This emotional roller coaster ride has got to stop now.
I keep screaming, “Stop!”
The ride keeps fucking going. Whoever is calling the shots around here is a real dick.
Is it so wrong that I want things to work out? I think he does, too. Obviously, not anytime soon.
He still needs me. He still craves me. He still wants me.
Somewhere deep down, under all the seeping anger. I know it.
I know we’ve done stupid, stupid shit to each other.. But all the more reason to try. We’ve done the shitty shit, why not work to the good part? Why start over? When we both know we will find a way back to each other. We’ve always said it. We always knew.
Then again, I hate you. I hate what you’ve done to me. I hate how you make me feel. About myself, about the world.. Just ew.
See? The up and down.
The sex feels real again… Why are we still doing that?!
I hope time helps. I really do. I’ll always hold on to this. I’ve met my fair share of men.. But I’ve never pictured forever with any of them.
Maybe I’ll never have him back. Maybe on Wednesday when he walks out this door, I’ll never share a place with him again… Maybe our family won’t ever share a roof again. Maybe it’s for the best.. But maybe we will. And maybe, just maybe it’s not.
I plan on doing my part. That’s all I can do. Is it so wrong to want that?
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