. That’s weird, isn’t it? It’s hard to describe because it’s not like this is a constant nagging source of anxiety…just a really strange gut feeling that I’ve accepted and moved on from. When I think about the labor or the birth or Jan through March when I’m scheduled to be on maternity leave, it all just feels cloudy…gauzy…like it’s a dream. Not like a ‘it’ll make sense when it happens’ sorta dream but legitimate pipe dream or that fuzzy feeling you get when you wake up and a bad nightmare is slipping away back into the ether. It’s all very cerebral and random. I hope it’s wrong and that my gut is just being stupid and pregnant but I just feel something weird is coming. Can’t quite pin it down but let’s hope I never have to look back and say “This. That’s what that feeling was.”

2) Secondly, next random thought, I keep finding myself wanting time to slow down. Maybe it’s partially because of the thing I just mentioned and wanting to delay that as much as possible but also because I don’t want to be done being pregnant. I rushed and rushed and wished and hoped for so long to not only be pregnant but then once I was, I wanted so badly to be visibly pregnant. Now that I have a nice round bump I want it to stay just like this. I’m not so big I’m uncomfortable, I don’t look freakish huge where people comment that I must be due any day and for the most part strangers smile at me and are kind and considerate to me. I can still sleep just fine and my insane hunger from earlier in the pregnancy has diminished. I’m full of energy and constantly walking, hiking, on the go, feeling strong and powerful and awesome. I want to hit ‘pause’ and just be this way for a few months. I know that isn’t possible but after coming up on two years of wishing and stressing about fertility and pregnancy, it is such a nice change to want to savor something about it and not change it at all.

All this being said, here’s a baby bump picture. :)

Also, just know I’m good. Really. Pregnancy makes you think about and consider a lot of things that have never crossed your mind before. I am calm and confident because I have incredible support around me, a dog that seriously refills my heart ten times over every day, a fantastically helpful husband and a strong belief that whatever shall be shall be. I’m not anxious, I’m content. I have a good life. Now let’s just quietly and uneventfully get through the next 10 weeks (at least), ok? Ok. :)