Addiction....Mine in QUOTIDIEN

I’ve talked about it here, before, and I’m afraid I’m back at it, again.

Experiencing a need for the intimacy of casual touch....,and maybe even not so casual.

I am reminded of the days following my daughter’s premature birth (10 weeks) where we were not permitted to do anything but see her through the glass of her incubator. The need to touch her, to feel her skin against my own, to gently rub my cheek against her head was a very real, physical need. The ache was indescribable. It shrank my lungs to the point I couldn’t breathe right. My shoulders rounded to protect the infant I couldn’t hold. All of these physical needs were just as real as the swollen breasts that dripped incessantly with their own need to provide for her. The pain was all-encompassing!

Sunday, I celebrated my 52nd birthday - another first. Though we never had HUGE celebrations, and gifts weren’t a large part of our lives, I could count in a snuggle, a hug, a kiss.

I feel pathetic for admitting that I need this, and yet, I do. I need the connection. I need the care. I......I need, dammit! I SO need