Self-annoyed in Adventures in paradise

Ergh, I fucking slept in. Typical.

It makes me wonder why I even bothered getting excited about the prospect of applying for a potential new job. If I can’t even wake up on time to go and meet my friends for lunch, what chance do I have of waking up two to three hours earlier to go to a place of employment?
It’s got me down. Letting other people down gets me down even more than any other form of depression I sometimes have.

I’m currently listening to Avril Lavigne’s album. Yeah, “Goodbye Lullaby”. It’s always good for an occasional listen. The amount of music I listen to is pretty varied all the time, so it’s interesting I’ve decided to go with this one. It seems to be fitting whilst writing this entry, somehow.

I didn’t even apologise. Bonnie tried ringing me at the time I was meant to be there. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own self-loathing thoughts that I couldn’t even bare to send a simple, “I’m sorry, I slept in” text.
I’m pretty fucked sometimes.
I know that.

I was at Vish and James’ place too late last night. I should have just gone with my initial thoughts and just ignored the request to go over and gone home and slept instead. No. I was there until around 4:30am, wasn’t I? Then I remember seeing the sun peeking beneath the closed blinds.

It’s nothing unusual for me to go to sleep when the sun is coming up. I try not to however. I prefer to sleep for at least a few hours before the sun comes up. My initial idea was to try and change my sleep pattern by a few hours to sleep as soon as I get home from work, but I’m so used to my wind-down routine that I usually have around two hours before I nod off for the night.

It’s now around 7 hours after I was meant to meet my friends, whom I haven’t seen in a while. I’m sure they got over it. I still feel like shit though :(

Today was the Bridge To Brisbane. Given the time I was still up, I could have actually wandered down there for a gander haha. I’ve still never gone in it. I never understood the idea of paying shitloads of money to stand in the cold and put yourself through agony over 5 or 10 kilometers and massive crowds. I realize the irony given that I’m a member of a gym, but that’s different :P
I saw a few friends post of facebook that they’d woken up from 2am to go to it. Dedicated!

The new ‘gay’ bar has opened in the Valley. It’s just The Wickham refurbished, but apparently it’s no longer just a gay venue. I saw some people checking in there, and of course there’s people there who I wouldn’t have thought would be there, like Gold Coast people and such, obviously up for the opening. I forget how ‘dedicated’ some gays are sometimes haha. So I’m annoyed I didn’t go to that as well.

I am however going to Bianca Del Rio tonight. I’m just writing this before I head off once again to James and Vish’s for predrinks. I don’t think I’ll have much to drink though. The show is at midnight, and I reckon she’ll be good entertainment.
I’ve already seen her on Grindr this afternoon, just like I saw Adore Delano when she was here. Man those drag queens really like to scope out their worldwide gay audiences! I assume both would have been very popular, but I didn’t say ‘hi’ to either.
Pretty cool seeing them on there though.

I guess I can’t go to every event. It’s just annoying when I don’t really have an excuse not to go, and then I don’t end up going. I remember setting my alarm last night, and I think I even remember it going off, and waking up to slam the damn thing off and going right back to sleep, completely oblivious that the alarm meant I was meant to be somewhere. God. Damn. It.

I guess it’s trivial, but I probably make things worse by not even letting my friends know what happened. I assume most people know these days that I’m a night shifter and I’m usually asleep, which I totally was. Of course if the lunch was after 2pm say, I totally would have made it.
I mean really, I am someone who is usually scoffing down breakfast at 2pm, and dinner at 5:30pm before I head off to gym/work. Lunch basically doesn’t happen, unless I count it as my break at work around 11pm. Then I snack when I get home.

My workmates are apparently all going out drinking again next Wednesday night.
I’m not sure if I want to go, even though this time it apparently means I’d be getting free drinks all night. I’m still annoyed at what my manager said to me when he was drunk last time, and I’d rather avoid alcohol around him if he’s gonna be an asshole to me again. I already told him he’s on his own this time, as I’m not being his wing-man. He knows he was out of line.

Today is Father’s Day, but it’s just another day to me. I didn’t wish my dad a happy birthday two weeks ago, nor am I contacting him today. Not until I get that impossible apology from him.

Lame entry. I’m just annoyed at myself, again.

Last updated September 07, 2014