chai. bus late night running jessica put out. stars. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

‘o. I love chai. like a lot. except for starbucks chai. leela’s has the best chai. I mean that’s what they’re known for but it doesn’t make it any less good. it’s a 24 hr. bar/café downtown [Denver. well the bar’s not 24 hrs.].

so my odwalla chai is. seems like it’s a different flavor then it used to be. it’s nutty and thin and nummy and tastes like well, chai. actually it tastes like a milkshake. but w/o all the. stuff that causes mucus. that’s a reason I don’t like/drink milk. actually that’s why I don’t like thick beverages. milkshakes, milk, um smoothies. i’m not big on juice either. or water. yeah I don’t like unflavored things. yeah but the chai. it also tastes like a white Russian. now all I need is vodka and colua. I haven’t had a white Russian in almost a yr.

and. it has protein in it. the chai I mean not alcohol. and I don’t get enough protein.

so that’s my latest discovery. oh also apparently you can microwave chips. as in pringles [well idk about pringles] and tortilla chips and such.

so. the bus took longer than usual to get from my mom’s to my house Wed. night. which was fine actually. it got to my mom’s at 8:30. i’m a really big fan of night. except I wish there were more of it. the bus took. about an hr. and 20 mins. to get from my mom’s to my house. i’m like yay I get to be out. except I wasn’t I was in a bus. night is so alive. that’s another thing I miss about living by myself. is I could go where I wanted when I wanted.

yeah so wed. night I was so emotional and upset that I wanted to leave. as in get off the bus and just walk. like maybe downtown. I actually did that almost a yr. ago. [oh yeah I haven’t written about the last........26 yrs. of my life. not details the basic stuff. if anyone wants to know please let me know]. twice. it’s not something I want to detail right now. so I called Jessica. awhile ago i’d made her a promise to call her if I ever felt like that. that’s the 3rd time I have.
not, that she was available.

well that and when i’m at odds w/ someone as I am her I don’t want to do what I’ve promised them.

So, the stars. I love the stars. and the moon. [well they’re part of night, so]. when I was on the bus I was looking at them. and they were so pretty and perfect. and small. you can’t see them in the city. well not where my mom lives. not that i’m ever out. if only. yeah but um. it’s like they’re so far away [like that carole king song. yes I do like that song] and distant and you’re curious and want to know but maybe it’s better if you don’t get too close. like Icarus when he. you know, got to close to the sun. the starts are actually big fires [i.think] and obviously you shouldn’t get too close or else you burn. you. end up like me. anorexic. I wanted to be there and here I am and time moves insanely fast by the time you’re 27. you don’t realise how fast your 20’s are going until you’re 25. 25. what i’d give to be 25 again.

Pat was native American. and irish. I think maybe his mom was partially irish..........I really don’t know.

I was also thinking. that. I used to think if my dad and I were close i’d ask him to teach me about the stars. well he taught me about the stars we just weren’t/aren’t close. that’s only part of it. dads it seems are supposed to know that stuff. yeah well. they’re also supposed. to be there. and to talk to their offspring about life and dating and such.

ok so before I go off on that tangent.........