Don't think about it. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

I had a terrible commute which I don’t really want to talk about. What could be a 35 minute drive is an hour and fifteen in rush hour. I’d leave later, but then there would be no parking. So, for a 10 AM class, I have to get up around 6 AM. Okay, maybe 6:30 - but I want to run in the morning. Meh. Really, as the semester moves forward, I can get there closer to 9:30 and still get parking. But that commute stresses me out and does not give me a good start to the day.

I bothered with a meal plan this semester. Given sunk cost effect, I’d be motivated to schedule my eating, rather than risk being hungry. Tried one dining hall today, and it had a weird aura to it. I’ll try the one on the other end of campus tomorrow. All else fails, there’s all the other places I’ve been frequenting the past two years (that take card swipes). Food is important. Hard to concentrate when hungry.

It’s really hit me how I had four months off. I’ve been at this a long time, yes, but I took summer classes the previous two summers. So, those two summers, I didn’t get enough time to ‘rest’ my brain from this stressful environment. Each semester bled into the next. Last year feels like a distant memory. That’s a good thing. I need to FORGET everything that happened last year. Memories of events are separate from skill acquisition. Some part of me knows how to do this. I just need to give myself the best chance to succeed.

Ever break activities into smaller pieces, thinking that the smaller pieces will be easier to manage? And then get even more stressed out by the multitude of small pieces? This is what happens when I think about showering, sometimes. “Ugh, I gotta strip. I gotta wash my HAIR. I gotta lather my ARMPITS. I gotta shave my BALLS. I gotta rinse my ASSCRACK. I gotta dry with a TOWEL. I gotta find CLOTHES.” And then I realize how silly I’m being, and just shower without trying to think too much.

And we all know I think too much. I wonder if writing out all the assignments made me feel overwhelmed. You’d THINK, it would be the other way around. I gotta not do what didn’t work in the past. I think I’ll just think of studytime as some finite block of time, and if I finish, I go home. And if I get into it, I stay. And I won’t decide what it is I’m doing until I’m there. Because thinking too much is bad for me. I need to use my ability Not To Think to my advantage.

Reminds me. It’s September. Two months until I start writing for NaNoWriMo.