Gahahahahah! in Since OD is shutting down....

I got my first week of my second semester over with. I think it went fine except I just checked my grade in A&P to discover I failed my test. I am so discouraged and annoyed. I studied so hard and was hoping I got at least a C and no, I got an F. I know that I was distracted because people were making so much fucking noise so I’m going to talk to an instructor I had last semester who is now a student success coach and see what she can do or to see if maybe I can start taking the tests in a more quiet place or something. I really don’t want to end up failing and having to take this shit over! Ugh, this just really fucking sucks.

Anyways, I ended up going to the lake with my brother, his girlfriend and my niece yesterday. It was a fucking blast! We rode jet-skis, hung out in the boat and had an amazing BBQ! My brother’s girlfriends brother is living with this lady that has 4 kids and they were up there and invited us. I had a fucking blast but I’m worried I caught a cold because it was chilly up there and my hair wasn’t dry when we got there. I had a lot of fun and I hope to be able to do more of that stuff next summer. We had a great time and I was sad the day had to go so fast!

I’ve been studying a lot today since we don’t have school and now I feel like I need to study even more because I don’t want to get bad grades in anything. I feel really fucking low right now. I’ve never been a good test taker and I’m still struggling with it but I know a lot of it is because of my ADHD so I’m hoping I can get something figured out with future tests.

Work is going pretty good considering I’m getting out there almost on time every night and I now have Friday, Saturday, and Sundays off. I know I’m missing out on making money but I need more time for life outside of that place.

So then last night I had my phone off the whole time we were at the lake since we didn’t have service where we were and there was no sense of my phone going dead searching for signal and then I turned my phone on to a text from my Mom saying one of my uncles is dying. No explanation or anything. I called her earlier to tell her that I’m so tired of getting text like that and it’s really not okay to have a conversation about someone dying via text. Instead of trying to understand where I was coming from, she threatened to hang up on me and I told her if she did I will change my number and be done. I just can’t get them to understand that their constant drama and bullshit is not something I can allow into my life. It’s just bullshit how every time I hear from them, there’s always some element of drama and negativity. Fucking old.

I’m getting laundry done and getting ready for work. I’m hoping it’s going to be a good night. It’s rainy, dark, and gloomy outside today. It sucks that the weather is turning cold and blistery this early in the fall but I’m just going to pray we don’t have another record breaking blizzard like we had last winter. It’s been nice not having school today and managed to get a good nights sleep. I’m still pretty down from failing my test but I emailed my instructor and hopefully I can retake it or at least be able to take tests in a more quiet spot.

I spent Friday night at my parents house for my Dad’s birthday. I bought them dog food, my brother a new shirt, gas and a couple of things at Walmart the day before and bought some beer for his birthday. I know that he doesn’t do ANYTHING for any of us but I wanted to show I’m a bigger person. I said something about him never getting me anything for my birthday and he said I told him I didn’t want anything and I was like wow I would have NEVER said anything like that! My Dad seriously makes shit up in his own fucking head so that he doesn’t have to do anything for people! Who wouldn’t want a present on their birthday?! Like are you fucking kidding me?!

Oh and my Mom is supposed to start her new job on Thursday and I decided that if she doesn’t go or doesn’t keep it, I’m changing my number and crossing them off. This shit has gone on for almost a year of her not working or keeping jobs and I just can’t stand listening to it anymore or giving any kind of a fuck. I just wish my parents acted like parents and actually cared about being adults! I can tell by the way she talks about the new job that she isn’t very excited and is pretty much talking herself out of going. I understand that she’s got mental issues but sitting around not doing anything isn’t going somehow magically fix everything either. I’m also pissed that she told me my little brother got pissed off and punched the dogs in the face! He also broke their good tv because he got mad about something and threw a remote at it. Like, I just don’t even know what to say or do about any of them. I honestly wish they would all get help. I’m so tired of my Mom and her excuses to not work. I have a shit load of mental and medical issues and I still have to work so I don’t have a lot of sympathy.

It’s crazy how fast the past 3 days have gone and it’s already almost time to get my ass to work. I’m excited about going through because I’ve had a break and because I got to go do something fun. I really like the whole camping/outdoors/being on the water stuff and want to do more of it next summer. I really enjoyed looking the trees, the birds and how clean the air smells as it filled my lungs. One day of that stuff just wasn’t enough!

It’s almost time for me to get my ass to work. I’m glad to go but will be a lot happier when I’m off so I can come home and at least glance at my homework and get my ass to bed. I really hope I can absorb as much as I need to so that I can do good and not get any more F’s as that was true letdown. I just want to succeed and do what I want to do.